How to tell husband is cheating???

[almmaaa]

Hi everyone. I'm in a pickle here. I suspect that my husband is cheating on me. Is there any way to find out for sure? What can I do on my behalf? I cant follow him around becuz he knows what my car looks like. I suspect because hes showering alot more and when he comes home late he showers. When his cell rings he answers and goes some place else to talk, he also sometimes goes some where else to talk because hes embarrassed because his english is not that great but I dont think its always because of that. When he leaves I ask him where are you going and he tells me somewhere Ive got soemthing to do I said what do you have to do and he says you dont know anything and leaves. Is it all just out there and like these are all the tell tale signs that hes cheating? Just the thought of it hurts me so much, to think he would touch another woman is unbearable for me. Also I told him once im going to follow you one day and he got all pissed and said your too old to be doing those things, and I said no if i suspect something and that was the end of that conversation...
Please guys let me know what I can do or should know.
Thanks so much in advance.

 

[LaVixxen]

Im not married but engaged and sort of going through the same thing. All I can say is maybe pay a friend or ask a friend to check up on where he is going. You have all the right to find out the truth hun after all your married to him. You can even try asking him, tell him to just be straight honest with you, some men will tell but others wont. Also about his cellphone, when my fiance has these suspicious calls I check online, we have at&t and I check the call history and call some numbers private that I find strange. Hopefully he is not cheating, sometimes us women get a little paranoid. Best of luck.

 

[almmaaa]

Lavixxen, when you call those numbers what do you say or do? Do you pretend your trying to call someone else? Because I have thought about that but If I call what am going to say oh hey are u with blank???

 

[Willa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by almmaaa Hi everyone. I'm in a pickle here. I suspect that my husband is cheating on me. Is there any way to find out for sure? What can I do on my behalf? I cant follow him around becuz he knows what my car looks like. I suspect because hes showering alot more and when he comes home late he showers. When his cell rings he answers and goes some place else to talk, he also sometimes goes some where else to talk because hes embarrassed because his english is not that great but I dont think its always because of that. When he leaves I ask him where are you going and he tells me somewhere Ive got soemthing to do I said what do you have to do and he says you dont know anything and leaves. Is it all just out there and like these are all the tell tale signs that hes cheating? Just the thought of it hurts me so much, to think he would touch another woman is unbearable for me. Also I told him once im going to follow you one day and he got all pissed and said your too old to be doing those things, and I said no if i suspect something and that was the end of that conversation... Please guys let me know what I can do or should know. Thanks so much in advance.

I don't know about all this situation or anything, but my man would answer that to me before leaving, I'd be mad as hell!!!

Can you tell us more about your relationship?
Is it going well beside all your suspicion?
When did it all started?

 

[Amber*Christine]

As someone who had a b/f of 4 years cheat on her, some of the things he's doing DO seem suspicious as my b/f did these things aswell. The sneaky calls, my b/f did that, the suddenly having something to do that didn't include me, my b/f did that, even the random showers- my b/f would suppousedly be having a night out w/ the guys and crashing at a "guy friend"'s place but when we had plans to go to breakfast in the morning, he'd drive out of town to shower at his mother's instead of just driving over to my place. "WTF?" I thought. I dunno how sensitive your man is, but he should be doing all he can to put your mind at ease and he simply isn't. I dunno what to suggest you do really because by the time I had obvious evidence of my b/f's affair he had basically made up his mind to leave me. Just sit him down one day and straight out ask, see if he has long pauses and refuses to look you in the eye, (the way mine acted), and hopefully IF your man is seeing someone else he'll come clean instead of dragging you through months of confusion and mental anguish the way mine did. Good Luck.

 

[Amber*Christine]

By the way ALWAYS listen to your intuition, lack of affection, becoming distant, no longer initiating sex, seeming preoccupied, these are other signs of an affair.

 

[06290714]

ohh man tough situation! the whole leaving and random showers is kind of weird, but maybe you're paranoid? has he always been doing this and before all of this happen did you guys have any kind of altercation?

not to make this thread about me but i'm kinda having the same issue. my bf doesn't randomly leave or something but he goes out and stays out til like 4 or 5 am!!

