Dating with HSV?

[S.S.BlackOrchid]

I have genital herpes (HSV1). I get very few outbreaks (about 1 every 1.5-2 years). It's not something that I think about every day and I have a pretty normal life, except that it is very hard to date people. It's tricky because I want people to know before they get too attached, yet I don't want to tell people who I don't know well enough because I don't know what they'll do with the information.

I am frustrated because most information about STDs is about how not to get an STD, and there is very little information about how to have relationships and how not to give someone an STD. Having herpes does not make my sex drive any lower, and I still crave intimacy. Is there any good help out there? How do people with HSV find love?

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

If you have genital herpes that would be considered HSV2 not HSV-1...correct me if I'm wrong though. I used to get cold sores on my lip and was told by a doc that it was oral herpes - HSV1; but as we know oral herpes can also cause genital herpes. I haven't had a cold sore in 4 years but watch me jinx myself.

I can honestly say finding someone you click well with and really like and feel happy with and want to pursue a long-term relationship with is just hard in general. Well for me it has been. I don't date much and have been in only 2 serious relationships. I don't know, dating is just dating to me until its taken to the next level; that's when it gets more personal. It doesn't hold much significance until a level of seriousness is established, but of course you have to get from point A to get to point B, if any of that makes sense lol.

I can understand your dilemma. You explained it well. You want the person you're dating to know but don't want to disclose something so private in case it does not work out, you don't want him leaving with that bit of private information...but on the other hand, you don't want a potential man to find out too late because you feel like he deserves to know this. My advice would be to disclose this when you feel the time is right. Worry about you. A good man will understand and will decide what to do next; whether it be to stay or leave. Sorry I wasn't much help. I am sure there are many good articles you can find online.

 

[banana1234]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveMakeup4Real I can understand your dilemma. You explained it well. You want the person you're dating to know but don't want to disclose something so private in case it does not work out, you don't want him leaving with that bit of private information...but on the other hand, you don't want a potential man to find out too late because you feel like he deserves to know this. My advice would be to disclose this when you feel the time is right. Worry about you. A good man will understand and will decide what to do next; whether it be to stay or leave. Sorry I wasn't much help. I am sure there are many good articles you can find online.

excellently put..

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

Here is a site I found with advice on how to disclose this. I thought it was pretty informative. I'll paste it below, I've bold the ones I like

Tips for Telling Someone That You Have Herpes

- Always tell your partner(s) about herpes BEFORE you have sexual contact with them, and give them enough time to read up on it and become better informed before deciding whether or not to have intimate contact with you. Do NOT wait until you are about to jump on each other and throw caution to the wind. And do not wait until AFTER you sleep with them! Honesty is always the best policy. Even if you are only interested in a casual relationship, your partner deserves to know the facts before making the decision to become intimate with you. If you do not feel comfortable enough to talk to a potential partner about herpes and other STDs, then you are NOT ready to have sexual contact with them. Wait until you feel ready to have "the talk."

- Stay calm when discussing "H." Remember, it's a very common virus that about 25% of US adults already have. For most people who have it, symptoms are infrequent or mild or mistaken for something else - so much so that up to 90% of the people who have it, don't even know it. You're a normal person who just happens to have "H". Your friend will take their cues from you. If you make "H" sound like a bigger deal than it is, they'll be more concerned.

- Explain to him/her that there are many types of herpes, and that one of the most common is HSV1 - which is usually the cause of "cold sores" around the mouth. Up to 80% of the US population already has HSV1 and got it sometime during their childhood from kissing, etc. HSV1 can also be spread to the genitals during oral sex. "Shingles" are caused by yet another strain of herpes - herpes zoster - same virus that causes Chicken Pox. Epstein-Barr and Mononucleosis are also different strains of the herpes virus. HSV2 is just a different strain of this same common virus.

- Because HSV2 is so common - yet so few people who have it have been properly diagnosed - it is possible that your friend might already have the virus and not know it. And even if he/she doesn't have it, odds are that 1 in every 4 of his/her previous sexual partners had herpes, even if they didn't know it and were not showing any symptoms. You might recommend that he/she get one of the new, very reliable type-specific blood tests for HSV2 (and/or HSV1).

- "H" is just a virus. It does not define who you are. Everyone has "stuff" to deal with in their lives, and this is just one of the cards that you were dealt. In the scheme of things, there are so many worse problems to have in a relationship - lying, cheating, poor communication, values differences, anger management problems, drug or alcohol abuse, lack of time, low self-esteem, or more serious health problems. If "H" is your biggest issue, you're a true catch!

- Give your friend time to do some research on herpes - but also tell him/her where to find that info. Ask him/her to take whatever time they need to go over the information and to feel free ask you any questions if they want.

- Remember, you are doing your friend a favor by educating him/her about herpes. And even if he/she decides not to move forward in the relationship, he/she is only deciding to reject the herpes - not you personally. But you also might be pleasantly surprised at his/her reaction.

- No matter what happens, your friend will think more highly of you for being so honest with him/her and showing that you care about his/her health. It will also show that you are a responsible, ethical person who is willing and able to discuss "difficult" issues. These qualities will set you apart from the many people out there who might not disclose such things - just so that they can sleep with someone. You're not like those people. So unless he or she is only looking for casual sex, they will recognize that you're someone they should not discard simply because of a silly virus.

Dating with Herpes - Telling Someone That You Have Herpes

Take care!

 

[S.S.BlackOrchid]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveMakeup4Real If you have genital herpes that would be considered HSV2 not HSV-1...correct me if I'm wrong though. I used to get cold sores on my lip and was told by a doc that it was oral herpes - HSV1; but as we know oral herpes can also cause genital herpes. I haven't had a cold sore in 4 years but watch me jinx myself. I can honestly say finding someone you click well with and really like and feel happy with and want to pursue a long-term relationship with is just hard in general. Well for me it has been. I don't date much and have been in only 2 serious relationships. I don't know, dating is just dating to me until its taken to the next level; that's when it gets more personal. It doesn't hold much significance until a level of seriousness is established, but of course you have to get from point A to get to point B, if any of that makes sense lol. I can understand your dilemma. You explained it well. You want the person you're dating to know but don't want to disclose something so private in case it does not work out, you don't want him leaving with that bit of private information...but on the other hand, you don't want a potential man to find out too late because you feel like he deserves to know this. My advice would be to disclose this when you feel the time is right. Worry about you. A good man will understand and will decide what to do next; whether it be to stay or leave. Sorry I wasn't much help. I am sure there are many good articles you can find online.

While HSV 1 tends to be oral, it can occur on the genitals too. The blood test showed that I had HSV 1.

Either way, yes you understood me very well, thanks for the reply what you say makes sense, about dating just being dating till it's taken to a more serious level.

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

Thanks for the clarification.


nvm, found the answer!

 

[Boasorte]

Quote:

Originally Posted by S.S.BlackOrchid While HSV 1 tends to be oral, it can occur on the genitals too. The blood test showed that I had HSV 1. Either way, yes you understood me very well, thanks for the reply what you say makes sense, about dating just being dating till it's taken to a more serious level.

About 80% of the population has HSV1

I may have the exact figure wrong, but HSV is super common.