euphrosyne_rose
Well-known member
This may be long. I apologize. I haven't been on in awhile but I'm hoping for some good feedback, insight, advice, whatever. Anything is appreciated. I thank whoever reads this in advance for taking the time to read my sob story. I think maybe just writing about it will make me feel a bit better. You ladies rock!!
Ok, so, a little back story. My best friend and I are both 32 and have known each other since kindergarten, best friends since high school. Thankfully we've never been much for the arguing with each other though we have had a few issues over the years. In alot of ways, we are complete opposites. I'm laid back, go with the flow, nonconfrontational and soft spoken. I don't get into with people over things unless it's built up so much that I can't take it anymore. She's vocal, sassy, a little tightly wound and always wants to be the center of attention and she'll tell you off in a heartbeat. She also gets very jealous of her friends and in the past we've had issues with that where she wouldn't want anyone in our group of friends to hang out together if she wasn't part of the group but it was totally ok for her to do it. Looking back, I held back alot on things that bothered me or pissed me off just b/c I felt like it wasn't worth it to create drama so I'd let it go. Lately more and more things are building up to the point where I had to write this and get the advice from you all. The kicker is, at this point, I doubt very seriously talking to her about it would make alot of difference-- another reason why I tend to not get into it with her.
About 3 years ago, she up and decided she wanted to move to NY. We live in Louisiana and it would be a long, dramatic move for her but she wanted to give it a shot. I was sad she was leaving but I thought it could be a great opportunity for her. Since high school she had only had one major relationship and she hadn't dated in quite some time so she also thought it could be like a movie moment where she moves away and meets the man of her dreams. Well, in some ways, that happened. She had only been in NY about a month when she was interviewing for a job, met a guy and they went out on a date. She kept me updated on things about him and their growing relationship and I was really happy for her. I had one qualm though-- from what she told me, I had a suspicion he was illegal. She never straight up told me and I never asked b/c I assumed if she wanted me know, she'd tell me and ther was the possibility I was totally wrong. Now, let me put it out there that I hated to sound pessimistic by assuming he was illegal but in no way did I have a problem with him being illegal if he in fact was. So, almost a year goes by and she's told me at this point that they've talked about getting married, having kids, etc and she was planning on coming home that year for Christmas/New Year's to visit. Sure enough, the day after Xmas, she calls to tell me she's engaged and wants me to be her MOH. I happily agreed and when she came in to visit, we ended up having a long talk and she finally admitted that he WAS illegal and told me the story about what had happened. I had posted about it in a thread quite a long time ago but long story short, he's in a bad situation b/c he got caught coming in years and years ago but he was released by Immigration and didn't go to his court date for fear of being deported so he'd been in the US for like 6 years when he met J. Basically if he gets caught, there's no ifs, ands or butts about it-- he's off to his home country Peru, regardless of being engaged, married, whatever b/c the law on that has changed. So while she was home visiting, her mom suggested that maybe when she returned back to NY they should get married at City Hall there just to have it on record in case something did happen and she didn't seem to like the idea b/c she wanted to have the big wedding here at home with her family and friends so I didn't hear anything about it. The wedding was set for this past February and they both moved back to Louisiana about 2 months before the wedding. They drove with their stuff since he's not able to fly on a plane (no valid US i.d or valid passport) and a week before the wedding, she tells me she has something to tell me-- a year before after she got back from the visit to us, she took her mom's advice and they got married at City Hall in NY and wanted me to know but also they hadn't told anyone other than her family b/c she didn't want people to freak out and wonder why she was having the "big wedding anyway". I understood why she did it. I didn't understand why it took her a YEAR to tell me. The bachelorette party was the Thursday before the wedding (wedding on Saturday) and the day of her party, I find out that 2 of our other friends already knew about it. At this point, I was seriously, seriously PISSED. But, me being me, I didn't feel right talking about it with the wedding looming and so many things going on so I didn't say anything.
