How do I

[makeup_wh0re]

I talked to this guy on the computer for about 4 years. We met and fell in love. I got pregnant and we have a 2 year old. He has now decided that he doesn't want to be with me anymore because I don't make him happy. I have bi-polar disorder and he said it makes him miserable. I still want to be with him more than anything and he doesn't want to be with me at all. Right now because of financial reasons we are still living in the same house, at his mothers house, sleeping in the same bed. He is not working so I am around him 24/7. HOW DO I GET OVER HIM. I don't know how to do it. If it were just me I could go stay somewhere and just figure stuff out, but I have a 2 year old and I can't just go stay anywhere. I have to make sure he will be in a safe enviornment and all. PLease someone help me

( . All I do is cry.

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

Hey girl,
really sorry to hear what's going on there. Do you have any fam you could stay with? If you've got a family member or even a friend you could stay with for a few days you might be able to get yourself together and work something out or at least tell him since he sprung this on you he needs to help you find a place to stay. If he really won't work it out with you then he should at least do that b/c you obviously aren't going to want to keep staying there while he's there. Hope it works out for you, sweetie.
Chin up!

 

[User93]

Quote:

Originally Posted by makeup_wh0re I talked to this guy on the computer for about 4 years. We met and fell in love. I got pregnant and we have a 2 year old. He has now decided that he doesn't want to be with me anymore because I don't make him happy. I have bi-polar disorder and he said it makes him miserable.

I dont really know, but i see something really sick in it, i think this guy takes leaving his girlfriend with a 2 years old kid way too easy, like, does he even care how it feels for you? He knows you still wanna be with him, does he have any single idea how tough for you can be still sleeping in 1 bed etc? And what about the kid? This guy, he seems way too "idle" for me, like 1 day he woke up and decided he feels miserable with you? It just doesnt seem right for me at all

As for you hun, i really have no words, i imagine how bad you feel now, i just send lots of hugs for you .

Can you move to some friend, or ask someone to come, as mentioned above? What does your bf say? I feel for you so much, send you so many hugs. I know it seems like the end of the world now, but no matter what gonna happen, please remember time does heel, and well. "if you make it through the night, there's a brighter day". You have your kid with you, isnt it the most beautiful creature ever? Please take care of yourself.

 

[Brittni]

I think you need counseling. Counseling alone to handle not only your Bi-polar issues (which obviously they can be more controlled if you're on meds, etc. not sure but yeah) but now also for this. If he is willing to reconsider (tell him you're willing to do counseling) then maybe perhaps you can do couples counseling as well. But I don't know, if he waited so long to let you know about his feelings then maybe you didn't have the best communication or relationship to begin with. But, either way I'd definitely seek counseling.

If worst came to (absolute) worst, there ARE homeless shelters.
Good luck.

 

[SkylarV217]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brittni I think you need counseling. Counseling alone to handle not only your Bi-polar issues (which obviously they can be more controlled if you're on meds, etc. not sure but yeah) but now also for this. If he is willing to reconsider (tell him you're willing to do counseling) then maybe perhaps you can do couples counseling as well. But I don't know, if he waited so long to let you know about his feelings then maybe you didn't have the best communication or relationship to begin with. But, either way I'd definitely seek counseling.. Good luck.

COunseling is a good idea, Many health insurance plans cover both counseling and marriage counseling, so if you have insurance you should look into it. In the end with or without the guy , the most important thing is your Mental health !

ON a side note - GET OUT OF HIS BED!, Even if you can't get out of the house, get out of his bed. If you are not together you should not be sleeping with him. Invest in an air mattress. It will be better for you and your mental health and stability.

Don't act like you are in a relationship, don't do the things you would while you were "together". If he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Step away and don't give him ANY of the relationship benefits. I know it will be hard because you are around him all the time and you still want to be with him... But in the end its better. Focus on yourself and your son.

 

[makeup_wh0re]

I go to a mental health clinic and have been going since my son was born ( I decided to do it for my bf and my son) and I am currently trying to find a medicine to help me. I see a therapist. As far as staying with someone else, I have no friends and my mom and dad are on drugs so staying with them is not an option. I have told them I feel this is really selfish, that I am doing everything that I can to be a good person and control my disease but that is not good enough. I have stuck by him through what he has went through. His dad died 3 years ago. He has been different since then. He hasn't worked and we have had to live with his mom for 2 years. It has been really hard but I tried to not give him crap about it. I know most people wouldn't of stayed with him but I understand that he lost his dad and he was/is having a really hard time with it. I think that alot of the fighting that we do is bc we are around each other so much bc of him not working and not having our own place, not being able to pay for things, stuff like that. He said no it is not bc of that that we fight it is bc i am bipolar. So basically I feel like shit. No matter what I do it's not good enough. I told him before I met him that I was bipolar. He knew what it was, he said he could handle it. But then he decides that he can't.

