How did you tell your parents/in laws?

[littlepickle]

I'm NOT expecting, but my boyfriend's dad always seems so paranoid at the thought of me getting pregnant and tying Mike down. I naturally gain weight in my belly and boobs so anytime I put on a kilo and Wal sees me, I see HIM pulling Mike aside and asking him if I'm pregnant?! Christ! Mike and I have been together for 3 years and we both want kids, but not yet. Last year we had a pregnancy scare and I was really surprised by the emotions it raised. I've never seen Mike so terrified, I was the one comforting him. I never told my Dad (or Mike's parents) about it, but my Mum seemed kind of cold. I was crying to her on the phone after I 'lost' a speculative baby a few days after a positive test (never went to a doctor about it, but I was home alone a few days later and experienced heavy bleeding and severe pain and a while later, negative test. Could have been a false positive and I started to think it was all in my head but honestly I FELT pregnant, something deeper than logic). I asked her to tell me everything would be alright, even if she didn't believe it, I just needed her to. She told me she couldn't. Other times she is really clucky and actively tells me she wants grandbabies. My dad, I think would be stunned and then excited. I'm not sure about Mike's mum.

So what I want to know is, how did you tell your parents and/or in laws? Did you experience negative reactions? How did you deal with them?

I know it's kind of silly, because I really want children but I am also dreading the day when we do have the news to share and how we'll tell people :S

 

[xLongLashesx]

I live with my inlaws who knew we were trying. The morning I got a positive I went in and showed them the test when they were standing having their morning coffee. I asked them to look and tell me if they saw the second line.. they cried, I cried, we all hugged.. it was lovely.

Then I rang my mum who is quite distant to put it nicely. She said "that's nice darling!" and that's pretty much it.

Hurt like hell but that's who she is.

My situation might be different from yours but you'll find most people will be more than happy for you. I only got a bad reaction from one friend who is renowned for her dislike for kids, I told her I'm pregnant, there was silence then she asked "Why??"

 

[n_c]

Well I became pregnant with my daughter when I was 16 so my mom wasn't very happy. There was lots and lots crying when I told her

 

[Meisje]

How old are you guys? If you're younger and not financially secure, their attitude is probably due to worries that they'll end up heavily caring for the child and footing the bill. Not to say that's what you'd expect, but perhaps they are not prepared to do so and fear that they'll end up with responsibilities/expenses they don't want.

But I think it's important to focus on the fact that if/when you do have children, it's a decision made for you and your mate. It would be nice if your parents and in-laws react well, but really... fuck 'em if they don't.

I know it's really common for parents/in-laws to either heavily discourage or pressure regarding childbearing, but when it comes right down to it, they get no say in the decision. You shouldn't allow a crappy attitude from any of them to affect how YOU feel about it.

 

[AndSparkle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meisje How old are you guys? If you're younger and not financially secure, their attitude is probably due to worries that they'll end up heavily caring for the child and footing the bill. Not to say that's what you'd expect, but perhaps they are not prepared to do so and fear that they'll end up with responsibilities/expenses they don't want. But I think it's important to focus on the fact that if/when you do have children, it's a decision made for you and your mate. It would be nice if your parents and in-laws react well, but really... fuck 'em if they don't. I know it's really common for parents/in-laws to either heavily discourage or pressure regarding childbearing, but when it comes right down to it, they get no say in the decision. You shouldn't allow a crappy attitude from any of them to affect how YOU feel about it.

Tbh, I'd definitely say that wouldn't be the case if I got pregnant - I'm 19. And although I'm still young, I've always wanted to have children asap and settle down, I'm just naturally maternal in that sense, and my parents know that so well! That being said, I'm still at college and hope to go to uni, so it's not like I'm going to use a child to not do something with my life.
I guess it depends on you personally, and your circumstances as to how "understanding" parents are.

