confused and lonely
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BellaGemma
Well-known member
I know how you feel, hun, and it is tough and tempting. The thing is, with the new guy...the flirt and chase is fun and exciting, but he hasn't know you for 11 years. Would he stick with you after 11 years? Like it or not, you have a history with your husband and if someone has been with you that long, you owe it to them to END your relationship first before moving on. If you are really unhappy with your husband and you think this guy is a sure fire replacement, then end your marriage. But if you just need a thrill, don't do it. Don't cheat. You are better than that. Everything comes back to get you and you'll end up unhappier.
meowkitten
New member
Please don't do it. I was married for 5 years and I cheated. Please end your marriage before you start fooling around. If you do decide to end your marriage please make sure you have the resources to actually leave. I did not have any of my own money and I had to stick it out for almost a year before I could move out.
Have you tried counseling?
Have you tried counseling?
Simply Elegant
Well-known member
I think you two need to have a serious talk and keep it friendly with the coworker.
I mean, not just talking about how you feel, but where you both see the relationship headed and if you both want to stick it out, then how to solve the intimacy problems.
I mean, not just talking about how you feel, but where you both see the relationship headed and if you both want to stick it out, then how to solve the intimacy problems.
angeluv009
Well-known member
This is such a hard situation but it sounds like something is lacking in your marriage and you want to find comfort somewhere else, which may be why your coworker is looking like a good option. I think you need to sit and think about what it is that your missing in your relationship and then talk to your husband about it and try work it out. Maybe if you told him exactly how you feel it would motivate him to try harder and take an interest in your hobbies. If you feel like it's an issue that you can't seem to fix then it might be time to move on.
In regard to the feelings towards your coworker, maybe he's a player. (I just want to give you something to think about) Honestly, I can tell you that I've felt like his GF in that situation. He could be lying to both of you. Let's see if I can make sense of this via typing: his GF probably already has some suspicion that something is going on between the two of you. His cover might have been to tell her to come out with all the coworkers to prove that nothing is there. He might be telling her that there isn't anything between the two of you even though it sounds like he's initiating it and then telling you that he's leaving his gf. Men are stupid. Obviously this is all speculation but it's something to think about.
I wish you luck. Relationships are fricken hard
Sorry, saw your other posts so had to edit.
Since you already talked to him about changing and how you feel did you also mention that you feel like your losing common ground and the relationship isn't going in a direction that you like?
In regard to the feelings towards your coworker, maybe he's a player. (I just want to give you something to think about) Honestly, I can tell you that I've felt like his GF in that situation. He could be lying to both of you. Let's see if I can make sense of this via typing: his GF probably already has some suspicion that something is going on between the two of you. His cover might have been to tell her to come out with all the coworkers to prove that nothing is there. He might be telling her that there isn't anything between the two of you even though it sounds like he's initiating it and then telling you that he's leaving his gf. Men are stupid. Obviously this is all speculation but it's something to think about.
I wish you luck. Relationships are fricken hard
Sorry, saw your other posts so had to edit.
Since you already talked to him about changing and how you feel did you also mention that you feel like your losing common ground and the relationship isn't going in a direction that you like?
FiestyFemme
Well-known member
Quote:
I completely agree. I'm sorry that it seems like your husband has checked out of your marriage, but it's still no reason to cheat. I would leave the coworker alone and try to get things back on track with your husband... you guys have been together a long time, and I don't think that's something to throw away just because things get a little tough. Besides, this coworker is sketchy... I'm not sure what you see in him considering he's trying to hook up with you while he's got a girlfriend. He's probably lying to you both. Anyway, hope you figure things out. I know it's not easy, but hang in there!
Originally Posted by iadoremac
If u have any respect for your husband or marriage you would not go there. Have you tried telling your husband how you feel about the situation of your marriage? |
I completely agree. I'm sorry that it seems like your husband has checked out of your marriage, but it's still no reason to cheat. I would leave the coworker alone and try to get things back on track with your husband... you guys have been together a long time, and I don't think that's something to throw away just because things get a little tough. Besides, this coworker is sketchy... I'm not sure what you see in him considering he's trying to hook up with you while he's got a girlfriend. He's probably lying to you both. Anyway, hope you figure things out. I know it's not easy, but hang in there!
euphrosyne_rose
Well-known member
I agree with the posters above that the coworker sounds dodgy. Just b/c he says his g/f is moving out or whatever doesn't mean that's really true. I'm not trying to say right off the bat he's a liar but those situations are never good and on top of everything else you're going through, you don't need to be in the middle of HIS drama with his g/f.
Being with someone for 11 years is a very serious committment and I agree that it's not something to just throw away and it's obvious that you aren't trying to do that since you are confused on what to do and you've tried talking to your hubby. What you need to ask yourself is if YOUR feelings have changed in any way. If things changed tomorrow and your hubby started paying you more attention and started doing things with you and being more like a husband, do you think you'd still be looking at this coworker? Or do you think that if things were different you might still be unhappy? At this point since you've talked with your hubby, you might need to take some time to think about what YOU want and if you do want to stay married, you need to sit down with him and REALLY chat it out. Tell him that you've tried talking to him about how you feel and he doesn't seem the least bit responsive. Not to sound negative, but it's possible since he's been negative in his comments and doesn't seem concerned about YOUR concerns, it might be that he's tired of how things are going as well but doesn't want "to be the bad guy" so he is waiting for you to get fed up enough that you initiate a break. I would ask him what HE wants as well from this relationship and if you don't want the same things and you both know it's not going to work, then it's time to end things.
