Can I have a hug, please?

[BeautifulHelena]

Ok...they guy who *proposed* to me is leaving tomorrow for Iraq. When he comes back, I'll already be in the Middle East myself, so this sums up to 12 weeks to the day not talking to each other. The problem? He has not spoken to me in a week because he's busy with preparing his freaking business project or whatever, and I am beyond pissed. I'm about to tell him to forget it just because I don't think this treatment of mine is acceptable. Am I overreacting?

 

[Hawkeye]

The short answer is yes you are.
I hate to sound so blunt! But this is a very big thing he's preparing for. I'm sure he'll call you before he leaves!

I had a friend that I didn't even know was in Iraq until I got a phone call and he was like, " Yeah Fallujah!" I was like WTH? because he and I are like brother and sister.

Many times they are just so busy getting things done before they leave so there is no problem with their home life.

Keep your chin up

He's probably also trying to find a way to say see ya later and i love you without crying

 

[BeautifulHelena]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youbeabitch I hate to sound so blunt!

Don't! I like blunt people

I still think this is not the way I want to be treated as I would always find 30 seconds to send a short message or whatever. I also hate if I have to ask for information instead of getting it offered voluntarily. But what can I do

 

[lemurian]

I'm sure his thoughts are occupied by other things, and he may well be taking you for granted. But when your life is about to take a drastic turn, sometimes reminding someone that you love them for the umpteenth time can seem a bit trivial

I say take it easy and just think positive thoughts for the long term. Things won't always be so hectic!

 

[YvetteJeannine]

Now..is he going to Iraq as a :soldier: , or is there some other thing he's doing there (you mention a "buisness" project he's getting ready for). I don't know..I'm not sure I'd like my fiance (well, I'm married now..but...hypothetically) to not call/talk to me either before going away (esp. for that long a period). While I don't think you should call the whole thing off on the basis of what's happened in the last week or two, I do think you need to give him a jerk in the ribs and say "

What's going on?" Guys can be insensitive, and not even realize they're doing it. You need to let him know how you're feeling; otherwise you're going to build up resentement. Also, like I stated above, what's he going to do there?? You say you're also going to the M.East...do you live there (not trying to be nosey..just trying to give you a good answer). Let us know, K?

((((((BIG HUG))))))

 

[BeautifulHelena]

Ok, some more info

He's not going as a soldier, thank god, but as I said, doing business. There's a lot of money involved, so I do understand he has other things on his mind. BUT...as I said, a sign of life, especially when we usually talk like three times a week for hours would be nice. He did not say he intended to just go into "I'm not there" mode last time we talked...this would be ok too, somehow, if I only KNEW. Plus, we are not engaged yet...we were trying to figure out what we want from each other. He obviously knows, I was figuring, that is. Living away 300 miles doesn't make it to easy to decide to turn my life upside down

I do like him very, very, very much, but it's the second time he has done something really crappy (well, maybe not, but it feels this way to me) to me involving this Iraq thing. Now I really wonder: if he's already acting this way, freshly in love (and as he says, madly...but I actually hate people who talk a lot and act different), how will he act in 10 years when we are used to being with each other

And last but not least, I'm not living in the Middle East myself, I am just staying 1,5 to 2 months for an internship, then I'll be heading back to Europe. Thanks for your advice, ladies

 

[lemurian]

If I were you, I'd just wait it out. If you told him off now, and ended up missing him terribly and regretting having said anything, you wouldn't have a chance to really sit down and tell him so for a long time! Some people, especially men, just take peoples' feelings for granted, not realizing that love is something that has to constantly be nurtured. This is not a character flaw, it's just the way it is, IMO

You could always just write him a little note, say that you don't mean to bother him but that you want to say that you miss him and wish you had more time to spend together. Sometimes a little passive aggression goes along way...!

 

[BeautifulHelena]

I am not telling him anything right now as this would require action from my side...not even that I consider the thing as over. Actually I wanted to use those 12 weeks to make my final decision...never thought he would make it that easy for me *slightly bitter* I am so very confused right now. But no problem, I will learn what the problem was in 12 weeks

 

[NutMeg]

I hate to say it but sometimes guys can do things that seem incredibly dumb to us, and it can be very hurtful. Honestly I have found that expecting my bf to know what to do or say is usually not going to work. My way of dealing with it is to tell him flat out when he's done something to bug me and why it bugs me. Usually he didn't even think about how I would take it, and then he knows for the future. It sounds like you're having a really hard time figuring out what to do next, but if I were you I wouldn't scrap the whole relationship based on this. Remember, guys need alot of helping knowing how to not piss us off (no offense to the guys on this forum, I think girls are tricky to understand even for other girls). I hope everything works out for you!

 

[Wattage]

I think he is being negligent and no I do not think you are overreacting.

I think this is something you really want to talk to him about. I agree that perhaps this is hard for him, but avoiding the situation isn't going to make things better.

Hang in there!

 

[Raerae]

yeh communication is so the key to a successful relationship. Him to you, but also you to him. And you both need to be able to accept potentially negative remarks from your SO, and use them in a positive way on your relationship.

Iraq is something thats defeneteley going to strain your relationship, and it seems that if your going to be living so far apart for any signifigant amount of time, the both of you need to sit down and talk about what that means to the both of you.

Long Distance relationships can work, but only if you trust each other, and are open about your feelings.

How often will he be comming back to visit, are there other ways for you to be together (web cams, etc). Will he be making arrangements for you to come out to see him, etc. A lot of those things need to be discussed, and you both have to be comfortable with them, before he leaves. Since once he leaves, things like this will be a lot harder to sort out.

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

aw babe :/ im not sure what to say but