Heartbroken

[esmeralda89]

I have to get this off my chest, theres this guy I will call him M who broke my heart. Its the first time this has ever happened to me so i dont know how to deal with the situation.

The story is so messy and complicated, But tis is how it started:

My boyfrend of 5 years who i will call Rico is what people would call the perfect boyfriend, however under all that perfection lots of flaws were hidden. To begein this was a long distance relationship that was pretty strong exept for the fact that rico was overconfident, you see he is very attractive and sometimes uses that as a weapon. One day he came to visit me and everytime he came to visit me i would run into his arms and kiss and hug him, but insteasd of doing it back he pushed me away and was so rude, the only time he changed his behavior was at night when he wanted sex.

A couple of days later he called me and we talked for a while and out of the blue he said "Your worthless, im the only person who could ever stay with you" OUCH! His words killed me I cried for sometime and was depressed.

So for a few days i was hidden in my room of the apartment i shared with two roomates who i was barely geting to know, and i heard someone knoking on the door and answered it in my pj's and messy hair. It was my roomate Ani's good friend M. I didint see him that well because i was not wearing contacts so i just went back in my room. As the days passed i began to feel more comfortable with the people around me and so i started coming out of my room more often.

One day i walkedout of my room to get something in the kitchen and M tried to start a conversation but it didint work. So a couple of minutes later my roomate knoks on my door and says "M wants to speak to you" I was puzzeled and replied "about what?" and she says "idk" so we leave it at that and then she asks for my phone number so i give it to her because i never thought things could end up gong this far.

He immediatly came over and started talking to me, and I was so hurt from what rico said that the attention was flattering, so eventually one thing led to another and pretty soon i was in a relationship with M. It was very exiting because everything was so different I am very preppy and he was a hardcore rocker with tats etc.

At first i just wanted to have fun, but spending so much time with him developed into love that at one point he said he loved me back. After that it went down hill, he started showing his true colors and acting like a child, he couldent take no for an answer on anything and always wanted to win fights instead of talking it out and comming to an agreement.

So this kept happening but we were ok, then one day he got more agressive and called me "bitch" and slammed the door in my face. I told him i was upset and we should spend some time appart but not break up, but what he did was he mooved on behind my back and started talking to this girl. Iasked him to stop countless times and he didint. He hid his phone from me so last night i wrestled him for it and he didint want to show me because he knew it was gonna hurt me and it did. They were texting about how having sex woulf feel and how his kisses were so good. I felt like my heart was being shattered and i cried all night, i talked to my roomate and she turned her back on me because she protects him like a lioness. She knew what was going on, and im just so hurt, my heart hurts, my body aches, i dont know what to do, and im bothered by the fact that he comes looking for me wanting to have sex and kiss me after all of this is going on. It kills me, they have plans on fri to do what their text say.

I want to move on, I cant be treated like this but its so hard hes like a drug, all i want to do is call him but he made it clear that he wants to move on and be "friends" with me. And even so i still wnat to call him

Please give me advice, if anny ones been through this please tell me how you delt with it, I know getting back with sould not happen but sometimes my emotions are too strong what can i do? i dont want to be this person

 

[esmeralda89]

So far Im moving out I dont want to be surrounded by people who dont care about my feelings

 

[foxxylatina07]

Im so sorry to hear about this. It really pisses me the hell off when guys act this way. Especially when a girl like you cares about them. They're just so childish. I say forget about the scumbag and move on. These two guys didnt deserve you so their lost. You will eventually find a guy who will appreciate you and give you what you deserve. Just stay by yourself for a while to reflect on what you really want from a guy. Hopefully when you're not looking that guy will come looking for you and make you happy. I hope that this advice will help you a bit.

P.S. Good thing you moved out because you dont need to be surrounded by uncaring people.

 

[LMD84]

well i'm so pleased that you are moving out

it's going to be hard for you but much better in the long run. i can't believe that he would treat you that way. if he was clearthat you were both just having space rather than breaking up, why go find another woman? perhaps his heart just wasn't in things towards the end.

there is not much else to say except i think that this is a good thing. it';s better that it has happened now rather than many years down the line. you will start to feel better soon and find somebody who truely loves you. it'll just take some time

 

[Simply Elegant]

Let yourself have some you time. You don't need people like this in your life. Be selfish and do what you want and don't consider them if they change their mind.

 

[greengoesmoo]

You have my sincerest sympathies, there is no easy way to deal with being cheated on.

As with all of the above. Look after number one and forget the dirtbag.

Spend time making yourself happy, spend time with female friends. Maybe even go for some days out to take your mind off it. Basically have fun with people who are external to any realm you would consider as relationship material. Don't do a rebound one night shag either, it will probably be sub par and you'll stop enjoying it about 1/4 way through.

