Boyfriend's Night Terrors are Really Scaring Me!!!

[gildedangel]

So my boyfriend has had night terrors since he was a small child. Sometimes it is screaming bloody murder, sometimes it is muttering gibberish, and sometimes it is patting my face while I sleep. When he spends the night at my place he once in a great while has one, and it has only ever been patting my face or talking gibberish in his sleep. Normally I nudge him awake and we go back to sleep.

So the other night at about 1 in the morning he started patting my face and talking gibberish like usual; and he sounded really scared. I rolled over to wake him up to find him staring at me. He then put his hands around my neck as though he was going to strangle me (he is still asleep). I put my hands in the front of my neck between his hands and my neck to give me time to wake him up. He DIDN'T squeeze, his hands were just around my neck as though he was going to choke me. I was about to knee him in the chest to wake him up but he woke up first, and he was really freaked out and he told me he was sorry and started to cry. This all happened within about 5-10 seconds. I told him that I wasn't mad and that he didn't hurt me; but he still feels really bad. He doesn't remember what he was dreaming about. He talked to his mother (a highly respected general physician) about it. She thinks that it was a one-time thing and won't refer him to a sleep therapist (basically she doesn't want to spend the money on a sleep therapist, he has had terrible night terrors for years), but I am scared that it is going to happen again. I am not going to talk to her because she isn't a big fan of me and she won't change her mind. Thoughts or suggestions?

 

[TISH1124]

Wow...that is scarey...I am not personally sure if it is a Sleep Therapist that he needs to see because I thought they mainly deal with sleep disorders, but I am not sure...this sounds like more of a anxiety or psychological problem that he may be surpressing and it is coming out when he sleeps...I am not sure but I would definitely not chance that it is a one time thing and get advice from a professional counselor or therapist of some sort to help him talk through what may be triggering these episodes. I don't know but I hope you guys figure out what the problem is and it doesn't happen again.

 

[chynegal]

Maybe he should do a sleep study or something and speak to somebody about it

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

what?? she should let him go to a sleep therapist if it will give you all some answers. a general physician isn't an expert on one area, they know a little bit of everything.

i hope you can have ur bf convince his mom to let him go. does he have health insurance? will the insurance cover visits to a sleep therapist? i hope things get better for you!

 

[gildedangel]

I don't think that this is a suppression issue (as far as I am aware) as he has had night terrors since he was a baby, and there have been worse ones than this. He has never gone through anything traumatic or scarring as far as I know. I want him to go do a sleep study; but that would be hard to do as these episodes come randomly, he could have them every day of the week or once a month. He actually doesn't have real health insurance (his mom is really booksmart, but she is really dumb when it comes to finances...), so it would be expensive to go. Thank you ladies for the great advice though, I really appreciate it! I am going to keep working on him to convince his mom that he needs to go see someone. If you have anymore advice it would be greatly appreciated!

 

[TISH1124]

If he has had them since he was a child...It is hard to phathom why as a parent she would not want to find out what is causing the problems....There is obviously something wrong because surely she cannot feel this is normal

 

[blackmetalmist]

Your not alone. My husband was suffering from night terrors not too long ago and he has since stopped having them. He would wake up in and start saying that there are spiders in the bed and on him or say that there is someone behind me. I hated having to sleep in the same bed because he would scare me and i would actually think that there was someone in the room ! Anyway, it got to the point were one night i came home and heard a really loud thud. He thought he saw someone and ended up jumping out of the bed and fell on top of a chair and hurt himself. I myself suffered from sleep paralysis so i know alot about sleep disorders. It ended up being that he had a lot of stress and had been watching scary movies that had affected his subconscious. I told him to stop watching movies like that and to take a walk and occupy himself in other stuff. Eventually it got better and now if he starts getting them again i just slowly wake him up.

Im not sure if you maybe have noticed but these "terrors" happen during the first 20-30 mins. of falling asleep. Its supposedly because the brain is becoming active while shutting the body activity down so you dont really act out your dreams. So if he wakes up during that time thats when the problem starts. Have him relax and go see a therapist if he is unable to get rid of the stress that school, work, etc. might be causing him.

