first deployment

kaexbabey

Well-known member
so we're gonna be going through our first one REALLY soon, and i just need some advice on how to keep that spark alive even when the closest we can get is through webcam. i'm not talking about sex lol but you know. because even when he IS here it's like he doesn't have time for me or our babies because he's busy packing shit or stupid sargeants keep them later than they're supposed to. i just try to suck it up and deal with it because this is the life we chose to support ourselves instead of living with our parents. we're pretty young (21 &20) with two girls already. and i'm gonna be blunt but i think we're handling our sittuation pretty maturely for our age. i want to work to make some extra money (ok, to feed my makeup addiction w/o having to "bother" our savings because we want to pay off our car and get a van when he comes back) but i dont want to feel guilty when he calls while i'm working. i just dont know how often we'll talk and how long. he says we'll be able to everyday but i dont know. and how about just the anxiety? i'll be woried ALL the time?

basically, just looking for some advice on ANYTHING that has to do with deployment from you who have gone through them .. either the one who deployed or the one who was waiting .. thanks <3
 

Prinsesa

Well-known member
I haven't been through a situation like this. So can't really help you here..but I'd be scared shit if my baby was in the army : ( But yeah, keep your head up..you're doing a great job so far
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2 girls
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Kayteuk

Well-known member
My guys in the Navy and goes on ship. I know how it feels, I have dated 2 Marines and now a Navy guy, and it hurts like hell, you just goto keep it up, send him nice things, no matter how girlie and silly they may seem, honestly, guys out there dont mind :).
If you want you can brainstorm on here what to send him, I could probally do with the same thing right now, as I have allready done 5 packages and am now stuck for ideas.
As for money, selling items on ebay is a good idea. Its really fun and simple to earn a bit of cash. If your living on base there are always a few jobs kicking about, as well as babysitting for officers wives when they need a night off, it pays really well, oh and the extra kudos your guy may get if the officer knows him!

I will add more as I think of it, I love the pics of you and your little girl on the blog! So cute!
 

concertina

Well-known member
I'm about 4 days away from being done with our second deployment; he's on his way home after 15 months. Its scary and its big, I know. The important thing to remember is that you can do this. You can get through and survive and even thrive.

Depending on where he'll be, he should have access to email and phones on a pretty regular basis. My husband and I had times that he would call. Mainly on Saturday or Sunday around noon. If I was working, I let him know to call the next day or a different day. It helps to cut down on the stress of being attached to your phone.

If you have time, have him record a few videos for your girls. Talking to them, reading a bedtime story, singing a song. Those videos will help your girls tremendously throughout your time apart. There is also the Elmo deployment DVD; most FRGs have it or know where to find it.

As for you, this is your time to explore and grow. Take an art class, or photography or a cooking class or take up a new hobby (knitting, screenprinting, etc) I have a girlfriend that resolves to teach herself something new each deployment. First time around, she took lots of craft classes. Second time, she became an excellent cook. This time, she's taking private flying lessons and glass-blowing lessons.

Packages are a great way to let him know you're thinking about him. There are so many ideas out there. I'm going to point you towards the Operation Homefront Dealing with Deployment forums: Dealing with Deployments - Forum Powered by eve community

One of the first few threads in that forum is a Care Package Idea and Tips thread. It has pages and pages of great care package ideas. The rest of the forums can get sort of crazy, but DwD is always a good escape; you can post and find almost instant support.

As far as working, thats an excellent idea. It'll keep you busy and allow you to save more money. Deployment money is tempting; it gets spent very easily. The best thing to do is set up an allotment to save a huge chunk of it. At the end of the deployment, you'll have a massive savings account. For a downpayment on a house, or the start of a retirement account, or whatever else you'd like.

I'm imagining you're at Ft. Drum in NY. You're close to the base, so thats good for support. Do you have the girls enrolled in CDC? That's a good thing to do so that if you have an emergency and need to be somewhere quickly, you can drop the girls off and not worry.

