Completely Hopeless and Confused--Help!

[x-ivy]

I'm going into grade 11 now and I feel like I'm such a...loser. I've talked to my mum, and some close friends about feeling this way, but I guess I just want so advice from a different group. I haven't had a boyfriend at all, not even a real date

It's not like I'm rejecting guys, it's no one has asked me, and honestly I don't know why. I have guy friends, and maybe that's it...I'm seen as the friend...but I'm tried of having talks with girl friends and being called a 'square' or feeling like there's something wrong with me. I've blamed myself for the past 3 or 4 years about it, saying things like, maybe it's my body (not the slimest girl out of my friends), or the fact that I have acne (that's just now starting to calm down, but now I have discolouration), or maybe just the plain reason I'm the only black girl out of the people I hangout with. The fact that I'm going into grade 11 now is making me feel more upset, because I have no clue what guys might think of me now that I'm almost finished high school and haven't even been kissed! That kinda makes me mad too. I just don't know what to do...and I guess I would just like some advice or something...

 

[rbella]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. But, keep the words of your signature in mind. Instead of trying to figure out what is wrong with you, try finding all the things about you that are right and emphasize them. Sometimes finding things we like about ourselves is much more difficult than criticizing ourselves. But, when you do, perhaps your confidence will start to shine through. That is what is the best part of a woman, her belief in herself! Hugs to you!

 

[jasminbarley]

*****

 

[NicksWifey]

How you're feeling, is completely normal. When I was your age, I was in the same shoes. I never had a boyfriend in high school and was never asked out, but that mostly had to do with the fact that I treated people horribly in those times.
I never really felt the need to have a connection with anyone, whether it be male or female until I started going to college. For me, that was the real eye opener, just meeting new people. I didn't get my first kiss until I was 17, so no big deal

Everyone is different. Some people choose to date all thru high school, others don't date until out of school, it all just depends on the person. It's all about finding yourself and being true to yourself. You may be feeling strange right now, but that's ok, you're young and this is completely normal. You have the rest of your life to experiment with what guys you like and what guys you don't. You're too young to worry about this and life is too short. Before you know it, you will be a grown, independent woman on your own and you will have wished life was as uncomplicated as it is now

Take this time for your life to be all about you, finding yourself, finishing your eduaction and kicking it with your friends. When the right man comes along, believe me, you'll feel it & know it.

 

[bellaconnie80]

Hey babe dont be so hard on yourself.. it could be that since you have so many guy friends a dude dont want to ask u out because he thinks one of them is your boyfriend or u 2 are 'friends with benefits' OR at that age alot of guys ask girls out who they think are easy and you look too confident doing your own thing haging out with the boys

keep your head up and walk with confidence

It will happen!! just keep being YOU and someone will notice soon

 

[iluffyew769769]

I had a friend that didn't have a date till her second semester of freshman college. She felt the same way, but in the long run she was happier that she was able to be independent. She had no restrictions because of a guy and was able to enjoy high school and her first semester of college.

Dont' let it get to you. Enjoy your independence!

 

[MACATTAK]

A lot of times relationships will come with their fair share of heartache and heartbreak. Enjoy your youth, your friends, and your life at this point in time. These are times you can never get back. When it's time, everything will fall into place.

 

[Mizz.Yasmine]

i didnt date in highschool. i had too many emotional problems and needed to figure out who i was b4 i could even let a guy get close to me. i did have feelings just like u are though! sometimes i wanted bf, but i knew it would never work with me being so insecure.

what u really wanna do is gain good, close friends right now! go out with ur girls, laugh and have tons of fun. guys will notice u just for that. u have sooo many years and so much time to meet ur perfect man. 4get trying to impress immature highschool boys. trust me.

 

[PolyphonicLove]

Its okay - I'm starting my senior year next term, and I feel pretty friendless myself [my BFF of six years has totally changed her ways, and not for the better]. And trust me, I'm the only black girl too, so I REALLY know how you feel.

