Feels like I'm drowning


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Okay here goes, I just need to let go somewhere.

I've been overweight for my entire life, made it through school relatively unscathed, and have been somewhat successful in my university life and some of the opportunities extended to me in my professional life.

I feel like my weight is holding me back. I want to date, I want to get married, I want more out of my life. I know the basics on how to lose weight: eat less, move more.

I started weight watchers over a year ago, and started losing 15 pounds. I thought I had the principles, didn't want to spend the $13/week to go get weighed in as I have a lot of weight to lose that I stopped going. The weight came back.

I was honoured and asked to be maid of honour at my best friend's wedding this month. So month's back I was like "Okay, I can do this! Get your butt in gear, eat better, move more" then we ordered dresses and I thought oh yes, Ill need to have it taken in.

Well I am about 2 weeks away, put on the dress and was near a breakdown. I know people won't be looking at me, they will (and should) be looking at my friend and her fiance, but i feel like i'm such a fat ass.

I find I get so busy with work, that my mom and I just pick up dinner on our way home. Sometimes subs, sometimes more horrible food, so really I shouldn't be surprised it isn't falling off.

How can I stay on track once I get back on? I feel so low, like I'm in a hole that I'll never see the light. I'm toying with the idea of doing a food journal to try and keep accountable, force myself to go to the gym Sun/Tues/Thurs/Sat and cut out the shitty foods.

Change it all at once, change just one at a time?


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i'm kinda feeling like you are at the moment. back in spring i went on a diet and lost quite a bit of weight. then in the summer we moved house and ever since have fallen into bad eating habbits and have put all the weight i lost back on. i have been really depressed and upset at the way i look.

at first i was thinking i'd wiat until the new year to start dieting agian. but then my hubby brought home the menu plan for his work's christmas party and i honestly feel like i'll embarrass him with the way i look. he told me not to be so stupid and this morning i do feel more positive about things.

but i have also decided that i am going to start a diet tommrow. i'm watching what i eat as well as doing exercise every other day. so in answer to your question i would say change it all at once but not by too much at first. ease yourself in by not just grabbing take out or a sub... limit it to a once a week treat. i also find that cutting out sodas and sugary drinks really helps loose the bloated feeling so that is one biggie to try and do.

i know it's hard and i really do understand how you are feeling - but your weight is not the thing stopping you getting married and generally getting more out of your life - your confidence is. and obviously your weight is the thing that is affecting your confidence. so don't do what i have done and get all depressed. think positive - you are going to try and create a healthier life for yourself and just take things day by day.

i think keeping a food diary is a good thing. you'll be surprised at all the little things we eat and drink and don't really notice... like at work i'm always sucking on mints.... doesn't seem like much but they're full of sugar and i'd go through a big bag a day! milky drinks are another thing i never noticed how often i was having - i'd have 2-3 hot chocolates a day!

so stay strong, focussed and positive. you can loose weight if you want to. if you need any help or just want anybody to talk to you can always pm me. i'm going trhough the same thing so it's always nice to have somebody to go through it with!


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I have been overwight most of my life also. I maintained my weight during highschool cuz I was in colorguard for all 4 years about after I left highschool I gained 40 lbs in 1 year and 25 lbs within the past 4yrs. With drinking more water and eating a little less I have lost 10 lbs which is good but I need to lose much more. I do have a gym membership but I haven't been going because of me being lazy. I'm half jamaican so rice is part of our daily meals but I started to cut that out and eat more veggies. What kills me also is soda.....its so hard to pry my self from it but I know I can do it I just need to bring a water bottle with me


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Hannah I have to tell you that I can relate almost 100% to what you are going through.

5 years ago my best friend got married and asked me to be her maid of honor. I knew that I was going to be the maid of honor for over a year and vowed once to lose weight so I could fit into a smaller dress size. I even had her buy me a slightly smaller dress so that I could have it taken in once I lost some weight. Well needless to say I lost no weight at all and when the dress came it was WAY too small. I needed to order extra fabric from the place we ordered the dress and spend almost as much as the dress getting it altered to fit me. It was one of the most embarassing moments of my life and I felt terrible. Plus all of the other bridesmaids were so much smaller than me.

IMO there is something that stands in our way of losing weight or keeping the weight on. After a lot of self discovery and therapy I have found that for me my weight is a shield and almost a punishment for not feeling good enough. I use the weight to keep people away especially guys.

Over the past year I have really been thinking about weight a lot. Finally I had an epiphany that I cared for myself too much to let the weight control me. I wanted to be healthy and to live a long life. I also got a bit scared when I was having so many problems with my tonsils. I know that tonsils don't really have anything to do with weight but having ANY health problems scared me enough to get my life in order.

I started Weight Watchers at the end of August and have lost 24 lbs. I still have a lot more weight to lose but I am on the right path. I also have started an exercise plan slowly and am building up to more and more each day.

Weight loss isn't easy. I have failed at it many times. I just have a feeling in my bones that this time I am going to stick with it and get rid of this weight. I am ready to start living my life and not hold myself back. I am really the only person that is standing in my way.

It makes me sad to hear that you feel that you are drowning Hannah. If you need anyone to talk to please let me know. I totally understand what you are going through.

Take it one step at a time. Maybe start walking this week and next week vow to only eat out once. Then start up WW or another program again. Reward yourself with healthy things once you have reached a goal. It sounds silly but slow and steady wins the race and often times dieters fail because they do too much at once. I am no expert but these things are working for me.