Also, its icky to talk about, but does he have his Will and Power of Attorney for you? Normally JAG will come in and help you with that stuff before deployments, but sometimes command's don't get them to. They are important documents. You need to get them ASAP. And if you feel inclined, a passport. If he's injured (which he probably won't be), they send them to Germany. If you already have a passport, you can be on your way within 24 hours. If you don't, it can take up to 2 weeks before you can get there. Its an unlikely scenario, but you want to plan for the worst.

Gosh, I've written a book. If you have anymore questions, please feel free to PM me.

*Hugs* You can do this. It's going to be okay. I promise.
 

TISH1124

Well-known member
^^^^ Great advice...My baby brother leaves on Friday as well....this is his first time...and his wife is going through the same thing...except they have 2 small kids. My Mom is all torn up because it is her baby....and I keep seeing him as 6 years old when he is a grown responsible man...It's tough....But keep praying for him...sending him letters and care packages...and hopefully he will be safely home soon and this war will be over!
 

Macnarsandlove

Well-known member
I was deployed for almost six months and my ex was as well. He left first and it was hard the first couple of weeks and then I immersed myself in believe it or not, makeup lol. I found specktra and would just practice my skills and learned a lot of cool things. Finding a great hobby is very important. Since you have kids I know its difficult. I worked a pretty tough schedule already (12 hr shirts) so that helped too. Near the end of the deployment I invited my mom to come and live with me and we would go on mini trips and hang out a lot which was nice too.

Just surround yourself with POSITIVE ppl and the time will go by faster than you can imagine. I emphasize positive because fellow military wives/families are not always supportive. I know its negative but the truth.

Being on both sides I can tell you he is feeling the same amount of fear and apprehensiveness you are. Good luck and stay stong.
 

xoleaxo

Well-known member
I'm sorry to hear that he's deploying
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I'm a military wife & have been through a shitload of deployments and seperations. They are tough to get through, but you sound like a strong woman who can do it.

I don't think you need to do much to "keep the spark alive." Being apart will probably do that for you guys already, especially since it's your first deployment. It will teach you to not take eachother for granted. I know being apart sucks, but I honestly think that it will bring you, your husband and even your kids closer together. It does take work--email all the time, send packages. Your relationship will grow.
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Kayteuk

Well-known member
Ill tell ya what...Kudos to the original poster, I never realised so many military families were on here, and this has given me some real inspiration. If anyone wants to keep in touch on MSN or Gmail let me know! I think my new hobby is going to be...Making new friends
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malteze_bubbleg

Well-known member
my husband was in the military and many people i know have husbands who are in it still....the best thing to do is to stay strong and try and communicate with each other as much as possible whether its through email or letters...sends pictures to one another...they love receiving pictures!!!!!its also good to keep yourself busy while hes gone because now he will no longer be with you while he is on deployment...so maybe you can set some goals to achieve while he is gone...whatever youre doing now that is keeping your relaitonship together going....do the same things but on email/phones....it still works beleive me...they are happy when they know someone still loves them and still shows it even after they are away from home.

since deployment is several months away from home, you also have to adjust to this change because now its you and the kids. dont let it get to you when youre feeling lonely and stuff. there may be times when he may not be able to email or call you. just keep yourself busy and achieve any goals you may have....

Than once everything is over, your love can also become stronger than it already is...sometimes being away from each other makes you realise who your real loved ones are. =)

good luck girl...you can do it =)
 

X4biddenxLustX

Well-known member
Aww hun, *hugs*

I have to first off say how strong you must be in order to make it through this along with all the other military wives/gfs that have posted. Now I'm not and haven't been in this situation but the guy that I was involved with left back in April 2008 for basic training. I'm not going to lie it was hard and kind of awkward not being able to visit and hang out with him every week and stuff. We didn't talk to each other the whole time. I'd have to say that you really schedule a time either everyday or every other day where you guys sit down and have a talk just to keep in touch and know how things are going in each others lives. Despite having a busy schedule, communication is very important for any kind of long distance type relationship. Also like all the other ladies have said, this may give you lots of free time to find a new hobby and get into something new and fun. Plus you'll have more time to spend with your daughters. Sorry if I'm not much of a help here but I hope everything works out for ya!
 

