he still hangs out w/ ex gf

[macheaven]

i need advice. ok well ive only started seeing this guy. maybe like 3 weeks. but he still hangs out with his ex gf. she leaves him messages on his facebook ALL the time. one night she even wrote: You're in my shower right now. Well the next day i talked to him about it. he said he was just playing vid games w/ her brother and they were all drinkin and he puked on himself and that's y he was in the shower.he also told me that i have nothing to worry about bc there is no chance of gettin back bc she sleeps around or whatever. i don't have the right to tell him what to do bc we're not exclusive or anything.
i guess just what bothers me is that we've been hookin up, not going all the way but still. i just don't want to get hurt. should i stop seeing him?

 

[TISH1124]

If you're not exclusive then I wouldn't worry about it...But I would make it clear that if you decided to be exclusive that type of behavior will not be acceptable for you and it would have to cease and assist prior to you even thinking about getting into a serious relationship with him.

 

[Shimmer]

this early in, if warning bells are going off, break it off.

 

[macheaven]

gosh i needed to hear that. Harsh reality but i think ur right.

 

[TamiChoi]

don't get attached esp. since it's so early in the relationship. and also, "follow your heart." if you feel that something isn't right like Shimmer said, leave his assss! lol. it could also be the ex still wants him. if she knows he has you, why would she try to disrespect you and attempt to make you jealous by writing that comment on his facebook?

 

[shimmyshimmyya]

If it bothers you now, it will only get worse once you both get more serious.

I used to have a boyfriend who bragged and prided himself for being able to stay friends with his exes....I thought it was the stupidest thing ever. I don't get it. But I thoroughly enjoyed how he empted to keep himself in my life when I broke up with him. I had to shut that down quick.

I think in the end, it will cause more problems and play on your insecurities. If he really cared about you and wanted to be with you, he would take how you feel about this into consideration. If it continues, move on and find someone else!

 

[abbey_08]

yeh if hes acting like this now hed be worse if u got to the serious stage...he doesnt seem completely over her

 

[Shadowy Lady]

meh, I may be weird but I'm not the type who's friends with an ex. It does depend on how old you are, ...But I just never do it, to me an ex is an ex for a reason and there is no point in carrying the ex baggage into the next relationship (unless you have to, like you have kids etc). So I say if you are truly uncomfortable with this, there is no point going to next level in this relationship

 

[macheaven]

ok well here's the update. he asked me if i was uncomfortable with him hangin out with her. he said that if i was, then he doesn't have to hang out with her. he said that he likes me and that he wanted to ask before we go any further. he said that she only needs ppl to keep her company lately because she had some kind of problem..he didn't want to elaborate on what it was. he said he's not allowed to say.

 

[iadoremac]

Sweetie I have been in this situation before and it got to the point where his ex started stalking me. What you need to ask yourself is if the "relationship" is what you deserve. In other words is it good enough for you??? You should answer the question honestly. The mere fact that you are thinking of walking away answers your own question dont you think???

 

[banjobama]

This is shady. You don't have to stop seeing him, but be prepared for him to change his mind and get back with her. He's obviously not ready for a relationship, if he's "not allowed" to say why he's been hanging out with her. And as a side note: A guy who pukes on himself is no prize to begin with.

 

[DigitalRain]

Quote:

Originally Posted by macheaven he said that she only needs ppl to keep her company lately because she had some kind of problem..he didn't want to elaborate on what it was. he said he's not allowed to say.

And now she is no longer his responsibility, she is an ex. Drop him like a hot potato and find you a guy who is willing to commit to you 100%. If he told you that I foresee a lot of drama in your future if you stay with him.

 

[3jane]

Even if you can't demand he stop hanging out like that with her, you def should tell him it's a concern. If he dismisses you outright, that's a big red flag. Even if he's the (deluded) friend-with-the-ex type, he should take your concerns into account and cool the friendship with her if he wants to woo you. Since it's the very beginning for you guys, he should be trying to impress you and win you over!-- if he's interested in you, he'll make the effort. Otherwise... stay clear!

 

[macheaven]

banjobama, ur right. a guy who pukes on himself IS no prize. he does seem to drink a lot. i didn't think anything of it bc he's in a frat. that's what they do.

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer this early in, if warning bells are going off, break it off.

Hell yes.
I've yet to learn that lesson...
Hoping to keep it in mind for future reference.
Ugh.

 

[macheaven]

Fiestyfemme, u and me both. i guess we need to experience before we learn

 

[Shimmer]

You know what experience is?
It's what you have after you don't need it.

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer You know what experience is? It's what you have after you don't need it.

I totally agree !!

Kinda like Hindsight

 

[NutMeg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer You know what experience is? It's what you have after you don't need it.

And that's why we have girlfriends.

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer You know what experience is? It's what you have after you don't need it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 I totally agree !! Kinda like Hindsight

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg And that's why we have girlfriends.

So true!! Although generally my problem is that no matter what someone tells me, I'm going to do what I want anyway...