The past month has been strained for some reason. I don't believe I've acted any differently towards her but I started to feel like I was out of the loop on things concerning her. I hear from her less and less these days. A few weeks ago out of the blue she told me they were looking to buy a house and move out of her parents house. She told me she didn't want to spend alot of money for awhile b/c of that and b/c their savings was taking a hit. Now, she got her old job back from when she moved here but since he's illegal, he's working whatever cash paying jobs he can find. We did make plans before she was going out of town for Easter to go see a movie but when I didn't hear from her, I called her and she told me they had put in an offer on a house and were waiting to hear back on it and then they were going to her aunt's house. I thought, "well, gee, thanks for letting me know". She mentioned again about not wanting to spend alot of money so I told her that was fine and Easter weekend she went with her family to visit her niece in Houston so our other friend Peter and I went to see a movie. A few days later I went with a few friends from work to see Water For Elephants and while we were in line at the theater, she called and left a message saying she wanted to catch up since we hadn't talked in awhile. Now, at this point, usually whenever I call or text her, I'm lucky to get a reply. I felt bad that I wasn't able to talk so I texted her and said that I was the movie with my work friends and if I didn't get out too late I'd call her on my way home. She texted back and said something about how that was 2 movies I saw without her. It immediately ticked me off so I wrote back and said that I had told my work friends week before that I'd go see that particular movie with them and also that she had told me she didn't want to spend extra money on stuff and the last time we had talked about seeing a movie, she flaked on me. She mever replied back but I did hear from her the next day and neither of us mentioned the conversation from the night before. She told me at that point that their offer on the house was approved and she really going to have to be watching her money. Her birthday was last weekend so we got together to go bowling and eat dinner since that's what she wanted to do and when I got to her house to drop off the cupcakes I had gotten for her, she basically told me how she's been stressed about the house b/c something happened with the title company and just let loose this load of stuff she'd been upset or worried about and it had been happening for weeks and this was the first I was hearing of any of it b/c again, out of the last probably 10 times I've called/texted, she's maybe responded once. Again, I was feeling a little out of the loop and wondering why she wasn't calling me or trying to talk to me about any of it. Then I thought I was being self centered worrying about why I was being left out when she's obviously stressed but deep down, I think I'm still hurt and pissed about her not telling me she was married already. Our friend Peter's bday is next week and we had talked about trying to get him something together but didn't have alot of ideas so this past Sunday after her bday, I called her b/c I had a couple of ideas and naturally, she didn't answer so I left a message telling her what I thought and asking her to call me back when she got home. Still haven't heard from her. Finally today I texted her and asked what she was doing this weekend and she listed all these things she had to do including saying they weren't getting that house after all and asked what I was doing. I guess part of me couldn't take it anymore so I passively/agressively said at the end "thanks for replying this time" and put a
P next to it. She wrote back asking what I meant by that b/c she tried to call me the other night at home. I never heard the phone ring and told her so, stating I was most probably in the bathtub and didn't have a message. I didn't even see the missed call. I also wrote I was sorry about the house. Not one reply since then.
I'm at the point now where I want to just not worry over it and let whatever will be, be. I've tried calling. I've tried texting. I feel like I don't fit into her life for some reason. I totally understand she's married, she's busy, she's stressed. I don't understand what happened. Add on to all this the fact that I'm really lonely. I haven't been in a relationship or on a date in almost 2.5 years. Everyone I've been attracted to or sparked with lately has been either married or attached. I've tried putting myself out there, including joining EHarmony but it didn't feel right so I canceled it. It's all really starting to weigh down on me and I'm starting to become depressed, something I would've never thought possible since I'm usually a positive, upbeat person. My family and friends at work have started to notice that I'm not the same and I hate that. When I have tried to talk to her about being lonely (few and far between obviously) the conversation usually ends up turning to how busy she is. No feedback, no support. Am I asking for too much maybe? Being too needy?
