revinn
Well-known member
Alright, I really need some advice. As usual. I feel extremely conflicted and confused right now, and I was hoping someone could clarify some things for me, maybe even share an experience. So here's the deal:
When I was fourteen, (I'm eighteen now), I started high school and met this guy. I always thought he was cute, in a nerdy way, and we became fast friends. At the end of the school year, we went to a dance together, and I realised that I liked him. I asked one of my friends to tell him, and she did. To my utter surprise, she came back with the news that he didn't like me. I was crushed for about a day, then moved on to the next. We stayed friends for the next three years, which leads to the next part of my story.
My senior year of high school, I went to a party at my best guy friend's house. My other friend, we'll call him Matt, was there as we're all mutual friends and run in the same pack. I was the designated driver that evening, so I didn't drink, but Matt chugged a quart of straight Crown Royal in about ten minutes. Now, the little twist that I haven't mentioned is that he has Chrones. So he got ridiculously sick; he was puking everywhere and I of course, as the sober one, had to take care of him. While he was writhing on the floor, he told me how he lied about liking me in grade nine because his Chrones was so severe at that point that he thought I would think he was a freak. Apparently, when my friend told him that I liked him, our asshole friend said, "What, are you going to take her out to dinner with your feeding tube?" He proceeded to tell me how beautiful I was, and how he wished I still liked him. I wrote it off as drunk ramblings, and went home.
There was some drama around prom, when a friend of mine ditched me for prom so he could go with another girl, and so Matt could go with me. Apparently he wanted to. But I just didn't want to go with him, so I put off finding a date for the longest time. Finally, it was May and I figured I needed a date, so I asked Matt. He told me that he had his eye on someone else. I was disappointed, but the next day I asked a really hot older guy from my work, and he said yes. At prom, there was only one slow dance, right at the beginning. Curtis, (my prom date), wanted to slow dance with me before we left, so we went onto the dance floor. I saw Matt coming up to me, but then Curtis put his arms around me, and Matt looked embarassed and changed directions.
We didn't talk all summer (I was really working on overcoming my depression, and he was in Alberta for most of the season), and we go to different universities now. However, we still have all the same friends, and his school is really close to mine, where I live on res, so he came to a party one night in my building. I didn't know he was coming, so when he showed up, I was really surprised. I was EXTREMELY drunk, probably the drunkest I've ever been, but I don't think that was what made him so different. He had grown a beard, had his jaw broken, and just looked more confident..like a MAN, not a gawky boy like he'd always been. We said hi, hung out a bit..I drank more and more..he wasn't drinking, because his jaw was still partially wired shut, and he was on antibiotics for his aftercare. At one point (I'm fuzzy about the details), a bunch of guys were kind of forcing themselves on me, so he took me down to my room. He pratically carried me down the stairs, and put me in bed. I made him lay down with me. We laid in bed, and he stroked my hair, grabbed a bucket (just in case I threw up..I didn't), and listened to my drunk ramblings for close to a half an hour. When I told him to go upstairs and have fun, he refused, saying that this was just as much fun. I had been stroking his chest this whole time, and proceeded to remove my pants..I'm not sure why. He said, you look so good right now..but Sammi, you're so drunk, and I'm not at all, and I can't do anything with you right now.. The thing is, I've KNOWN him to do things with drunk girls..what makes me any different? So I groped him a tiny bit, apologized, and walked him to his bus. He was DEFINITELY hard from laying in bed with me, but that's a guy thing I guess.
So here's the thing. He could have done ANYTHING to me, but he didn't. He was so respectful, and he took such good care of me..I'm not used to that, at ALL. No college guys are like that, and it really took me by surprise. I assume he isn't interested anymore, because he turned down fooling around with me, but I feel like he's changed to me. He's so not my type physically, and not the type I usually go for, but he's so funny and sweet, and adorable.. I think I might like him, but I don't know why. Is it just because there's no one else in my life right now? Is it because all my friends are pairing up? I love the single life, so why is this happening?
I just don't know where these feelings are coming from..
