do i have a right to be mad?

[MahalMac]

okay so last night my hubby and i got into an argument over shorts! a pair of stupid shorts! we were talking about the basketball shorts he religously wears EVERY day.. (not really religously but you know what i mean)..and hes like you know where igot these shorts right? and i said no... and he said devin (thats his ex gf) gave them to me when i visited her in college.. and i just got SOOO MAD.. because ive worn those shorts before and it just makes me sick that he wears them everyday..

do i have a right to be mad?

 

[theblackqueen]

First off, let me say that I am a vindictive bitch, so maybe I'll be a bit off.
I think you do. I may be a big fat hypocrite for saying so as I wear clothes my exes got me all of the time, but I feel like A) I earned it for dealing with their crap and most of their abusive behavior and B) It's completely fine if I don't tell my current partner where it's from, once you do it crosses the line into disrespect.
I feel like the way your husband told you those shorts were given to him by his ex was incredibly disrespectful. Also, there is a little something wrong with him wearing them everyday, it blurs the lines of "Oh she's in the past" because a physical reminder of her is there, every day.
This isn't JUST an argument about shorts, it's far from that. Sometimes you have to lay down the law and tell them that you really feel disrespected, I'm doing this right now with my ex because he never complements me and is constantly going on about other women flirting with him and how hot other women are. He didn't even realize it was hurting me so much. The flipside is that they will most likely think that their behavior is excusable for some lame reason or they just don't understand why it's disrespectful. You have to overlook the whole "Will he think I'm a heinous bitch if I tell him how i feel?" because girl, you gotta be in this for yourself and tell him what's what.
I hope things work out, and I hope I'm not helping to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

 

[purrtykitty]

I think you're overreacting...he married you, right? Besides, it's just shorts (it's not like a personalized piece of jewelry)...men generally don't have emotional connections to things like women do. Now I do think he was being a jerk when he asked if you knew who gave him the shorts, but oh well. If it really bothers you that much, maturely ask him that he not wear the shorts (at least not around you) and maybe offer to get him his very own special pair from you.

 

[alwaysbella]

I agree with both post, but.....what would i do if i was in that situation, let's see....
go to the store, buy a new one, hide the 'everyday shorts' and tell him 'hey i did not liked you wearing those shorts every day and it bother me your comment, here are your new shorts 'from me' and dont bother to look for the other ones....i got rid of them.
and if he buys it then do get rid of them ...

 

[TDoll]

As a married gal myself, I would be upset by this. Not because they were given to him by a former girlfriend (ok, maybe it has A LITTLE bit to do with it!

), but more because HE IS JUST NOW TELLING YOU THIS!!
Ask him this... Would he want you wearing a dress all the time that was given to you by a former boyfriend?? My guess is no.

 

[duckduck]

It sounds like he said that the shorts were from his ex in order to get to you. If that is the case, then he is really not playing fair. I wouldn't be mad about the shorts, I would be mad about the fact he was saying things in an effort to upset you. That not only isn't a constructive way to argue, it is damaging to your relationship. It is important in any relationship to have arguments and disagreements, but bringing up an ex in a way to make you insecure, angry, or otherwise upset is just below the belt.

 

[MissChriss]

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckduck It sounds like he said that the shorts were from his ex in order to get to you. If that is the case, then he is really not playing fair. I wouldn't be mad about the shorts, I would be mad about the fact he was saying things in an effort to upset you. That not only isn't a constructive way to argue, it is damaging to your relationship. It is important in any relationship to have arguments and disagreements, but bringing up an ex in a way to make you insecure, angry, or otherwise upset is just below the belt.

Co-sign on this !! In the past I have brought up my ex to get to my bf so I do recognize what he did as some immature stuff to get your attention to make you jealous or upset. I probably would make a big deal out it because thats what I do but then again thats probably what he wants you to do. Does he typically do things like this?

He probably just likes to wear the shorts. I don't think he just wears it because of her. I truly think he sole reason for bringing it up was to get a rise out of you. I would probably ignore it and not give him what he wants but I would do as another poster suggested and buy him some more shorts and simply state I like these better on you or you could go the emotional route and tell him straight up " I felt like _____ when you _____" and see how he responds and go from there just so he knows this its not a game.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Is he mentioning it to be an ass or did you ask him where he bought them?

If he said something to be an ass, definitely be mad. Not because they're his ex's but because he's trying to be hurtful

If he just mentioned it without any intent, who cares? They're just clothes, he washes them, etc. It's not like he's rocking a t-shirt with his and her face on it. Maybe they're nice shorts.

 

[glassy girl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by purrtykitty I think you're overreacting...he married you, right? Besides, it's just shorts (it's not like a personalized piece of jewelry)...men generally don't have emotional connections to things like women do. Now I do think he was being a jerk when he asked if you knew who gave him the shorts, but oh well. If it really bothers you that much, maturely ask him that he not wear the shorts (at least not around you) and maybe offer to get him his very own special pair from you.

