When your BF tells you to "shut up"

[Pink_minx]

My bf and I got into this stupid fight last night. Yesterday, he was saying that he might come over to my house. So I was excited and he said that he will see me later. Then he calls me from his house saying that he has to take care of some school stuff and that he will call me back. After 5 hours he didnt call back so I assumed that once he gets his things done he was going to come over. I called him several times and no answer...then he finally calls me around 11pm saying he just got back from playing soccer. And I was like "I thought you were gonna come over?" and he said "No, I never said that...I said I MIGHT come over" and I said "well you should have told me you werent because I was all excited and waiting for you" Then he said "oh so Im suppose to call you like every 3 hours to let you know whats up with me?" I said "noo, but it would be nice to let me know if you were coming or not so I wouldnt be wondering and waiting". I was so mad because this isnt the first time hes done this and its really irritating! Then he said "why are you always so mad at me?" and I told him that he doesnt tell me anything and just leaves me out in the dust. Then he said I am too sensitive and I told him "yeah I know...I am a very sensitive and emotional person" I admit I am and sometimes I can be a depressed person too but he doesnt believe me he thinks I just have too much time to think . He goes on saying that I need to do something to keep me busy.

So then he changed the subject and was telling me that his soccer game beat him up physically and was saying how he needs to eat healthier and that he needs to stop smoking because he is coughing a lot and so I said "you should probably eat more fruits and veggies cause you're always eating meat and fast food, you rarely eat anything thats in your house." then hes like saying how he cant help it and then he starts coughing a lot and says "ugh that must be from the cigarettes...I need to stop smoking" Then Im like "Well you can try to quit, why did you even start smoking?" and hes said "so I can get a buzz since I cant afford drinks" and I said "do you really need to get a buzz to have fun?" and then he said "Just shut up, you're always pointing everything negative about me and I'm tired of it". Like in a really mean way and I was silent for awhile and just hung up on him.

This isnt the first time he has said this to me. Last time he told me to shut the "F" up. This was because he was telling his friends about how he stayed up so late at the casino and that hes sooooooooo tired and lost some of his money and needs to get it back. So I told him "maybe you should give it a rest and wait..." and before I can say anything else he said "Just shut the F up" He wasnt yelling but again said it in a mean way where I almost cried but didnt want to because people were there.

Im just so hurt and confused. I dont know what I said wrong...Did I approached it in a way where he feels like Im trying to tell him what to do? all Im trying to do is help him and voice my opinion but it seems like he just gets annoyed by what I say. Like I dont even want to talk to him and see him. I dont understand why he does this. I dont know what Im doing wrong....

 

[aussiemacluvrrr]

Hun, I dont want to sound like a mean bitch, but this guy sounds like a loser.... Kick him to the curb asap. From what you have said above, you are just being a concerned, loving girlfriend and he is being a jerk! You have done nothing wrong. He seems to be getting his back up when you point out the fact that he isnt treating you, or himself for that matter, right.... You dont want to waste your time on people who cant admit when they have done something wrong....

He should have called you to tell you he wasnt coming over. That is just common courtesy. If he isnt doing simple things like that now, then when it comes to bigger responsibilities down the track he will probably be even less reliable

Dont beat yourself up over it hun.... Find someone who respects you and has manners and wont make you feel like crap all the time... *hugs*

 

[Pink_minx]

^thanks hun...sometimes I think that he is ignorant. Like he tells me his problems and when I give him advice or tell him what he should have done he takes it the wrong way. Like why even bother telling me these things if hes just going to shoot me down. It sucks because we have a trip together next week ugh!

 

[QueenBam]

All i have to say is.... i slapped my boyfriend off a chair one time (no lie) for telling me to shut the fuck up, and left him there to find his own ride back home. Never spoke to him after that.

 

[Penn]

I was once in a relationship similar to what you described and honestly now that I look back I can't understand why I put up with that behaviour. That's so disrespectful. I think he needs to grow the hell up. I'm sorry to make these assumptions but it seems like you're a bit emotionally abused. You did NOTHING wrong sweetie and he's making you feel like you did. He can't just decide what advice or opinion of yours he wants to listen to. Is he even taking your feelings into any consideration?
I don't have any advice to give you because even if this whole forum tells you to dump him it's not like you're going to do it. We're just spectators, so it's easy for us to tell you leave him. However, I just want to tell you that you deserve respect and it doesn't seem like he appreciates you very much. Don't let his own insecurities bring you down and make you doubt yourself. I'm really sorry if I've upset you in any way with my response, that really isn't my intention. You deserve a man who will care for you the way you care for him, someone who will respect you and love you.

 

[iadoremac]

Your boyfriend doesnt respect you

 

[xFlossy]

OMG!!! It fucking pisses me off when People say that People with depression have too much time to think. I was getting angry just reading that. DUMP HIS SORRY ASS!

 

[Bonitinha]

I have been married for 13 years and my husband has never insulted me . . . ever (I mean, we've argued, but he never says anything disrespectful to me). I can't imagine being degraded like that. The thing is -- it definitely won't get better with time. It usually gets worse. If you try to stand up for yourself and he won't listen -- it is probably time to move on. You deserve someone who will validate your feelings. Best wishes to you.

 

[MAC'sMyBF]

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenBam All i have to say is.... i slapped my boyfriend off a chair one time (no lie) for telling me to shut the fuck up, and left him there to find his own ride back home. Never spoke to him after that.

love this

 

[hello_my_apple]

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenBam All i have to say is.... i slapped my boyfriend off a chair one time (no lie) for telling me to shut the fuck up, and left him there to find his own ride back home. Never spoke to him after that.

DAMNNNNN.