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackmetalmist Your not alone. My husband was suffering from night terrors not too long ago and he has since stopped having them. He would wake up in and start saying that there are spiders in the bed and on him or say that there is someone behind me. I hated having to sleep in the same bed because he would scare me and i would actually think that there was someone in the room ! Anyway, it got to the point were one night i came home and heard a really loud thud. He thought he saw someone and ended up jumping out of the bed and fell on top of a chair and hurt himself. I myself suffered from sleep paralysis so i know alot about sleep disorders. It ended up being that he had a lot of stress and had been watching scary movies that had affected his subconscious. I told him to stop watching movies like that and to take a walk and occupy himself in other stuff. Eventually it got better and now if he starts getting them again i just slowly wake him up. Im not sure if you maybe have noticed but these "terrors" happen during the first 20-30 mins. of falling asleep. Its supposedly because the brain is becoming active while shutting the body activity down so you dont really act out your dreams. So if he wakes up during that time thats when the problem starts. Have him relax and go see a therapist if he is unable to get rid of the stress that school, work, etc. might be causing him.

i get sleep paralysis too!! is there a cause for it? why does it happen? sometimes when i think about getting sleep paralysis, it happens. i guess i syke myself out.

 

[blackmetalmist]

Lilmamaj I think that it mostly occurs because we wake up when our body is shutting down for the night. We can't move cause our brain has paralyzed our body so that when we begin dreaming (about 20-60 minutes after we go through the first stage of sleep) we don't hurt ourselves. I too had the ability to make sleep paralysis happen if I tthought about it and I still can but I don't obviously cause its scary as hell !! I hear really loud noises in my head and I usually tell myself that if I relax and close my eyes it will go away. It also tends to happen when u fall asleep on your back than if u lay sideways or on your stomach. Try it and I guarantee u you won't get them as often . I use to get them almost every night but now maybe every 6 months.

 

[stronqerx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by L1LMAMAJ i get sleep paralysis too!! is there a cause for it? why does it happen? sometimes when i think about getting sleep paralysis, it happens. i guess i syke myself out.

ME too!! omg i hate it soo much. When it happens it's so creepy and ugh...i wake myself up and try not to fall asleep (but i cant help it, i feel so sleepy) cause i get scared its gonna happen again, and it does!!!. It's been happening to me since I was a kid, and I always thought it was weird..until I actually found out I am not the only person. It hasn't happened to me in a long time though..last time was a couple of months ago, thank god.

 

[stronqerx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackmetalmist Lilmamaj I think that it mostly occurs because we wake up when our body is shutting down for the night. We can't move cause our brain has paralyzed our body so that when we begin dreaming (about 20-60 minutes after we go through the first stage of sleep) we don't hurt ourselves. I too had the ability to make sleep paralysis happen if I tthought about it and I still can but I don't obviously cause its scary as hell !! I hear really loud noises in my head and I usually tell myself that if I relax and close my eyes it will go away. It also tends to happen when u fall asleep on your back than if u lay sideways or on your stomach. Try it and I guarantee u you won't get them as often . I use to get them almost every night but now maybe every 6 months.

wow every night? that sucks...good thing you're not getting it as often now. Last time I got one was about 6 months ago. When I was younger maybe once a month. Last time it happened to me, it finally clicked. It always happens when I lay flat on my back. So i try not to sleep that way anymore, so far it has worked.

 

[ginger9]

I'm not an expert on night terrors but I have experienced it since it runs on my father's side of the family.

My father regularly talks in his sleep and when he had bad night terrors, he'd scream, holler, punch walls, and kick. For him it involved nightmares so intense that he would physically react to them. My father is 65 now and it has drastically subsided, but when he was younger it was quite common. He's old school so he never had it professionally checked out. When it got bad my father would sleep in the guest room or on the floor.

I had a few night terror experiences myself. It often occurred when I was in a very stressed state. I think that was the case with my father as well. We were also teeth grinders during these periods. For me I've learned to alleviate my stress in healthy ways and it certainly helps with my sleeping habits/teeth grinding.

Like I said I am NOT AN EXPERT BY ALL MEANS. But I just wanted to let you know that he/you are not alone and from my perspective it's quite common.

 

[User27]

****

 

[TISH1124]

^^ I am glad you have a handle on yours and I truly agree it is a psycological or mental thing that triggers it...and again that is only IMO...But I have a stepson that has nightmares and has had them since he was two and it is was found to be from when his Mom died in a car accident when he was 10 months old....Things you think that might not affect a person and think they may have no memory of they do....the Brain is a amazing yet complicated tool sometimes.