If you want to hurt him, give it 6 months and see if you still give enough of a shit to do so. You probably wont.
If you do, sleeping with his younger sister is a 100% head fuck for any man.

He sounds cheap and tacky, be glad you're out because if he did it once, he will be doing it again and you don't wanna stick around a man like that.

 

[esmeralda89]

Quote:

Originally Posted by greengoesmoo You have my sincerest sympathies, there is no easy way to deal with being cheated on. As with all of the above. Look after number one and forget the dirtbag. Spend time making yourself happy, spend time with female friends. Maybe even go for some days out to take your mind off it. Basically have fun with people who are external to any realm you would consider as relationship material. Don't do a rebound one night shag either, it will probably be sub par and you'll stop enjoying it about 1/4 way through. If you want to hurt him, give it 6 months and see if you still give enough of a shit to do so. You probably wont. If you do, sleeping with his younger sister is a 100% head fuck for any man. He sounds cheap and tacky, be glad you're out because if he did it once, he will be doing it again and you don't wanna stick around a man like that.

You made me laugh! thanks its just so hard but I will eventually learn how to get over him.

Thank you for the advice on not being a rebound, its always better in my oppinion to have other people tell you these things.

 

[esmeralda89]

Thank you so much girls I really appreciate you advice, I just dont have any friends at the moment and im far from home, so you have no idea what your toughtful replies mean to me

How do you deal with getting the urge to call him? its pointless because there is no positive outcome but its my damn emotions! I really have to stop because in the end i get hurt more

 

[Simply Elegant]

Think of how bad he would make you feel if you did call him or ask what is really the point of calling him. You can be proud of yourself for resisting it and eventually you'll wonder why you'd ever want to waste anymore of your time on him and it'll be so easy to not call him.

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

When you get the urge to call him, go on a walk around the block a couple of times, clear your head, breathe deeply and DON'T DO IT! Nothing good will come of it, he's made it clear that he wants to move on, and as hurt as you are now, it will pass. You can gain strength from this if you let yourself, go out and make new friends, do some volunteer work...in other words, take all that negativity and channel it into something positive.

It will still hurt hon, but you know what, you're strong enough to do this...and each day will get a little easier. If you want to vent come here, the girls on this site are some of the most supportive and loving I have ever met. You're heading in the right direction by moving out, that was a really healthy choice. I wish you all the best, sending warm wishes your way.

 

[esmeralda89]

So heres a quick update:

He came over last night and wanted sex but i did not let it happen, i was way too hurt to allow that so i didint let him, however he kept insisting and took my clothes off to try and get me in the mood but i didint let him nor did i want him. Scince i didint let him he had had the nerve to ask me what would happen if he raped me or he pretended to rape me (because he's that twisted) and i told him i would call the cops. He said i wouldent and i told him i would, he didint stop so i bit him really hard and slapped him because i felt really uncomfortable he grabbed me really hard and tried choking me for a quick second and i bit him really hard again and he got really pissed bc he didint want to have bite marks on him since he has his date today and i saw a fist go up in the air but he controlled himself. He didint leave after that he spent the night even though i wanted him out, and i realized i dont like sharing my bed with him. I know i shouldnt have allowed that but im kind of glad i did so i could see how badly i need to get away.

I realize im DONE. Ive never been hit and i wont especially by some worthless duche bag. As akward as it may sound i feel empowered for not allowing him inside of me, I feel really good right now, and as conceted as it may sound im too good for him, I look too good for him and i deserve so much better

 

[LMD84]

i'mpleasedthat you now realise you don't need a tit like him as your partner. you musthavebeen quite freaked last night so well done for saying no to sex. it's scary how he re-acted and quitefrankly you should havecalled the cops on him anyways. he's a worthless pile of poop and you will getbetter one day

 

[abbyquack]

OMG I can't believe he said such gross things like that he was going to "pretend" to rape you, and that he choked you! That is abuse, girl! I know this is all so much to take in, and you're probably totally overwhelmed, but if he does any of that stuff again or heck, if he even tries to come into your bedroom, call the cops! Because he is a creep to the max. I'm sorry though that your heart is breaking, I know how it feels, and it sucks every time. I wish you the best, and hope you stay safe!

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry, what he did was at the very least assault, and it is enough to get him arrested. I'm proud of you for standing your ground, but he is a total bastard for not taking no for an answer the first time and leaving. He stayed anyway, because he is abusive, and wants to feel like he has power over you. You need to find a safe place, call someone who loves you and get as far away from him as you can, go somewhere where access to you should be harder. You're doing great, and I'm glad you realize you don't need him, but he scares me and you need to be far away from him. Please keep updating us so that we know you're okay. Sending warm thoughts and hugs your way.

