Ex-Girlfriend interrupting my relationship...

[MAC_Pixie04]

My boyfriend (who's my first boyfriend btw) was in a really long relationship before me, i think it was like 10 or 11 months he said, and that was his longest one. It ended almost 4 months before we officially got together, and while he swears he's over her, I know he isn't. On two separate occasions, he accidentally called me her name. Once in front of his friends, and then again in front of my friends. I was humiliated both times. I tried my best not to make a scene, but I was really hurt and pissed off. The 2nd time it happened, I had to excuse myself from my group of friends and go for a half hour walk just to cry and think about things. I know he loves me, and according to him it just slips out. But sometimes I think certain things shouldn't "slip out." If I called him another guy's name, he'd freak out. We talked about it, and it hasn't happened again, it was almost a month ago. But she's been calling him. And the last time she called she asked about me, and I guess she didn't like that he seemed to have moved on. So she didn't call him for a week, and then she called him and says she never wants to talk to him again because it's too hard to be his friend knowing that someone else has taken her place. But then she still calls and texts, and then repeats the pattern. And it's tearing him apart, and I don't think it should be. if he's over her like he says, then he shouldn't give a shit whether she wants to be his friend or not, right? I hate to be a bitch about it and tell him that he needs to get over her or lose me, but I just don't know what to do about it anymore.

GAH. I've never even met her and I can't stand her.

 

[User34]

well.. I personally think no one should be friend's with their ex's.
JMO.
My current boyfriend and I went through a similiar experience when we first started dating. She was calling him to bring her here and there and to hang out and he called her too on occasion to say "hi".
He even had the audacity to bring me to meet her one time. I, like the fool I was said OK. But when we got back to the car I said.. DON'T EVER BRING ME TO SEE HER AGAIN. AS A MATTER OF FACT, DON'T TALK TO OR EMAIL OR WRITE OR EVEN TEXT HER AGAIN.
WTF. He wanted me to be chummy friends with his ex of 2 years? No way honey.
Their friendship lasted like a month or two she kept calling until I told him to tell her to stop and he did.At least I think it did but who knows..
But seriously, if you are ex's it's for a reason there's no need to be friends. Especially when there is alot of history between the two.
I think you need to tell him that you are uncomfortable with this and that it's not fair for you. You really should not have to be called another girls name. Especially if they had been broken up for awhile prior to you dating him.
He might just not be over her.
She might also be doing this to be spiteful.. girls are very jealous beings and the mere thought of him being with someone might make her act like that ( calling , texting etc.)
But anyway, like I said tell him how you feel and don't think it's ok to be with him if he has feeling for her still. It's not b/c he isn't all entirly there for you.

 

[Shimmer]

*shrug*
my husband calls me by his exwife's name from time to time, and they've been divorced ten years.
I'm still friends with a number of my ex's, granted we don't go to dinner together or anything but...*shrug*...I smile when I see them.

Exes are exes, that's it. I think, for me at least, there's a difference between being 'not over someone' and being 'hey look there's my ex let's say hi'.
I'm aware that one particular woman my husband dated before me left a bit of an open wound, and we don't discuss her, not because he still loves her but because the circumstances of their relationship were so...bizarre...it's best to leave it alone, peace has been made. I know who he goes to bed with at night and I know who he calls for when he's hurting and who makes him feel loved and appreciated.
Me.

I guess what I'm trying tosay is:
He's with YOU. Talk to him about the rest and see where you stand. If he can't meet you halfway and respect the way you feel, then, darlin, there are a LOT of men out there. One of them will be the man who worships you as much as you worship him.

 

[kimmy]

before my boyfriend and i were dating, he called me Katie a couple times. my name is Kim, he said he just got the K's mixed up. he had one serious girlfriend before me, her name was Katie. at the time, he was interested in a different Katie. he also had a few friends named Katie. i guess what i'm getting at is; the majority of men are stupid and it's a good possibility that it was an accidental mix up. but i understand why you're upset. hell, he and i weren't even dating and it pissed me off..

he started talking to his ex (Katie) four months after we started dating and oh Lord, was i pissed! because he always told me how badly she hurt him and all this stuff about how he hated her and wished all sorts of terrible things on her. but then he wants to be buddy buddy with her? haha, no. not on my watch, babe.

i told him, he can talk to her and that's okay but he'd better not make some habit of it and if he thinks he's going to go hang out with her without me being with him, yeah...um NO.

let him know what bothers you about it and why. lay down your rules, and tell him "it's my way or the highway" cause honey, you're gorgeous and there are plenty more fish in the sea

 

[NutMeg]

My aunt got divorced and she still mixes up her ex's name with her boyfriend's sometimes... I think that's more an indication of him being a guy than him not being over her (although that had to be humiliating and I'm sorry you had to deal with it in public *hug*). However if he's doing other stuff that bothers you then you definately need to get it sorted out. You are allowed to make rules about stuff that makes you uncomfortable and if he doesn't like it then he can hit the road! Hope things work out for you.

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

yeah and my name's not even close to hers. My name's Ashlee and her name is friggin Maria. I know he doesnt mean to, i just hate how bent out of shape he got when she said she didn't think they could be friends. He's like "I loved her for so long and I'll always love her, she was my most significant and longest relationship." I'm like Great I'll never live up to that. I tell him how uncomfortable it makes me, and he's like "Well I'm with you, we're broken up, so what are you worried about?" like i shouldn't care, but I can't help it.