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonitinha I have been married for 13 years and my husband has never insulted me . . . ever (I mean, we've argued, but he never says anything disrespectful to me). I can't imagine being degraded like that. The thing is -- it definitely won't get better with time. It usually gets worse. If you try to stand up for yourself and he won't listen -- it is probably time to move on. You deserve someone who will validate your feelings. Best wishes to you.

ITA! My husband wouldn't do that to me, but if he did, ohhhh hell. It would be ON! It's disrespectful of him to leave you hanging, but what's worse is his disrespect to your face. You shouldn't talk to anyone like that, muchless someone you're supposed to love. That's ridiculous. You deserve so much better, and please, don't feel like this is your fault. It's his problem, not yours.

 

[Sojourner]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iadoremac Your boyfriend doesnt respect you

Sadly, this is the distilled version of things (based on what you describe). No doubt, someone who speaks to you in that fashion does not value you or respect you.

I know it sounds like the typical female response but really you need to get out of this relationship, your BF clearly is a weak man with deep insecurities, in fact he sounds really childish, as you said he talks about his problems and then gets defensive and cruel when you offer your viewpoint...he sounds like a sociopath to me and I think he will make many women miserable in his lifetime, save yourself, at the risk of sounding melodramatic.

 

[foxxylatina07]

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenBam All i have to say is.... i slapped my boyfriend off a chair one time (no lie) for telling me to shut the fuck up, and left him there to find his own ride back home. Never spoke to him after that.

Oh WOW

this had me rolling. Good for him. Now imagine if we all did that to our guys? Maybe they'll learn some manners on how to speak to their girlfriends.

Pink_minx:
The only thing I can say about your situation Hun is that he's being a little suspicious. Idk maybe its just my experience with guys like him but maybe something is up with him. Have you asked him what is wrong with him? It sux when the guy we're with treat us this way. Lucky for me I have a great husband who will know better than to talk to me that way. If this guy cant treat you how you deserve I think you should just part ways with him. But that's just my opinion. Follow your heart and do what's right for you. Because in the end you're the one who has to deal with these emotions. Good luck

 

[Meisje]

He's not a keeper. Dump!

From what you've described, he talks in circles to listen to the sound of his own voice and doesn't even want input from you. And when he does get your input it's all arguments about semantics and who said what when and what they meant. He finishes up by totally disrespecting you.

My husband would NEVER. EVER. speak to me that way, nor would I talk to him that way.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

I don't know your exact situation with your bf, just what your post said. But I agree with the ladies that this guy does not respect you at all. He seems to be self centered, immature, and a bully. Please leave him! I don't know how long you two have been together or anything but these things do not get better with time. A good guy knows that to keep his girl and to keep her happy most importantly is to treat her right which means giving her respect. Leave him and go find someone else whose willing to actually listen to the things that you have to say and treat you like a queen!

 

[roLLerGrrL]

He may say you're sensitive, well, he's too INSENSITIVE.

It sounds like quitting time for everyone - he quits smoking, you quit his non-calling, lying ass & find yourself someone who will at least give you the decency to let you know if their plans change.

 

[kenoki]

If a relationship makes you feel bad, about yourself, it's probably time to call it quits. Or at least re-evaluate. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your guy is young (and immature), based on his level of narcissism. Also sounds like he's really wrapped up in his own world -- where universal time is his time, and he's going to do what he wants with it. That's all well and good, until it effects someone else. So I wouldn't go so far as to say that he doesn't value you (since I don't know him), but he definitely doesn't value your time.

The shut up thing is a problem too, but I won't lie... I've gotten heated and told people to "shut the f up for half a second" in the past as well. It's a completely self-serving statement, that doesn't even benefit the person saying it. Usually happens when someone feels backed into a corner -- and it does sound like this guys is TERRIBLE at taking advice. It happens. For some people, you're better of withholding advice unless they explicitly ask for it. They follow the "I can bring up my problems, but you absolutely can't... even when I do" idea.

Point being... This isn't someone you want to be in a relationship with.

 

[cno64]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonitinha I have been married for 13 years and my husband has never insulted me . . . ever (I mean, we've argued, but he never says anything disrespectful to me). I can't imagine being degraded like that. The thing is -- it definitely won't get better with time. It usually gets worse. If you try to stand up for yourself and he won't listen -- it is probably time to move on. You deserve someone who will validate your feelings. Best wishes to you.

I agree.
The fact that your boyfriend was that rude to you in a reflexive sort of way seems to indicate a fundamental lack of respect for you.
I mean, instead of barking at you to "Shut up!" he could have said, "Please, I just don't want to talk about that right now."
Also, he complains about you needing to "find something to do," but at the same time, is telling you that he " might come over," as if he expects you to sit around and wait for him.
I'll bet he'd be upset if, the next time (if there is a next time) he said that he "might come over," you replied, "Well, I might not be home/might be busy."
Only you know what's right for you, but it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to me.

 

[Mabelle]

im only going off what im getting from your post, but i would say break up with that jerk.
he is insensitive. he doesnt care about your feelings. he disregards your thoughts. he is disrespectful. he is rude. he is not worth bringing you down.

your obviously care for him, but i dont think he knows how to care for you. dont waste your time on someone thats too selfish to care for you,

sorry if that seems harsh, or like im jumping to drastic conclusions based off one post, but the way you described the situation really upset me.

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

Someone told me once long ago, that people treat us how we let them treat us. He's gotten away with being disrespectful in the past with you, so he will continue that nonsense. I know when your feelings are wrapped up it's hard to leave, but you deserve better. If you really want to make this work with him, tell him that you'd like to seek counseling for your relationship because you don't feel that you're communicating effectively with each other. Good luck, and big hugs.