Anyway, that was so disgustingly long, if you actually read it all then I love you. Any advice would be appreciated, but just writing it all out was a nice release. Thanks for listening, Specktrolites.
When I was fourteen, (I'm eighteen now), I started high school and met this guy. I always thought he was cute, in a nerdy way, and we became fast friends. At the end of the school year, we went to a dance together, and I realised that I liked him. I asked one of my friends to tell him, and she did. To my utter surprise, she came back with the news that he didn't like me. I was crushed for about a day, then moved on to the next. We stayed friends for the next three years, which leads to the next part of my story.
My senior year of high school, I went to a party at my best guy friend's house. My other friend, we'll call him Matt, was there as we're all mutual friends and run in the same pack. I was the designated driver that evening, so I didn't drink, but Matt chugged a quart of straight Crown Royal in about ten minutes. Now, the little twist that I haven't mentioned is that he has Chrones. So he got ridiculously sick; he was puking everywhere and I of course, as the sober one, had to take care of him. While he was writhing on the floor, he told me how he lied about liking me in grade nine because his Chrones was so severe at that point that he thought I would think he was a freak. Apparently, when my friend told him that I liked him, our asshole friend said, "What, are you going to take her out to dinner with your feeding tube?" He proceeded to tell me how beautiful I was, and how he wished I still liked him. I wrote it off as drunk ramblings, and went home.
There was some drama around prom, when a friend of mine ditched me for prom so he could go with another girl, and so Matt could go with me. Apparently he wanted to. But I just didn't want to go with him, so I put off finding a date for the longest time. Finally, it was May and I figured I needed a date, so I asked Matt. He told me that he had his eye on someone else. I was disappointed, but the next day I asked a really hot older guy from my work, and he said yes. At prom, there was only one slow dance, right at the beginning. Curtis, (my prom date), wanted to slow dance with me before we left, so we went onto the dance floor. I saw Matt coming up to me, but then Curtis put his arms around me, and Matt looked embarassed and changed directions.
We didn't talk all summer (I was really working on overcoming my depression, and he was in Alberta for most of the season), and we go to different universities now. However, we still have all the same friends, and his school is really close to mine, where I live on res, so he came to a party one night in my building. I didn't know he was coming, so when he showed up, I was really surprised. I was EXTREMELY drunk, probably the drunkest I've ever been, but I don't think that was what made him so different. He had grown a beard, had his jaw broken, and just looked more confident..like a MAN, not a gawky boy like he'd always been. We said hi, hung out a bit..I drank more and more..he wasn't drinking, because his jaw was still partially wired shut, and he was on antibiotics for his aftercare. At one point (I'm fuzzy about the details), a bunch of guys were kind of forcing themselves on me, so he took me down to my room. He pratically carried me down the stairs, and put me in bed. I made him lay down with me. We laid in bed, and he stroked my hair, grabbed a bucket (just in case I threw up..I didn't), and listened to my drunk ramblings for close to a half an hour. When I told him to go upstairs and have fun, he refused, saying that this was just as much fun. I had been stroking his chest this whole time, and proceeded to remove my pants..I'm not sure why. He said, you look so good right now..but Sammi, you're so drunk, and I'm not at all, and I can't do anything with you right now.. The thing is, I've KNOWN him to do things with drunk girls..what makes me any different? So I groped him a tiny bit, apologized, and walked him to his bus. He was DEFINITELY hard from laying in bed with me, but that's a guy thing I guess.
So here's the thing. He could have done ANYTHING to me, but he didn't. He was so respectful, and he took such good care of me..I'm not used to that, at ALL. No college guys are like that, and it really took me by surprise. I assume he isn't interested anymore, because he turned down fooling around with me, but I feel like he's changed to me. He's so not my type physically, and not the type I usually go for, but he's so funny and sweet, and adorable.. I think I might like him, but I don't know why. Is it just because there's no one else in my life right now? Is it because all my friends are pairing up? I love the single life, so why is this happening?
Anyway, that was so disgustingly long, if you actually read it all then I love you. Any advice would be appreciated, but just writing it all out was a nice release. Thanks for listening, Specktrolites.
