conflicting views: what should i do?

[abrody]

hey girls, i really need your help on this one as i'm not quite sure what to do.

recently my boyfriend and i had a conversation about homosexuals which eventuated into a debate about morality. personally, i am an advocate of equal rights and i believe that this extends to people in homosexual relationships. i feel quite strongly about these social prejudices and now i am at a lost as to what to do?

i understand that people have different views and i'm not trying to force him to see things the way i do but i just don't think something like this is a trivial topic. it's not like us disagreeing on the food we like but more a sense of morality if that makes sense?

i'm young (18) so marriage is not in the future so i know that this isn't something we'd have to discuss before making a great commitment but should i continue to be in a relationship with someone who clearly doesn't see eye to eye with me on such a major issue?

we get along perfectly fine 99% of the time but i don't know if this is justification enough.

thanks

 

[Blushbaby]

I think it's perfectly fine to disagree on issues. You don't have to have matching ideologies, the world would be a very boring place if that were the case.

If the respect for your own point of view isn't shown, then and only then would I think twice about pursuing a r'ship with somebody. He shouldn't be rubbishing your opinion, and you shouldn't his.

 

[iadoremac]

Both of you are still very young and so its possible that at some point your opinions might change. I dont feel the same way I do about some issues when I was 18. So i wouldnt stress if i were you but you should respect his opinion and he should respect yours!

 

[Mabelle]

I feel the same way as you do (about gay rights). I'm currently on a campagin to get my classmates to stop using words like "fag" and 'thats so gay"... so trust me i get it. I don't know what i would do, honestly. I mean, if you're 18 (and so is he) i wouldnt break up him immediatly. At that age, you're veiws change so quickly. I know mine did.
If you don't think he's "the one", well... just have fun while it lasts. Who knows, if you continue to talk about this subject, you might change his mind.


I'm so lucky that my bf fully supports gay rights. Right after Prop 8 passed, and all this craziness began, i remember him saying 'What the fuck! If i was gay i'd be so pissed.I'd probably be a freakin terrorist." To which i told him he'd be prouving "them" right.
It's just SUCH a frusterating issue. I mean, everyone (almost) can agree that hating someone based on skin colour, on sex, on religon, age, etc. etc. is wrong. Why can't we agree on this? I'm really mind boggling.

 

[banjobama]

The only thing I would worry about if I were you is, does he act on prejudices, like, is he hateful towards gay people when he sees them, or is he loud about it in public. This issue is something you probably won't be able to change his mind on so you'll either have to be OK with him keeping it to himself or else you'll have to break up. If he respects your opinion and is a good boyfriend in the really important ways then I'd say let it go.

My husband is my best friend in every way, but we disagree on this issue somewhat. He was raised in a very small, conservative Midwest town and I was raised in a more liberal, diverse area. We both know how the other feels and so we really don't talk about it, in other words, we agree to disagree.

You just have to decide if this particular issue is a deal breaker for you or not.

 

[NutMeg]

I think it's only a problem if it's a problem, if that makes any sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if it starts causing problems in your relationship, then maybe it's time to think about ending it. Until then, if it's not interfering with your emotions too much or the relationship, then don't sweat it.

On a more personal note, I could not date someone who didn't support gay rights, or was homophobic for the very simple reason that one of my best friends/cousin is bisexual. And I don't mean she kisses girls at parties bisexual, I mean she's never dated a man and is a drag king bisexual, and I could never date someone who didn't respect her. If two people I loved couldn't work things out over something as basic as her sexuality, it sure as hell wouldn't be her that I removed from my life. I'm not sure if I would feel as strongly about it if she wasn't a part of my life, although I think it would always bother me.

 

[abrody]

thanks for all the replies! you guys have really put things into perspective for me.

he definitely doesn't act on his prejudices and he doesn't ever say anything inappropriate in public, it's just his own personal view. he is so kind in many other ways and is a really good boyfriend and friend so i guess i will just have to respect his opinion as he does mine. hopefully in the future he may be able to change his views but i can see now that if he doesn't hurt anybody then it shouldn't be a major issue for us since we usually get along so well. like banjobama said, i will agree to disagree!

 

[CantAffordMAC]

My ex didnt agree with me either. Im all for homosexuals, I fully support them. He grew up in a Christian church, and he believes its wrong, its bad, its not the way God intended it to be, and supposedly if I surround myself around gay people, they have evil spirits in them and they will rub off on me...

Obviously I dont agree with him. My best friend is gay. He better agree to disagree, because thats just not right. I hope no one takes offense to that, its not my beliefs.

Its sad because hes such a good person.

 

[Chikky]

If you guys agreed on everything, that'd be pretty boring, yes?

Really, though... It doesn't sound as if he's leadi anti-gay parades or something to that extent; it's just an opinion. I say let it go, especially if everything else is great.