Are single guys my age always going to be jaded and/or terrified?

[liba]

This is really out of the norm for me to talk about personal stuff on an internet forum, but I've been around here for a while now and all of you ladies are so great and supportive, that I figured I'd put my on-going tzurris (nice Yiddish word for troubles & travails) out here for at least some sympathy.

I'm 44 years old - never been married. Had two long-ass (8+ year) relationships that went nowhere, never even really lived together with them. I guess I just stuck it out with them ultimately because I was stubborn and didn't want to be a puppet in their universe where I would play the role of the evil bitch who does the dumping just to save them from manning up and leaving and letting me go on with my life. I also spent years just working really, really hard and letting my career take up all of my time.

So here I am. Don't want to date guys who are younger than me, but the guys my age who are single are just over and over again these divorced men who'd been raked through the coals and lost everything to their bad relationships or these confirmed bachelor swingers who use women as playthings and basically would never be caught dead having a real emotion around them. I don't feel like I have the stamina to go on date after date after date with the same crappy stuff again and again.

I just recently met yet another damaged, divorced guy who is basically a fantastic person and not a woman hater, but yet again, the dude is so afraid to reach out and betray his newly discovered independence. I can't help it if I've lived that independent yet solitary life for too many years and am sick of it. There IS a way to be 2 people together who are totally free and yet totally as one, helping each other to be better than either would be by themselves. Unfortunately, this is a belief that you can't teach anyone - it's something you just either know or you have to find it out on your own by hook or by crook.

Am I stuck waiting another 20 years until I can get my hands on some nice but elderly widowers? I don't know how I can hold out that long. I don't want to have to wait to be happy until I'm some hot 70 year old.

I could use some cheering up, because it seems like no matter what I try, I'm trapped by the reality of where people are at at the age that I'm at.

 

[LMD84]

I'm sorry you are feeling like this at the moment. However i completely understand why. when you say that you won't go for younger guys, i can't help but ask why? only because perhaps a younger guy would have the same feelings as you because they are less likely to have been divorced... or at least not as many times!

And i guess this isn't about givingt advice on where to find guys because it sounds like you do a great job of that anyway! I guess it's just about finding one with the same feelings and needs as you. The nice guy you have met recently - maybe you could suggest going away for the weekend together. that way he could see how much fun it is to actually wake up with somebody next to him and then spend a day toegther. Perhaps he will soon realise how much he has missed that kind of releationship.

I also think that it is great that you have now discovered that you do want to have a releatiosnhip and share your life with somebody. and yes you are right that people can be seperate but still be better as one. Me and Nick are completely seperate people - have different friends, different interests and even at home we won't spend every moment together. Sometimes we will be in different areas of the house for the whole evening! But that is fine to us. I think you need to show this guy that you won't be taking away from the alone time he gets and enjoys. You will just be enhancing his life in other areas.

Good luck sweetie and keep us updated. I know that i'm not much help here, because it is a tricky situation. But i hope that you find a nice chap to share your life with very soon.