Coworker has a crush on me, help

[Shadowy Lady]

I actually cannot believe I'm posting about this on here, but I guess I can use you guys' help.

I work in a multi-disciplinary company, with many departments that work independent of each other. I have various work-buddies in every department as I'm quite bit of a social butterfly. One of my work buddies is this guy who's a petty quite dude, i really don't see him talk to many more ppl besides me. We go to lunch every once in a while either just the two of us or with other coworkers. He is always complimentary towards me. As in he'd message me and tell me that he liked how i look on a certain day and what not. I never really thought a big deal of it, as in all honestly, since I work with men, I'm used to it. I just took it lightly and never thought much of it. Especially with this guy, due to his South American heritage, i dismissed it as part of his culture. We're both married, he's about 12 years my senior and also mentors me on some jobs.

Now a few weeks ago, I was complaining to him about this random guy who was hitting on me and won't let go. He listened attentively and offered me advice, but then decided to come out and tell me that he has been in love with me for 2 years

(I've knows him for like 2.5 years) and that he can't stop thinking about me as soon as i'm on the other side of the office. He also said he understands that I probably don't feel the same way (I'm in love with my hubby btw), but he just wanted to tell me. As he said it was going on for too long and was killing him. And then he said he was hoping we still be friends. I pretty much just listened in shock. Now this was 2 weeks ago and I now feel awkward around him (shocking). I really only saw him as coworker/friend/mentor and nothing more and this was a surprise to me. I try to act normal but it's weird to hang around someone when you hear all that you know? He actually hasn't hinted about the earlier conversation ever since but still...

What would you guys do in this situation? Would you totally cut this person off just coz u felt weird? I do like his company as a friend and he's a great mentor. I'm totally torn on what to do, HELP!

 

[User38]

Shadowy, it's a difficult situation at best imo. Maybe you should just talk to him and tell him you like him as a friend/coworker but that's it.. and then just move on and forget it. Don't give him any signals of false hope if that's what you feel.. men will seize anything even going to lunch as a signal that you like him deep down.. tricky.

good luck.

 

[LMD84]

well i can see why he is attracted to you because you're bloody gorgeous! however i can imagine how awkward you feel right now. personally i would send him a message saying that you are really flattered but obviously you are deeply in love with your husband. say that you don't want things to be strained between you because of your work so you would appreciate if he never brings the subject up again. then maybe say something like i hope we can continue to have a great working relationship together. i think things will be a bit weird for a little while but it should get better. just make sure that he doesn't send you messages complimenting you on how you look and such. because to be honest i don't think that is right for a co-worker to do that. but don't cut the guy off whatever you do. he most likely feels like a bit of a prat anyway right now, just continue as you normally would but try and keep the conversations to work stuff only.

and as HG said - good luck!

 

[n_c]

I agree with Lou, tell him you would like to remain friends but that he can't bring it up again...out of respect of course.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

thanks guys, I posted a reply to this yesterday and not sure why it didn't post :/ but yea I did tell him right away it wasn't gonna work and he knows that too well. That's why I really wish he hadn't told me he loved me. He hasn't hinted at anything since but I still feel kinda awekward around him. What makes it worse is that now my supervisor is looking to hire someone for our department internally and this guy is his #1 candidate, ughhh!

I really hope I get past this awekward phase soon...

 

[LMD84]

thanks guys, I posted a reply to this yesterday and not sure why it didn't post :/ but yea I did tell him right away it wasn't gonna work and he knows that too well. That's why I really wish he hadn't told me he loved me. He hasn't hinted at anything since but I still feel kinda awekward around him. What makes it worse is that now my supervisor is looking to hire someone for our department internally and this guy is his #1 candidate, ughhh!

I really hope I get past this awekward phase soon...

oh no! this is mean but i hope that he doesn't get the job! that will be even worse!

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Lou - I know! My supervisor had mentioned this to me previousely but this was before this guy came forward telling me he liked me :/ So at the time I told my supervisor it was a great idea. Especially since I get along well with this guy and he's a good mentor. boooo, I wish I could take it back!

 

[banana1234]

i'm sure the awkward phase will wear off eventually, you must have had a small idea that he liked you but probably managed to shrug it off, after a while you will feel like things are back to normal, but just be careful cos you dont want to hurt his feelings, maybe cool things off for a little while, but try to remain friends in the long run, maybe invite other people to lunch when u go together, so there is some one else to lighten the mood

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Banana - yeah u are 100% correct i did shrug it off mainly coz I thought i was imagining things, lol! I def don't want to hurt his feeling as I do like him as a friend/coworker. I actually managed to pass by him a few times today without feeling awekward, yey!

 

[LMD84]

Banana - yeah u are 100% correct i did shrug it off mainly coz I thought i was imagining things, lol! I def don't want to hurt his feeling as I do like him as a friend/coworker. I actually managed to pass by him a few times today without feeling awekward, yey!

oh that is good progress then! awesome stuff!