Coping methods/How you make yourself feel better

[visivo]

Okay, I have had a hell of a day. Suffice to say that these past few days have been the worst, most emotional days in a longgg time.

Basically, every thing in my life is going wrong -- school, work, money, my health (anxiety, stress and possibly a relapse into depression these days because it feels so hopeless), and now my relationship with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, whom I consider not only my lover, but my best friend, is feeling really on the rocks.


I wish I was a strong person that knew exactly how to get her shit together -- just stand up and tackle these problems one by one. But I am not. In getting into such a serious relationship relatively young (I was just 17 when we met), I have become so dependent on him and it is hard to think of myself without him -- not to mention life without him. We are taking a break right now, but I have a feeling this is the end, which is a shame, considering all that we have been through. We get to a point where we can't say a word to each other without a fight erupting, because of all the built up shit that we are feeling, but isnt being said. I know he loves me, but he has been so cold lately. I love him so much, despite all the things that have been said.


What do you do when you feel like every part of your life is coming down on you simultaneously, and you are left without structure or your companion to turn to?

This week my goal is to focus on getting school into place. Taking baths. Long walks. Thinking, but not too much. Sometimes I scare myself with how emotional I have become in the past few years. It doesn't take much to hurt me, and it takes a lot to calm myself down. In treatment, my psychotherapist taught me relaxation and breathing methods, but I never got used to them. Nor the meds, ha.

So, after all that, what do you do when you feel like nothing, like shit, like you don't have a lot left in you anymore?

 

[jess98765]

oh girlie i hope you do feel better after a couple of days! Chin up and just know that the lovely people here on specktra are always here to help. Ways/ things that i do to make myself feel better are: take a hot shower/bath, talk to my girls on the phone, eat, sleep, play with my makeup etc..... quite basic stuff really but it does cheer me up heaps

All the best

 

[visivo]

Aww thank you dear <3

 

[fastcarsandfreedom]

wow, thats exactly what im going thru right now...

 

[visivo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fastcarsandfreedom wow, thats exactly what im going thru right now...

seriously? ugggh talk to me. I'm going crazy here, I was crying all day and feel pretty worthless. I really can't bear the thought of my relationship ending -- it's so ridiculous but maybe it would be better, even though I love him so much.

I have no idea.

 

[Cruella]

I'm sorry that everything is falling apart around you. I feel exactly like you are feeling right now and I'm a lot older than you - when things fall apart, they tend to do it all at once.

Are you currently taking meds for depression/anxiety? I have been on meds for that for about 15 years; it took a while to find the right pill but I've been taking Paxil for about a year or 2 now and it really helps. This doesn't mean that I don't get depressed or anxious sometimes. Sometimes stuff sucks so much that you can't help but feel down but the Paxil does take the edge off.

I'm so sorry about your relationship - it sucks when you feel you are losing the only support system that you have. This might be easier said than done, but try to focus on your health - take vitamins, try to get enough sleep, eat well. To get your mind off of your relationship situation, really throw yourself into school. Try not to let your grades slide too much because it can be really difficult to bring them up.

If you aren't still in therapy/counseling/whatever, try to see someone. You need someone besides your boyfriend who can lend a shoulder to lean on. I was always very emotionally dependent upon my boyfriends but I found that it is better to not be that way. I love my husband and I share everything with him, but he is not my best friend - I have friends that I can go to when I have a problem with him or with stuff that he is just not able to help me with.

I really hope this helps some. Good luck.

 

[Eye<3Colour]

your not alone. im miserable right now. i just finished my paxil after a year. it helped a bunch, but put weight on me, and controlled my mind to much. i didnt like it. so now im going thru all my issues again. i cry at the drop of dime, i dont want to leave the house, i get really pissed off at anything anyone says that i dont like. ugg its bad. so what i did this weekend was chop the hair, color it funky and went shopping. although temporary, it helped me get thru the weekend w/my mind on something else. i am going to go back to the dr tho and get on a diff medicine. i know i need it, and it does help alot. but i dont think paxil was the right one for me. i fought for years not to go on meds. i kept telling myself im stronger then that. i dont need help like that. finally i gave in last january. i was ok w/everything. i didnt stress about my weight, family, job, nothing. life is to short to be the way u, i , and others are. i think you should look into seeing a nurse practictioner or doctor and try out a medication. i always thought being strong was fighting the fact that i have mental problems, but found out that being is strong is admitting it and doing something about it. best of luck to you sweetie. <3

 

[mspixieears]

Wow, sounds like me for the last 6 years...no, actually this year has been a bit better.

Gosh, I've been in your exact situation and I can't offer advice: that sucks. However, it might take a while to get to a stage where you won't feel hurt by every little thing. I recall before my breakdown, I was so emotionally strong but fighting so hard to be like that...it really wore me down. To the point where I can't watch the news or read the newspaper.

Last November, my boyfriend of over 2 yrs pretty much decided he didn't want to be with me anymore (incidentally, I was beginning to get sick again) and this wasn't the first time he'd done this to me either but I just kept finding things to do to fill the days. We're talking back to basics here - a good day for me was just getting out of bed and eating breakfast & taking meds. If I slept after that for 15 hrs, so be it. I do so feel for you, because usually my significant other is also my best friend.

Each day, I'd add another little thing to that, like getting out of my nightclothes and dressing. Going out into the garden. And this kind of crap could take weeks, months even. The other thing that has helped was this year I cracked down and made a huge effort to stop missing appointments to see my psychiatrist (the drug man) and my therapist.

I think your wanting to focus on school is a good thing! You can really use that as your grounding thing. That's my goal for this month, to find out more about a diploma I'm really interested in.

