ED is it possible to fully Recover

[aimee]

I dont know if this is the right place to open a thread like this
but i thought i give it a try since i really had a bad day today.
I have an eating disorder i go to phases where i starve and i go through bullimic phases i can't even remember when my eating disorder or my depression started. I dont know if i got an ED because of my depression or if i got my depression because of my ED.
Ive just been to one therapist but blahhh it changed nothing. i dont wanna go to another one i dont wanna talk about it....sometimes i dont even wanna leave the house.
I want to recover and im fighting everyday but it seems like im to weak and cant let go my old habits.
Is anyone here that is fully recovered? if yes how do you keep yourself from relapsing and giving into old habits ?
does the body image change when recovered? like people say im skeletal but i dont think i am i cant see it.
sorry for bringing up such a disgusting topic but i just felt kind of hopeless
thanks for listening

 

[florabundance]

It's not a disgusting topic at all imo. However, i've never known anybody who has suffered with an ED to know whether or not it is possible to recover fully. I have seen a lot (it's a really publicised issue in the UK) of documentaries etc regarding the subject. A lot have concluded that it's easy for people to lapse into old habits for those on their road to recovery, and some do and some don't.

My personal belief is that nobody suffering from an ED is the same as the next - the cause of it, the reasons behind it all differ, and therefore i don't think it's fair to say that what works for some works for all.

If seeing a counsellor didn't help, why not seek out a professional who specialises in eating disorders, not only solving the emotional aspects but creating a nutritional programme for you too, so you can actively make a change, and monitor where and if you slip up at all.

People telling you that you are "skeletal" may not be totally beneficial because the connotations of the word imply the helplessness that you said that you feel. Think about whether you are healthy, whether your calorie intake is healthy, whether your diet is balanced. Once you're internally sound, then concentrate on the physical.

I hope this was helpful or encouraging!!! I'm here for more support if and when u need it x

 

[purrtykitty]

Here's my little story in a nutshell. I began "dieting" around age 12 and by 16 I had a full blown ED. My parents put me into treatment, but honestly I don't remember much about it. I think my memory has blocked that part. Basically, treatment for me consisted of making me gain back a bunch of weight (about 30 pounds - and for the record, I was only a few pounds underweight when my parent sought treatment for me), but they never really attempted to show me how to live and eat healthy. They just made sure I gained a bunch of weight, talked about my feelings for a bit, and then sent me on my way.

Ever since then, I've been nothing but critical of myself. I've basically gone up and down in my weight, although I've yet to get to an unhealthy one. I did struggle with relapse about a year and a half ago. My husband quickly figured out what was going on (since he was with me at the time I had treatment at 16) and has since kept tabs on me. It's not that I'm not allowed to lose weight, go to the gym, eat healthy, but I know he won't let me take it too far, which is good because I've clearly shown destructive behavior in the past.

So, I guess I'm of the opinion that it's incredibly hard to overcome an ED. It's very easy to have "recovered" for a period of time, only to later relapse and fall into old ways again. I'm glad I have someone watching out for me. But also, everyone is different when it comes to seeking treatment. Many people, although they may want to get better, will only seek treatment when they're fully ready. Others may choose to just battle their demons on their own and never seek treatment.

I hope that this helped you. If you need to talk, let me know.

 

[aimee]

@florabundance: thank you so much for your answer. i really think its a good idea to get into a nutritional programme maybe monitoring really helps to find out when i relapse...i have not even thought about that its a good idea. its just so difficult because i never told someone about it my parents dont know they think if they feed me and i gain a lil it will all be solved. but then i relapse. thank you for your support i appreciate it <3

@purrtykitty: i know how you feel they think you gain a lil and everything is solved ...everyone just wants to feed you. well i cant blame them its not easy to understand an ED. Like yesterday it was my dads bday and they wanted to go to MCdonalds ohh my i was so angry and totally ruined my dads bday..they went to MCdonalds and i waited at home..thats so stupid

my poor dad.
You know i didnt think i have a problem first but when i found out i really wanted to get better and then i catch myself standing in the store reading calories putting stuff back because it has to many.
i really appreciate your answer and it sure helped me ...i dont feel so alone anymore

and its really nice that you have such a caring husband

thanks

 

[florabundance]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aimee @florabundance: thank you so much for your answer. i really think its a good idea to get into a nutritional programme maybe monitoring really helps to find out when i relapse...i have not even thought about that its a good idea. its just so difficult because i never told someone about it my parents dont know they think if they feed me and i gain a lil it will all be solved. but then i relapse. thank you for your support i appreciate it <3

NP sweety seriously. Just make sure you take care of yourself, and suggest the idea of a nutritionist to your parents, explain that you wanna be eating all the right food etc, i'm sure they will understand

 

[purrtykitty]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aimee @purrtykitty: i know how you feel they think you gain a lil and everything is solved ...everyone just wants to feed you. well i cant blame them its not easy to understand an ED. Like yesterday it was my dads bday and they wanted to go to MCdonalds ohh my i was so angry and totally ruined my dads bday..they went to MCdonalds and i waited at home..thats so stupid my poor dad. You know i didnt think i have a problem first but when i found out i really wanted to get better and then i catch myself standing in the store reading calories putting stuff back because it has to many. i really appreciate your answer and it sure helped me ...i dont feel so alone anymore and its really nice that you have such a caring husband thanks

Yeah, it really angers me when people tell someone, "Well, just eat a sandwich."

