20yo daughter in love, driving me nuts

[sheaspearl83]

Was I ever this stupid? Dating an arrogant jerk and dedicating my life to his needs. OMG, I want her to get a true passion!

 

[LMD84]

well i think your daughter will find out soon enough if the guy is a jerk. you just have to let her make her own mistakes

 

[Goat Goat Etc.]

Sad but true. Some girls learn by mistake and comparing past loves.

Edit: Foward her to Savage Love Podcast or their Blog, the SLOG.
Her particular issue is posted and has been touched on a thousand times.

 

[Dar]

I remember being totally in love at 16 , god i was a total fool we were together for 4 years, needless to say it ended in tears but i learnt from my mistakes hurt like hell but i know better now

 

[tepa1974]

I learned the hard way too. Married a jerk at age 19 (against my mother's wishes) and divorced at age 25. Unfortunately, we all make mistakes when we are young but I think we have to make those mistakes to help us mature.

 

[m4dswine]

I learned the hard way too. Married a jerk at age 19 (against my mother's wishes) and divorced at age 25. Unfortunately, we all make mistakes when we are young but I think we have to make those mistakes to help us mature.

Me too!

My parents went along with it because I am stubborn and strong willed and they pretty much knew that if they didn't I'd do it anyway.

Unfortunately sometimes you just have to learn the hard way. Its tough, but I don't think too much worse than being with someone for the same period of time. I don't think it made much difference to me that we were married (obviously getting divorced was a PITA) in a sense.

I think you just have to let her learn - if you try to dissuade her then she will only do the opposite. Encourage her with her passions that aren't him, but don't try and push her in one direction. Be there to mop up the tears when they come.

The thing I love most about my mum is that not once did she tell me she told me so.

 

[kittykit]

My sister was dating a jerk for a few years - he cheated on her with her best friend and my sister took him back. My parents didn't like that guy and have tried to talk to my sister but she wouldn't listen. My mom was very upset but there's nothing much she could do at that time. I never liked that guy, he's so disrespectful. Everytime I saw him, I wanted to punch his face.

In the end, that guy cheated on her again and she finally left him for good. She was hurt but she has learned it the hard way.

 

[sheaspearl83]

Thanks, ladies for helping me and reminding me not to say "I told you so".

 

[kabuki_KILLER]

Ah reminds me of my first and only ever boyfriend at 16. I haven't dated since then and I'm 24. One time my mom caught us kissing (accused me of being a whore) and I have been self-conscious about having boyfriends since...at least until I move out, which may be another few years until I finish grad school which I'm paying for myself. Now my mom complains because she's afraid she may never see her grandkids. I think I haven't dated for real for so long that I don't know HOW to show interest.

He was really sweet to me, and really really cute/tall/badass. Unfortunately, he was kind of dumb. Ahhh oh well.

At least that is my personal experience. I would let her know that momma is there if she ever needs to talk. You want to be someone that your daughter trust and can go to. She's about the proper age for that rather than being told what to and what not to put in her mouth (ok, that came out wrong...). But yeah, you know what I mean.

 

[mocha_queen]

Just be there to support her, but you can not maker her decisions for her, no matter how much you want to.
If he really is a jerk, she will find out for herself and move on.
You could sit her down and express your feelings about him calmly and tell her why you think she deserves better, but in the end she needs to make that decision herself.

Please, whatever you do....dont give her crap about this boy constantly, because it will only push her away from you and weaken your relationship.

 

[spunky]

This sounds like me and my mum. I had this absolute asshole of a boyfriend from the age of 16-20. He treated me so, so badly and basically was an utter control freak - cut me off from my friends, had me totally wrapped round his little finger. My mum could see it; but if she had said anything i would have ignored it and probably turned to him more.

Sadly, you just have to let her do her thing and be there to pick up the pieces. It's the only way she'll learn her own worth, and that she deserves far, FAR better than men like that - and how much her mum loves her.