Any advice or insight would be appreciated. What would you do in my position? Would you bother trying to keep pushing it along or just let it lie? Know any single guys? LOL.
Ok, so, a little back story. My best friend and I are both 32 and have known each other since kindergarten, best friends since high school. Thankfully we've never been much for the arguing with each other though we have had a few issues over the years. In alot of ways, we are complete opposites. I'm laid back, go with the flow, nonconfrontational and soft spoken. I don't get into with people over things unless it's built up so much that I can't take it anymore. She's vocal, sassy, a little tightly wound and always wants to be the center of attention and she'll tell you off in a heartbeat. She also gets very jealous of her friends and in the past we've had issues with that where she wouldn't want anyone in our group of friends to hang out together if she wasn't part of the group but it was totally ok for her to do it. Looking back, I held back alot on things that bothered me or pissed me off just b/c I felt like it wasn't worth it to create drama so I'd let it go. Lately more and more things are building up to the point where I had to write this and get the advice from you all. The kicker is, at this point, I doubt very seriously talking to her about it would make alot of difference-- another reason why I tend to not get into it with her.
About 3 years ago, she up and decided she wanted to move to NY. We live in Louisiana and it would be a long, dramatic move for her but she wanted to give it a shot. I was sad she was leaving but I thought it could be a great opportunity for her. Since high school she had only had one major relationship and she hadn't dated in quite some time so she also thought it could be like a movie moment where she moves away and meets the man of her dreams. Well, in some ways, that happened. She had only been in NY about a month when she was interviewing for a job, met a guy and they went out on a date. She kept me updated on things about him and their growing relationship and I was really happy for her. I had one qualm though-- from what she told me, I had a suspicion he was illegal. She never straight up told me and I never asked b/c I assumed if she wanted me know, she'd tell me and ther was the possibility I was totally wrong. Now, let me put it out there that I hated to sound pessimistic by assuming he was illegal but in no way did I have a problem with him being illegal if he in fact was. So, almost a year goes by and she's told me at this point that they've talked about getting married, having kids, etc and she was planning on coming home that year for Christmas/New Year's to visit. Sure enough, the day after Xmas, she calls to tell me she's engaged and wants me to be her MOH. I happily agreed and when she came in to visit, we ended up having a long talk and she finally admitted that he WAS illegal and told me the story about what had happened. I had posted about it in a thread quite a long time ago but long story short, he's in a bad situation b/c he got caught coming in years and years ago but he was released by Immigration and didn't go to his court date for fear of being deported so he'd been in the US for like 6 years when he met J. Basically if he gets caught, there's no ifs, ands or butts about it-- he's off to his home country Peru, regardless of being engaged, married, whatever b/c the law on that has changed. So while she was home visiting, her mom suggested that maybe when she returned back to NY they should get married at City Hall there just to have it on record in case something did happen and she didn't seem to like the idea b/c she wanted to have the big wedding here at home with her family and friends so I didn't hear anything about it. The wedding was set for this past February and they both moved back to Louisiana about 2 months before the wedding. They drove with their stuff since he's not able to fly on a plane (no valid US i.d or valid passport) and a week before the wedding, she tells me she has something to tell me-- a year before after she got back from the visit to us, she took her mom's advice and they got married at City Hall in NY and wanted me to know but also they hadn't told anyone other than her family b/c she didn't want people to freak out and wonder why she was having the "big wedding anyway". I understood why she did it. I didn't understand why it took her a YEAR to tell me. The bachelorette party was the Thursday before the wedding (wedding on Saturday) and the day of her party, I find out that 2 of our other friends already knew about it. At this point, I was seriously, seriously PISSED. But, me being me, I didn't feel right talking about it with the wedding looming and so many things going on so I didn't say anything.
