Dealing With Loneliness

[TangoMango]

Hey all!

I've been single since March 2007, and it's starting to get to me. I have friends and such, but I miss being in a relationship. I miss going to the movies, talking about various topics, and having someone I can lean on when I'm down. In other words, I'm lonely.

I have met a few guys that I thought I liked, but it went no where. Is anybody else going through this as well? How are you dealing with this?

Also, why is it that anytime I do meet a guy that I find attractive, it's when I'm not looking for a relationship and I end up screwing it up?

 

[MACATTAK]

I've been single for awhile too, and sometimes it is hard. When you want to do things, just do them for yourself. You can always take yourself to the movies or shopping etc. Rely on your friends more for support.
When I see couples around me having problems I'm SOO thankful that it's not me in that situation. I'm working and in school (plus I have a good amount of friends), so I'm looking at it as I don't need another distraction in my life right now. It will happen when it happens, and until then I'm getting my life in order.

 

[NicksWifey]

I remember when I used to be single, I always felt the same way. It seemed like the really good guys that came along that I always saw myself in a serious relationship with, those ones always ended up leaving and the ones that were looking for something more, I didn't want anything to do with them. I can relate to how you feel

Believe me, I know it's no fun, especially when it seems like everyone around you has a significant other in their life. For about six months, I really missed having a special someone in my life that could be my best friend and lover as well. I don't know how, but it finally happened, just out of luck for me I think.

I think if you just take things slow and surround yourself with a bunch of great single friends, you can still have a good time. When you're single, you can go out and meet new people without having to worry about getting accused of flirting and such, know what I mean?
Don't worry, you will meet your special someone soon enough

 

[simplyenchantin]

I know exactly how this feels. There have been times when I so desperately wanted a partner and felt like there was no hope of finding anybody, yet other times you're not even looking and you have 3 guys fall onto your lap so to speak, and then you choose the wrong one and it all falls to pieces! It is SO frustrating. I have a boyfriend at the moment and every day there's a new problem, so much so sometimes I wonder if I was happier being alone! All I can say is, everything happens for a reason and maybe at the moment you're destined for other things. I think you'll find someone special when you least expect it.

 

[gigglepot]

I have to agree with simply and I often wonder if you actually think that you need someone in ur life it may make the way you act and react to a situation different to how you would normally be as yourself.... I truly believe & yes it sounds so cliche, that you have to be happy alone and be ok with being alone to find someone... because u arent constantly looking and u dont just settle for what falls in ur lap... in the mean time there is nothing to stop you doing the things u love on ur own or with friends... u never know if u go alone u may just find that perfect someone who is also alone & if ur both there alone it obviously means u have some common interests

 

[revinn]

I've been single for about a year and a half now, and I don't think I've ever really been in a SERIOUS relationship. I just love being independent! I love being able to come home at night, and having no responsibility to call anyone or to do anything but relax. I love being able to go to parties, and flirt as much as I want without being tied down. You need to be happy by yourself, it's such an important thing. If you let your happiness be validated by a guy, then something isn't right. Look at a relationship as a bonus to your life, not as the central focus.

 

[CandiGirl21]

I'm single and currently using The Secret to find someone or as they say, "Let the universe find someone for me to love". Yeah. It sounds a bit out there, but it works for material things why not a love life. It's the same concept as you mentioned, "Also, why is it that anytime I do meet a guy that I find attractive, it's when I'm not looking for a relationship and I end up screwing it up". Also, "Don't find love let love find you." That saying works well too!

That means, if it was going to work for the BOTH of you he would have tried to make it work. He wouldn't have just walked like the other men have. See the difference between real love and just some random guy now? When it comes to love, there's a feeling. You get giddy, silly, extra happy, excited and most of all turned on when you see him/touch him. He is the yin to your yang and when you finally talk to him, you'll know.

 

[ClaireAvril]

Don't obsess yourself with what you don't have. YOu're just making yourself more unhappy.
Be an independant woman.. what is wrong with shopping on your own.. going to the movies etc. There is nothing wrong with waiting patiently for the right person to come along and being happy in the meantime.
Get out there and do what you like to do.. you will end up meeting people that way.. new friends.. new men.. it will be fabulous.

 

[babydoll_020]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TangoMango Hey all! I've been single since March 2007, and it's starting to get to me. I have friends and such, but I miss being in a relationship. I miss going to the movies, talking about various topics, and having someone I can lean on when I'm down. In other words, I'm lonely. I have met a few guys that I thought I liked, but it went no where. Is anybody else going through this as well? How are you dealing with this? Also, why is it that anytime I do meet a guy that I find attractive, it's when I'm not looking for a relationship and I end up screwing it up?

