extremly long but desperate for help PLEASE

[girl507]

me and my ex have dated two times. The first time we broke up for a stupid reason. The second time his parents got involved and i got upset. In between each time we broke up we stopped talking for long periods of time. Now i'm at college and it has been eight months since the break up. His mom doesn't like me becuz she is under the impression I am controlling. Well recently I accidently sent him some connection over aim so then he imed me and I said y r u talking to me and he told me it was cuz of the connection and I told him oh yeah it was an accident sorry bye. Then he started asking me more and more questions and i ended up talking to him. We got real close but i told him I wasn't his friend and he had hurt me enough if he wanted to be my friend he had to prove himself to me since he had hurt me so much. Then I knew his mom would get in the way of what was going on because he had started to really like me and I liked him but showed less signs than he did. Well i told him I wasn't going to talk to him till he told his mom and based on her reaction we would continue talking or not. He told me she told him that she thought it was all done and that it was all over now that we were in college, she said she thought it was better for him not to have a relationship with someone outside of his school and that if i was the one he could go for it. She wasn't thrilled. So i told him with a very strict voice fine then we're not talking anymore and he was like why not u know we'll talk again and he sounded as if he thought it was a joke, but I was very serious with him and told him if u call me tommorow, I'm not going to pick up my phone, I'm not jking. He still seemed skeptical of how serious i was and said goodnight and bye to me like he thought we'd talk again and he kept trying to ask why we couldn't talk becuz we would again and i told him it was cuz i was not getting hurt and he said well i think its different for u then it is for me. Earlier that day when I told him that we couldn't talk till he talked to his mom he even said so u don't care about how i feel becuz he still wanted to talk to me. Anyways after this I was in tears and upset and I had to get everything off my chest because I've never told him any of this. I texted him all of this:

If you want to why we r not going to talk its cuz I can’t be friends with someone who can’t defend himself or even think for himself and u hurt me again so how can I be friends with someone who keeps hurting me. Honestly, trevor grow up u just proved to me how immature u r. bye and next time get some balls u could use a pair

And also I kept my mouth shut but now I’m getting it straight off my chest. When we broke up ur mom saw how sad u were and how u didn’t want it but she obviously didnnt care about ur happiness becuz she never tried to fix things between us or let u. what mattered was her happiness. Frankly I t hink your mom is controlling. Even my mom agrees that relationships should b left to the ppl who r in it she’d never interfere the way your mom does. To me ur mom is selfish and controlling. Its ok if your sad and didn’t want it as long as she remained happy. When will u ever fight for what u want in life? My guess is never. So many marriages and relationships fall apart for that reason. Don’t be surprised if no girl is willing to deal with your mom

Or r u not responding cuz ur too scared to face the facts? Loving ur mom is fine but letting her control ur life isn’t

I’m so angry right now. U never ever should have talked to me. I should have known better that u wouldn’t grow up. U are an *** and u think I should care about how u feel y? Y should I when u don’t care how I feel. Consider me dead becuz ur dead to me

U and ur mom can go marry each other becuz I’m not the first to suspect a strange relationship between u and ur mother. Alexa and Brittany thought something was going on between u two. And ur mom has no heart she wouldn’t care if randy left her tomorrow. I don’t think that’s love but I guess its cuz she has u. Wake up and smell the coffee. Stop being blind ur not two ur eighteen ur an adult but I guess ur not adult enough if ur mom is making all the decisions for u

Do u get it or r u still blind to it all? Or r u pissed at me for finally speaking up and telling the truth? It may have been mean but I have it held it in for too long. I have only seen u man up once and that was the second time we started dating

Just think of it this way what if I was dead tomorrow

And also ur mom always complained that we were fighting. Well then why is it we can barely recall any fights.

If u can find a way to explain it all maybe I can talk to u again but u might not want that now since I was able to prove the love of ur life wrong

What do i do now? should I talk to him again? because I do care for him, or should I leave him alone and wait till he talks to me again if he ever does? and did I handle the situation well because I hope I made him realize how hurt I am and how his mom has gotten in the way too much. Also should I apologize at all or wait until he decides that he is man enough to defend me against his mom?

 

[Korms]

I realise you were hurting and angry, but it perhaps wasn't very mature to insinuate an incestuous relationship between this boy and his mother, no matter how much you believe it to be true. Family, especially mothers, are usually the most important thing in the world to most people and it's often a bad idea to try and come between a mother and son.

 

[abrody]

i agree with the above poster. i know how upsetting it can be when others try to interfere with your relationship but i think you went too far by attacking his mother.

it's fair enough to say that she might have too much input into the relationship but calling her selfish and saying that there may be a sexual relationship between your ex bf and his mother is just ridiculous.

i think that if you cannot control your anger and hurt around this guy, it is best to cease communication, regroup and take baby steps until the day you can move on.

 

[florabundance]

I think you should of spoken from your heart, not out of anger.

Obviously that's easier said than done at times, especially when you feel a mix of upset and frustrated - but thoughtless comments can just drive an even bigger wedge between you and him.
Have you ever considered talking with the mother about why she doesn't like you. If it is that she is simply protective and controlling, then you will be able to confront her in a civilised manner.

Right now it sounds like the pair of you (you and the mother) are using and manipulating him equally. So, I think you need to call him - apologise for some of those comments if not all - and tell him you care about him, but that it's hard to express that when u feel that it makes no difference, or that it's simply not enough. And just work it out once and for all. Life is too short to play games.