 

[MrsRjizzle]

I honeslty feel like if you are feeling this way, it is for a reason. Women have pretty good instincts when it comes to stuff like this. We often try to ignore them or talk ourselves out of the idea that this could actually be happing to us. But if the changes in the way he acts are great. Keep your eyes open. Pay attention. be aware of what he is doing. His vageness is not ok. He should be willing to tell you where he is going even if its just to the store. Out of respect. The more questions you ask, pay attention to his responses. If you have been around him long enough you should be able to tell if his response is off...Always face to face. Its harder to lie that way- and easier for you to tell if hes lying.

I would look at the whole cell phone situation too. Have a friend follow. But seriously, you cant just sit there hurting and he is offering you nothing. He isnt trying to explain or justify or make you feel better. Do what needs to be done to ease your mind. If it turns out your right or wrong- At least you will know and you can go from there.

Pray about it, I will pray for you too

Im sorry your going through this...

 

[Doowop]

I am not married, but I know the signs because someone in my house is cheating. The signs are all there..u know I used to take those articles on MSN or Yahoo on signs of cheating with a pinch of salt, but they are so true.

The handphone thing, yes that person always goes somewhere to talk quietly, and when I enter the room or something he immediately leaves the room or stops talking.

And as for going out, being secretive is a sign. Also, doing things that are not of habit.. such as a change in dressing (is he trying to make himself look younger or more attractive? Exercise maybe, or dying of grey hair?).

And attitude-wise, he may be more snappish, or more temperamental.

These are what I observed from my experience..I really hope that your husband isn't cheating on you, but I think he is, just from reading your post.

 

[LaVixxen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by almmaaa Lavixxen, when you call those numbers what do you say or do? Do you pretend your trying to call someone else? Because I have thought about that but If I call what am going to say oh hey are u with blank???

I ask for him lol. Sometimes im too nervous so I have my friend do the calling, but after I ask, the guy or woman would say either no but I do know him then I click. As for my friend she ask oh how you know him and all that, I dont give my name and I block my number *67. If i get uncomfortable I just hang up.

 

[kaliraksha]

Hmm GPS vehicle tracking? GPS on SALE : GPS Tracking : Vehicle Tracking

Cheaper than a private eye... and you can always write down the addresses and go check the addresses out on your own time. Or you can borrow a friend's car, rent a car, etc.

I personally wouldn't want to confront my partner without any evidence. Only because when they're cheating they do and say anything to protect their lies... I've seen it firsthand from my dad. I saw my dad turn it around on my mom about how she couldn't trust him and made her feel bad for being suspicious... 2 years later the truth came out and turns out she was always right.

I'm really sorry. His actions sound suspicious, but I seriously hope it's something else. I think not knowing is so much worse.

 

[joey444]

Seems like the signs are there and ALWAYS trust you're instincts!! A women's intuition is an amazing thing!! I agree, I've been with my husband for seven years (3 married) and if EVER he was going somewhere and didn't respond when I asked him where to, we'd have problems. Coming home late and going to take a shower, phone calls where he has to speak somewhere else......sounds fishy. Remeber, a relationship is based and built on trust and if that's starting to get kind of shaky and questionable, you need to go with your insticts. I know just the thought is unbearable but to me, the not knowing would be worse.

 

[TISH1124]

I agree with most of the signs...However the shower used to bother me...But my husband goes out to play pool and he works where he gets funky...the first thing he does when he walks in the house no matter what is to take a shower because he knows I can't stand the smell of smoke or funk....

The phone thing...well okay ...thats so suspect ...and disrespectful to say the least..I would be pulling phone logs and calling folks for real....Hello...who is this?

Now that not telling me where he is going...even if it was a lie..he better have a answer when I ask...Oh that would work about one time...because I would say okay I might not know nothing but what i do know is my ass is tagging right along with you....Grabs purse plants my ass right on the passanger seat...lets Go!! Maybe I can learn something

 

[NutMeg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 I agree with most of the signs...However the shower used to bother me...But my husband goes out to play pool and he works where he gets funky...the first thing he does when he walks in the house no matter what is to take a shower because he knows I can't stand the smell of smoke or funk....

