Boyfriend of 4 yrs. left me for another woman

[Amber*Christine]

So me and my boyfriend were together for four years and I really loved him and made the huge mistake of making him my whole life. Well I found out a few weeks ago that he's been having an affair behind my back for 8 monthes now and I'm a complete mess. I feel stupid because I had these little warnings all along that something was going on, finding pink lighters in his room, bubblegum and a Betty Boop scratch off ticket in his car, etc. Even his sister told me one night at a party that she thought he was seeing someone behind my back, when I confronted him about it he just said "she always talks shit when she's drunk". Well fastforward a bit and there'd be days when things seemed fine and then all of a sudden he'd blurt out "maybe we should brake up". It was a shock cause I thought things were fine. He began to create a lot of distance between us and it was very hurtful. For instance when it came time for us to meet up he'd make an excuse that he couldn't. I didn't understand what was going on, people began to tell me they seen him with another girl but he'd deny it. I started to figure something was going on though when he wouldn't come home till 3 in the morning and then I found a dinner receit. I called him at work and he made some lame excuse and said he couldn't talk right then.

When he got home that night I went ballistic demanding to know what the hell was going on. He admitted to an affair with his coworker. It was devestating. I had even met this girl before at a party and she knew he and I were together. In fact probably due to my female intuition I remember telling him as we left to watch himself around her there was something about that girl I just didn't like. Little did I know they had already been having an affair for monthes.

From then on, since I had found out about them, that girl has kept him from seeing me. I hear she is exteremly possessive and is intimidated by me and terrified I'm gonna win him back. In fact she's with him 24/7. Literally, they work together, go to the same college and she makes him stay at her place. He still sneak calls me though. Mainly to grill me about other guys I see and to tell me he misses me. I've asked him what the hell he's doing giving up 4 years and he just says he doesn't know what to do, that he loves us both, but that he misses his baby, me. When I tell him it's obvious he's made his choice he gets upset and says, "I haven't chosen anyone over anyone!".
Nobody can understand what he's doing with this girl, from what I hear from them, she's possessive, a drug addict, a pain to work with, doesn't make an effort to look nice, and she even gave him an STD...and yet he says he loves her...What The Hell??
Despite everything I just want him back. There has to be some way to remind him of all our good times and make him want me instead of her.
Has anybody ever been in this situation before?
Any advice you all could offer would be really appreciated.

 

[user79]

I certainly would NOT want a cheater and a liar back!! I think you should drop contact with this jerk, throw out all his stuff, and move on. Don't go crawling back, he seems to have no remorse, he'll just do it again sometime down the line if you get back with him. You're better than that.

 

[statusmode]

Don't except the calls he "sneaks" to you, recognize him as a cheating coward and move on with your life. He has no right to question what YOU are now doing, after all he did behind your back. The fact that he's staying with her and says that he loves her just shows that you should no longer have anything to do with this man who took four years of your life. Sometimes second chances shouldn't be given; I think this is one of those situations. So ignore him when he tells you he didn't choose anyone over anyone and that he misses you (hi, he's sleeping with another woman.) Don't let him waste your time anymore.

 

[MACLovin]

Wow... RUN! Far, far away! He is her problem now.. seriously.

Do you really want the problems and diseases she's giving him? He obviously made his decision. He can't have both of you, so you should really move on to someone better who will love you and appreciate you (ONLY). He'll eventually cheat on her too I'm sure... I know its hard to accept the end of a relationship but seriously honey, you deserve so much better than a cheating, lying douchebag with STDs - think about it!

I wish you well..

sorry he was such an ass, but you're better off without him.

 

[couturesista]

Honestly, cut him totally off!

 

[Beauty Mark]

DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK UNLESS HE REALLY IMPROVES.

He's messing with you, whether he intends to or not. And that STD business? Does that mean he potentially exposed you to it? Seriously, don't go back to him unless you're damn sure he's changed. And even then, I don't know if you should take him back.

 

[Princesa Livia]

I agree with those above. Even if you do love him, he has been deceiving you all this time and hurting you too. If you take him back, its highly unlikely he'll change (coz I personally don't believe people do change..), and he will definitely hurt you again.

I suggest that you lose all sorts of communication with this guy, doing that will help you move on with your life. Make yourself open to meeting other people; the right one will come along. It must be really difficult since it has been 4 years, but he is definitely NOT worth taking back. =) *hugs*

 

[photogeek]

I'm so sorry-- that's really hard, but I totally agree with the other ladies here that you deserve MUCH(muchmuch) better than this guy. I know it won't be easy but it sounds like cutting all ties and communication might be the only way for you to move on, since it'll be really hard to when he's telling you this BS about wanting you both.
Wish I could help more

spend some time on *yourself* and treat yourself nicely and cut yourself some slack, you know? He doesn't deserve any more of your time or your energy, and there are plenty of men out there who would treasure you, he blew it.
Please go get tested if you haven't already- if she gave him something, then it's (sorry to say this) totally possible that it may have been passed on to you and you should make your health a priority. There's another reason that he doesn't deserve a second chance: what kind of person would open someone they "love" and care about to STDs? Seriously. That is not okay.
Time to focus on you.

meg

 

[florabundance]

Cut him off completely and move on to the next. There is no one in the world worth that amount of bullshit and heartache.

 

[carandru]

Love will make you do some pretty stupid things and it will drive you crazy if you let it. SO DON'T. As everyone has already said, he obviously made his choice and now he has to live with it (and his STD if it's not curable). You do not. It will be super hard, but honestly tell that guy to F* off and never look back.

