Feeling like a bad person

[NutMeg]

Oh man. My life just hit the rails, and it's all happened in about two weeks. I can't believe I'm in the situation that I'm in.

I just finished my second year of university, and my residence contract didn't get renewed so I had to choose between staying in Vancouver for the summer and finding a place or moving home for the summer and finding a place for September when school starts up again. For a number of reasons, I chose to stay and find a place in Vancouver. My boyfriend's little sister decided she wanted to move to Vancouver, and we decided to get a place together. She has a 6 month old dog, and she brought my boyfriend's cat (he doesn't want the cat staying at the place he's at right now). I moved in three weeks ago, she moved in two weeks ago.

Somehow, this situation has become unlivable. The dog has serious behaviour issues, ranging from separation anxiety that causes him to bark, whine, and pee/shit, as well as him being destructive (chewing on furniture that belongs to me and also to the landlady as well as ripping up one of my books, and chewing on my clothes if he gets in my room), he is not remotely housetrained (he's peed on my new couch at least three times, I've had it for just over a week, and tends to either shit or pee either in his kennel or on the floor or my couch at least once a day), and he has terrible manners (jumps up on everyone and scratches at them with his nails, bites people's hands, legs, chews on loose bits of their clothes, and he bites your ankles and tries to trip you while he walks).

My roommate is working, usually 8 hour shifts, and the puppy has to be left in his kennel because of the destructive behaviours mentioned above. Usually as soon as she leaves, he either pees or shits and has to sit in it until she gets home. He also barks and whines, and jumps up and down rattling the kennel... constantly. I have come home several times to the dog lying in his own mess in the kennel, and I am forced to choose between leaving him in there until my roommate gets home, cleaning it/him up, or letting him run around the house tracking pee and/or shit everywhere. She doesn't seem to see the issue with this, and considers it a normal part of him growing up. I consider it neglect, and it is killing me to watch. I am not in a place in my life where I am willing or able to care for a dog, and watching him be neglected is horrible for me.

I can't study when she's not home, because if I'm not right with the dog, he is whining and barking and scratching at my door. I don't want to be here at all, especially when it smells like dog shit. I don't want to be around the dog because he is so badly behaved, and right now stinks to high hell from all of the pee and shit he has been rolling in.

I talked to my roommate today, and she is going to move out. She is very disappointed in me for not giving it longer to work out. I feel like such a bitch, but I'm not willing to live like this for long enough for the dog to grow out of his behaviour.

My poor boyfriend is feeling terrible, because I'm his girlfriend, and she is his sister. I'm so upset about the whole situation. Hugs?

 

[TISH1124]

Wow that is a tough situation to be in...However I doubt that I would be able to handle it either and if it was not your boyfriend's sister I am sure you would have probably said "No Go" sooner...But gave it a little more time because it was her. She probably is going to have this problem with the dog wherever she goes he may need some obedience training...or she needs to just live alone with him...But I am not sure how she is going to deal with the behavior of the dog....I feel bad for the dog..but your living situation had to be horrid. I know it is hard for your bf...but I am sure one week there with the dog and he would have been saying the same thing.

You are not a bad person, everyone needs to feel comfortable in the place they call "Home"

 

[blindpassion]

I couldnt even get through your post, it was too upsetting for me.

That dog needs to be adopted out right now.

Its very important for a young dogs development that it has constant interaction and care, it takes three people in my house to correctly care for our puppy.

You need to be with them every minute of every day, making sure they have scheduled food and pee breaks, etc. That dog is going to be so messed up when its older.

I wish you the best. Please feel free to drop that dog off at my house in Victoria and I'll get it to a good home.

<3

This girl is very young and immature for not seeing the serious issues related to this kind of treatment of an animal

 

[frocher]

,,,,,,,

 

[SparklingWaves]

delete

 

[LMD84]

this is horrid! if she works 8 hours a day why did she get a puppy? puppies are like children and they need their 'parent' to spend time with them to train them and play with them. letting it sit in it's kennel in it's own pee or poop is really horrible.

it's tough for you having to deal with all this but you need to tell your bf's sister to give the puppy to a better home as she obviously hasn't got the lifestyle to cater for a puppy.

makes mke so sad that people would get an animal and not spend time with it because they're working or busy. why get one in the first place??

 

[Girl about town]

eek what a situation but you did the right thing, i couldn't watch that.Did she not even apologise about the mess it was making, its a cheek expecting you to look after the dog!!! i couldn't put up with it, not least because im totally phobic of dogs!!!

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

Training a dog is NOT that hard ESPECIALLY if its a puppy! they are the most impressionable.

She needs to spend time training it, after work. NO excuses.

 

[nunu]

I am so sorry about the situation but, it's not your fault at all. You did what you had to do. So, don't feel bad about it. She should get the puppy trained.

 

[blazeno.8]

I'm sorry you're in that situation. Maybe he needs puppy kindergarten? That might help his behavior a bit, but at this point it looks like it's out of your control. Maybe you could just be honest with your boyfriend and tell him that the dog put an unnecessary stress on the living situation. I'm sure her family will understand you completely if she ends up moving back in with one of them.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

I'm so sorry girl!!

But I seriously think that she needs to either step up and actually do something about her puppy, like actually spend some time training him and taking care of him or something. Or she should just give the dog to someone else who is willing to do all of that and more for it. She's one of those people who really should not have pets because she can't devote herself to them or more like maybe not want to. Pets are like kids. They need to be taught things, taken care of, and loved. They need ALL of that, not just 1 or 2 of those things.

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MxAxC-_ATTACK Training a dog is NOT that hard ESPECIALLY if its a puppy! they are the most impressionable. She needs to spend time training it, after work. NO excuses.