Simply Elegant

Well-known member
Some people need extra support to help lose weight. I'd suggest going back to weight watchers since it worked for you before. This isn't a temporary change to fit into a dress. It's for life and treating your body the way it deserves to be treated. I'd recommend calorie counting too. You're twice as lkely to be successful if you know what and how much is going into your body, especially as portion sizes are probably a bit too big right now. Find a few activities you actually like doing and set some goals unrelated to weight (like run a mile without stopping, work out for 40 minutes etc) I'd recommend strength training too, your body will look so much better and be healthier if you include it. I'd set a food goal and a workout goal every week to slowly incorporate everything. Like week 1, drink 8 glasses of water and work out 3 times this week. Week 2 work out 4 days a week and eat within your calorie range.

If you feel a binge coming on, distract yourself. Visualize what it'll look like on your body if you never held back, it helps me. I was only a little overweight a few years ago (about 10 pounds) but I lost 30 pounds in 2 months because I was so determined. Treat it like a second job and follow your plan and it'll eventually work. I love sparkpeople.com. It's a good resource and has message boards and can set you up with what you should be eating and how muchyou should work out,healthy recipes, articles etc.

It's ok to have treats too, just work them into your range. Instead of having one cheat day a week I have a couple cheat meals a week and it helps and I'm still able to keep the weight off.

I think it was blindpassion who lost 30 pounds. It's an inspirational thread. You just need to be dedicated and really ready and the pounds will eventually all come off.


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Thank you so much ladies for your words. I just really hit my breaking point worse than ever before. I just can't believe how I'll look on her wedding day. I'm trying to tell myself that it will be my biggest, that now I'm going to make a commitment that this will not be like the last times.

Katie I so hear you, I'm so sorry you had to face that. I was going to do the same, order the dress in a size smaller (my friend who is getting married did that, and she certainly lost the weight she wanted) but I didn't. I was so embarrassed that I didn't want people seeing my measurements, that the woman measured me in a dressing room. I was freaking out today that I didn't want my arms showing so my mom went out and got some organza fabric which will hopefully help.

I used to try and blame others, but really since I've been been cognizant of what I'm putting in my mouth, I think the blaming others is a cop out.

I was thinking about goals and about buying a smaller piece of clothing as a "goal" but I don't want it to be such a far off stretch goal that I can't see me attaining, and not a size 2 as I'll prob never be there.

I like the idea about small goals. Seriously while this month will be hard for me to get through, I want this to be the last time I feel this low.

Seriously thank you ladies, your kind words have helped me turn from hating myself to hopeful that I can change.


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Small goals is absolutely the way to go, saying you want to lose say 50 lbs... sounds so far off but saying you want to lose 5 lbs. seems way more do-able and once those 5 lbs are gone you'll feel such a sense of accomplishment to then set another goal for another 5 lbs. I'm not extremely overweight I just wasn't happy with how I looked. I'd put on weight in college and I just didn't feel confident. I started working out and keeping track of my eating. I've lost 10 lbs so far. Sometimes the scale doesn't budge at all one week but I know that I am smaller because of all the strength training. I also think that its helpful to judge your progress on how your clothes fit rather than a number on a scale. My clothes are loose now and things that were extremely tight are fitting better and those things boost my confidence. Losing weight is really hard but once it starts happening keep that momentum going. As others have said make a change for the rest of your life. Good Luck!! You can do it.


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eating less isn't necessarily going to make you lose weight, however spreading the food you DO eat out will help. eat smaller meals more often, five meals a day is a good starting point. this will help speed up your metabolism.

of course, eating right and exercise is the best way to go but let's be real; these days that isn't always possible. people are busy, people are tired. it's hard to come home after work or school and make yourself a balanced, healthy meal and it's hard to get to the gym before or after school or work.

take it one step at a time, and try more/smaller meals to begin with and see how that works out.


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i lost about 60 lbs and i did this mental trick i read about where you tell yourself your body is perfect, you tell yourself that your body is so hot..instead of thinking your overweight force yourself to think to yourself..wow i did it im at my perfect weight ..then try to eat as many vegetables as you can..with every meal force yourself to have veggies..its crazy but it works.the fiber fills you up so u wind up eating less and less..then ur stomach starts to shrink and you start to crave veggies over junk food...u can put cheese on your veggies, have vegetables soups from the supermarket, make a huge salad with shredded cheese, sunflower seeds or nuts, cherry tomatoes, shredded carrots, broccoli slaw and any dressing you want, veggie and cheese omlettes....just eat all the veggies u can ~its crazy but it really works.try to keep zone bars with you so u dont let urself get hungry..drink lots of green tea without sugar..try to not eat alot of sugar bc sugar can trigger binges and i also prayed and asked God to help me, to give me strength and to help me stay on track & I believe thats what helped me most of all bc after I prayed thats when I learned all these tricks


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i recently lost about 10 pounds by just cutting out alot of breads and fries! fries were going to be the death of me, and i just cut it out i cheat with like two or three friend from my fiance's plate but thats about it. so i wouldnt suggest doing something drastic so fast but start small with little things.


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Losing weight is only half the battle, maintaining a lifestyle that supports a lower weight is the hardest part. Habits are hard to break, you get so used to doing things a certain way. Diets don't work because as soon as you're off them, your weight comes back.

Despite having a crazy and busy life, you have to make yourself a priority, you have to make a commitment for your well-being, your health, and your happiness. Permanent weight loss is a lifestyle change, you have to learn to manage your stress, organize your meals, and stay active. You have to find something that you enjoy, you can't force yourself to do something you don't like.

Don't beat yourself up over bad habits either, it takes time. Start slow and don't be too strict on yourself. For example, eat healthy for 6 days out of the week but let yourself have a treat on the 7th day.

Good luck!


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I don't really have anything to add but it is awesome you are doing this! Adjusting your lifestyle does take alot of effort but in the long run it will be worth it! Stay positive!!

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