my fiance is being accused of being a child predator.. wtf?

[citre]

Okay, get this. Okay, my fiance Brad ocassional goes down to see his older cousin, since they are next door neighbors. His cousin is currently dating someone, and she has a younger sister (tiffany) who is 15. Brad is good friends with Scotty and his girlfriend, and her sister. One day, Scotty's girlfriend asked him if he would ride with her to go pick up her sister, because afterwards she didn't know how to get tp the local fleamarket and she wanted directions. So he did that. Okay, then seeing as Brad and Tiffany are friends, Tiffany added Brad to her friends on myspace. Within an hour, her mother logged on and deleted Brad. From what I hear, her mother is really strict, so I guess she thought it was inappropriate for a 15 year old girl (who has a boyfriend!) to have a 19 year old guy as a friend. Whatever.

So anyway, Brad's mother called him yesterday and started yelling at him. Turns out Tiffany's mother called her and was demanding that Brad stay away from her daughter or she would call the cops on him if he didn't. Wtf? I mean, Brad didn't even do anything! He has only seen that girl twice! As many times as Brad goes to Scotty's, she has only been there once. So I don't know why the heck she would do that. But thats not all.

This morning I got this email!
Quote:

hey megan, I am in my daughters friends name emailing you brad has been emailing my daughter in this profile and they are only 15 my husband has called the law on him for trying to hook up with our daughter. a predater investergater is calling him back this morning. i thought i would let you know what is going on since you are engaged to him. thanks

This really made me mad. I know Brad through and thought. This woman is effing crazy. She's making all this stuff up and trying to get Brad locked up for nothing!! I trust brad completely, but I went ahead and checked his myspace profile emails and his regular email. I found exactly what I expected. NOTHING! The email said said Brad had been contacting her through myspace emails... right? But you know what? I tried to send her back an email and I couldnt. Because I wasn't one of her friends. And Brad isn't one of her friends on myspace either. So how could her possibly be sending her emails? Thats what I thought.

I swear, I gotta get on some nerve pills. Brad's family is sooo... I dunno. But there is a lot of drama. This one tops it all. I want nothing more than to contact that woman and give her a piece of my mind! She has no reason to be doing this. When Brad is not at work, I am with him!!! I constantly check his emails and myspace, and I've never seen anything sent to this girl. Brad doesn't even have the internet at home, unless I let him borrow my laptop.

So unless someone has hacked into his myspace or is impersonating Brad... I don't know how the freak Brad could qualify as a predator. That woman is effing crazy. HER DAUGHTER SENT BRAD the friends request. She should control her daughter, not Brad. If she really wants her kid to be safe, she should make her break up with her boyfriend, she should have her daughters tubes tied, put a chasity belt on her, and lock her up in a barred cage. I'm sorry, but no one messes with my fiance. GRR!

 

[COBI]

I don't know why you were not able to send a message. You can send a message to anyone on myspace even if you are not friends (unless they've manually blocked you). You can't leave comments for people that aren't friends.

I understand your defensiveness, but if an investigator is contacting your fiance, then it is very likely that they do have evidence of him contacting her through myspace. You would need be able to see comments by him for her unless you can view them on her site. They do not go into a "sent" folder like messages do. And it easy enough for him to clean out the "sent" folder on myspace.

In the end, if there is nothing inappropriate about his messages or contact, it should never go anywhere. And hopefully, your fiance takes it as a lesson learned and avoids the situation in the future.

I have always tried to err on the side of "the appearance of inappropriateness can be as bad or worse than actual inappropriateness" when making decisions.

By my next sentence, I am NOT saying that your boyfriend is a predator, but very rarely do people say "oh, I knew he liked young girls" when something comes out. And, not for nothing, (and I am not condoning it), but it is not uncommon for a 19 & 15 yo to be interested especially if the younger one is mature for their age and the older is not. So, I would be wondering why my fiance was contacting her at all.

 

[purrtykitty]

It's true we only know your side of the story and it really sucks any way you put it. Being accused of a predator is not something to be taken lightly. I'm guessing that, given "this day and age", the police are investigating any threats of child predators, just "in case".

At any rate, I don't think it's appropriate for a 19-yo and a 15-yo to be friends on myspace. Her parents are the ones who need to have controls on her myspace and it seems like they do. Sure myspace seems like harmless fun, but, if everything you say is true...which I'm not doubting your version, it's just that there are two or more sides to every story, you can see how easy it is for something to get blown out of proportion and have their reputation damaged. Your fiance should know of the boundaries...he's the adult, so he's going to be the one in trouble.

I hope everything gets sorted out OK, but you should both take this matter very seriously. And you may want to have a chat with him regarding the "appropriateness" of his conduct, like COBI said.

