heeltohaunch
Well-known member
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Advice
- Thread starter heeltohaunch
- Start date
aeni
Well-known member
Re: Long distance relationship advice
I know how you feel, I'll be in a similar boat soon (I'm moving to Vancouver, bf stays in Phoenix, AZ). We're going to be using Skype.com to talk to each other for free, instant messaging, cards, care packages, webcam, and seeing each other for major holidays too. We're in a much closer LDR right now and have gotten used to it over the past 2 years - hoping for the best either way.
The only way an LDR works is by seeing a person (your loved one I mean). Try webcams!
I know how you feel, I'll be in a similar boat soon (I'm moving to Vancouver, bf stays in Phoenix, AZ). We're going to be using Skype.com to talk to each other for free, instant messaging, cards, care packages, webcam, and seeing each other for major holidays too. We're in a much closer LDR right now and have gotten used to it over the past 2 years - hoping for the best either way.
The only way an LDR works is by seeing a person (your loved one I mean). Try webcams!
dirtyMartini
Well-known member
Re: Long distance relationship advice
I know where you're coming from.. I look at it like this: when you're young and you want to start up your career and have a decent future, you don't have a choice but to put that as a #1 priority in your list. At that age it's normal that career/education comes first. If you make him miss a good opportunity to go to a good school, and he ends up pigeon-holed in a job that he doesn't like, he'll hate you, and you'll feel guilty.
That being said, I think that if you truly love and trust each other, if you have realistically established that your futures are compatible (have you discussed long-term goals with him?), then you might want to give the LDR a shot. You really have to go with common sense and your gut feeling here. I don't think anybody is qualified to tell you whether it's worth pursuing this or not.
LDR is really, REALLY hard. Make sure that you communicate your expectations beforehand. Agree on how much you're going to visit each other, agree on a calling schedule, make sure he understands that the key to keeping the two of you together is communicating about what's going on in your daily lives, no matter the distance. Prepare yourself for becoming paranoid about his whereabouts as well, so try to remind yourself that you have faith in the relationship (but keep your eyes open nevertheless).
And I've heard horror LDR stories too.. Ones where they were "together" for a number of years, visiting each other every summer, more or less frequent phone calls.. But in the end the guy decided that he couldn't restrain himself from cheating on her. I do believe that he loved her though, but ultimately I think it was a matter of whether their future goals were compatible.. I guess he just didn't see them living together anytime soon, so he said what the hell...
Anyway you never know with these things, but hopefully it will work out for you! Just try to focus on your future together if you are going to go with the LDR, it will give you hope and maybe it won't be that bad in the end.. Good luck.
I know where you're coming from.. I look at it like this: when you're young and you want to start up your career and have a decent future, you don't have a choice but to put that as a #1 priority in your list. At that age it's normal that career/education comes first. If you make him miss a good opportunity to go to a good school, and he ends up pigeon-holed in a job that he doesn't like, he'll hate you, and you'll feel guilty.
That being said, I think that if you truly love and trust each other, if you have realistically established that your futures are compatible (have you discussed long-term goals with him?), then you might want to give the LDR a shot. You really have to go with common sense and your gut feeling here. I don't think anybody is qualified to tell you whether it's worth pursuing this or not.
LDR is really, REALLY hard. Make sure that you communicate your expectations beforehand. Agree on how much you're going to visit each other, agree on a calling schedule, make sure he understands that the key to keeping the two of you together is communicating about what's going on in your daily lives, no matter the distance. Prepare yourself for becoming paranoid about his whereabouts as well, so try to remind yourself that you have faith in the relationship (but keep your eyes open nevertheless).
And I've heard horror LDR stories too.. Ones where they were "together" for a number of years, visiting each other every summer, more or less frequent phone calls.. But in the end the guy decided that he couldn't restrain himself from cheating on her. I do believe that he loved her though, but ultimately I think it was a matter of whether their future goals were compatible.. I guess he just didn't see them living together anytime soon, so he said what the hell...
Anyway you never know with these things, but hopefully it will work out for you! Just try to focus on your future together if you are going to go with the LDR, it will give you hope and maybe it won't be that bad in the end.. Good luck.
heeltohaunch
Well-known member
Re: Long distance relationship advice
jenii
Well-known member
Re: Long distance relationship advice
My long-distance relationship was successful. My husband's from the UK, and I'm from California, but it all worked out.
