blackeneddove
Well-known member
Man I never wanted to have to turn here for advice but I really need some unbiased opinions, unlike what my friends offer me.
So some background information.. my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. The first 2 years of our relationship was amazing, the kind of stuff you see in movies, but in the last 6 months something happened and things have been going downhill.. it started with his drinking. He would break plans with me to go to the bar, and if he thought I would be upset he was going to the bar he would just lie to me and say he was doing something else. Strike 1.
Then he started being mean to me when he was drunk, telling me to "fuck off, leave him alone, go find other guys to talk to.." when I have NEVER even flirted with anyone else during our entire relationship because I was too crazy about him. Strike 2.
We eventually started arguing alot because of these problems and I knew since we weren't getting along and it wasn't healthy that I called things off and decided to go on a break so we either work things out, and if we couldn't, just end it for good.
After we were on our break it really opened up his eyes and since we saw each other less he stopped breaking plans with me, started treating me nicer, and even surprising me with little gifts and doing all the stuff that made me fall for him in the first place. Things were going good, UNTIL he got drunk at a friend's house and kissed the top of another girls head and had his arm around her all night- and she let him even though she has a boyfriend of 3 years. I wasn't there, my best friend told me this. So I confronted them both and he was crying and told me it would never happen again and since he had never done anything unfaithful before, I agreed to give him another chance.
Things were going good again, and we started seeing each other more and more, but he also started drinking more again and was being mean and hurting my feelings for no reason, which was started our problems in the first place. I would always leave him alone, tell him in the morning and he always felt really bad about it.
Then disaster number 2 hit. Last weekend at a party at a friend's house, he was really drunk, wouldn't talk to me and kept calling me names and told me to leave him alone, etc, so I did because by now I was getting fed up. Later that night, he let that same girl SIT ON HIS LAP. Won't even talk to me, but lets her sit on him and doesn't even tell her to get up. And yes, she still has her own boyfriend. My best friend once again saw this and told me the next time she saw me, and we went to go find them to confront them and realized they were nowhere. We looked all over the house, the backyard, nowhere. So my best friend called up the girl and she said she was down the street, so we went to the bottom of the driveway and waited. A few minutes later, my boyfriend walks up. My jaw seriously dropped. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he said "taking a walk". A few minutes after, the same girl walked up and said she was peeing.. in the street.. riiiiiight.. there's a thing called a bathroom.. So basically they went off together, made separate excuses why they were both down the street and came back separately, which is suspicious enough. I was furious and scared I was going to start beating the shit out of this girl so I left.
So after I had blocked it out of my mind for a few days I texted both of them. I asked them why they thought it was okay to do that stuff knowing they're both involved with someone and had been for 2.5+ years each. She said she doesn't remember sitting on his lap and she was bored at the party so they went on a walk. Already her story doesn't match up to that nights. Also, if she was bored, why didn't she bring a friend? And to make it more scandalous, her boyfriend was passed out the whole time this happened!
And then his response was that he was really drunk and didn't want to be mean to her. He said she was nagging him to come talk to her so he finally did. He said she led the way down the street, not him, when I asked why they couldn't just talk on the porch. He also said she was talking about problems with her boyfriend. And the reason they came back separately with different excuses is because they knew I'd be mad they were talking down the street together so they covered up.
I don't believe a word of this. Their stories don't match up. I broke down crying and he insisted that they were just talking and promised he would stop drinking because he can't stop being mean to me when he's drunk and not talk to other girls when he knows it will upset me, etc. because he's trying not to lose me. He even offered to go to AA but these problems were happening before he ran off with some skank, so these problems should have been fixed before it came to something like this. He keeps calling me crying and texting me and trying to convince me nothing will ever happen again.
I don't know what to do. I'm in shock because our relationship was so good until the past few months. I seriously thought we were going to be together for years to come. I trusted him. And I still don't know the truth of what happened on that "walk" because the stories are not consistent, and I think I deserve to know. I want to know if theres a way to work past this, but in my heart I'm not sure because the trust is gone. I have all these emotions invested in him still and I'm still so in love with him and I don't know if I can handle letting go.
I'm not going to let this stop me from doing things I would normally do even if it is killing me inside, so tomorrow I'm going to a Halloween party. Both the girl and her own boyfriend will be there, along with my "boyfriend". I'm scared I'm going to beat the shit out of this girl if she doesn't tell me the truth because I'm so mad. I'm also going to tell her boyfriend what happened because he was sleeping and had no idea, and he deserves to know just as much as I do. I don't even know how I'm going to react around my guy..