If it were that easy, there'd be no eating disorders. I truly think it is possible to live a normal life, even without being fully recovered. It's just that you have to learn to watch yourself closely and know what your own triggers are.

 

[aimee]

i had a bad day yesterday and those answers really gave me hope again
and im feeling good today and a lil stronger
thanks for listening

 

[Beauty Mark]

I think, unfortunately, most things like this are something you may always have to fight. I think it's important for you to get appropriate help to discuss how you are going to do this.

I suffer from depression, which then becomes a lot of other things. I monitor myself very closely to make sure I'm not going down that path again. I surround myself with people who are positive. I don't know what will work for you, but I hope you find something to help yourself

 

[LMD84]

i always say that i was borderline anerexic however i know others would say i suffered from it a few years ago. mine came about when i was being controlled by someone and made to feel like shit, and it made me feel better knowing i at least had soemthing i could control in my life - food. i'd go without eating for days on end and sometimes just eat a few spoons of soup a day. however when i got out of the controlling enviroment and i was referred to a councillor things did get a little better.

but the i went the other way. now i'm fat and i hate it. it makes me so depressed and even though i am loosing weight, it's so hard for me not to fall back into setting myself silly challenges such as only eating apples for a day and banans the next day. which obviously is not normal. but i can't seem to help it. luckily my husband supports me and it helps that i can talk to him about it (he's seen me at my lowest point and got me through it)

but in short no i odn't think anyone can really recover. but you can start to spot the signs in yourself that you're getting obsessed. whereas before i thought my eating habbits were perfectly normal.

 

[NatalieMT]

In the case of myself I truly believe I won't ever have reached a full recovery. The weight might be there but the mindset never has been. I truly haven't yet found a way to stop myself doing the things I do. In a way I guess it's because I almost see my ED as an edge, it makes me really twisted and as much as I hate it, I like knowing that I will always have food as an emotional control.

Nothing seems to make me wake up to the reality of what I have done and continue to do, I've been hospitalized 3 times and someone I met through my ED who I was very close to then committed suicide because she couldn't take it anymore. But even that didn't really want to make me find a new life for myself. I guess though in a way being around other people who were going through the same helped and seeing a professional who had seen other people recover. I guess that brought some new hope to the situation. But I agree with Florabundance when she says everyone is different, every sufferer has different rituals and views of themselves. In that sense I do believe it is possible for some people to change their habits for the better. I've always found you have to really want it though and not go at recovery half-heartedly.

I always also found when I did start to feel better and was eating more I still had this vision that it was wrong. Even though I was eating more I was running about 45K a week which meant calories were burnt off at the same rate they were when I just wasn't eating anything. I just changed my cycle to counteract the food and that's what I still do.

I do hope you can get talking to someone though Aimee and atleast consider helping a professional help you. You never know what might happen!

 

[alehoney]

full recovery is something i have been working on for years. Maybe one day

maybe... but it's really hard...But i'm still trying and i will continue to do so

 

[pinkvanilla]

I think you can 'fully recover' to a certain extent.

My ED started when I was around 14 - it is strange, it kind of feels like I woke up one day and my total perception of everythign just changed! My body image, my taste in music, my friends..nothing felt the same.

Basically throughout my teenage years it went from bad to worse and I remember my worst being when I was about 18. I was in year 12 at high school and my formal (prom) was the only thing on my mind and I had to look good!

I think my now fiance saved me though. I was at my worst and my lowest weight when I met him. Gradually after that I started getting happier and I started my recovery. My mum was another main person - she hated seeing me like that and to this day still tells me to eat properly, even though I do.

As I said, full recovery is (to me) something that happens to a certain extent. WHile I see myself as recovered, I still get those lingering thoughts about my weight and my eating habits. I just surround myself with those who love me and it seems to help alot!

Also, when I have those relapsing moments, I just try and think about how unhappy I was back then. I wasn't well and it showed! I was throwing up all the time (not intentionally) and I was constantly really sick.

