Me, the boyfriend and the bestfriend

[Prinsesa]

I will make this short : )

My boyfriend's best friend HATES me. I'll be able to give the reason as to why she hates if anyone wants to ask. Lol! She used to "like" me before but everything changed when that "incident" happened.

...and so she started talking shit about me to my boyfriend. My boyfriend told me that she's only hurting him and herself because:

1. She can't hangout with him any more (He works everyday during the week, spends Saturdays with me and Sundays to get ready for the next week)
2. She can't talk to him about me, although she tries to. He told me that she was being annoying and asking about "how we are doing in our relationship" just so she can talk shit when we're fighting about something.

Sooo..the boyfriend took me out on Thursday downtown Toronto ( we went to the first M.A.C store ever

) and we ate at a restaurant. Everything is going well ! After we finished eating, the fight started and it went like this:

Me: Hmm I think I might want some desert
Him: But you just got lamb chops etc (They were $60 in total just for me lol I was kinda hungry LOL )
Me: Fine I don't want desert then (Me doing the puppy dog eyes)

At this point, I was CLEARLY joking about getting desert since I was full. Then he said...

Him: ...and _______ (his bestfriend's name) said that you're just with me for money.

So...I freaked out. I think I'm a drama queen -_- But...WOW.

Anyways, we're fine now..BUT..what his reason was for saying that:

"It was just bothering me that she said that and I wanted you to say something about it."

I do NOT believe that that was his reason, I think he meant it how he said during the time. I think he might've "changed" his reason 'cause I was really upset. What do you ladies think? He is still friends with her. And I just don't feel comfortable about that..but I'd feel bad if he had to choose between us.

P.S. Mods, please move to Love&Relationship. Wrong category lol oops

 

[tara_hearts]

Eek. Personally I don't trust a guy having a 'best friend' that's a girl. Normally there are ulterior motives on someones end be it him or the girl. And he should defend her bashing of you, not encourage it and try to drag you down to by putting it in your face. It makes me think he likes the drama, almost like you two are fighting over him. I'd tell him to tell her to take a hike. If he says no, your best bet is to move along..

 

[M.A.C. head.]

I agree with Tara, I would not be okay with my guy having a best friend that is a girl. I'M his best friend that's a girl LOL I just think that it leaves too much room for temptation, especially when things go wrong in the relationship, he probably runs to her. That's just not right. A man shouldn't even run to his MOTHER when he's having relationship problems, let alone a female friend.

Anyway, I think that was very rude and out of pocket for him to say something like that. You wanted to order DESSERT for shits sake, you didn't ask him to buy the restaurant. I think she's jealous of what you and him have together and she wants to worm her way in between you two. For him to make a comment like that under ANY circumstance is just wrong, I mean, unless you are always asking him for cash and to buy you things and treating him like a dog in return. I'm not saying that you are, but that's the only way I can see that question being valid.

I would also tell him that he needs to stop letting that girl wiggle her way into your relationship. If he's more concerned with her gossip instead of the relationship you have, maybe you two aren't meant to be. I would flip my lid if my man came to me and spit some hasty gossip at me, especially when it wasn't even warranted.

If I were you I would ask him straight up: "Do I treat you with respect? Do you respect me? Do we care about each other? Do we enjoy each other's company? If the answer to any and/or all of those questions is 'yes' then you should already know that I'm not with you for money". It's a pretty simple way to get to the point without putting him down or putting yourself out.

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

I understand the ulterior motive thing, but it sounds like she is the one with those motives...not him. I think it's pretty commonplace for a girl to run to her best friend when there are things going on in her relationship, be they good or bad, and I think men need that outlet too. Someone who sympathizes, you know?

However, her role as a best friend is to ask the questions and give advice, not bash on you! If your bestie is constantly bashing on the one you are with one of those relationships is bound to come to a close, as sad as that is. I know that I dislike my best friends boyfriend, but I try and keep that to myself as much as possible. He cheated on her, and he is a freeloader, and he is not at all good for her, but she seems happy, so I tell her I'm glad that she's happy. She has to live with him and it's up to her to forgive him for his past sins, not mine. Sounds like your boyfriends bestie could take a page from my book.

I think the fastest way of ending your relationship though is to set an ultimatum for your boyfriend, it's not right or fair to make him choose. I'm not sure what your past history is that caused the falling out between you and she, but perhaps you should deal with that directly with her! No middleman, keep your boyfriend out of it! Hasn't the poor guy had enough grief? I mean, he did explode at you for a relatively minor thing. Not excusing his behavior and foundless accusations, but stress makes us do crazy things, and this situation is incredibly stressful.

