boyfriend ditching girlfriend

[JULIA]

A co-worker of mine is having boyfriend issues and my boyfriend would like for me to talk to her to see if I could help her out. I've no experience with a situation like this so I'm wondering what you all think of what is going on...

So the girl's boyfriend is being a jerk lately. He's spending a lot of time with this other girl rather than with his girlfriend. They went to prom a few years ago (before my co-worker and her bf were dating) but recently this chick started calling him for piano lessons, jogs and whatever. He's constantly blowing my co-worker off, too.

Personally, I think something's going on between the other two. If you respect your girlfriend, you're not going to blow your girl off for another girl. My boyfriend seems to think the guy just wants to go and hang out with other people, but I don't know...

Help?

 

[Babylard]

i uno guys are pretty sneaky. they'll have a gf but want to have other girls in their lives. my bf never lets me go clubbing with him and i know its because him and his guy friends want to go look for other girls and stuff. if they're constantly together, she probably has feelings for him. she's best to confront him with how she feels, but not bitching at him and see what happens. in the end, you want a guy who respects you and is loyal to you (ie. not blowing her off for his female friend, its not cool!). honestly if it was me, i'd freak if i got ditched!

 

[Goat Goat Etc.]

Sounds like he's forming an emotional attachment with another person (which leads of course to infidelity). Seriously she needs to stop being a coward and sit down and talk about what is going on and say I don't feel good about having you do anything and everything with someone you're calling a "friend" when I'm your girlfriend and it's some how okay to blow me off. Then make a call.

Hope your friend doesn't have that I'm a doormat and I teach people how to treat me dependency on having a bf problem. So would have broken it off by now if it were me. I would have taken her phone number from his cell and called her up and said 'I'd like you to know that the time you're spending with my boyfriend is being defensive and blowing me off for time with you very often lately. (I've talked with him about this.) I really feel uncomfortable with this. I'd like you two to be friends but I'd like for it to be understood by him that you two are just and only friends.' [Then you say this for neutrality] 'I know you couldn't possibly be some skank who would invade another couple's relationship because you'd tell yourself you've known the guy before I even met him inside out and he's ripe for the picking---you're not that kind of invasive home wrecker--I don't think you can be like that. No woman who's right in the head needs that kind of attention and whores around. [Finisher] It feels like he's confiding in you for things and running away from telling me anything. Is that remotely close to what's going on?'

...then wait for her to either scoff and go "well you should treat him better" (cause she clearly isn't respecting your relationship) and tip you off your relationship is over or go "I understand. Yeah he's been leaning on me for talking about whatever lately." or something like that.

 

[kabuki_KILLER]

I've actually had this situation before, but I was always the "other woman." Often guys that are married or in relationships show a lot of interest in me and act like they're not with anyone at all. When it comes to these things, I'm kind of a cold soul. It never went beyond a couple texts and, "I'm fine. How are you? Good-bye."

From my experience, the guy probably thinks he and the other woman had a thing a long time ago and wants to explore it and see if he's making the right choice. (even though in a lot of realistic, non-Hollywood cases, that ship has probably sailed eons ago) Not everyone is happy with being settled sometimes. They can't help but wonder, "What if???" Maybe he and your co-worker have reached an important point in their relationship? Chances are, the other girl is having a rough time as well and just wants the attention from a guy.

This is definitely a situation you might want to look into. Looking into it and confronting is never a pretty thing, ESPECIALLY if he's guilty and even more so if he's guilty AND defensive. If I were with someone and I didn't feel appreciated, or if I was uncomfortable at all, I'd drop him faster than a half ton of unprocessed fertilizer. Life is just too short to spend a great deal of it crying over and trying to appease some guy that probably isn't good enough for her.

 

[JULIA]

UPDATE:

So, a couple of nights ago her boyfriend picked her up from work and they went to his place for a chat. He apologized and said he's cutting things off with the girl completely since she said she wanted something more than just a friendship.

All is well