I need some advice on what to do about this whole mess. I know alot of you will say leave him for good, but it's so much easier said than done. If anyone has any ideas on how to possibly work through this I'd appreciate that too. Anything helps. Thanks for reading this everyone, I know it was long.
xo Chelsea
So some background information.. my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. The first 2 years of our relationship was amazing, the kind of stuff you see in movies, but in the last 6 months something happened and things have been going downhill.. it started with his drinking. He would break plans with me to go to the bar, and if he thought I would be upset he was going to the bar he would just lie to me and say he was doing something else. Strike 1.
Then he started being mean to me when he was drunk, telling me to "fuck off, leave him alone, go find other guys to talk to.." when I have NEVER even flirted with anyone else during our entire relationship because I was too crazy about him. Strike 2.
We eventually started arguing alot because of these problems and I knew since we weren't getting along and it wasn't healthy that I called things off and decided to go on a break so we either work things out, and if we couldn't, just end it for good.
After we were on our break it really opened up his eyes and since we saw each other less he stopped breaking plans with me, started treating me nicer, and even surprising me with little gifts and doing all the stuff that made me fall for him in the first place. Things were going good, UNTIL he got drunk at a friend's house and kissed the top of another girls head and had his arm around her all night- and she let him even though she has a boyfriend of 3 years. I wasn't there, my best friend told me this. So I confronted them both and he was crying and told me it would never happen again and since he had never done anything unfaithful before, I agreed to give him another chance.
Things were going good again, and we started seeing each other more and more, but he also started drinking more again and was being mean and hurting my feelings for no reason, which was started our problems in the first place. I would always leave him alone, tell him in the morning and he always felt really bad about it.
Then disaster number 2 hit. Last weekend at a party at a friend's house, he was really drunk, wouldn't talk to me and kept calling me names and told me to leave him alone, etc, so I did because by now I was getting fed up. Later that night, he let that same girl SIT ON HIS LAP. Won't even talk to me, but lets her sit on him and doesn't even tell her to get up. And yes, she still has her own boyfriend. My best friend once again saw this and told me the next time she saw me, and we went to go find them to confront them and realized they were nowhere. We looked all over the house, the backyard, nowhere. So my best friend called up the girl and she said she was down the street, so we went to the bottom of the driveway and waited. A few minutes later, my boyfriend walks up. My jaw seriously dropped. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he said "taking a walk". A few minutes after, the same girl walked up and said she was peeing.. in the street.. riiiiiight.. there's a thing called a bathroom.. So basically they went off together, made separate excuses why they were both down the street and came back separately, which is suspicious enough. I was furious and scared I was going to start beating the shit out of this girl so I left.
So after I had blocked it out of my mind for a few days I texted both of them. I asked them why they thought it was okay to do that stuff knowing they're both involved with someone and had been for 2.5+ years each. She said she doesn't remember sitting on his lap and she was bored at the party so they went on a walk. Already her story doesn't match up to that nights. Also, if she was bored, why didn't she bring a friend? And to make it more scandalous, her boyfriend was passed out the whole time this happened!
And then his response was that he was really drunk and didn't want to be mean to her. He said she was nagging him to come talk to her so he finally did. He said she led the way down the street, not him, when I asked why they couldn't just talk on the porch. He also said she was talking about problems with her boyfriend. And the reason they came back separately with different excuses is because they knew I'd be mad they were talking down the street together so they covered up.
I don't believe a word of this. Their stories don't match up. I broke down crying and he insisted that they were just talking and promised he would stop drinking because he can't stop being mean to me when he's drunk and not talk to other girls when he knows it will upset me, etc. because he's trying not to lose me. He even offered to go to AA but these problems were happening before he ran off with some skank, so these problems should have been fixed before it came to something like this. He keeps calling me crying and texting me and trying to convince me nothing will ever happen again.
I don't know what to do. I'm in shock because our relationship was so good until the past few months. I seriously thought we were going to be together for years to come. I trusted him. And I still don't know the truth of what happened on that "walk" because the stories are not consistent, and I think I deserve to know. I want to know if theres a way to work past this, but in my heart I'm not sure because the trust is gone. I have all these emotions invested in him still and I'm still so in love with him and I don't know if I can handle letting go.
I'm not going to let this stop me from doing things I would normally do even if it is killing me inside, so tomorrow I'm going to a Halloween party. Both the girl and her own boyfriend will be there, along with my "boyfriend". I'm scared I'm going to beat the shit out of this girl if she doesn't tell me the truth because I'm so mad. I'm also going to tell her boyfriend what happened because he was sleeping and had no idea, and he deserves to know just as much as I do. I don't even know how I'm going to react around my guy..
I need some advice on what to do about this whole mess. I know alot of you will say leave him for good, but it's so much easier said than done. If anyone has any ideas on how to possibly work through this I'd appreciate that too. Anything helps. Thanks for reading this everyone, I know it was long.
xo Chelsea