I think the reason is that we stopped worrying about what we were giving up to be together, because we wanted to be together badly enough that no sacrifice was too great. Remember that he can have a future no matter where he is.
My long-distance relationship was successful. My husband's from the UK, and I'm from California, but it all worked out.
I think the reason is that we stopped worrying about what we were giving up to be together, because we wanted to be together badly enough that no sacrifice was too great. Remember that he can have a future no matter where he is.
Raerae
Well-known member
Re: Long distance relationship advice
It's not easy...
my BF is going back to school in the fall, so I wont be seeing him for a bit. We met on-line though, and our relationship started out long distance for several months, until he came home, which is the city I live in. So it will be back to LDR in a few weeks when he goes back north.
We make it work, by i dunno. We talk on the phone A LOT when were apart. Call each other when we wake up, chit chat on AIM and the phone during the day, and we talk to each other b4 we go to bed for a few hours. Not to mention phone sex, is always good, and can keep your relationship intimate even when your apart.
It's not easy...
my BF is going back to school in the fall, so I wont be seeing him for a bit. We met on-line though, and our relationship started out long distance for several months, until he came home, which is the city I live in. So it will be back to LDR in a few weeks when he goes back north.
We make it work, by i dunno. We talk on the phone A LOT when were apart. Call each other when we wake up, chit chat on AIM and the phone during the day, and we talk to each other b4 we go to bed for a few hours. Not to mention phone sex, is always good, and can keep your relationship intimate even when your apart.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Re: Long distance relationship advice
I haven't done it, but friends have. Frequent calls are what helped them pull through. If you have a webcam, that was immensely comforting to a bunch of them, as well as making videos, burning them to CDR or DVD, and sending them. Nothing sexual, just talking. It won't replace physical contact, but I think it helped them. One set got married even
I haven't done it, but friends have. Frequent calls are what helped them pull through. If you have a webcam, that was immensely comforting to a bunch of them, as well as making videos, burning them to CDR or DVD, and sending them. Nothing sexual, just talking. It won't replace physical contact, but I think it helped them. One set got married even
MisStarrlight
Well-known member
Re: Long distance relationship advice
The best thing to get through a LDR is to keep busy.
My ex was working a dead end part time job when I went to college & all he did all day was sit around & get mad at me for being away & being busy & doing things with my life....it turned to jealousy, which turned to insecurity, which led to us breaking up by March.
The best thing to get through a LDR is to keep busy.
My ex was working a dead end part time job when I went to college & all he did all day was sit around & get mad at me for being away & being busy & doing things with my life....it turned to jealousy, which turned to insecurity, which led to us breaking up by March.
girlstar
Well-known member
Re: Long distance relationship advice
Did I forget anything?
- Make sure you get some kind of VOIP which enables you to talk every day if needed. Both my boyfriend and I have Vonage, and we talk almost every night, as well as give each other wakeup calls (even though I have to wake up at 3:30 am to give him his 8:30 am one!)
- Don't let jealousy get the best of you. SERIOUSLY. This is SUCH a big one. If he goes out for the night with friends, don't automatically think he's cheating on you. If you can't get a hold of him one day when you try calling, don't automatically think he's cheating on you. Etc, etc etc. I'm not saying you will, but don't expect him to sit at home waiting for your calls - he's in a new country, he's gonna wanna explore it.
- That said, don't you sit around at home. Keep doing everything you did before, and maybe a little more. I've seen people screw up LDR by thinking they need to devote all their time to it in order to keep it alive - and that's just not the case! I kept teaching and taking dance classes 4 days a week, hanging out with friends and family.. in addition to working.
- My boyfriend said that counting down to the next time we see one another definitely helps. And that establishing a half-way point makes it easier. By the time I see him again, it will have been 2 months apart.. we just had our "halfway point" two weeks ago, and I see him in two weeks.. permanently!
- Also, if you can go visit each other for a week at a time every few months, it helps a lot. That's what I've been doing.. and it's been nice having a real reason to take a vacation from work, and sightsee while I was in the UK.
Did I forget anything?
heeltohaunch
Well-known member
Re: Long distance relationship advice