I also have acne issues - Clean and Clear helped me a lot in that area. Try the Blackhead Clearing Scrub, and the Acne Spot Treatment. Did wonders for me. And to hide my discoloration, I dived headfirst into makeup! Tinted moisturizer is enough to even out my skintone, along with a cheap CG concealer and MSFN.

And guess what - I'm "the friend" with guys as well! But if you like a guy, then damn it, go up and talk to him. Although I'm pretty much engaged now, I still regret not talking to the guy I use to have a huge crush on...good God was he gorgeous. Mmm.

...Er, sorry. Got distracted.

ANYWAYS.

If you like a guy, TALK TO HIM - the worst that could happen is that he's either uninterested or gay! And if he's gay, keep talking to him because a gay bestie is the most USEFUL person ever. And I mean EVER.

And who cares about your size? Get some hot clothes to show off your figure. Enhance the good things about you [looking at your avatar, I can tell that you're one hot chica, what have you got to be afraid of?].

I've been in your shoes many times before, and I actually feel kinda loserly right now. But as long as I have my tinted moisturizer and weave, I know I'll be back in the swing of things come next term.

If you ever want to talk, you can PM me!

 

[seonmi]

I'm sorry that you feel this way. I was not in any relationship until after high school graduation. Sometimes, I did feel bad about myself but most of the time, I enjoyed my life, caring about myself, my family, my friends, my study. I had more time for my hobbies and my appearance (clothes and all that stuff). I do not regret when looking back at that time of my life because there was no guy that suited for me. That's why I feel so lucky to have the bf that I'm currently with. We are just great together. So I hope you enjoy yourself and a love will come to you when it's time.
My sister has the same problem. I always tell her the exact same thing: enjoy it, take good care of yourself, treasure everything you have, and love will come when you don't look for it

 

[User93]

Hun thats completely ok, i think this "highschool rules" pressure us too much - like some girls start going out at 13-14, and its somehow considered that if you don't you're not "cool" or something like that. Thats a real pressure, i know! But i agree with Nickswifey,everyone is different! You will meet a guy who will love you just the way you are and for who you are! I know it sounds like everyone says so, but you doubt it, but well, you will! Also, if there is something which bugs you about your appearence, try to work it out, NOT because guys gonna like you, but because you gonna feel more confident in yourself. Try some healthy recipies for loosing some weight, and well, i personally like neutrogena for acne, i have a discoloration aswell. Everything in appearence can be worked out if needed, the question is how you feel inside , hun!

& Come on, how many of us never had a boyfriend in highschool? I'm with you, same story to me! And never kissed too!

I know how worried you are, but thats just the age like that (omg i feel damn old saying so), plus, its just highschool pressuring girls like that. You see others going out and think there is something wrong about you, but there is no! Look at us, we were all like you! Lots of hugs for you!

 

[burnitdown_x]

I know this is a little late but I'm also going into 11th grade and I haven't had a boyfriend. I think it's perfectly fine, we have sooo much more time left. I agree with many of the other posters, a lot of girls are pressured into getting boyfriends during high school. And think about it this way, in college there will be a lot more guys and they'll be a lot more mature. I use to feel like crap about these kinds of things but I don't because I realize there is just so much more time left. So really, don't feel bad!

 

[zsooooofi]

its You on the picture?
You look beautiful!!!
believe me,when Your dream prince will come around,he will appreciate that You havent had lots of boyfriends before him.
the one who will be your husband will love you for who you are.
i didnt have any confidence in the past,i thought i was ugly. but now if i look back at the old photos i think,oh my god,how nice i looked...
because of my lack of confidence i got together with a boy who was really fat and ugly and he cheated on me,and told me all the time,that he will leave me once.i wasted 3 years of my life with him.
BUT!
my dream prince came around,i left that bad bf. now i am happy,another 3 years has passed,he wants children from me,he will marry me,he gives me all of his heart
plus he is the most handsome guy i know with a very sexy athletic body
sooooooooooooooooooooooo girl,keep enjoying life and keep your eyes open,HE will find you

today i saw the bigger picture of You,and WOW!!!!
You ae truly very beautiful!!!!!
nice shaped eye,nice lips and a lovely nose!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!
i wish i could do some makeup looks for You
u would really look nice with a smokey eye or some bright colors!!!!!
try it!!!!!