That's not a random shower though. My bf is the same, the first thing he does when he gets home from work is shower, because he's usually smelly and covered in work mess (brick mud, insulation, you name it). I don't find that suspicious, but if he was "out visiting friends", or "going to the bank" and came home and immediately went for the shower I'd be wondering. Unless he asked me to join him of course.

 

[TISH1124]

^^ Ok when my husband is out visiting his friends....which most of them smoke...he does come in and shower...because neither of us like the smell of smoke..I can tell when he goes over to Kevin's and Phil's house he smells of pure smoke when he walks in the door ...Just like their house does...So yeah it is random at times for him...Going to the bank no...But some friends yes

 

[nichollecaren]

...a credit card statement can tell you so many things...

On a real though. This is something I learnt very recently: You can suspect him of anything, the possibility that you will find viable proof is slim (unless you catch him in the act, and i hope for your sake, that you dont). The issue is not about his cheating. The issue is that you no longer trust him.

Think about it.

What if he were not cheating? You would still have a problem.

My advice is, save the snooping for plan B. Find a counselor with experience with these issues...what I'm saying is sort out your own heart and mind before you consider the possible secrets in your marriage. No matter what the outcome, you will need solid emotional footing to proceed.

I do hope it works out *hugs*

 

[user79]

If you do suspect he is cheating on you, make sure you get an STD test, or start using condoms if you're not already. The last thing you want is to end up with some disease if it really is the worst case scenario.

I'd probably just straight up ask him if he's having an affair and that he should just tell you. If he doesn't admit it but still continues with the weird behavior, I'd probably start snooping but I would do it as a last resort.

 

[mizuki~]

I don't think snooping around and following him is a good idea. Don't jump to conclusions just yet because he may not be cheating. If he finds out you're getting sneaky on him, that will only piss him off and make things worse..Have a nice calm talk and don't bring up the fact that you think he's cheating. Nobody likes to be accused =/

 

[NutMeg]

I'm kinda torn on this. I agree that accusing someone is a bad idea, because if they haven't done anything then the tust in the relationship is going to be very badly damaged... But at the same time, it already is. If you have that suspicion in your heart, then something is really wrong. I don't think I'd ever be comfortable sneaking around and spying on my partner. It's not something I would be ok with doing. I think if I was in the position of suspecting cheating, I would go to my bf and say something like "I know that you may not be cheating, but the point is that I don't trust you anymore. If you are cheating, then we need to deal with that, and if you aren't, things need to change because this relationship is no longer working for me."

 

[Pnk85]

I've never experienced what you are now but my mom has & how she handled it was very smart in my own opinion. I have been living with my boyfriend for 5 years & we have been together for nearly 6 years & if I ever suspected something I would do exactly what my mom did.

You need to have a serious discussion with him first, give him a chance to come clean, don't accuse him of cheating but turn it around & express to him how you are feeling left out in everything he does. Ask him why you are not being included in these 'random' outings. If my boyfriend is doing a quick run to the bank, 9 times out of 10 I'm with him. We also let each other know where we are at ALL the time, not because of control issues but for security reasons as well.. If I were to come up missing he would know where I was & what time, the same goes for him. Neither one of us has something to hide so it is not a big deal others may make it out to be.

If you have the conversation with him & you still feel he is cheating hire a trust-worthy friend or private investigator to follow him. Now if you get photos that prove he is cheating that is when you need to determine if you want to continue making the marriage work or not. If you don't then you need to start taking care of yourself first, my mom opened a secret account in her mom's name/address so he wouldn't get the bank statements or the money in the divorce. She was about to be a single mom with two kids so that was necessary even though it is dishonest. Things like that need to be thoroughly thought out & even consult with a lawyer before you file for divorce. Also the photos will help you with alimony....

Now if you want to try & make the marriage work than try to find out why he is doing the things he is doing. Why does he feel the need to cheat? What can the two of you do together to make it work? Most men are not open to couple's counseling but you could get advice from one yourself.

Most importantly DON'T ever let him make you feel less of a woman!! When people get caught doing something wrong they try to put the blame on someone else, don't let him make you feel worthless...