Hard hard hard christmas

[darkwater_soul]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shoegal-fr The thing is, i've been trying to work it out since i was like 8 years old or so... My parents were raised in a very very particular way (my dad is the most pretentious and selfish guy i've ever met because he was THE son, you know for his parents; and my mom... well she is just passive and despite all the crap he had done to me, she has never done anything because... well... she loves him apparently). For example, when i was a teenager, i was seriously overweight (and still have to lose some weight) because i was bulimic and my "dad" was asking me in front of my friends all the time "Well, Amira, what's the price of one kilogramm of yours??" or "why, oh why, aren't you as pretty as (my friend name)??" Seriously... try to handle that when you're 15... It really was moral harassment you know, and it still does happen... I get "you're just an idiot" every single day. I have never ever received a single huge or "i love you" in my entire life from my parents!!! But still, i've always made all i could to please them: i've always had excellent grades, i've made the decision to find a part time job since i was 17 to buy all things i want without asking them; i bought every single thing i own aka flat tv, furnitures, bed, clothes, accesories, makeup; i paid for and had my driving license at the first shot; i don't smoke, i don't drink, i don't party... and i was always hoping they'll acknowledge that one day... but ehhh i'm still waiting! And it seems like i'll have to wait longer because in their words "i'm stupid, childish and selfish"... I don't know, i must have done something really bad in a previous life... And now, you know, i have just serious trusting issues and a very low self esteem also, and i think lots of people sense that and just feed themselves off of it... I'm really really exhausted... The only thing that makes me hold on to life is that i really want my dream come true... living and working in the US. I know that since i was 2 yrs old, since the first english word i heard, and i was so in love with this language and this culture that i made myself fluent in english since i was 5 yrs old. But, again, it's a really hard task, because i simple can't just go to the US with no backup... i mean if things turn bad... my parents wouldn't do nothing to it and i'll just end homeless... And this makes me just more depressed... Thanks for sharing your experience with us! It really helps. I hope everything will be ok for you... and i'll do my best to have a nice evening no matter what... Thanks to all of you girls! You're so supportive, it's so amazing that i can't help crying!!!

I can let you in on a secret - you can't pick your family, but you can choose how it affects your life. I love my mom, but my dad and I don't get along because he doesn't agree with how I live my life. So, after years of trying to impress him, I said screw it. I've never been happier. Just because they raised you, doesn't mean you owe them anything. If you feel like them being a part of your life is genuinely making it hard, then let them go.

 

[mafalda]

Shoegal,

hey, I'll be practically doing the same thing this year for a whole bunch of reasons - I don't know if people here have set up a kinda permanent chatroom somewhere, if so, let me know, I'll be there, and I'll share my feijoada and my bûche with you, at least virtually.

Take care!

mafalda

 

[Shoegal-fr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkwater_soul I can let you in on a secret - you can't pick your family, but you can choose how it affects your life. I love my mom, but my dad and I don't get along because he doesn't agree with how I live my life. So, after years of trying to impress him, I said screw it. I've never been happier. Just because they raised you, doesn't mean you owe them anything. If you feel like them being a part of your life is genuinely making it hard, then let them go.

Thank you! i kind of figured this out... but i don't know, i just can't let it go right now, i think i'm still holding on "what the f*** have i done? Why couldn't i have a normal relationship with my parents like lots of people do??". I guess i just need a few more slaps in the face... But that's really crappy!

Quote:

Originally Posted by mafalda Shoegal, hey, I'll be practically doing the same thing this year for a whole bunch of reasons - I don't know if people here have set up a kinda permanent chatroom somewhere, if so, let me know, I'll be there, and I'll share my feijoada and my bûche with you, at least virtually. Take care! mafalda

No, i don't think such a thread exist... but i'll definitely be thinking of you too!!

 

[BEA2LS]

it'll get better i have had great holiday years, i have had horrible, lonely ones. this one turned out good but still.
this new years will be at my apartment with my boyfriend and pit bull

and i'm actually excited about it, lol.
last new years i was living in a tourist beach town and it was crazy exciting (everyone ran to the boardwalk at midnight and set off fireworks on the beach - great until the cops came, lol)
but i have had new years when it was just me and i fell asleep. :

:
either way just stay positive for the new year. it really will get better.

 

[Shoegal-fr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEA2LS it'll get better i have had great holiday years, i have had horrible, lonely ones. this one turned out good but still. this new years will be at my apartment with my boyfriend and pit bull and i'm actually excited about it, lol. last new years i was living in a tourist beach town and it was crazy exciting (everyone ran to the boardwalk at midnight and set off fireworks on the beach - great until the cops came, lol) but i have had new years when it was just me and i fell asleep. : : either way just stay positive for the new year. it really will get better.

Thank you so much for your support!

 

[BEA2LS]

i really mean it, too.. when i was younger i really didnt have friends or boyfriend or anything. and i was stupid enough to think that was gonna be that way forever and lowered my standards.. grr, lol. turns out i had nothing to worry about (except for the losers i picked up when i lowered my standards! i ditched them, though)

 

[Shoegal-fr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEA2LS i really mean it, too.. when i was younger i really didnt have friends or boyfriend or anything. and i was stupid enough to think that was gonna be that way forever and lowered my standards.. grr, lol. turns out i had nothing to worry about (except for the losers i picked up when i lowered my standards! i ditched them, though)

I'm exactly in this situation, and i can't see the end...