 

[Prinsesa]

Yup, we actually had this whole "money" discussion before and he totally agreed with what I said that I'm not with him for money. As soon as I graduate, I am promised a job that pays a pretty damn good salary. His bestfriend is this chick who's in ten thousands of dollars in debt + paying for her boyfriend's debt. For her to say that I'm with my man for money is just so uncalled for because I actually have a direction with my life.

I just realized this: He brought it up "again" during our dinner at the restaurant as I was typing the above. Lol.

I really don't want to set an ultimatum for him : ( He has a LOT of girl friends, when we started dating..he lost one. This girl was his "ex" but they didn't last long and that was 5 years ago but it didn't convince me and I made him choose. So he obviously chose me. Sooo now I am stuck with another one of his best friend. Bah. Also, he is going to be the middleman anyways because his bestfriend is ANNOYING as hell. Our "fight" happened a month ago and she STILL talks to him about me! I already said I don't want to do anything with her but she's the one who's continuing to do this. I should've expected this because she's that type of girl who would continue to keep on talking and when you ask them why, they just simple respond with a nonsense answer or they dont know!

Thanks ladies, I will definitely keep your advices in mind.

P.S. I will talk to him tonight about everything..

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this! I'll keep you in my happy thoughts, and hopefully your boyfriend's jealous best friend will grow a brain!

 

[Beauty Mark]

I think it's really silly to not trust a guy whose best friend is a girl. You either trust him or you don't. If he's a respectable guy, he'll do right by you, no matter who's interested in him. Some of my closest friends are male, and I have absolutely no desire of getting with them.

With that said, the issue is not that the best friend is a she but that she doesn't respect you. I'd tell him that you wish he would hang out with people who aren't trying to start stuff between you two and if he really does have an issue with you, he needs to be an adult and directly address you on it, not quote his best friend.

 

[MissMochaXOXO]

ugh one of the worst situations- a female best friend! u need to be really mature and trusting/respectful of each other to deal with that! (including her) u come first since ur his gf, don't let her destroy ur relationship

good luck

 

[LMD84]

i think you're handelling thinsg very well. personally i would hate it if my hubby had a female best friend - sad and pathetic i know but i have a horrid paranoid side that i usually keep at bay!

i think the best friend is perhaps a tad jealous - not because she has a thing for him but because she's not getting to spend as much time with her friend like she used to. and because i think girls can be a little bitchy - that's why she made the comment about using him for money. and he brought it up because maybe he didn't think how it would come out. i really don't think he meant it nastily or anything but keep an eye out of it happens again.

 

[florabundance]

She needs to check herself. I think maybe you should pay for your share when you go out in future, not because of what the girl said, just because it seems to be the right way to go about it...unless he offered to pay.

I think it's pretty weak of him to use her comments as an excuse when he has a problem with something that you've done. That only serves to make YOU insecure about their friendship..and he's just feeding into what she wants. Silly as it may be..i'd be irked by the fact that she's a girl, but only because she's talking shit. Guys do tend to listen to their friends who are girls for relationship advice and feelings and whatnot, whereas that's not as common in some guy/guy friendships (again big generalisation).

You should tell him that if he has a problem with anything you do, not to bring her up as a justfication, because you don't want to have a problem with her...even if she has one with you. That will show you to be the mature and bigger person.

Good luck!

 

[Prinsesa]

Thanks ladies, you're all a big help!

Anyways, I spoke to him about everything and he apologized and said that he didn't mean to say things differently. Apparently, he erased her number on his phone 'cause he's just mad at her for not being a friend and putting her hatred towards me first before their friendship. She promised him that nothing would change etc (after our fight) and she hasn't even called him for a while now when he needed someone to talk to (he went through some fmaily problems recently).

I'm not jealous of her, I just HATE it when people talk shit. I trust him but if he ever dared to mess around behind my back, I'd probably be more angry than sad just because I don't think I deserve a guy who does that, y'know? So everything is okay now..we discussed the situation : )

P.S. Did you know that she asked my boyfriend this (Not word per word lol):

His BF: "Do you think you guys are going to last?"
Him: "Yeah 100%"
His BF: "Really? How can you be so sure?"
Him: "Well it's kinda like I'm asking you if you and _____ (her boyfriend) are going to last."
His BF: "Well I'm not gonna say that we'll last."
Him: "So you're telling me that you're going to marry a guy that you don't think will last?"

I was laughing my ass off, she is "marrying" her boyfriend this year and she doesnt even think that they're gonna last? Oh c'mon..that's how much she hates me..and it's just making her look stupid!

 

[florabundance]

Ugh, she sounds like a wretched human being..but i'm glad you two worked things through

 

[LMD84]

i'm pleased that you guys had time to talk and sort things out!

she does sound rather odd after all and maybe she does have feelings for him... but you're right in saying that she made herself look like a fool anyways.