 

[esmeralda89]

Thanks for being concerned, I talked to my mom and told her everything, she was really upset, i had just bottled up all my emotions. I stayed with my guy friends who were really concerned about the situation and i moved out, I have a nicer roomate and im getting settled in but i still have things there so i have to go back. I just hate going back there, their is so much bad energy in that place.

He diddint call all this weekend exept for a text today and asked if i needed help but i didint respond. He said he would come after 6 because hes meeting "someone" at the mall, but he dosent know where i live and i dont want that pile of shit here anyway.

The thing is that im in student housing at an apartment complex so the best they could do was to move me on the other side, so he souldent have a reason to come this way either. But its not that big of a community so eventually well run into each other. But tommorow i will tell the Student Housing Advisers, and besides i have some pretty nasty bruses on my arms and pictures so I'll just have to see if they are happy with a student ilke that living here.

 

[esmeralda89]

This is just a question, it may be dumb but i need your advice:

So i have bruses on my arms I took pictures, people have seen them, it is abuse

However i bit him to defend myself and because i wanted him away but im sure some of them look like hickeys, can he use that against me? or to defend himself?

Ive never been in anny situation where ive had someone close to me be abused, and gone through the whole legal thing and im gonna have to say something when i talk to Student Housing tommorow.

Im not trying to sterotype or annything of the sort but im mexican, and I know that mexican laws do not apply in america, but usauly if a girl gets hurt the police take the guys side because she was being too provocative, wich i was not because i was in my pjs and he came in and said that since it was gonna be our last night together we sould make the most out of it, and that he hadent had sex with her so he could still have sex with me and i knwe i didint want to do anything so i kept pushing him awway and he took my clothes off and started touching me so i started getting more defencive and he got more forceful and agressive as stated in previous post. He opened my legs and that hurt too. I just dont want to get in trouble or any thing, its just a tought because im used to hearing about things like that happen in mex.

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

Here in the US I think you'll find that it's different, I'm sure with the pictures and things that you'll be fine, I encourage you to follow through with this. Be sure when you tell the story that you leave nothing out, including that you felt the need to defend yourself and he may have visible bite marks. Please don't delete any text, email or voice mail from him right now, so that you can have that to show authorities. I know you might be ashamed or embarrassed, but tell them every thing that you have told us. I would also get a restraining order, what he did was very scary and you want to have as much documentation as you can have of the event.

What you've been through is very traumatic, and I want you to know that in no way is any of this your fault. You were not too provocative or any such thing! His actions were simply and fully the actions of a damaged man trying to show power over you. You have nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed of, you trusted him and he used that trust to hurt you.

Thank you for checking in with us, you truly have show an immense amount of courage. I'm so glad you're communicating with your mom and guy friends about this! Keep those lines of communication open! I'll continue to pray for you, take care of yourself. Hugs!

 

[kabuki_KILLER]

It's disgusting, really. Sometimes with some guys, they get sympathy and protection they don't deserve, just because of their looks. Girls will leap through flaming hoops and do and say things that don't make sense, like your roommie. You need to at least have better friends that can weigh both ends of the problem and try to get a solution if both parties are willing to talk. M sounds beyond redemption, though.

Stop caring so much about talking to people who obviously don't deserve your time. I know it's much easier said than done, but you have to build yourself up. You don't need to be like Rico, but you should find a balance. You sound like a very thoughtful and sensitive girl. Don't change that. Just hold yourself higher and don't even let people get in the mindset that they can control/mistreat you. If it helps, maybe confide in a big brother figure who is willing to stick up for you and look out for you. It's good to have someone on you side, you know?

If I could go over there and kung fu M's ass, I totally would, then I'd dance a flamenco number on his head. That boy needs to be put in his PLACE. =_=

 

[LMD84]

yes it was 100% abuse. and please got to the police with your pictures. i think you have been through so much and you're obviously a strong person to be able to deal with this kind of thing. the guy is a grade a arse hole. even if the police just go and chat to him and nothing comes of it, perhaps it will scare him and make him realise what he did was very wrong and not going to be tolerated by anybody.

 

[Pink_minx]

Yes you should definitely report it and give him a restraining order just in case you two run into each other again you will never know what he will do. Im so sorry that this has all happened to you! but im glad you moved out into a better environment and keep it that way. Just surround yourself with the people who care for you, make new friends, and I know all this will be hard for you to get over but its the best. Those people you were with were asses you deserve better and you will find a good man. Hope all goes well!