The past month has been strained for some reason. I don't believe I've acted any differently towards her but I started to feel like I was out of the loop on things concerning her. I hear from her less and less these days. A few weeks ago out of the blue she told me they were looking to buy a house and move out of her parents house. She told me she didn't want to spend alot of money for awhile b/c of that and b/c their savings was taking a hit. Now, she got her old job back from when she moved here but since he's illegal, he's working whatever cash paying jobs he can find. We did make plans before she was going out of town for Easter to go see a movie but when I didn't hear from her, I called her and she told me they had put in an offer on a house and were waiting to hear back on it and then they were going to her aunt's house. I thought, "well, gee, thanks for letting me know". She mentioned again about not wanting to spend alot of money so I told her that was fine and Easter weekend she went with her family to visit her niece in Houston so our other friend Peter and I went to see a movie. A few days later I went with a few friends from work to see Water For Elephants and while we were in line at the theater, she called and left a message saying she wanted to catch up since we hadn't talked in awhile. Now, at this point, usually whenever I call or text her, I'm lucky to get a reply. I felt bad that I wasn't able to talk so I texted her and said that I was the movie with my work friends and if I didn't get out too late I'd call her on my way home. She texted back and said something about how that was 2 movies I saw without her. It immediately ticked me off so I wrote back and said that I had told my work friends week before that I'd go see that particular movie with them and also that she had told me she didn't want to spend extra money on stuff and the last time we had talked about seeing a movie, she flaked on me. She mever replied back but I did hear from her the next day and neither of us mentioned the conversation from the night before. She told me at that point that their offer on the house was approved and she really going to have to be watching her money. Her birthday was last weekend so we got together to go bowling and eat dinner since that's what she wanted to do and when I got to her house to drop off the cupcakes I had gotten for her, she basically told me how she's been stressed about the house b/c something happened with the title company and just let loose this load of stuff she'd been upset or worried about and it had been happening for weeks and this was the first I was hearing of any of it b/c again, out of the last probably 10 times I've called/texted, she's maybe responded once. Again, I was feeling a little out of the loop and wondering why she wasn't calling me or trying to talk to me about any of it. Then I thought I was being self centered worrying about why I was being left out when she's obviously stressed but deep down, I think I'm still hurt and pissed about her not telling me she was married already. Our friend Peter's bday is next week and we had talked about trying to get him something together but didn't have alot of ideas so this past Sunday after her bday, I called her b/c I had a couple of ideas and naturally, she didn't answer so I left a message telling her what I thought and asking her to call me back when she got home. Still haven't heard from her. Finally today I texted her and asked what she was doing this weekend and she listed all these things she had to do including saying they weren't getting that house after all and asked what I was doing. I guess part of me couldn't take it anymore so I passively/agressively said at the end "thanks for replying this time" and put a
P next to it. She wrote back asking what I meant by that b/c she tried to call me the other night at home. I never heard the phone ring and told her so, stating I was most probably in the bathtub and didn't have a message. I didn't even see the missed call. I also wrote I was sorry about the house. Not one reply since then.I'm at the point now where I want to just not worry over it and let whatever will be, be. I've tried calling. I've tried texting. I feel like I don't fit into her life for some reason. I totally understand she's married, she's busy, she's stressed. I don't understand what happened. Add on to all this the fact that I'm really lonely. I haven't been in a relationship or on a date in almost 2.5 years. Everyone I've been attracted to or sparked with lately has been either married or attached. I've tried putting myself out there, including joining EHarmony but it didn't feel right so I canceled it. It's all really starting to weigh down on me and I'm starting to become depressed, something I would've never thought possible since I'm usually a positive, upbeat person. My family and friends at work have started to notice that I'm not the same and I hate that. When I have tried to talk to her about being lonely (few and far between obviously) the conversation usually ends up turning to how busy she is. No feedback, no support. Am I asking for too much maybe? Being too needy?
Any advice or insight would be appreciated. What would you do in my position? Would you bother trying to keep pushing it along or just let it lie? Know any single guys? LOL.
