Forced Marriages

[Lalli]

I think this sort of a scenario is more common with south asian people and it sucks, I feel like crap right now

Say you had a son, he was a fk bwt and u got him married and he treated his wife like crap, wouldnt you do your best to dissaprove of his actions?

You get your daughter married off with high hopes thinking she'll live a happy married life, wouldnt you see it as a natural duty to protect and love that person coming into your family? You know you always hear in the news in India/pakistan/bangladesh a daughter in law was torched to death, or was killed for giving birth to girls, or ridiculed for not providing enough dowry


my beef is guys{and girls} who get married specially from back home and think they can walk all over thier wives. They know they wont ask questions hence go out and fk about, chat to girls, sh ag around, deny it as much as you like but it does happen, even girls and guys from here do it. why do some parents not learn from their mistake, wot do they want? a slave? someone to cook clean and give birth to a large brood.

I always thought marriage was something special, I always thought that your in laws are like second parents, your second family, make you feel loved and special. guess not. Relevant thread or no relevant thread, I felt like having a rant. I know if my son was in the wrong, i'd kick his arse out of my house and punish him for his wrong doings.

Forced marriages ARE disasters. My cousin died last night. 21 years old, all alone. Twice her heart stopped, massive internal bleeding.The theatre nurse came out twice to look for her husband he did one, her heart stopped twice and all he could say was "yeh ok". When I saw her lying there she wasnt the happy cheerful girl I knew who loved everyone and was always smiling. Her mum and dad are in pakistan and havent handled it well at all, how can they

on top of that her in laws are so fkin ediats, despite the kids growing up here they dont even know how to organize a fuenral. I hope they rot in hell for everything they did to her,

My uncle collected her death certificate this morning and was told she put up a great fight, she was suffering badly, n she never said anything to anyone, her bas tard husband isnt even going to pakistan with her body.

 

[*Stargazer*]

I'll be very, very honest here. While I am all for religious freedom around the world, I think that religion is too frequently used to subjugate women when the basic tenets of most religions actually suggest women should be treated well and respected.

I cannot agree with the idea that a woman shouldn't be allowed to pick (or refuse) her own spouse, regardless of religion or culture. It is very sad to me that some parts of the world have taken large steps BACKWARDS in women's rights in the past few decades. Pakistan being one.

I once asked my Dad why he moved from Pakistan when he was in his early 20s and he told me it was because he hoped to have children someday and if he had daughters he had no desire for them to grow up in a country where they would be treated like chattel and disrespected. I, for one, am eternally grateful that he did leave.

On a sidenote, I read a fascinating article the other day about why Europe (the UK in particular) is such a breeding ground for radical Islamists and the US is not despite having even more immigrants. Here in the US people tend to assimiliate into society and while they keep some of their traditions they tend to become part of American society. In Europe they tend to become small enclaves of whatever nationality they are. So here, we get areas that have high percentages of a certain type of immigrant but they are fluid within the American society they live in, while European immigrants tend NOT to mix with European society. So they tend to to become as integrated and customs such as arranged marriages tend to continue. Here in the US there is a different attitude among immigrants towards arranged marriages. Here, instead of making it a business transaction and giving no weight to what the woman wants, the family still gets involved but generally (not always of course) the woman is given the final say. I think this Americanization of immigrants might be why we don't see this type of situation that you've discussed very frequently here in the US.

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you and her family.

 

[Lalli]

My mum isnt pakistani but my father was and even he knew that his daughters should be able to fulfill thier dreams and not get married off to some ediat whos high on weed 24/7

 

[Henna_Spirit]

really sorry to hear about your cousin... I can't completly agree with you that arranged marriages are always dissasters, but i do know it's always more difficult. I do get a few brides each year whom are 'selected' to marry some bloke and its heartbreaking to see them being so sad even before they leave the house!
But i did have a 1 bride this year who had an arranged marriage but was loving it! lol she was the one who picked the guy, the roles were reversed for her...
My thoughts are with you and her family.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I think it's sad that the bride and groom don't get any say. The arranged marriages I've known to work the best are when the arrangement is basically like some blind dates with higher stakes.

I've had friends who resist the arranged marriage thing period but received so much flak about it. Religion runs really deep and strong for people.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I think it's sad that the bride and groom don't get any say. The arranged marriages I've known to work the best are when the arrangement is basically like some blind dates with higher stakes.

I've had friends who resist the arranged marriage thing period but received so much flak about it. Religion runs really deep and strong for people.

 

[Lalli]

arranged marriages do work.

forced ones dont

 

[neeshie]

I am so sorry to hear about your cousin.

If her husband and his family did that to her is there any way that your family can take this to the police.
It may be too late for your cousin but it may help someone else.
Maybe an organisation like Southall Black Sisters can help?

 

[YvetteJeannine]

Quote:

On a sidenote, I read a fascinating article the other day about why Europe (the UK in particular) is such a breeding ground for radical Islamists and the US is not despite having even more immigrants. Here in the US people tend to assimiliate into society and while they keep some of their traditions they tend to become part of American society. In Europe they tend to become small enclaves of whatever nationality they are. So here, we get areas that have high percentages of a certain type of immigrant but they are fluid within the American society they live in, while European immigrants tend NOT to mix with European society. So they tend to to become as integrated and customs such as arranged marriages tend to continue. Here in the US there is a different attitude among immigrants towards arranged marriages. Here, instead of making it a business transaction and giving no weight to what the woman wants, the family still gets involved but generally (not always of course) the woman is given the final say. I think this Americanization of immigrants might be why we don't see this type of situation that you've discussed very frequently here in the US.

This particular statement is SO true...I could not agree more...I was just thinking about this the other day..It's true..In America, immigrants still hold on to many of their customs/traditions; but things like arranged marriages/female circumcision, etc. don't really happen in the US with the same frequency as they do in Europe/Gt. Btn.


Lalli: I am so, so sorry to hear about your cousin (I know it's been a few days since you posted this, but I still wanted to let you know how sorry I am.)..What exactly happened to her??

 

[quandolak]

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[amoona]

First, Lalli I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin.

I'd just like to quickly add to what an "arranged marriage" really is. I've always used that term until I realized a lot of Americas see it as the girl being promised to some guy she doesn't know and all those old school sterotypes of what arranged marriages are. So I refrain from using that term, instead I just explain what it is.

Perfect example, my cousin decided that he wanted to settle down and get married. So his mother called up her cousin in New York who new her neighbor's daughter wanted to get married. They talked and boom they decided to get married. It's more like a hook-up serivce lol.

But through the religious aspect of it, in Islam it is forbidden for a woman to be forced into a marriage. Before the woman signs a marriage contract she is taken aside and asked if she was forced into this marriage or if it is of her free will. (I will add that my mother was taken aside, my cousin's wife was asked in front of everyone so I guess it depends on who is performing the ceremony)

Even the hitting of women, in Islam, is forbidden and considered a sin against God. Sadly there are horrible people who don't learn their religions yet use them, as well as their culturals, as an excuse to do the horrible things they do. Thankfully my family is too damn religious to ever let one of my male cousins pull something like that on any of their wives.