 

[Janice]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAC_Pixie04 I hate to be a bitch about it and tell him that he needs to get over her or lose me, but I just don't know what to do about it anymore.

That's not being a bitch. Your ENTITLED to a relationship that consists of TWO people, and your making it clear that you don't want/need a third person in your relationship with him.

Use your HEAD (not HEART!) to determine if this relationship is WORTH it for YOU.

 

[NutMeg]

Exactly what Janice said. You deserve to feel like YOU are the most important woman in your boyfriend's life, not his ex. (aside from daughters maybe but I don't think he has kids...)

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

nope, no kids. and he always tells me that me, his sister, and his mom are the loves of his life.

i might have to kill his ex...mh hmm. that way i know she's gone for sure.

 

[Katura]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAC_Pixie04 i might have to kill his ex...mh hmm. that way i know she's gone for sure.

Well, haha, this is ONE way to go about it....and if you watch enough of Law and Order and CSI and stuff...you could get away with it! haha...I'm just kidding.



...sort of.

 

[Shimmer]

I'm so freaking reminded of that scene in Mr. and Mrs. Smith where Jane slams on the brakes and is like WHAT'S YOUR NAME AND SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!?!??!?!? to John.
"No honey, you're not going to kill her."

HAHAHHAHA everytime.

Husband looks at me and says "That's so us."

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

LMAO i'm watching that movie right now! and i'm a law and order addict, those shows are a criminals dream. they teach you exactly what to do and what not to do to get away with a crime and as a detective what to look for and how to solve a crime. double sided education, god bless it!

 

[asnbrb]

There's only one girl that I get upset over whenever she calls and that's because she tried to sleep with my boyfriend (not my bf at the time but he admits to having a crush on her at the time) when she was going out with someone else. That kind of showed me where her morals were-- and she's not even an ex-girlfriend!!

Other than that, I don't care about exes. I'm friends with three of mine, one of which I see quite often at the clubs. That one, we can laugh about everything that happened because we were young and stupid. His are all his closest friends now and are all married/almost married and they all bicker like a brother and his sisters.

Still, maybe you should put your foot down and ask him who he'd rather be with. I'm not telling you to order him to break off all communication with him, but just have him talk to her and say that you are his girlfriend now and if she can't deal with it, then tough sh*t.

 

[LineausBH58]

Ashley I don't know what to say.... Shimmer is right an ex is an ex.... But some times an ex can be a good friend... I still talk to my ex all the time(i've been with my hubby for almost 5 years((married)) together for 7)... but I came into my relationship with my hubby open... I told him I still talk to my ex from the beginning. And if your bf didn't tell you that he was still talking with his ex... that might be a problem...

Make sure you are totally up front with your feelings about this.... I'm sorry this is happening to you... that can hurt... but don't forget he's with you....

don't be too mad at him about wanting to be friends with his ex... she is a part of his life... and just because he still talks to her doesn't mean he doesn't care for you....good luck

 

[eye_pr0mise]

its tearing him apart not because hes (wanting) to think of her. but because he has to. i mean, if shes blowing up his phone like that then its hard not to think of that as an annoyance.
but if its bothering him that much, then just ignore her completely. dont answer phone calls, texts, emails nothing !! when he does get them, tell him to delete it without even reading them. hopefully she'll get the point after a while.. even though she should have gotten the point long before since you are now with him and she should respect that .

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LineausBH58 Ashley I don't know what to say.... Shimmer is right an ex is an ex.... But some times an ex can be a good friend... I still talk to my ex all the time(i've been with my hubby for almost 5 years((married)) together for 7)... but I came into my relationship with my hubby open... I told him I still talk to my ex from the beginning. And if your bf didn't tell you that he was still talking with his ex... that might be a problem... Make sure you are totally up front with your feelings about this.... I'm sorry this is happening to you... that can hurt... but don't forget he's with you.... don't be too mad at him about wanting to be friends with his ex... she is a part of his life... and just because he still talks to her doesn't mean he doesn't care for you....good luck

I know being friends with an ex can work out; but according to him they had too many problems to stay together which is why at first he wasn't sure if he wanted them to be friends. Then she suggested them being friends because they have so much "history" together. And that was just a little while before he met me. Then when she found out that we were together, she flipped the script and got all jealous, which is understandable, but she's trying to hurt him to get him to want to be her friend. When she found out that we were together, she texted him saying "I'm glad you got over me so quickly and have happily moved on. Oh, and thanks for hooking up with somebody without even telling me. I really liked having to find out from other people." And it made him feel like shit, like he had to apologize and explain things to her. And she kept being a bitch to him, making him feel bad over and over, because in order to apologize and try to sustain their friendship, he would have to communicate with her. She's a sneaky whore, and I don't like her. But he doesn't take her calls or return her texts anymore, and he deleted her from his cell phone and his Myspace, all of which are good signs that he's ready to let go, but I'm not gonna get too ahead of myself in saying that. Hopefully we won't be hearing from her anymore, and he'll get my name right from now on.