Loveleighe
Well-known member
.............
Am I wrong?
- Thread starter Loveleighe
- Start date
kattybadatty
Well-known member
The thing about school is... he can ALWAYS go back. It sounds like you need a helping hand at the moment, and for the next couple of years while your daughter is starting to grow and understand her surroundings. Not that he should leave once she is adjusted, but I think he needs to realize that two people make a baby, two people make a relationship work, and right now, one person is doing both. It's difficult on you because you are trying to finish your schooling too, so I'm sure you understand where he is coming from when he says he wants to finish school. Nowadays, a degree is the most helpful thing a person can have to live successfully and financially stable.
In my opinion, I think breaking up might have been a good thing. He obviously is still going to care and take care of his child, but now the responsibility of holding together a relationship won't be on the brain. I bet it is extremely difficult to raise a child basically on your own. I couldn't imagine your struggle. It seems like he loves you and your daughter. Is there no way he can take online classes or go to a school that is closer to you? Are you willing to relocate for him? Try looking at the WHOLE picture, and seeing what is best for you three, as a family. If you are able to take care of your daughter for the next 2 years then move in with him or move close, more power to you.
Best of luck, I'll keep you in my prayers!
In my opinion, I think breaking up might have been a good thing. He obviously is still going to care and take care of his child, but now the responsibility of holding together a relationship won't be on the brain. I bet it is extremely difficult to raise a child basically on your own. I couldn't imagine your struggle. It seems like he loves you and your daughter. Is there no way he can take online classes or go to a school that is closer to you? Are you willing to relocate for him? Try looking at the WHOLE picture, and seeing what is best for you three, as a family. If you are able to take care of your daughter for the next 2 years then move in with him or move close, more power to you.
Best of luck, I'll keep you in my prayers!
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
The short answer is he's being a selfish asshole.
The bigger answer is you need to both sit down calmly to discuss what you're going to do. You clearly need some extra help with your daughter, and he, as the father, should provide that. Where in NJ do you live? Where does he go to school? There are some parts of NJ that may as well be in NYC. Besides, what the hell is he doing in NYC that he can't do in NJ? I'm in grad school as well, and while I enjoy parts of living in Chicago, I know I'm not 100% utilizing the city because I'm busy. If I had a child and SO on top of that, I don't think it'd matter if I lived in a city or a remote part of the country. I simply wouldn't have enough time to do well in school and be a respectable parent and SO.
Being in NJ doesn't have to become permanent, and if it does, that's his own fault. Living in NYC (I assume you're referring to the city and not part of the state) is really expensive. You'd both save money living together period and living in NJ is much cheaper.
Depending on where in NJ you live, perhaps you could live farther from your mother but closer to the city.
The bigger answer is you need to both sit down calmly to discuss what you're going to do. You clearly need some extra help with your daughter, and he, as the father, should provide that. Where in NJ do you live? Where does he go to school? There are some parts of NJ that may as well be in NYC. Besides, what the hell is he doing in NYC that he can't do in NJ? I'm in grad school as well, and while I enjoy parts of living in Chicago, I know I'm not 100% utilizing the city because I'm busy. If I had a child and SO on top of that, I don't think it'd matter if I lived in a city or a remote part of the country. I simply wouldn't have enough time to do well in school and be a respectable parent and SO.
Being in NJ doesn't have to become permanent, and if it does, that's his own fault. Living in NYC (I assume you're referring to the city and not part of the state) is really expensive. You'd both save money living together period and living in NJ is much cheaper.
Depending on where in NJ you live, perhaps you could live farther from your mother but closer to the city.
Loveleighe
Well-known member
Quote:
I live in central nj, and right now it's impossible to move at the moment i am living off savings and odd jobs just to be able to take care of her so nothing has been saved for a deposit. his apt. is not for more than one person and i live in a huge real 2 bedroom apartment with everything he could need. he's just being stubborn keeps saying he didn't want this to be the end and i'm his soulmate but refusing to answer me when i ask him then why is he chosing to be miserable in long island. i really don't even want to hear him say how much he misses us becus it's bull i've given him the option of being with us fulltime and all he can say is i don't want to live in jersey. i hate jersey. or don't turn this around on me you were the one with the ultimatum. i wish he would look at the big picture but he won't listen he says he knows how hard i work but i just don't get what i could say to him to get it through his thick head
Originally Posted by Beauty Mark
The short answer is he's being a selfish asshole. The bigger answer is you need to both sit down calmly to discuss what you're going to do. You clearly need some extra help with your daughter, and he, as the father, should provide that. Where in NJ do you live? Where does he go to school? There are some parts of NJ that may as well be in NYC. Besides, what the hell is he doing in NYC that he can't do in NJ? I'm in grad school as well, and while I enjoy parts of living in Chicago, I know I'm not 100% utilizing the city because I'm busy. If I had a child and SO on top of that, I don't think it'd matter if I lived in a city or a remote part of the country. I simply wouldn't have enough time to do well in school and be a respectable parent and SO. Being in NJ doesn't have to become permanent, and if it does, that's his own fault. Living in NYC (I assume you're referring to the city and not part of the state) is really expensive. You'd both save money living together period and living in NJ is much cheaper. Depending on where in NJ you live, perhaps you could live farther from your mother but closer to the city. |
I live in central nj, and right now it's impossible to move at the moment i am living off savings and odd jobs just to be able to take care of her so nothing has been saved for a deposit. his apt. is not for more than one person and i live in a huge real 2 bedroom apartment with everything he could need. he's just being stubborn keeps saying he didn't want this to be the end and i'm his soulmate but refusing to answer me when i ask him then why is he chosing to be miserable in long island. i really don't even want to hear him say how much he misses us becus it's bull i've given him the option of being with us fulltime and all he can say is i don't want to live in jersey. i hate jersey. or don't turn this around on me you were the one with the ultimatum. i wish he would look at the big picture but he won't listen he says he knows how hard i work but i just don't get what i could say to him to get it through his thick head
