First time sleeping with someone new

[tricky]

When you sleep with a new person for the first time, how do you deal with the whole STD thing? I mean obviously you use a condom, but what about herpes and all the other types of STD's there are that you can get even if you use a condom? How do you address that? Do you straight out ask them to tell you if they have anything? Do you ask them to get tested? I'm not saying that the person necessarily does or doesn't have it, but there's no way of knowing otherwise.

 

[Shimmer]

Straight out ask them. If one is too embarrassed to ask those kinds of questions, one maybe should rethink the whole sex with that person thing.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

I agree with Shimmer.

 

[Paramnesia]

I agree with shimmer. Though it is a hard thing to do, I know I'm the most passive, shy person out there.

 

[EmbalmerBabe]

Tricky situation, but yes flat out ask them if they have been tested for STD's and HIV. Sometimes you have to get a separate blood test for HIV.
In addition ask them if they have ever had an STD in the past. If they don't want to give up this information, seem defensive, or refuse to talk about it in any fashion, don't have sex with this person.
Its best to get to know someone for several months before deciding to have sex. Then you know what your getting into, you get to know them better,
and feel more comfortable flat out asking those serious, important,
sex and disease questions.

 

[Obreathemykiss]

i agree with all of the above. This is a MUST. You need to know for your health because one little disease could kill you these days or haunt you for the rest of your life. Ask and be honest.

 

[Beauty Mark]

You just ask. It's not a fun conversation, but it sure is more fun than waking up one day and finding out that you have HIV

 

[tricky]

But what if the person is a big fat liar?

 

[kaliraksha]

Then wait until you know the morale and character of the person a little better. If you flat out know they're a liar or self-serving then I just wouldn't take that chance. There is no 100%, even your husband of years can lie to you about a mistress. But, at least know you did everything possible to protect yourself and prevent anything.

 

[SkylarV217]

You should ask, if you feel uncomfortable asking, or asking them to get tested I agree with the above person in It's probably not a good idea to have sex with them.

 

[Shimmer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tricky But what if the person is a big fat liar?

Then why sleep with someone who's a known shitbag?

 

[faifai]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Then why sleep with someone who's a known shitbag?

I think she's asking what to do if the person doesn't answer honestly. Not when they have a history of lying, but perhaps they are embarrassed or scared and just...lie instead of telling the truth.

I think in that scenario, tricky, you've done nearly everything you can to minimize your risks. Short of asking for their STI screen results before you have sex with them, you've tried to get answers. If you have any doubt in your mind at all, don't have sex with them. And always use barrier methods of protection (condoms).

 

[Lauren1981]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tricky When you sleep with a new person for the first time, how do you deal with the whole STD thing? I mean obviously you use a condom, but what about herpes and all the other types of STD's there are that you can get even if you use a condom? How do you address that? Do you straight out ask them to tell you if they have anything? Do you ask them to get tested? I'm not saying that the person necessarily does or doesn't have it, but there's no way of knowing otherwise.

i would suggest going to get tested together if you want to know. you can ask him but what if he says no but really isn't sure if he's got something? or what if he does have something to hide but still tells you no? i would suggest that. if he's 100% against it then you obviously don't need to take it any further with him. if he agrees to it then there's much respect to be given to him because he's respecting you and your health by going along with you. that's what i would do.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

Shimmer's got it down.

Ask them flat out. I mean, don't ask while you're discussing which movie to see after dinner; but when you have some time alone. Make a decision to put those questions out there and if that person is offended or doesn't think they have to answer, MOVE ON!

And if you think this person is someone you may want to invest serious time in, and they feel the same, make plans to both get tested before engaging in sexual acts.

 

[Swirlgirl]

okay. So yeah. It's a tough conversation to have, but if you're using a condon and still concerned, you need to out-and-out ask. Maybe try and make it seem like you are more concerned with your own health than passing judgment on your partner. If he is at all avoiding the questions, acting grossed out or you get the gut feeling that he is not being truthful, he is not a guy you want to be intimate with.

 

[Beauty Mark]

IMO, a lot of girls go in the most round about way of asking. If you ask directly, he'll probably be caught off guard enough to not be able to lie. You can read a person's behavior fairly easily. If he doesn't want to talk about it, he's not the person you want to have sex with