I try to avoid the things that bring me down, and find things that do lift my spirits. My cat, comics on fantasy themes, reruns of TV shows, definitely baths and hot drinks. Can't take hot baths in summer (now) which is probably why this is generally my worst time of year.

Wish desperately that I could prove to you that things will get better - it may take a while, but things do improve, and in case you're wondering, I've had severe depression for over half my life now. With the help of Western medicine, (sometimes) people, family etc. and alternative remedies, the despair does ride itself out. Eventually.

You can always PM me if you want to, if you think it will help or I can help.

 

[Julie]

I am so sorry things aren't going so well for you now but try to stay strong and if you ever need to talk you can pm me. I know how you're feeling about the depression and being so dependant on your boyfriend because I am the same way. Our relationship is good now but I don't know how I would function without him. I've dealt with depression for years now without any medicine just the help and support of my boyfriend but I am at the point where I need more and am thinking about seeing a therapist and if needed getting on meds.

 

[visivo]

Thank you so much for you support, everyone. I am doing my best to respond as I can. It's helpful to write about this, but also pretty draining, you know. I just want to say that its helpful to hear everyones situations; to know that im not alone in this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julie I am so sorry things aren't going so well for you now but try to stay strong and if you ever need to talk you can pm me. I know how you're feeling about the depression and being so dependant on your boyfriend because I am the same way. Our relationship is good now but I don't know how I would function without him. I've dealt with depression for years now without any medicine just the help and support of my boyfriend but I am at the point where I need more and am thinking about seeing a therapist and if needed getting on meds.

Yes, exactly -- even when things are going great I feel like I put too much on him, as my only source of support and everything. We've talked and i think things are going to be alright, because i have acknowledged how I know it affects him greatly, and ive been really on-edge and bitchy lately, so even though he wants to help, its also hard for him to be around me. I just need to make some big changes. I love him so much, and I'm glad to know he's still there for me -- it's relieving and just another little kick to keep me going on solving these other problems. I am still a little freaked out but positive about these changes

-thank you again...

 

[VaJenna]

oh girl. if you need an ear to vent. you can always come im me and vent it all (aim- xxxdoMEinthebutt). i think this has been the worst year for me as well and i know how much it helped when someone was just there to listen

keep your chin up, things will get better <3<3<3

Jenna

 

[faithhopelove24]

This may sound stupid but try helping others and you'll quicky see your own situation in a different light. I'm not saying it'a s "cure all" but I believe it will help. Don't worry, things will get better soon

 

[Professor Fate]

alcohol + violence = problem solved

 

[Peaches]

When I feel that bad that I dont think anything is worth it, I think of my family & how much they care about me and I about them. You only have one life and then that's it. You have to learn to take the good with the bad & appreciate it as an experience. Being sad is JUST an emotion, same as being happy. It wont last forever and you have the power to change it if you allow yourself to.

Whenever I have a bad day at work, I think of my favourite calming song (Black Eyed Peas - Third Eye), then I close my eyes and let the song slow me down. Then I think about how refreshing the air is, how vibrant the grass it, how it feels in my hands, etc... little things like that to take your mind off the big picture. It helps because when you think about everything, you're trying to cram it all in and think 'everything has to be perfect'... but it doesnt. That's what life is about. Life wouldnt be worth living if there weren't the downs to go with the ups. The downs just make you appreciate the ups even more.

With school & work, just do your best and dont beat yourself up about it. The best you can do is the best you can do. Take things slowly & dont be afraid to ask for guidance. Smile even when you dont feel like smiling and talk yourself into a good mood. 'Fake it til you make it'.

With the boy... you may not want to hear it, but you have your WHOLE life ahead of you, there are billions of people on this planet. You will have no trouble meeting someone new. When I broke up with my first serious boyfriend, I thought it was the end of the world. I thought I would never be able to connect with someone ever again and it would be too much hard work. But time heals all wounds... Think of things in the present and take one thing at a time.

I know it sounds like a bunch of cliches, but its true. Sorry for rambling. Hope it helps xx

 

[pushhupsindrag]

i have had similar problems not as bad though considering my age but this has alwyas worked for me- grab your favorite ice cream, snacks ect. sit on the couch pop in your favorite movie and start crying your eyes out until there is nothing left then take everything one step at a time dont try to fix everything at once. and i do hope thigns get better!!!

 

[joytheobscure]

(((Hugs)))) I'm sorry, this september my husband and I really went through a spell and it was really hard on me and still to think about it, I really haven't gotten over some of the things he said to me. We've been together since I was 18, I'm 28 now, so I know what it is like to feel so totally dependent on someone being there all the time, I was totally crushed when he threatened to leave in september because of money issues...He's still here but I really will never forget what he said to me- he's lost some of my trust. But as far as your guy is concerned there are a million more out there. Maybe counseling or talking, if you can't have a conversation without fighting then maybe it isn't worth it, that can't help your health. Or watch that "Love on the Rocks" show and then see some interesting relationships.

Work wise, my work is hit and miss, one day I hate it the next day its tolerable. But I feel trapped because no job will give me the benefits, pay and time off that mine does. I never have days where I just "love it" and there are so many people who teach for the "rewarding career" - I teach for summers. I like my job tomorrow its pay day. LOL --

Don't sweat the small stuff and this will pass, it will get better. Take a hot bath and go to the mac counter. I really use those hot baths to unwind though, and call my best friend and whoever will talk to me. I shop. What is bad I do shop when I'm stressed. I really hate feeling down, I read a spicy romance novel those help.