BF troubles

[user46]

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year and 3 months already. It's been going downhill since about 5 months after we got together, but I mean I love him. He loves me ... or so I thought.

I've done things for this man that NO one else in his life would. His mom is not exactly the epitome of a good mom, his sister is a bitch, and there's no one in his life that's helping him .. until I came along. I helped him get his license, a good job, and just his whole shit together.

We fight ALL the time. It's like when the relationship first started, he didn't want to go be with his friends or anything, just me. It was about me all day. Now he's with his friends ALL the time. We barely talk unless we're arguing. I'm telling him that he needs to change. He says I complain to much. What got me to writing this post is that he said "i'm gonna try one more time but if you complain about something else then fuck it". Um.. come again? I mean call me crazy, but if I complain, if you love me then it shouldn't matter. If you stop trying, doesn't that mean you'll leave me? Because I for damn sure don't want a man that isn't gonna try for me, regardless of anything.

It's clear that we need to break it off, but I don't know what to do. I mean I break up with him, but it's like no, i NEED to talk to him. Like I have no friends, no cousins my age to talk to, no family. My mom told me to just go ahead and do it.. but idk. I mean I have NO ONE. But I guess I gotta do what I gotta do?

 

[gigglegirl]

I know you say you have no one, but that shouldn't keep you in a relationship just to be with someone. Go out to events, take a fun class or somehow reconnect with old friends, make new ones. Don't settle. I mean by all means try and work on the relationship but I think it doesn't matter if you stay with him or break up, you should still find more people to hang around with.

 

[user46]

You're so right. I know that. But as you get older, making friends is that much harder unfortunately. Quote:

Originally Posted by gigglegirl I know you say you have no one, but that shouldn't keep you in a relationship just to be with someone. Go out to events, take a fun class or somehow reconnect with old friends, make new ones. Don't settle. I mean by all means try and work on the relationship but I think it doesn't matter if you stay with him or break up, you should still find more people to hang around with.

 

[MACATTAK]

I agree with the above. Just to have someone around is not a good enough reason to be in an unhappy relationship. Also, if you do things that interest you, you are going to find people with the same interests and it makes it easier to make friends that way.

 

[xoxprincessx0x]

I see where you are coming from. I have had 3 continuous relationships, a 3 year one, a one year one and my most recent one coming up on a year and my current boyfriend is like my best friend. we both gave up all of our friensd for each other and honestly its the scariest thing. my biggest advice for you is try to to make friends because its always important to have someone that will always be by your side. i think that one thing ure b/f might have on his mind is that maybe he gave up all his friends for you in the "honeymoon phase" and now that he doesn't hang out with them anymore he's internally blaming you even though it's his fault?? Just some advice from experience. I think you need to really explain to him, in possibly an e-mail or letter where you can realli get through to him without interruptions. Good Luck!!

 

[MiCHiE]

When I meet people who don't have positive people/relationships in their lives, it sets off red flags. You said his mother isn't the best and his sister is a "bitch", but it doesn't sound like he's a prize and a joy to be around, either. People will only do to you what you allow them to and misery does love company.

It sounds as if you need to "do you". Women have a tendency of foresaking others before the vows are even thought of. The minute they hop into a relationship, friends cease to exist. Maybe you're consuming so much of yourself and your time with your boyfriend that you simply don't see potential friends who are right in front of you. Maybe potential friends see an unhappy person in an unhappy relationship....and nobody wants that kind of drama.

 

[user46]

I think the problem is that I desperately WANT it to be in the "honeymoon phase" again. I know it can never be like that, but I think it can. I mean if you see old people that have been married for ages and they're still as happy as ever, I think I can do it.

 

[faithhopelove24]

Seems like you put alot of time and effort into this relationship and you don't want to see it end, but let me say this... communication is key in any relationship, if you can't express your feelings to him without there being a fight over time you will just become more and more miserable because you are bottling up your true feelings. Everyone wants to be in a relationship where thier thoughts are valued and they feel loved by the other person, if you cant say you have that in this relationship maybe it is best you go your different ways. You have to believe there is better out ther for you because you are worth it and there is a man out there who will value and respect you. But you will never meet Him tangled up in all that drama

 

[Dreamergirl3]

His love is conditional, and yours is not. I think you need to be with someone who loves you the way you love them.

I know you're saying it's hard to make friends, but maybe it's not so much that it's 'hard' but more that it's scary? maybe you're afraid to face your fear of having no one if you're without him. Being without him means you'd have to do all of that on your own; find a few friends on your own, stuff like that. And it is scary, especially if you've been devoting yourself and your life to this man. But it seems as though you've been so unhappy for so long, that the only things keeping you together is your love for him and maybe the fear of being without him...

hearing that you guys fight a lot might shed some light on why it's hard to leave. It makes you feel like you don't want it to end, because you've gone through so much strife with this one person and don't want it to be for nothing...though you're not left with nothing, you're left with emotional baggage from the relationship. And sadly sometimes it's the traumatic bonds we form with a person that are stronger than a loving bond...

you deserve love and better treatment from someone. You deserve to matter, not made to feel as you're a bugging gf, or to be given ultimatums like that. You're strong, remind yourself of that all the time, and hopefully you'll get the strength to move on and have better, more real loving relationships.

 

[mocha_queen]

Yeah just like evryone said...you seemed to have already made a descision and the only thing holding you back is not having someone.
Its hard to let go of someone...but if you stay with him...things like these are going to keep coming up and it seems like youre hardly getting back what youre putting into the relationship.
I think you should leave him and move on.
good luck :]

 

[laguayaca]

Yes doll... You need to leave and pronto! Leave before he drains you he thinks hes got it going on what he needs to realize is that it has alot to do with u!

 

[Beauty Mark]

I don't know how valid your complaints are; having been friends with people who complain incessantly about things unimportant, I can perhaps see his side, if this is the case. I've ended friendships for that reason, because they brought me down all the time.

In any case, it sounds like the honeymoon phase is over, though, which is why he might want to spend time with his friends.

If you really want this relationship to work, I would try talking to him when neither of you are angry with each other.

I don't think you should ever stay in an unhappy relationship because of no friends. Join a meetup group, take a class, volunteer, something. You may not have 20 friends, but you may make 2 friends, which would be better than nothing.

 

[user46]

Some may think i'm staying in this relationship because I have no friends. This isn't the case. I just stated that I in fact don't have anyone, but that's not why I'm still in it.

 

[faithhopelove24]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACpro__* Some may think i'm staying in this relationship because I have no friends. This isn't the case. I just stated that I in fact don't have anyone, but that's not why I'm still in it.

So what keeps you there?