Kayteuk

Well-known member
I told my fella about this topic and here is what he said:
pictures
as many as possible, take pictures and send them immediately
a deployed spouse or boyfriend is often sitting and thinking about what you look like now
 

friend_of_MAC

Well-known member
Send him a care package with stuff that he may like. Snacks are really good too in the package. Send him something of yours that he may want with him that he can smell or touch in his hand while over there besides just pictures.
 

kaexbabey

Well-known member
everyone, thanks so much for your replies<3

sorry i havent gotten back to them until now because we were busy preparing for him to leave ..
 

ninaxmac

Well-known member
My dad is deployed right now, for the 2nd time. My Mom keeps up with him through email and late night phone calls due to the time difference.
 

xxAngelxx

Well-known member
My boyfriend went on his first deployment last year, and will probably be leaving again at the end of this year. Its so hard. But he called me every chance he got, we emailed as much as we could. When he was able to get online, he'd email my phone & I'd text him back. I sent him a care package every 2 weeks. He sent letters alllll the time. (They can send letters free.) Its really hard work.

When he'd go on a mission he knew would be dangerous, he left a letter with his good friend to mail me if he didn't make it and instructions for the friend to call me so I'd know right away.

Ask him what he'd like to be in the care packages. His favorite snacks, books, socks, etc. I recommend if you send cookies or anything, to wrap them in foil & put them in a container.

Good luck!
 

Kayteuk

Well-known member
Hey girls! I need your opinion on something completly unrelated.

Im having a argument/debate thing with my boyfriend. About the GI bill and wives.

If your a wife of someone in the military they can sign some of their education funds over to you if you need to go to college right?

I am talking to my BF in texas, whos husband is in the Army, and I told my boyfriend about it and he got all up in arms saying it wasnt possible... And now THEY are arguing about it... What a bunch a sad people we are.

Can someone confirm or deny this? My friend really wants to do a nursing degree but cant afford it, and her husband does not want to go to college so I was pretty sure he can sign the money to her as he is in for another 5 years....I hope this makes some kind of sense!
 

nendaria

Member
My thoughts out to you. My spouse has been in a while and deployed many times with the US Navy.

As Concertina mentioned, power of attorney, so if you need anything done, no one is going to give you lip about it. Nothing more annoying. Just fax the paper and give them instructions on what you need done.

You will be strong for your little ones, keep busy. You will find things to occupy your time and before you know it, he will be home again.

I grew an ebay business, about what else? Cosmetics. It will keep your mind off things if you arent sitting and thinking.

As with everyone else, send emails, photos, care packs, I was told mail is a welcomed time when away.

Positive thoughts to you and if you want to chat, you can send a PM.

D.
 

Kayteuk

Well-known member
BIG question....Anyone else having trouble emailing their other half?
I keep getting this and it makes me worries...It sounds like a angry message!
""
subject
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Warning: could not send message for past 1 daymailed-by
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*******.mil
hide details 11:00 PM (12 minutes ago)
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Reply

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**********************************************
** THIS IS A WARNING MESSAGE ONLY **
** YOU DO NOT NEED TO RESEND YOUR MESSAGE **
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The original message was received at Tue, 10 Mar 2009 22:03:51 GMT

"




Im like...WTF!? Its just this evenings and its happened on all my 12 emails today with photos and random stuff, and even some empty emails with just lovey stuff inside....I dont get it!
 

meland2lilones

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayteuk
Hey girls! I need your opinion on something completly unrelated.

Im having a argument/debate thing with my boyfriend. About the GI bill and wives.

If your a wife of someone in the military they can sign some of their education funds over to you if you need to go to college right?

I am talking to my BF in texas, whos husband is in the Army, and I told my boyfriend about it and he got all up in arms saying it wasnt possible... And now THEY are arguing about it... What a bunch a sad people we are.

Can someone confirm or deny this? My friend really wants to do a nursing degree but cant afford it, and her husband does not want to go to college so I was pretty sure he can sign the money to her as he is in for another 5 years....I hope this makes some kind of sense!



yes..a soldier can sign some or all of their gi bill over to a spouse or even their child...its something my husband and i have considered doing.
 

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