 

[Stephie Baby]

Myspace doesn't allow people over the age of 18 to contact people younger than 18. The only way an underage person can be contacted by a person over 18 is if the younger person adds the older person. My sister is 15 and I couldn't message or add her. She had to add me before I could message her or see her page.

The only time he could have messaged her would have been when he was actually on her friends list.

I think the mother is just lying and trying to scare you. Shes probably thinking this will make him completely stop having any contact with her. I'm sure she thinks her daughter is the greatest thing on earth.

 

[florabundance]

If she couldn't even spell the thing that she supposedly contacted, i'd assume she's bluffing.

People can be very weird.

Support your fiance i think because she didnt specify what the emails were...whether they were sexually obscene. If they were she would have probably shown you.

I wish you all the best, this is a horrible situation to be in

 

[Brittni]

She's ignorant and needs to learn how to spell. Laugh it off.

 

[xxsgtigressxx]

Please dont take offense to this post, its just that if you post something like this on a forum with people that do not know you, be prepared for non-biased opposing opinion. I just wanna say I hope that you are right that your fiance would never be involved with it. That being said, knowing someone "through and through" means nothing when it comes to these things. Why do you think you always hear on the news people saying that so and so who commited this horrible crime "isn't like that" or the "nicest most normal guy." I know you want to immediately take his side, and this woman might be on a witch hunt for lack of better words, but watch out. I doubt investigators would be getting involved without reason. Just put yourself in the mothers shoes, she may be nuts but in her mind she is doing what she can to protect her daughter. And to be honest it means nothing that she was the one who sent him the request. That doesnt mean no possible inappropriate behavior could have taken place. Anyways I wouldnt worry about it if you are that sure he is innocent.

 

[mitcha]

This story would be funny in Brazil.
A mother concerned about a 19 year old boy, talking with a 15 year girl.
I can't see the problem with it ...

This woman is crazy.
I think your fiance should sue her for making up lies..

 

[TDoll]

Quote:

Originally Posted by florabundance If she couldn't even spell the thing that she supposedly contacted, i'd assume she's bluffing. People can be very weird. Support your fiance i think because she didnt specify what the emails were...whether they were sexually obscene. If they were she would have probably shown you. I wish you all the best, this is a horrible situation to be in

Yeah I know right??? Investergatererer...
No but seriously... People can't just go around accusing people of serious crimes. If it did get to court, they would need copies of emails and proof to make this stick.

 

[Tashona Helena]

lol people saw what I saw first off...she can't even spell who she contacted. I dunno I wouldn't worry about it until someone actually contacts him. I just can't see him actually saying anything wrong anyway. I can see many mothers over reacting (but reacting none the less, I mean it's good they're concerned, but sometimes it's just too much and so silly) with everything that's going on in the world especially online, but like a previous poster said if she really cared she would've set up controls in the first place. Just brush ya shoulders off and sit back in wait. If the family is as much drama queens as you say they are it should all be laughable in the end.

 

[Hilly]

I think the mom is bluffing. When I was 15- my mom checked my AOL mail and said she was calling the cops because my friend emailed me a joke picture of a naked guy. lol. Mom's can be very protective (as they should!)

 

[kobri]

This is strange! Why would she be emailing you as her daughter's friend? are you sure this is even from her mother and not something this girl is doing with her friend to try and come between you? I mean has he even been contacted by the police?

 

[Stephie Baby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kobri This is strange! Why would she be emailing you as her daughter's friend? are you sure this is even from her mother and not something this girl is doing with her friend to try and come between you? I mean has he even been contacted by the police?

Lol. You are probably right!! How in the world would the mother get the friend's password and information. Wouldn't she just use her daughter's myspace. Now I think its not even the mother. Probably some psycho little kids. Craazzzzy!!!

 

[Beauty Mark]

I find that incredibly confusing. I kind of do see the mother's point. I see the age difference between a 15 year old and 19 year as being quite large; a 15 year old is still in high school, and a 19 year old has had at least a year of being an adult. I was very different at 15 than I was at 19. It probably is innocent, though, but parents get protective of their children, particularly their girls

With that said, if I were your fiance, I'd delete my MySpace page and recreate a new one. I would not add this girl and would avoid interacting with her. There may not be anything inappropriate going on, but people go batshit. Being accused of being a child predator is nothing to laugh at it, if the woman takes it to the extreme. Even if the officials do not do anything about it, it isn't worth the drama she could spread.

 

[COBI]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephie Baby Myspace doesn't allow people over the age of 18 to contact people younger than 18. The only way an underage person can be contacted by a person over 18 is if the younger person adds the older person. My sister is 15 and I couldn't message or add her. She had to add me before I could message her or see her page. The only time he could have messaged her would have been when he was actually on her friends list.