 

[littlepickle]

I'm 21, he's 25 - we are financially stable enough, and in no rush to get there, but looking forward to that stage of our life

I just get paranoid about his parents sometimes! :s

 

[MamaLaura]

The first time: I was 18 and in high school. I went to the store, bought a package of tests, took one an hour for three hours (LOL I wanted to be SURE before I told them). I told my mom before she went to bed. She used to sit on the porch while the dog went out for the last time for the night, and while she went out there I just kinda handed her a test and said "I'm pregnant". She told my dad the next day or maybe 2 days later, while I was at school. I'm not sure how baby daddy told his, or if he even had by the time they met me when I was like 26 weeks along. That was the only time I ever saw them, and they never met our son before he passed away earlier this year at the age of 4.

Second time: Was planned. But most people didn't know that. Mainly just family. My mom knew we were trying, and I was at her house when I was too impatient to wait any longer to test. So we were at the store and I got a pack, went home and took one in her bathroom. I got all happy and excited so I told her quickly, all jittery and then went outside to call my fiance. My mom called my aunt and told her, and I'm not sure when she told my dad. We didn't tell my fiances parents until I was like 4 months. He wanted to make sure we were in the clear first.

Third time (Resulted in miscarriage): I told my mom over the phone within a day or so. She knew we were going to be trying, and based on past experience, she didn't expect it to take long (and it didn't - it happened on the first try like before, and like with my first time where it was the ONLY time I had sex off birth control). Husband told his mom over the phone, and I'm not sure about his dad. His dad is a tyrant and wasn't going to be happy about it (thinking we should wait until our daughter was older - she was 18 months), so I don't know if he ever found out before the miscarriage or not. I let him deal with his family, because all they do is lie to each other and keep secrets, and I never wanted to be part of that.

So I guess with me and my family, I just kind of got to the point and said it. No beating around the bush, no hiding. I was nervous the first time, but wanted to get it over with. After that I was like eff it. I'm an adult (and technically I was when I got pregnant the first time) and I know I'm mature and responsible enough to plan and have this child, so I can handle telling people and the responses I get.

 

[equiworks]

Just thinking about the words pregnant and children gives me chills. I'm 24, and I know if I was to get pregnant (which will NEVER happen) my fiance's parents would be thrilled and excited, my mother on the other hand would have a fit. She knows how much I dislike kids, and how badly I don't want them.

Parents are stressful sometimes, huh?

 

[littlepickle]

Now that we actually are pregnant, we have found my parents have been 110% supportive and excited, as has Mike's mum - Mike's dad has been another story (suggesting we should 'look at other options', his way of saying he thinks we should terminate) but not going to let that get us down. We had a good talk and asked him to respect our decision to have our baby (termination was never a personal option for me, and Mike didn't want that either). He said he would, so that's all we can do really. Thanks for all your words of advice, everyone. I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage and the loss of your son, MamaLaura, I can't imagine what that would be like.
I'm really paranoid about miscarriage though, every abdominal pain has me checking for blood (even though I know some abdominal pain is normal for the growing of the uterus.)

 

[AndSparkle]

Congratulations

 

[paperfishies]

First time...5 months after I graduated high school...Was in college 900 miles away from my family, living with my boyfriend (now my husband)...Called my mom and told her...She called my dad (her ex husband) and told him. They all said they weren't surprised. Totally supportive, life went on. I didn't depend on them for anything. I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter now.

second time...last year...Just said, "hey we're having another baby!" My mom was all weird and negative acting for whatever reason, it was completely obnoxious since my husband and I were so happy...But I basically told my mom if she didn't like it, she could fuck off. My husband and I both want(ed) more kids so we're having them. I'm 26 years old, college educated, have a wonderful job, husband, family, life, etc. My 2nd daughter was born in April of this year

everyone loves her and my two daughters are the best things that have ever happened to me, my husband and my parents.

My mom is the most paranoid person on the planet. It's very obnoxious. My 7 year old could cough and sneeze and my mom would be like, "yeah I think she may have the bubonic plague she needs to go the emergency room!"

I'm not kidding. The older she gets the more negative she gets about life. I want to grab her and shake her most of the time. She acts as though everything is the end of the damn world. I love her, she's my mom but holy shit she needs to get a grip. Recently we had a conversation and some how we got on the subject of kids. My husband said something along the lines of, "Well we aren't going to stop having kids until we have a boy!" My mom about shit, "NO, you can't have anymore!"