Omg she took the words right out of my mouth its so true guys dont have emotional connections to things like we do so dont worry to much he was just being a butt. One thing i learned about being married for ten years is u pick ur battles carefully other wise u could end up fighting about everything. Men sometimes say things to get a reaction and it usally doesnt go any deeper than that im sure hes not thinking of her when he wears his shorts to him there just a comfy pair of shorts.

 

[SkylarV217]

The fact that he brought up that his EX gave them to him means that the fact that she gave them to him means something to him. That being said he wears them a lot so yes you do have the right to be mad. He should have never brought the fact that she gave them to him up. He probably said it b/c he knew it would get to you. That was wrong! In short, you have a right to be upset. Not b/c he wore the shorts a lot to begin with .... But b/c of everything that happened in the course of the argument .

 

[Tasti_Butterfly]

If it were me, I would have burned those shorts right in front of my husband. Then again my husband lets me get away with pretty much anything but cheating lol Not just because they came from an ex but mostly because of not know all along.

 

[user79]

Hm, personally I wouldn't care if my bf wore shorts that some ex gave him, they're just shorts! Men just get into the habit of liking a certain item of clothing because it's comfy and then wearing that til it falls apart. He probably finds them really comfy, it has nothing to do with him having any feelings for his ex. When you think of it like that, who gave them to him seems insignificant.

If it was a sexy pair of boxers or something, that would be another matter and I'd ask him to get rid of them.

 

[Lauren1981]

the only thing i'd be pissed about was him throwing the ex-girl info in there. there was really no point in him telling you that. i mean, is there bad blood between u and this ex? that's almost what it sounds like. i may be wrong and i'm not trying to assume anything, just an observation/question.

i do agree with everyone else about him just wearing a comfy pair of shorts. my dad has a freakin t-shirt he got from jamaica in 1986 and still wears it religously. i mean, its so sheer now. like he's walkin around in a constant wet t-shirt contest but he's comfy in it so we really can't say anything about it.

i have clothes in my closet that an ex-b/f bought me and it has nothing what-so-ever to do with how i feel about him. i don't think of him when i put the clothes on. i just like them so i'll keep wearing them. same thing with your husband.

HOWEVER, i would check him on bringing up the fact of his ex-g/f buying them for him. he did that specifically to piss u off and that's messed up.

i wouldn't go as far as to say you over-reacted i just wouldn't put too much thought into it. not to mention that you wear the shorts too. if he WERE actually holding on to them for "sentimental" reasons that just shows how not-sentimental he is about the chick, ya know?

you'll be okay ;-)

 

[Karen_B]

If it were me, I wouldn't be bothered at all. But it does seem like your husband thinks it's a bit of a big deal, since he took such great care to tell you where he got the shorts from?
If my husband told me out of the blue he got a pair of shorts or whatever from an ex, I'd be wondering why he felt the need to tell me. I wouldn't care, but I'd be wondering why he cared.

 

[glam8babe]

ughhh me and my bf argue about pointless stuff all the time, but i dont blame you for being mad, i mean his EX gave him them... dont worry about it though, i mean what if she seen you wearing them? she would be more mad than you because she was the one that gave him them, and you're wearing them.
hope everything works out

 

[xtiffineyx]

If it really bothers you and it's just those cheap basketball shorts then just go buy him some new ones and get rid of the other ones. That's what I'd do.

 

[lazytolove]

Well first of all, if i were you, i'll be mad for sure. But let's look at the situation both side. I've been with many guys and I truly understand their personalities. Most of the guys they don't even care about what they say, not even care about my feeling. But for some reasons, i know they do really love me. Anyway, those type of guys are the immature type. If you plan to be in a long term relationship with him, i suggest you to talk with him and try to fix his weakness. If he keeps doing that, he will drive you nut! ;]

 

[kaliraksha]

I totally don't blame your for getting pissed. But, the only thing that would upset me was that it sounds like he said it to be hurtful.

I would try to patch things up and compromise by buying him a pair or two of the same type of shorts and ask him if he would mind trading. If he asks 'why' just tell him that it's hard not to think of his ex when he wears them and you don't want him to give up what he likes (the shorts/ comfort).

Now, I see nothing really wrong with wearing something an old ex gave me. I still use it because I happen to love the item, not the ex. But, I see no reason to tell my current SO about it. Especially because I know that if I tell my SO I will probably have to get rid of the item that I love so much.

 

[HOTasFCUK]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tasti_Butterfly If it were me, I would have burned those shorts right in front of my husband. .

I'm totally with you on this one girl!!!!!!!

I would start to slowly destroy the shorts, maybe start with a little hole or two then wash the hell outta them (i'm talking 1800's washboard here!) and let them get so beat until he can't be seen in public with them!

Or, refuse to touch them & make him wash them! Since most guys hate to do laundry, he will just get fed up and toss them out when they get too dirty!

Ok, so all joking aside, i would be pissed about the part where he throws it in your face about th ex gf. But don't forget, its you who gets to rip those shorts off of him at night, not his ex!!!

 

[M.A.C. head.]

Yep. Burn them shits.