A while ago I was at my fiance's parents house and we were watching something on tv about anorexia. Basically there was a girl in the room ranting about how she doesn't understand how people can be so "stupid" and not eat. It really angered me. Yes I have 'recovered' but those feelings will never leave me and I certainly do understand those with an ED. But this girl chose to belittle this girl on tv with an ED and it really bothered me.

Sorry for the long post, I am just so passionate about this subject!

aimee - I really wish you all the best. Please talk to someone professionally if you think that will help you!

 

[pumpkincat210]

You have to keep the faith that full recovery may be possible with work and determination. I'd go to an individual doctor, a nutritionist, and group counseling if you can. It's a slow process but as you build up more positive memories the less you will think about eating. Keep busy and keep a good support group around you. Find out what triggers your eating and eliminate them or replace them with something creative. Positive people in your life are the best way to beat things like this and remember you are not alone.

 

[aimee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkvanilla I think you can 'fully recover' to a certain extent. My ED started when I was around 14 - it is strange, it kind of feels like I woke up one day and my total perception of everythign just changed! My body image, my taste in music, my friends..nothing felt the same. Basically throughout my teenage years it went from bad to worse and I remember my worst being when I was about 18. I was in year 12 at high school and my formal (prom) was the only thing on my mind and I had to look good! I think my now fiance saved me though. I was at my worst and my lowest weight when I met him. Gradually after that I started getting happier and I started my recovery. My mum was another main person - she hated seeing me like that and to this day still tells me to eat properly, even though I do. As I said, full recovery is (to me) something that happens to a certain extent. WHile I see myself as recovered, I still get those lingering thoughts about my weight and my eating habits. I just surround myself with those who love me and it seems to help alot! Also, when I have those relapsing moments, I just try and think about how unhappy I was back then. I wasn't well and it showed! I was throwing up all the time (not intentionally) and I was constantly really sick. A while ago I was at my fiance's parents house and we were watching something on tv about anorexia. Basically there was a girl in the room ranting about how she doesn't understand how people can be so "stupid" and not eat. It really angered me. Yes I have 'recovered' but those feelings will never leave me and I certainly do understand those with an ED. But this girl chose to belittle this girl on tv with an ED and it really bothered me. Sorry for the long post, I am just so passionate about this subject! aimee - I really wish you all the best. Please talk to someone professionally if you think that will help you!

thank you so much for your answer and your opinion and you can be proud of yourself that you have recovered and that you have found a way to stop yourself when you feel like giving into old habits....i really try to monitor myself closer now

and youre so right it bothers me too when i see something like this on tv....they think its stupid not to eat....they simply dont understand ..most people without eating disorders dont understand....thats why im scared to talk to someone because they will just shake their heads and look at me and try to feed me and they think im fine after i gained a pound or two

but im so happy i posted here so i know there are people out there with the same problems and some who are healthy but still try to understand it

 

[Kalico]

I would like to think I've fully recovered. I was bulimic/ED from the time I was 12 to 16. It's closely connected I've found with my depression, which I've had "fixed" for the last year (thanks to antidepressants - nothing else worked).

Life experiences have also changed my way of thinking quite a bit... when life gets tough I have a strong urge to do hurtful things to my body, but I always remember that if I don't have myself on my side, I have nobody. No one will always be there to keep you on your feet. I think this really hit me when my boyfriend of 3 years died in a car accident (this was over 3 years ago now). Also, from experiences of people walking all over me when they can. People can tell when you aren't in control of yourself (know what I mean?... like when you won't take their crap) and will abuse it.

I've learned in great detail about the body and how it works... to the point where I'd feel guilty if I treated my body now the way I used to. When life gets hard I do have the urge to hurt myself. But its different now, a lot easier to fight it. It's easier to turn the switch from abusing myself to caring for myself instead. Now when I'm depressed and want to hurt myself, I go for a run. It's empowering instead of abusing and in a way satiates the feeling.

I realize this might be different from you though, because I was mostly bulimic and not anorexic. But its important either way to repair your self esteem. You can do it sweetie, never give up.

I also want to add, I agree with pumpkincat210. A big part of it was to get my mind off obsessing over my body and food and put my energies towards something else. People going through ED have one thing and one thing only on their mind - food/their bodies. Start focusing on things like your hobbies, schoolwork, your relationships (and NOT in relation to your body!), things you can creatively do. Look for what you love about yourself, and focus on it. Focus really, really hard and actively ignore the hate.

Good luck.

