bustaboo
Member
I'm apologizing in advance for the extremely long post. I don't blame you if you've opened the thread and gone "Oh HELLLL no!" and moved on to another thread straight away.
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He's Muslim and I'm Christian - but we respect each others religious differences and opinions.
My family love him and have no problem with him, and he's the first boyfriend I've ever had that has treated me right. He is so respectful and always wants what's best for me. I couldn't fault him.
The only issue with our relationship is that his parents don't know about me. I have met his sister and she knows about us, but the parents have no clue.
In the first few months we started dating I didn't mind that. Then after about 6 months it started getting to me, but I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to pressure him. I was scared he would leave me if his parents didn't approve. He knew something was wrong and we had a big discussion about it which put my mind at ease. He told me he is dying to tell them but he's waiting for the right moment. And if they didn't approve, it would not stop him seeing me. He said even if they didn't like the idea of him being with someone who is not of the same descent/religion they would still respect that it is his decision and his life. They can only give their guidance in what they think is right.
In his culture, you introduce a girl to your family if you're going to marry her. Him waiting for the right moment and time to tell his parents I something I totally understand (it took me 4 months to tell my parents, and he met my entire family at my 21st birthday party). I know it would be a hard thing to do, especially in a Muslim family and especially because his parents are pretty old-school. I also know that when they do find out and I start getting to know his immediate family and then relatives that it's not going to be easy. But we're prepared to deal with it.
His mother left for overseas December last year for a holiday to visit relatives. His father was supposed to go too but couldn't due to some health problems he had to take care of. She was supposed to be coming back soon but turns out she might be coming back in August (I won't bore with the details on that part) and his dad will be joining her there soon.
This is driving him nuts because he was planning to tell them when they both were back here in Australia and he thought it would be Feb/March. I know a year and a half is a long time and he knows this too, he just wants everything to be perfect for us. It will be a huge weight off his shoulders when he eventually does because this bothers him just as much.
Anyway, that's our situation - but here's the problem: My girlfriends. Well, not all of them...it's really just 2 out of the bunch.
These girlfriends are also work colleagues. I consider them my very close friends because I see them and spend time with them every day from 7:30am to 5pm. We also socialize outside of work, we have get togethers and are always there for each other.
They are shocked that I haven't met his parents yet and don't understand why. They are all Australian (born here, Caucasian, don't know a lot about other cultures) and I was born here too but my background is Anglo Indian - so my parents and all of my Aunties and Uncles are from India. Our culture is kind of similar to my boyfriends as in respecting your parents, looking after your family first and so on. Please don't think I'm saying Caucasians aren't like that either or that they're disrespectful, I just mean certain things in our cultures are very different. So I can understand why my friends don't get it.
I constantly get crap from them though. They think that it's really bad that I haven't met them yet and think my boyfriend doesn't respect me enough to tell his folks about me. They pretty much think our relationship is BS because of this. Whenever I talk about him they reply with "BUT you haven't met his family yet" and then the same questions over and over again "OMG why haven't you met them yet?" "how long have you been dating now?" "that's really bad!". It upsets me so much because of they way they talk about it (and I know they talk about it behind my back) they talk to me like I should leave him because of it - that is not something I would do by the way. But then they're like "we're only saying this because we care about you and worry". I feel like my relationship with him is like a private joke amongst themselves.
My boyfriend knows it upsets me and then he gets upset because to him, it's his fault that I have to put up with comments and crap and that's the last thing he wants. He hates knowing they talk about me behind my back because of him. He has met them before, they all seem to like him. But then the way they talk to me about him makes me think otherwise.
Do they have a point? or is it just cultural differences?
I know this is a huge novel of a post, but it was so much I had to get off my chest and I didn't want to leave anything important out and not give you guys the whole story
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He's Muslim and I'm Christian - but we respect each others religious differences and opinions.
My family love him and have no problem with him, and he's the first boyfriend I've ever had that has treated me right. He is so respectful and always wants what's best for me. I couldn't fault him.
The only issue with our relationship is that his parents don't know about me. I have met his sister and she knows about us, but the parents have no clue.
In the first few months we started dating I didn't mind that. Then after about 6 months it started getting to me, but I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to pressure him. I was scared he would leave me if his parents didn't approve. He knew something was wrong and we had a big discussion about it which put my mind at ease. He told me he is dying to tell them but he's waiting for the right moment. And if they didn't approve, it would not stop him seeing me. He said even if they didn't like the idea of him being with someone who is not of the same descent/religion they would still respect that it is his decision and his life. They can only give their guidance in what they think is right.
In his culture, you introduce a girl to your family if you're going to marry her. Him waiting for the right moment and time to tell his parents I something I totally understand (it took me 4 months to tell my parents, and he met my entire family at my 21st birthday party). I know it would be a hard thing to do, especially in a Muslim family and especially because his parents are pretty old-school. I also know that when they do find out and I start getting to know his immediate family and then relatives that it's not going to be easy. But we're prepared to deal with it.
His mother left for overseas December last year for a holiday to visit relatives. His father was supposed to go too but couldn't due to some health problems he had to take care of. She was supposed to be coming back soon but turns out she might be coming back in August (I won't bore with the details on that part) and his dad will be joining her there soon.
This is driving him nuts because he was planning to tell them when they both were back here in Australia and he thought it would be Feb/March. I know a year and a half is a long time and he knows this too, he just wants everything to be perfect for us. It will be a huge weight off his shoulders when he eventually does because this bothers him just as much.
Anyway, that's our situation - but here's the problem: My girlfriends. Well, not all of them...it's really just 2 out of the bunch.
These girlfriends are also work colleagues. I consider them my very close friends because I see them and spend time with them every day from 7:30am to 5pm. We also socialize outside of work, we have get togethers and are always there for each other.
They are shocked that I haven't met his parents yet and don't understand why. They are all Australian (born here, Caucasian, don't know a lot about other cultures) and I was born here too but my background is Anglo Indian - so my parents and all of my Aunties and Uncles are from India. Our culture is kind of similar to my boyfriends as in respecting your parents, looking after your family first and so on. Please don't think I'm saying Caucasians aren't like that either or that they're disrespectful, I just mean certain things in our cultures are very different. So I can understand why my friends don't get it.
I constantly get crap from them though. They think that it's really bad that I haven't met them yet and think my boyfriend doesn't respect me enough to tell his folks about me. They pretty much think our relationship is BS because of this. Whenever I talk about him they reply with "BUT you haven't met his family yet" and then the same questions over and over again "OMG why haven't you met them yet?" "how long have you been dating now?" "that's really bad!". It upsets me so much because of they way they talk about it (and I know they talk about it behind my back) they talk to me like I should leave him because of it - that is not something I would do by the way. But then they're like "we're only saying this because we care about you and worry". I feel like my relationship with him is like a private joke amongst themselves.
My boyfriend knows it upsets me and then he gets upset because to him, it's his fault that I have to put up with comments and crap and that's the last thing he wants. He hates knowing they talk about me behind my back because of him. He has met them before, they all seem to like him. But then the way they talk to me about him makes me think otherwise.
Do they have a point? or is it just cultural differences?
I know this is a huge novel of a post, but it was so much I had to get off my chest and I didn't want to leave anything important out and not give you guys the whole story