Strange because I was just able to send a message to someone under 18, private and not my friend. I've also been able to add my friend's "underage" kids and my nieces without issue with me initiating the add.

The only limitations I was aware of are a minimum user age of 14 and that under 18yo users automatically have private profiles.

And to everyone saying her parents should have controls in place: isn't that how they became aware of this "friend"? Isn't monitoring her myspace account a "control" by them? How do you turn his decisions (or alleged actions) and blame them on her parents? I mean how do the parent's controls (or lack of, in your minds) make his communication acceptable? Should a predator (in general, not saying the OP's fiance) get off because the "parents of the minor should have been more pro-active/attentive to the situation"? Would your feelings be different if it was your daughter?

 

[vocaltest]

I personally don't see anything wrong with them being friends on myspace? I'm 19, and where I work we have a Saturday girl who is 15, and other trainee's who are 16, and I'm friends with them on myspace/facebook. I mean obviously I don't know both sides, but like others have commented, she can't even spell who is supposedly going to contact him. It really does sound like she is overreacting... people are weird.
When I was 15 I was on Myspace etc, my parents didn't monitor what I did because I guess they knew I was mature for my age so I wouldn't do anything stupid.

 

[kristina ftw!]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mitcha This story would be funny in Brazil. A mother concerned about a 19 year old boy, talking with a 15 year girl. I can't see the problem with it ...

I know, right? Same here. I had lots of 19 year old friends when I was 15, and there was absolutely nothing "inappropriate" about it.

 

[Lizzie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxsgtigressxx That being said, knowing someone "through and through" means nothing when it comes to these things. Why do you think you always hear on the news people saying that so and so who commited this horrible crime "isn't like that" or the "nicest most normal guy."

That may be also because no one wants to admit something like "I always thought he was a bad guy. I once saw him burying something body-shaped in a garbage bag in the middle of the night, but I didn't do anything about it." lol

A lot of parents are overly cautious about their kids. The important thing is that you believe your fiance and that the matter is being looked at so the truth will come out soon enough. This is a very serious allegation and the fact that you're standing by him through this shows that you have a very strong relationship with a lot of trust. I'm sure you'll have a great marriage

Good luck with everything.

 

[jayleelah]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mitcha This story would be funny in Brazil. A mother concerned about a 19 year old boy, talking with a 15 year girl. I can't see the problem with it ... This woman is crazy. I think your fiance should sue her for making up lies..

that's what I was thinking. a 15 year old girl with a 19 year old boy is no problem here. Why calling this "child predator" ??? being 19 is still being a child for me

 

[COBI]

In the US, you are an "adult" at 18, and a "minor" (underage) before that. Different states have different laws beyond that. For example, in my state, a 17yo can consensually enter into a sexual relationship with an 18 or 19yo, but a 16yo can not. And once the person is under 15yo, it's considered felonious sexual assault.

I do hope it is only the mother over-reacting, but, in all honesty, it is impossible for any of us here on specktra to know if that is the case or not.

People are villifying the mother without basis (or on the basis of a limited view of the situation) while at the same time saying it's not right that the mother is villifying the fiance; kind of a double standard, no?

Also, is the concern with the use of the word "predator" or is it that the mother has a problem with a 19yo communicating with her 15yo daughter? Do you think these investigations are okay if one out of every xx number of them saves 1 young girl from being assaulted, abducted by an internet predator?

The fiance hasn't been charged with anything; they are simply looking into a complaint. It is possible that this "investigation" is simply going to involve a short conversation that ends with "don't contact her; don't reply to her" and nothing else. Again, this is assuming that there is no damning message/comment from him to her.

Good luck with the situation, OP. I do hope everything works out, and I am not "against" your fiance; I just can't condemn a mother trying to protect their child based on one side of the situation.

An anecdote about knowing someone: one of my very close friends was molested and repeatedly raped by her older brother for nearly 10 years of her life. When she finally told, many people did not believe her, but trust me, you can't fake the emotionally scars that she carries to this day. Anyway, his wife still refuses to believe it because "he is not like that and would never do that" and she has labeled my friend a "f-cking liar" and estranged their family from my friend's family; the molestation and rape ended a decade ago before he married her, but her brother has never gotten help for why he did it, so my friend worries about their children. I have often wondered how his wife could ignore this... but to acknowledge it would mean possibly destroying her own family and life, and it is easier to not believe something so ugly about someone you love. It is easier to deflect the anger onto the accuser than to explore the possibility that there might be some truth to it and what that might mean to your family/life.

Again, I am not saying the OP's fiance is a predator, but it is "easy" to live and love someone and not be exposed to that side of their pysche.