Tango Mango,

I think its perfectly normal that you feel this, especially if your use to always having someone around, but I assure you, you can get through this

You were living before the 'he's' came around, so you can go on living without 'them' for the time being....

Babes instead of focusing on who isnt there.. focus on who IS there.. and that is YOURSELF. Being in any relationship can often make forget about the very person you should always remember - you. Your not going to be lonely forever - if you plan to get marrried, and have children, the time you have for yourself at current, you should use to your advantage - use this time for self reflection and improvement... Learn a skill, earn a degree, get fit, adopt a dog from the RSPCA, if you have time do some volunteer work, or just finish off those things you always said you would.. Im pretty sure we alll have something that we;ve always wanted to do but never got around to doing it cos we never had the time - well guess what! you have that time now. Use it wisely because you wont ever have that same moment again.

And as for screwing up every potential relationship.. is your strong desire to rid yourself of loneliness making yourself screw this up? A fail proof method - with every guy you meet, correct your thinking - think of him as the loose term of a 'friend'. Perhaps you find the 'pressure' to make things 'work' destroying this...? Since you havent pinpointed how you screw it up I cant give a more detailed response...

 

[TangoMango]

Thank you all for the responses!

I just want to add that I do enjoy doing things by myself and with friends, but I get lonely sometimes. I do shop, and I take my little brother to the movies, but I miss having an SO I can share these things with.

babydoll_020: Couple of days ago I was at the bus stop going to work and there was this cute guy waiting too. He was real cute, just my type, but I didn't say anything. He asked me if I knew which bus was heading towards the college so I told him which one (I go to that college as well). When the bus came, he even let me go on first. I should have talked to him some more, but of course I shut down like I always do when an attractive guy talks to me. Sometimes I think this is the reason why relationships don't evolve for me.

 

[babydoll_020]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TangoMango Thank you all for the responses! I just want to add that I do enjoy doing things by myself and with friends, but I get lonely sometimes. I do shop, and I take my little brother to the movies, but I miss having an SO I can share these things with. babydoll_020: Couple of days ago I was at the bus stop going to work and there was this cute guy waiting too. He was real cute, just my type, but I didn't say anything. He asked me if I knew which bus was heading towards the college so I told him which one (I go to that college as well). When the bus came, he even let me go on first. I should have talked to him some more, but of course I shut down like I always do when an attractive guy talks to me. Sometimes I think this is the reason why relationships don't evolve for me.

Tango mango,

I see..... its understandably that missing void thats felt in those certain moments where you wished that someone was with you... I guess even as much as I love my independence, there are those moment even I find difficult to deal with.. but Im so use to it now.. so I guess time, habit, and 'seeing' guys is something thats helped me deal with the loneliness..

As for you 'screwing' up every potential relationship -Dont be so hard on yourself tango mango! Your bus stop inncident - why are you blaming yourself for the failure of the potential relationship? Blame yourself as much as you like AFTER a relationship has failed, but definately not before hand! Thats being way too hard on yourself for something that hasnt even happened yet! So you have a few nerves cracking when an attractive guy is talking to you - I can definately relate, as I once had this problem. Im not too sure what causes your nerves Tango mango, but mine had alot to do with self esteem issues....

 

[Stephy171]

I have felt like this before but as many say its so not worth is in spanish we say "Es mejor andar solo, que mal acompaniado" = it is better to be alone than be in bad company lolol

makes much more sense in spanishh..... it is s natural feeling we're human and we want that connection with someone but i now realize and refuse to settle for less when i find the right person good..... im young in the meantimee this is when i live my life and better myself im going to school and i have a future set up and honestly when i see some girls like friends of mine put thier futures on hold for a guy it makes me sick!!

I agree with the whole secret and be positive thingg!

My mom tells me in order for someone to love you, you have to learn to love yourself and this is so truee

thats a factt hehe and there is no way getting around that

 

[florabundance]

Yeah, I feel that way too. Have been single since September and it's not that you miss that guy specifically, just the territories that come with being in a relationship and having a connection with someone, right?
I miss it too - so much - but I refuse to be bummed out about it. I just keep my options open. I try never to define what im looking for (something casual, a serious relationship) so that I don't end up misreading situations, hurting someone else or myself.
To be fair though, because my social life is currently on mute (majority of friends went away to college, financial reasons), I haven't had the chance to really mingle ..so of course i'm gonna be missing the comforts of a relationship. I just look at it that way.
Loneliness is a really difficult thing to deal with, because I think it can tamper with your self-esteem and you start blaming yourself for absolutely everything negative that happens.
Spend the time doing things that make you happy, with no other agenda other than to make you happy...and you'll see that you'll become far more fulfilled and in doing so, hopefully find someone to share that fulfillment with.