Seriously. My fiance and I have 2 11 week old puppies. We've only had them for 2 weeks, but they are already learning what is and is not acceptable behavior in our home. They've caught on very quickly to which things will get them rewarded, and I've been amazed at how easy it's been. Not to say we don't still find them doing things they're not supposed to or peeing/pooping in the house, but their progress has been fantastic. The key really is consistency, but that also requires spending a great deal of time with them. I feel so sorry for your BF's sister's puppy! It's such a sad life to always be crated. I think you did the right thing though. I couldn't live like that either. Sucks it was your BF's sister, but she's the one at fault, not you.

 

[User93]

First of all, HUGS!!!

I think people should think twice before getting a dog, cat, hamster or whoever else. It's not only that "he's cute" but a huge responsability. A person working 8 hours shift a day, living alone (I consider it alone, as you as a roommate never signed in for taking care of a dog) just should have thought about it before.

You shouldn't feel nad, because that's your time, you need to study, not to wash someone's dog. I would say just not to pay attention and to go your things at home, but I understand it can be hearty breaking seeing this dog sitting there in the mess.

Moving together with someone is like signing a contract, and I fend it perfectly normal when people talk it over before - no dogs, kids, loud tv or whatever else. We all have a right to feel comfortable at home. You shouldn't feel as a bad person at all.

I know that what makes this story difficult is that she's your bf's sister. But I'm sure he gonna understand it, as you make the points. You just said in your post: " ...and she brought my boyfriend's cat (he doesn't want the cat staying at the place he's at right now" - okay, then he's supposed to understand that you don't want a messy dog at your place right now aswell.

I hope it all gets sorted out. Hugs to you

 

[Half N Half]

Why does this girl own a dog in the first place?? I don't know why you're feeling like a bad person about this situation. Your roommate sounds like a selfish bitch to me. That is called animal abuse!! I don't know if her moving out is what needs to happen. She needs to get rid of the dog and find someone who can truly take care of an animal!

 

[nichollecaren]

My heart aches for the poor pup. You did the right thing, but she needs to take better care of him.

 

[Lapis]

Hon you are a sweet heart, don't let her guilt you she should be happy she's not dealing with someone like me, I would have found the puppy a new home and told her he ran off while I peed.

 

[NutMeg]

Things are definitely tense around here. We've been talking more, and she's finally started taking action on his bad behaviours. We've agreed that if he improves dramatically in the next little while then we will do a trial until August. If at that point I can't study and research in this house, then they're both gone.

Unfortunately of the suggestions given to her by her parents including buying a heavy metal dish for his water and food so he can have it in the kennel without making a mess of it (in hopes that he wouldn't pee/poop near his food), and also getting a bark/shock collar, she has only gotten the shock collar. I don't know how I feel about it, especially as it doesn't really work thus far.

My brother is visiting right now, and the other night we were all sitting on the floor playing cards. The puppy decided he really liked my brother and spent 45 minutes trying to hump him. My roommate's solution was to grab his collar and hold him near her for a minute or so and then let him go back to humping my brother. I don't know the best way to dicipline/prevent a dog from doing that, but my brother was getting really pissed off because he was pushing the dog off of him and trying to get him to stop, and my roommate hardly reacted at all.

I'm not feeling nearly as guilty now, but I'm upset because my boyfriend has told me that his mom is royally pissed off at me.

 

[blindpassion]

I think all girlfriends are royally hated by their future MIL's at some point.

Don't stress about that. Don't take on other peoples feelings. If she has an issue, she needs to be a grown up and speak about it in a calm way, not fester behind other peoples backs.

 

[NutMeg]

P.S. You guys are awesome. Thanks for reassuring me that I'm not crazy for feeling like this.

 

[CherryAcid]

I am sorry that you are in this situation, it cant be easy for you.
I have a 6 month old puppy which we got at 12 weeks old. For a good 2 months we were constantly supervising him 24/7 We joke that its like having a baby in the house and you know, it really is lol
It is important that he gets into a routine. He shouldnt be going to the toilet in his bed, dogs hate to lay in their own mess so this needs addressing right away. You roommate is going to have to keep him in her room and wake up with him in the night to take him to the toilet. She needs to find a designated spot for him to do it. Puppy training pads are a godsend. Everytime he looks like he is going to do something(they tend to walk around in circles sniffing with their tail held high) it is important he is taken outside or to a training pad. Most dogs start to pick up this routine after a couple of weeks. We have a beaded curtain on our door and whenever my dog wants to go out he will sound the curtain and we will hear him.
When discipling it is important not to get stressed( i know it is hard) you need to keep your voice low but firm and and a light tap(and i stress tap not hit!) on the bottom and dont give the puppy any attention for say 5 mins.
My puppy is seeing a behavourist as he has anxiety issues, he is frightened of strangers and gets quite snappy with some people. If seeing a behavourist is out of the question there are some other things you can do. He needs to socialize and interract with as many people as possible. Aim to walk him a good 15-20 mins morning and evening and give him a good chew toy. Everytime he is chewing something he shouldnt, a firm NO and then give him his own toy to chew. He might still be losing his baby teeth, hence the chewing and it is just really important that he has his own stuff to chew on.
We got out dog neutered and it calmed him down so much, no more humping and his aggression and bouncyness has almsot gone. He is a lot happier. I was against it at first but the vet talked me round now I highly reccomend it.
About the barking, im not sure thats one of the big probs we are trying to sort out with our dog right now.
But the important thing is if your bf's sister cant spend enough time with the puppy, she might want to get him adopted. It isnt fair him not having the interraction.