Babylard
Well-known member
I am so broken as a person. My boyfriend of 3 years recently passed away with leukemia. It was sudden, because we never knew he had such a thing. After the January-April semester ended, he left Winnipeg for Vancouver on Vacation. He then went to Taiwan. While he was in Taiwan, he started coughing a lot and wouldn't see a doctor. I didn't know he was so sick. We all thought he had a cold. When he came back to Vancouver, he had headaches. The first day, his mother took him to the doctor. They gave him antibiotics and tylonol. The next day, he got worse and went to the ER. He waited very very long for a CT scan, which was the last time I heard from him. He slipped into a coma and never woke up. They found blood in his brain and his blood showed leukemia. He passed away the next morning, It was shocking, because he was so healthy up until then.
I am so heartbroken, because we loved each other so much. He was there for me when I had heart failure, which was how we got so close. I booked my flight as soon as I heard he was ill, but I did not make it in time. I feel so responsible because I did not bitch at him for not seeing a doctor. We have the same birthday and anniversary on the same day, so I wish I was more selfish to say "no, please stay with me and do not go." I would have taken him to the doctor from day one. I did not sleep and eat very well. Even now, I find myself always having to force down the food. The smile on the outside is so fake, I am dying on the inside. I have so many regrets. We never married, we had no children, and our time together was so short. He was only 25.
I cried so much and people gave me weird looks in public. While on the plane, I was so tired and passed out while crying. I did not remember what my dream was about, but it is such a mystery to me. I woke up feeling happy and warm, which is so impossible since he just passed away and I was hurting so much. For the brief few seconds after waking up, I felt like smiling and I still felt someone petting my hair like he always did. It all disappeared with a soft breeze. I don't understand it myself, but I wish it never went away.
Now I find myself at such a loss and never able to truly be happy ever again. I keep wishing to be with him again.
I am so heartbroken, because we loved each other so much. He was there for me when I had heart failure, which was how we got so close. I booked my flight as soon as I heard he was ill, but I did not make it in time. I feel so responsible because I did not bitch at him for not seeing a doctor. We have the same birthday and anniversary on the same day, so I wish I was more selfish to say "no, please stay with me and do not go." I would have taken him to the doctor from day one. I did not sleep and eat very well. Even now, I find myself always having to force down the food. The smile on the outside is so fake, I am dying on the inside. I have so many regrets. We never married, we had no children, and our time together was so short. He was only 25.
I cried so much and people gave me weird looks in public. While on the plane, I was so tired and passed out while crying. I did not remember what my dream was about, but it is such a mystery to me. I woke up feeling happy and warm, which is so impossible since he just passed away and I was hurting so much. For the brief few seconds after waking up, I felt like smiling and I still felt someone petting my hair like he always did. It all disappeared with a soft breeze. I don't understand it myself, but I wish it never went away.
Now I find myself at such a loss and never able to truly be happy ever again. I keep wishing to be with him again.