 

[BEA2LS]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shoegal-fr I'm exactly in this situation, and i can't see the end...

i couldnt neither but what i should have done was just focus on my life at the moment (for me, i should have focused on college.. ). life goes on and it will get better so in this downtown you should figure out how to improve your own life. i am speaking from regrets and really mean this.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Aww hun, your not the only one. My family is from china and is kinda tradition in a way still so we dont really do much celebrating of christmas and the only new years that counts for is us chinese new year (which isn't even til like feb. I think and we do celebrate it but its not as festive as you'd imagine a new years celebration to be really). So my parents never did the whole wake up on christmas morning and unwrap your gifts thing with us.

But theres so many things you could do instead during your holiday time. Like maybe do a lil mini home spa treatment with facials and a nice bubble bath and watch some movies you've been meaning to watch but have been too busy to til now.

 

[Shoegal-fr]

Thank you all for your support! Thank you so much, it really means to me. It made me think, and i decided that i've wasted enough time, i'm 22 and i've spent like 12 years saying to myself "not today, later, i'll do it later".

But you know what, NO MORE. I'm fed up. I don't want to waste more time.
So, tomorrow morning, i'll wake up early, i'll clean my room, i'll take a bath, i'll get back on doing my skincare routine and working out (i don't know why i quitted gym, i love it so much, it makes you feel really good).
I'll focus on college and finish my master, and i'll enter the school i want and get into the career i want!!

Even if 2009 may end crappy, at least i'll be able to say to myself that i did all i could!

Thank you so much ladies!!


Quote:

Originally Posted by BEA2LS i couldnt neither but what i should have done was just focus on my life at the moment (for me, i should have focused on college.. ). life goes on and it will get better so in this downtown you should figure out how to improve your own life. i am speaking from regrets and really mean this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX Aww hun, your not the only one. My family is from china and is kinda tradition in a way still so we dont really do much celebrating of christmas and the only new years that counts for is us chinese new year (which isn't even til like feb. I think and we do celebrate it but its not as festive as you'd imagine a new years celebration to be really). So my parents never did the whole wake up on christmas morning and unwrap your gifts thing with us. But theres so many things you could do instead during your holiday time. Like maybe do a lil mini home spa treatment with facials and a nice bubble bath and watch some movies you've been meaning to watch but have been too busy to til now.

 

[PuterChick]

I think there is just too much pressure to live up to the Holidays. Buying gifts on Christmas and heavy partying on New Years Eve.

I had to move on Christmas day! Actually started Christmas Eve and continued thru to the 28th.

Just look at it that it's behind you and many holidays are ahead to make up for the lousy ones. Try and find strength where you can and don't let your father determine your self-confidence. Mine was the same way but once I got into my career and living my life on my own, things improved and good times were ahead.

Take care of yourself!!

 

[Shoegal-fr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PuterChick I think there is just too much pressure to live up to the Holidays. Buying gifts on Christmas and heavy partying on New Years Eve. I had to move on Christmas day! Actually started Christmas Eve and continued thru to the 28th. Just look at it that it's behind you and many holidays are ahead to make up for the lousy ones. Try and find strength where you can and don't let your father determine your self-confidence. Mine was the same way but once I got into my career and living my life on my own, things improved and good times were ahead. Take care of yourself!!

Thank you so much for your support and for sharing your experience.
I'll try to improve things, it's definitely not a way to live my life!

Take care of yourself too !

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Np chica! It's very important to do things just for YOURSELF every now and then.

 

[Shoegal-fr]

I'm working on it! Again, thank you so much!!
Hope everything's going well for you too!

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

thanks! but things are still blehh for me. but i'll try and be positive as much as i can!

 

[MAC_Whore]

shoegrl:

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad holiday and are having a rough time. I can recall one of my not-so-great Holidays where I spent Christmas,New Years and my birthday alone. I can relate. It sucked!

I hope things turn around for you. I know that my parents did some things in as I was growing up that pissed me off, as well, though I will admit I didn't have to deal with what you did. It broke my heart to read that. Every child deserves a hug and an "I Love You". My personal experience was that I felt angry about it for a certain amount of years, then I eventually came to realize that I can't let that hold me back. I worked to just let go of it and live my life the best I could. It's a hard thing to do, as we all want a cohesive family unit. Sometimes I still dwell on stuff. It's hard to let it all go.

Your english is fantastic, btw. I am currently studying French (I had forgotten most of what I had learned in the past) and am starting an arabic class, so I am quite jealous of your skills!

You know what is kind of funny? So many gals in the US would kill to live in Paris and you want to come here. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? Based on what you have worked through in your life so far, I have no doubt that you can acheive it if you want it.

I hope things are going better.

 

[Shoegal-fr]

Thanks ladies!!!

X4biddenxLustX, keep it up girl!

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Thanks dear trying the whole be more positive mind set thing!