I went through something kinda similar and played the silly girl role of trying to win him back/keep him. I started changing into a person I didn't want to be, acting all suspicious, going through his things, wanting to know who and where he was all the time. It started messing w/ me in every aspect and caused me to stop eating for days at a time, stop hanging around my friends, and to stop finding joy in my favorite things. All b/c I kept trying to figure out what was wrong w/ ME and why doesn't he want me? I seriously let this guy drive me into depression when he was obviously not worth the time I gave him. By leaving myself in the situation, I was allowing him to degrade me and make me feel worthless. I would hate to see you in the same position.

I hope you do not choose to go back to him b/c I fear you will be giving him the same power over you. I won't tell you people can't change, b/c I think they can... but I'm damn sure he hasn't changed in this short time span. Seeing that he is now treating you like the other woman, I'm positive he hasn't.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I also want to add that you should definitely get yourself tested, even if he claims you can't contract it. You never know!

 

[vocaltest]

I agree with everything everyone has said, but I wanted to add this.

Ask yourself, 100% honestly, WHY do you want him back? Do you honestly think after all this it'll go back to the way it was if you were to win him back? If you were to get back together, things won't be the same. You will constantly be worried about what hes doing when you're not together, and you would be aware of everything that has happened. I know its hard sweety, but I really think you need to cut all ties with him. Every time you speak to him you're going to hear his voice and miss him, any form of communication is going to do this. Tell him you're not to speak anymore, then clear your house/car/life of any reminder of him and move on. I know it'll be hard, but you will find someone else who will treat you a million times better than this guy ever could. As my mum always tells me, you'll look back in five years time when you're with someone better, and think 'why was I so upset over that twat?', and she's right. I look back on past relationships that I was so horrendously upset over when we broke up, and think 'wow, he did me a favour breaking up with me' lol. Granted, these relationships weren't as long, but time is a healer. Keep your chin up

 

[CantAffordMAC]

He left u for THAT??

You do not want him back. I understand u made him ur life, but the truth is u only THINK hes ur life. I know 4 years is a long time, but honey, u deserve a much better man, and a better life.

It will be hard, but at the same time, *all wounds heal*. Everything gets better in time, no matter what. And u will only be a stronger person after u get through this.

He sounds like...a jerk. A complete jerk. I dont know why on Earth he thinks that he can ruin a relationship of 4 years with u, and then turn around and get angry and accuse u of seeing other guys, and sneaking around to call you. I wouldnt give him the satisfaction of having you, EVER again. Little does that girl know, that their relationship wont work out, and he'll do the same thing to her.

He will realize what hes done, and he will come back to you. I can almost guarantee that. But its ur job to be smart, and leave whats in the past in the past. He is going to want to come back to you, sweet talk you, promise u a million things, the honeymoon phase would start again: and then? He would do it all over again. because he knows that ur so in love with him that no matter how bad he messed up, you'll take him back. But dont give him that satisfaction. There would be absolutely no trust in the relationship: you'd question his every move (with every right to) and he would get tired of that, and use it as an excuse to cheat.

I would just stop the madness with him, focus on urself. And when the time is right ur going to meet a great guy who would never do this to you.

And ALWAYS trust ur intuition about another woman.

 

[banjobama]

You do NOT want him back. You should be thanking that other woman for showing you his true ways before you married the douchebag. Change your phone number and never speak to him again.

 

[jdechant]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissChievous I certainly would NOT want a cheater and a liar back!! I think you should drop contact with this jerk, throw out all his stuff, and move on. Don't go crawling back, he seems to have no remorse, he'll just do it again sometime down the line if you get back with him. You're better than that.

The truth hurts, but everyone is right. You are going to feel sad and miss him..but that feeling will go away..and when it does, you will realize what a loser he is..Be brave, and good luck!!

 

[miszjenny]

Im sorry that you're going through this. I agree with all the girls above. You need to cut off all the things between you and this guy. You have to think about it...do you really want/need this guy in your life? Do you deserve being cheated on? Do you deserve any of this mess and pain in your life? Move on without this guy. You are worthy and great to be suffering like this. I can assure you, he will do the same thing to that girl. 4 years I know is a long time, but can you trust a guy who lied to you for 8 months? Without trust there is no relationship...there will be no peace. You lived just fine before you met him...why not now?

Get rid of all the things that reminds you of him. Spend more time with your friends and family. Do the things that you love.

Keep your head up.

 

[OfficerJenny]

Throw everything of his into a fire!!!! >:3

 

[TISH1124]

Big Huggs.....Drop the Zero and find you a Hero....

One man's trash is another man's treasure....Look forward to the next man that will treasure you and treat you like a queen.

I could never take a cheater back because although I might forgive...the forgetting part would certainly never happen...and his touches would never feel the same...

You deserve better! He made his bed...Tell him to go lay in it...

 

[franimal]

Don't do it! I am sorry you are going through this, and I am sure your feelings are complicated, but he isn't even asking for you back! And he obviously already chose her over you! He sounds like one of those guys that wants the best of both worlds (having two women), and unless you feel like sharing him with her, move on! If he could lie to you for 8 months straight, he can lie to you again. It is hard to move on when you have made someone your whole world, but you have to learn to be independent again.

 

[DigitalRain]

Wow. He is playing both you and the other chick like a board game and yall falling for it.

He made his bed, let him lay in it. You need to thank Jesus that he is now the other girls problem.