Friend or more?

[jennyfee]

Hey guys!

I have a friend who's been sending me mixed signals for a few weeks and I'm so confused right now!!

I just want to put it to a vote and see what you guys think... Is he interested or not?

-We've been seeing each other about 6 days out of 7 every week
-Never more than a day without seeing each other
-Texting many times a day
-Brought me home to eat with his family (apparently never does that, as i was told later)
-Kisses me sometimes when saying goodbye
-Cuddly and affectionnate, tells me he loves me and many sweet things
-Told me he wants us to move in together in a few months as roommates
-When I told him about european traveling plans, told me he was coming along without me asking him
-Tells me i'm beautiful and so nice and everything, but he's just not "feeling it"
-We slept together and it was not just sex... it was sweet and we cuddled for an hour...
-I've had the "discussion" with him twice with the same results, he tells me very clearly that we're just friends
-He still goes on dates, but often ends up hanging with me right after the date at ten-ish because he missed me

I just think that you don't do those kinds of things with someone you're not interested in, right?

Should I see where this is going or just let go altogether?

Thanks for the advice

 

[MACATTAK]

Guys usually tell you what they want, we just have to listen. If he says "friends," I'd take it as friends. He is sending mixed messages, but if he truly wanted to be with you, there would be no question. He wouldn't take the risk of losing you to someone else. The biggest thing I've learned from a guy is if he is calling me up after 10 pm, it's only a booty call...nothing more. If you are happy with the arrangement, keep it going. If you want more, move on. Don't let this guy stand in the way of what you really want.

 

[jennyfee]

Yeah I agree but I mean I know it's not booty calls since we only slept together once and it was unexpected... And when we see each other we just spend hours laughing and talking and having really deep conversations... We have a lot in common and have the same kind of lifestyles / career... We totally fit together...

 

[MACATTAK]

Got it. It then all boils down to what you are looking for right now.

 

[jennyfee]

Yeah.. I guess I want more but I'm torn... On one hand, i'd rather be his friend than the girlfriend who's not really his type, and i'd always be scared that he was with me until he found someone better suited for him. On the other hand, I'm really attracted and starting to like him more and more and don't want the cuddling / affection to stop... So I guess my best bet is to just keep things going the way they are now but without anything more than affection... Because sex just complicates things :S

 

[MACATTAK]

You're right, sex does complicate things. The fact that he is dating other people just shows he is not really serious. If you want more from him, and he is labeling you as just "friends," it seems like you are setting yourself up to get hurt.

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

I haven't read the other responses yet but I will say LET IT GO, LET IT GO! He is doing all this mushy gushy things with you because you're AVAILABLE to him and like you, he enjoys it too!! Why wouldn't he enjoy good companionship. The only difference is, you are getting used (but only because you allow yourself to, don't play victim). Sorry to say. You're making something out of nothing. You're in love with him and he's in love with what you're giving him; the sex, an ego boost/confidence, reliability/assurance, someone to always fall back on....just because he supposedly brings only you home to mama and papa does not mean you two are an item/in an exclusive relationship. Don't make yourself feel special.

The 'man' (and I use the term lightly) goes out on dates with other women and then has the audacity to hang out with you after he's done only b/c it's convenient for him and of course you wait up on him like a good puppy. Girl, smell the common sense!

You've had this exclusivity talk before and he has brushed it off more than once! He's not just going to wake up one morning and realize that you're the woman for him. The endless text messages, phone conversations and hanging-out almost every night like it's a full time job surely has not changed his mind yet so what makes you think anything will change his mind now?... Self-respect is significant.

To answer your questions...friends or more? I'd say absolutely none of the above, NOTHING. A friend does NOT lead someone on knowing that you have strong feelings for him. That's simply wrong. Move on, girlie; his loss. Tell him good bye. He's playing games because you allow him to. What sane man would decline getting everything that a relationship has to offer without even being in a relationship! He's having a ball, lol. Tell him to hit the road, Jack.

P.S. Even when I was in an exclusive relationship I never spent all this time with my boyfriend. 2-3 times a week is plenty, 7 days a week would only be if we were married of course but I'm not seeing a man that many times a week, damn. But that's just me. Remember, like the saying goes talk is cheap, don't get hypnotized with his sweet, Romeo lingo, actions speak louder than words. His actions are surround-sound systems. All you have to do is really listen to your situation. Good luck!

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennyfee Yeah.. I guess I want more but I'm torn... On one hand, i'd rather be his friend than the girlfriend who's not really his type, and i'd always be scared that he was with me until he found someone better suited for him. On the other hand, I'm really attracted and starting to like him more and more and don't want the cuddling / affection to stop... So I guess my best bet is to just keep things going the way they are now but without anything more than affection... Because sex just complicates things :S

Sex does not complicate things, people do.

 

[Simply Elegant]

I agree, he's getting benefits without the commitment. If you like him as a person and not just a possible boyfriend I think boundaries need to be made unless you don't mind the benefits without commitment, which is fine too.

 

[hello_my_apple]

Friends with benefits is the situation here. If you can handle it go for it, if not let it go like someone said. dont set yourself up for something, if a guys into you, trust and believe they will let you know.

 

[Boasorte]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hello_my_apple Friends with benefits is the situation here. If you can handle it go for it, if not let it go like someone said. dont set yourself up for something, if a guys into you, trust and believe they will let you know.

I agree with this statement. Let it flow, but don't try to make him ur man!!!!
Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveMakeup4Real I haven't read the other responses yet but I will say LET IT GO, LET IT GO! He is doing all this mushy gushy things with you because you're AVAILABLE to him and like you, he enjoys it too!! Why wouldn't he enjoy good companionship. The only difference is, you are getting used (but only because you allow yourself to, don't play victim). Sorry to say. You're making something out of nothing. You're in love with him and he's in love with what you're giving him; the sex, an ego boost/confidence, reliability/assurance, someone to always fall back on....just because he supposedly brings only you home to mama and papa does not mean you two are an item/in an exclusive relationship. Don't make yourself feel special.

I 100% agree . He's "using" you, but you seem to like it, but I would NOT pursue anything with him at all.
He's leading you on, and I think if you can both accept the fact that you can be decent acting towards each other and NOT CATCH FEELINGS, then by all means, do you. You've mentioned that now you're kind of feeling him, that's a big NO NO
I'd personally would prefer an actual boyfriend over that, but to each his own, and good luck!