 

[Half N Half]

Quote:

Originally Posted by L1LMAMAJ i get sleep paralysis too!! is there a cause for it? why does it happen? sometimes when i think about getting sleep paralysis, it happens. i guess i syke myself out.

I also have sleep paralysis...I used to get it a lot more frequently than I do now, but I believe that mine is stress-related. It was absolutely horrifying when it first started, but I've worked on controlling it and calming myself/telling myself it's only temporary & trying to relax until it's over.

gildedangel, I don't know as much about night terrors, but it seems like he's obviously not aware of it while it's happening. I know that you've said he's had this issue since he was a child, but maybe now as an adult there are other factors causing this - perhaps it could be stress related

I know that's not much help but I think, contrary to his mother's advice, he should seek out an expert on the subject who can verify wether this is just completely random and he will have to live with it, or if there's something he can do to make it less severe.

 

[hello_my_apple]

i used to have bad episodes of sleep paralysis as well. but for those who asked what the cause of it was the hormone melatonin is what helps you not act out your dreams, so basically if you are having a dream that you are running, youre not like kicking your legs all over the place lol. some people produce fairly low levels of it, and you and me and alot of people are one of them. some things that help it is to ALWAYS get enough sleep at night, try sleeping on your stomach and side and not your back. your back in the WORST! so try no to let it stress you out! one of the doctors at my hospital said that more than 2/3rds of the country suffer from this often but they never tell anyone because they think people will think they are crazy.

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackmetalmist Lilmamaj I think that it mostly occurs because we wake up when our body is shutting down for the night. We can't move cause our brain has paralyzed our body so that when we begin dreaming (about 20-60 minutes after we go through the first stage of sleep) we don't hurt ourselves. I too had the ability to make sleep paralysis happen if I tthought about it and I still can but I don't obviously cause its scary as hell !! I hear really loud noises in my head and I usually tell myself that if I relax and close my eyes it will go away. It also tends to happen when u fall asleep on your back than if u lay sideways or on your stomach. Try it and I guarantee u you won't get them as often . I use to get them almost every night but now maybe every 6 months.

yea i know!! it's scary as hell...i do notice that i get it when i fall asleep on my back. it's strange because when i go to sleep, i start to fall asleep on my side but i guess i eventually roll over onto my back? okay i'm gonna stop thinking about it so i don't get it tonight!

Quote:

Originally Posted by hello_my_apple i used to have bad episodes of sleep paralysis as well. but for those who asked what the cause of it was the hormone melatonin is what helps you not act out your dreams, so basically if you are having a dream that you are running, youre not like kicking your legs all over the place lol. some people produce fairly low levels of it, and you and me and alot of people are one of them. some things that help it is to ALWAYS get enough sleep at night, try sleeping on your stomach and side and not your back. your back in the WORST! so try no to let it stress you out! one of the doctors at my hospital said that more than 2/3rds of the country suffer from this often but they never tell anyone because they think people will think they are crazy.

lol i'll admit, the first time i experienced sleep paralysis, i was freaked out! i was like omgggg is the devil trying to kill me!?!?!?!? haha then i started hearing everything around me magnified by like 10 or 20 times... i was frozen but i knew i was semi-awake. it was so freaky..

sorry gildedangel, back to the original topic.

 

[kaliraksha]

I have in the past had night terrors as well. Although it also runs in my family and I've been very prone to it... it seems that I always have worse ones when I'm stressed out or unhappy with an aspect of my life. It has got to be really scary for you, at least my boyfriend can control me even by force if necessary sometimes.

As a side story, this is how I broke my last camera. I was doing something in my sleep that my bf thought looked hilarious so he came up to me to take a picture and he scared me so I knocked it out of his hand and it went flying across the room.

I think your bf could benefit from seeing a therapist and at the very least taking a look at his life and seeing where he can reduce stress and promote happiness in his life.

 

[WhippedCrm]

im really sorry you guys are going thru this..i have had nite terrors..i think in my case its bc of past trauma..the only thing that helps me now is taking tylenol pm but i awlays wonder if that is healthy to take?

 

[LMD84]

i have an ex who was like this. he'd be screaming and kicking in his sleep. sometimes he'd even get out of the bed, run down the hall and then pass out all while shouting and alseep or half asleep. it was really scarey. and he had phycological issues (he was raped by a man when he was 13 and never spoke to anybody about it) it was hard to see him so upset but equally he didn't get anyhelp and it messed him up big time. so much that he turned into an abusive shit to me.