 

[stacylynne]

Being a teenager is hard in itself. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have to look in the mirror & like what you see.

Being a teenager; hormones are going nuts, your body is going through changes.

You mentioned, you didn't like your skin. Ask your mom if she can take you to the dermotoligist. As per your body goes, when you're a teenager, no one likes they're own body & when you're in your 30's like me. You look back & wish you had the same body you did in HS.

If you don't like the way you look, start eating right, excercise, drink a lot of water or see a nutritionist. But make sure you do these things for yourself & not for some guy.

You'll see when you graduate HS, what you thought is important really isn't.

So what if you didn't kiss a guy yet. Maybe your not ready. We are all different. When I was in HS. my friends would make fun of me b/c I was a virgin. Guess what, they wish they waited like I did for someone special.

your friends are insecure as well. Don't let your friends push you into anything that you are not ready for.

Like I said, if these things bother you, goto a dermo. & a nutritionist & go into the 11th grade with a bang.

You will see hun, as soon as you grad. HS & move on, none of this stuff matters. You have to be happy with yourself & if they don't like it, screw them...

 

[kimmy]

dude, i didn't have a boyfriend until the end of my senior year. i was always just "one of the guys," and at my job now, still "just one of the guys." i've found that to be alot more satisfying than any "romantic relationship" i've had so far. friends that are cappin' on you for not having been kissed yet aren't real friends. everyone moves at their own pace and just because you haven't found someone suitable yet doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

 

[Cachica]

OMG, I was just thinking about the same thing the other day! I haven't been together with a guy and I haven't really liked anyone and feel slightly odd LOL

I can't really help you, but I want to wish you good luck anyways!

 

[alwaysbella]

Let me tell you, I once felt the same way too. In high school i never had a boyfriend or a date. My friend made fun of me, and that added more to my self-steem. Almost 2 yrs later (yes ladies) i went out with i guy that i really liked, and had my first kiss. Now that i think about it, it was better that way. Because it was special to me 'my first kiss' and not just a kiss that probably wouldnt had any meaning years before. To the guy it was special too, because he notice how nervous i was and that also made him feel special, because he was the first guy to kiss me and begin a new chapter in my life. That night he said ' I dont know what will happen with us, but all i know is that you will remember this moment forever, and im honor to be part of this'. And sure enough....He will always be the guy that gave me my first kiss.

In other words, what im trying to tell you... is dont rush it. Dont do things just because you feel you have to do it or because everyone else is doing it. If you do, you might not enjoy it and will regret it later. Let things flow. Go out with your friends have fun, enjoy life. The time will come and when it does it would me more meaningful to you.

Another thing from experience....take my word, dont look for boyfriend enjoy your independece to the max, because then later when you get the ballrolling a: he might be too jeleous and might not want you to go out with your friends b:he might no like to go out c: you might by accident or will become pregnant....and your done! Because your life will change and then your priority will be the kid/s. Therefor dont be too hard on yourself!!! Love your self, than someone will notice you and love you too!

 

[noturavgurl]

girllll
i totally remember feeling that way in high school. every year i wondered when i'd have my first bf, what'd he'd look like, etc. and finally in my senior year of COLLEGE i met him. totally nuts. and now when I look back, I'm glad that i was the only girl out of my friends to be single because we had so much fun without boys! just enjoy the time you have left in hs, study hard...play hard (with or without boys) just live it up! and don't worry, he'll come along when the time is right. don't force it.