Don't get entangled with this coworker. Wait until you're certain of the path of your current relationship with your husband before you start scoping out other alternatives. Temptation is always going to be there but it's just going to make things worse for all parties involved if you hook up with the coworker.
Hope things work out and let us know how it goes! Hugs!
Being with someone for 11 years is a very serious committment and I agree that it's not something to just throw away and it's obvious that you aren't trying to do that since you are confused on what to do and you've tried talking to your hubby. What you need to ask yourself is if YOUR feelings have changed in any way. If things changed tomorrow and your hubby started paying you more attention and started doing things with you and being more like a husband, do you think you'd still be looking at this coworker? Or do you think that if things were different you might still be unhappy? At this point since you've talked with your hubby, you might need to take some time to think about what YOU want and if you do want to stay married, you need to sit down with him and REALLY chat it out. Tell him that you've tried talking to him about how you feel and he doesn't seem the least bit responsive. Not to sound negative, but it's possible since he's been negative in his comments and doesn't seem concerned about YOUR concerns, it might be that he's tired of how things are going as well but doesn't want "to be the bad guy" so he is waiting for you to get fed up enough that you initiate a break. I would ask him what HE wants as well from this relationship and if you don't want the same things and you both know it's not going to work, then it's time to end things.
Don't get entangled with this coworker. Wait until you're certain of the path of your current relationship with your husband before you start scoping out other alternatives. Temptation is always going to be there but it's just going to make things worse for all parties involved if you hook up with the coworker.
Hope things work out and let us know how it goes! Hugs!
kaliraksha
Well-known member
Temptation is always there and I think we've all felt the lure of new guy. If you value your husband as a person at all you should respect the commitment you made. If anything were to get out of hand, because all it takes is one uninhibited bad decision, you may lose your husband as a person in your life entirely. Eleven years with someone, even a friend, should never end sour.
Any new guy who is worthwhile would wait and understand that you're in a complicated situation. I am always an advocate of listening to the cues you are getting from the excitement of a new guy. This is telling you something is wrong, try to figure out what that is. Whether that's I need to fix my relationship or I need to leave my relationship. You may realize it's not the co-worker you're yearning for.
The above has just been my experience with these situations. Goodness knows I've flirted with the line of fidelity.
I really hope you have the strength and clarity to figure out what you really want.
Any new guy who is worthwhile would wait and understand that you're in a complicated situation. I am always an advocate of listening to the cues you are getting from the excitement of a new guy. This is telling you something is wrong, try to figure out what that is. Whether that's I need to fix my relationship or I need to leave my relationship. You may realize it's not the co-worker you're yearning for.
The above has just been my experience with these situations. Goodness knows I've flirted with the line of fidelity.
I really hope you have the strength and clarity to figure out what you really want.
Girl about town
Well-known member
Please don't open up this whole world of hell that an affair brings to someone, Having an affair and cheating are always selfish acts. If you really want to be single and meet other people do the decent thing and let your husband escape with his soul intact. I speak from experience and would never wish it on my worst enemy.
It easy to think someone else is the one for you while you are in "The fog" But to be honest you are living in lollipop forest land if you think this is reality. A huge shitstorm will erupt around you your husband and your kids and then reality sets in and its not fun.
It easy to think someone else is the one for you while you are in "The fog" But to be honest you are living in lollipop forest land if you think this is reality. A huge shitstorm will erupt around you your husband and your kids and then reality sets in and its not fun.
Sojourner
Well-known member
Quote:
I apologise for my lack of sensitivity but that was one funny description!
I agree, this co-worker you shouldn't indulge with, he sounds like an opportunist. You hinted that you've partially stuck it (the marriage) out this long because of the worry of moving out etc and this shows that you've also psychologically checked out of the marriage to some extent. Really there is nothing more to be done than to confront your husband with these feelings about your marriage. And don't mention the coworker, your husband will just assume the worst and it will hide the heart of the problem in your marriage.
I hope things work out for you
| Originally Posted by Girl about town
It easy to think someone else is the one for you while you are in "The fog" But to be honest you are living in lollipop forest land if you think this is reality. A huge shitstorm will erupt around you your husband and your kids and then reality sets in and its not fun. |
I apologise for my lack of sensitivity but that was one funny description!
I agree, this co-worker you shouldn't indulge with, he sounds like an opportunist. You hinted that you've partially stuck it (the marriage) out this long because of the worry of moving out etc and this shows that you've also psychologically checked out of the marriage to some extent. Really there is nothing more to be done than to confront your husband with these feelings about your marriage. And don't mention the coworker, your husband will just assume the worst and it will hide the heart of the problem in your marriage.
I hope things work out for you
abbyquack
Well-known member
I would definitely meet with a counselor and do everything you can to save your marriage- after all, you've invested 11 years of your life to it- if, after that you still feel the same way and nothing has changed, then you'll know you've done everything you can do. But you don't want to have any regrets that you didn't do everything to save your relationship.
And I do know how you feel, I am in a similar situation in my marriage. Not nearly as long, but I'm at the same place where my husband is so careless about us. It sucks
And I do know how you feel, I am in a similar situation in my marriage. Not nearly as long, but I'm at the same place where my husband is so careless about us. It sucks