 

[aimee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kalico I would like to think I've fully recovered. I was bulimic/ED from the time I was 12 to 16. It's closely connected I've found with my depression, which I've had "fixed" for the last year (thanks to antidepressants - nothing else worked). Life experiences have also changed my way of thinking quite a bit... when life gets tough I have a strong urge to do hurtful things to my body, but I always remember that if I don't have myself on my side, I have nobody. No one will always be there to keep you on your feet. I think this really hit me when my boyfriend of 3 years died in a car accident (this was over 3 years ago now). Also, from experiences of people walking all over me when they can. People can tell when you aren't in control of yourself (know what I mean?... like when you won't take their crap) and will abuse it. I've learned in great detail about the body and how it works... to the point where I'd feel guilty if I treated my body now the way I used to. When life gets hard I do have the urge to hurt myself. But its different now, a lot easier to fight it. It's easier to turn the switch from abusing myself to caring for myself instead. Now when I'm depressed and want to hurt myself, I go for a run. It's empowering instead of abusing and in a way satiates the feeling. I realize this might be different from you though, because I was mostly bulimic and not anorexic. But its important either way to repair your self esteem. You can do it sweetie, never give up. I also want to add, I agree with pumpkincat210. A big part of it was to get my mind off obsessing over my body and food and put my energies towards something else. People going through ED have one thing and one thing only on their mind - food/their bodies. Start focusing on things like your hobbies, schoolwork, your relationships (and NOT in relation to your body!), things you can creatively do. Look for what you love about yourself, and focus on it. Focus really, really hard and actively ignore the hate. Good luck.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know exactly what you mean with the urge to hurt yourself. Im the same way. When life gets tough i punish myself with not eating...i say to myself im so worthless i dont deserve to eat so i use starving to punish me. Sometimes i do it because it gives me the feeling of control. But youre so right i have to learn to treat myself good i should become my friend not my enemy i know that now.

I do need to find my switch and i really need to start focusing and your story gives me hope that i can do it.

Ive been bullimic for 2 years and then i developed anorexia

thank you for writting here and for your empowering words it really means a lot to me

ps. sorry if my english is bad

 

[pinkvanilla]

I know what you mean about talking to people who don't understand

If you could find someone who specialises in this field (of course, only if you want to, I am not trying to pressure you into talking to others!) then you should be right. In my experience alot of them do understand, or in some cases they have been through this themselves!

You sound like you really want to help yourself though so I congratulate you on that

 

[aimee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkvanilla I know what you mean about talking to people who don't understand If you could find someone who specialises in this field (of course, only if you want to, I am not trying to pressure you into talking to others!) then you should be right. In my experience alot of them do understand, or in some cases they have been through this themselves! You sound like you really want to help yourself though so I congratulate you on that

yes you're right
to be honest i was ashamed too....to talk to somebody but i found an adress of a nutricionist (mmmmhh dont know how to write that sorry lol) who is specialized in treating eating disorders....i might giver her a call...i have nothing to loose right

thank you for your encouraging words

 

[Krasevayadancer]

I know I am a little late to join this thread, but eating disorders are a topic that I am not only well versed in but also personally involved with.

To share my story once more (i had a thread on this topic a little while back). My struggles with anorexia began when I was 16. I had always been fuller but never heavy and I had resigned myself to the fact that I was active and healthy and also comfortable at my weight. A couple of months before my sweet sixteen I got sick with a virus that resulted in me losing about 5 lbs because I was too sick to eat. From there I came to realize that it was "easy" to lose weight by not eating. Over the course of 5-6 months my weight dropped to the mid 80's before I would admit I had a problem. I was absolutely miserable and frequently had insane temper tantrums where I would throw things and lash out verbally against anyone that cared enough about me to try to help. It was a long road to getting back to the low end of what is deemed healthy for me but I did it with the help of support from friends, and therapy to try to uncover underlying causes which are complex and which I know understand.

I wish I could say I recovered completely, but I relapsed again in college, this time bringing my weight to the low 70's. This time the ed took a big toll on my family, my friends, my boyfriend (who i had started dating a few months before my relapse) Again the road to recovery is long and hard and to this day I continue to be plagued by the insecurities that come with ed's and body dysmorphic disorder.

While I do think recovery is possible for some, I do believe that the "voices" of the ed will be with me forever. It is all about finding a lifestyle that is healthy and focusing your energy on other things. It helps me when I spend time with my bf (who stuck through it with me and who I have now been with for almost 4 years). He always makes me feel beautiful.

It also helps to be around positive, caring and understanding people. I have done so much research, read so many books. There are so many different underlying causes of eating disorders. I have found mine, and its with that understanding that I try to tackle this ed a day at a time.

 

[*Stargazer*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krasevayadancer I do believe that the "voices" of the ed will be with me forever.

I was trying to think of how to phrase this, but here it is, perfectly.

I think that it can never fully go away because every single day of your life, you'll see food. I liken it to a recovering alcoholic who has to make a decision to stay sober ever time they see alcohol. I think, over time, the "voices" get a little quieter, but they are always there.


Good luck!