 

[noturavgurl]

oh gosh..i am so sorry. i cannot even begin to imagine what that must feel like. what kind of man is he that he would leave when you have a child together? I'm sorry if that's kinda mean, but it is f*cked up. I have bipolar disorder as well, and my bf seems to be coping relatively well. sometimes i feel terrible about it all and i cry myself to sleep every night for weeks..but when i come out of it i realize the truth. the fact is that as long as you believe in yourself, you'll be okay. if you have good friends to support you and be there for you, things will be fine. you just gotta be strong! =) you have a kid who loves you more than anything and you have to be strong for him. i think counseling is definitely a good idear, though! i know things will be better soon!

 

[pumpkincat210]

I am bipolar too and have been married 6 years. You have to take baby steps and first get the bipolar disorder under control. You can't make important decisions for yourself and your child if your moods are all over the place and you sound miserable!. You can go to the state and possibly get welfare and disability payments if you can't work. This is a good option for the short term if you absolutely can't live where you are staying any longer. It would be really hard to share a bed with someone who doesn't want to be with you, i think you are really strong for sticking it out this long! Can you sleep in the baby's room or on the floor somewhere on a mattress? You guys try not to fight in front of the baby too, i know it's hard, but he doesn't have a choice where to live at all and getting him to a calmer enviroment is really important.
He also needs to get a job! He'll feel better about himself and he won't be around as much so you guys won't get on each other's nerves as much. If you have a babysitter you might want to get a part time job too. I know being stuck at home all the time is really depressing!
Someone mentioned counselling above and that is great thing to do! If he doesn't want to go, then I wouldn't take one more ounce of his crap, i'd leave!
but remember try not fix everything at once, steps work better.

 

[pumpkincat210]

I also have to add that if he has still not gotten over his dad dying in 3 years, he probably is suffering from depression and needs some help too. Don't let him put all his problems on you... it's wrong and too much for a person to take. He isn't helping you improve your health at this point. It's very unhealthy to keep living like you are.

 

[Beauty Mark]

If you are actively trying to work on being bipolar, what an asshole. I'm sorry, but it sounds like you're trying to improve and take control of your situation, and he's just sitting around, whining and making accusations towards you because he isn't adult enough to confront his own issues.

If you're still game on making this work, I'd have him go to counseling with you. Having lost a parent at a young age, I'm not pretending it isn't difficult, but you have to go on in life, particularly if you have a young one depending on you. If he hasn't managed to get to the point where he can function like everyone else (have a job, get home, take care of his family), he needs help.

I'd talk to your counselor about options for you. In the mean time, I'd probably buy an air mattress and sleep somewhere else in the house. If he's not working, he can watch your child while you work and save up money so you can move out.

 

[Brittni]

You can't change someone else, though. No matter how much of an asshole he might seem...you can't change somebody. They have to learn and live on their own. So what you can do is change yourself for the better so that you are healthy and happy for you and your son.

You keep saying you have absolutely no where to go, but there ARE homeless shelters and programs to help people like you. :/ I think you should stop making excuses to stick around somebody who doesn't want to be with you (as hard as it is and I do sympathize, don't get me wrong...I just believe in realism & tough love)

On a side note, your son is ADORABLE! I just saw his pic in your profile.

 

[makeup_wh0re]

I def think that he is suffering from depression. I try to talk to him about it but he said it is bc I make him depressed. I think that no matter what or who he is with his is going to feel this way until he accepts what the prob is and deals with it or gets help for it. I also think that he would feel so much better if he had a job. I tried to explain to him that no couple would get along if neither were working and were around each other 24/7. Lately it seems like he hates me and I make him sick. He said that he wanted to be friends but when I ask for even a hug, bc I am feeling sad or something, he acts rude to me. I still make him his dinner and wash his clothes and all. I feel like he doesn't appreciate that at all. Wed he is coming with me to my therapist so we will see what happens then. I just really don't feel like it is all my fault. I also don't feel like he broke up with me bc I am bipolar. I think he just didn't want to be with me.

I know staying around him is not the best situation. I got a part-time job so I can save up some money. I think it is best for my son to stay here instead of a homeless shelther, it is safter and its his home with all his things. He is 2 so I hate to do that to him. I am trying to be as good of a parent as I can. I am trying to make myself as mentally sound as I can be. It is really hard not having friends and not having anyone to talk to. I feel like nobody understands how I am feeling around me. My family when I try to talk to them about it say not to worry that we will get back together, or things like that, they basically don't listen, or they complain about their problems instead of listening to mine. I am so thankful for this site. It is giving me a little bit of my sanity back.

Thank you to everyone for your words, the more the merrier. Don't be scared to say what you think either.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Why are you still doing all those things for him when he's being a complete and utter wanker? Pardon the language but I had to say it.

He has issues that he's taking out on you and maybe he's getting angry because you seem to be trying to resolve things and he feels he can't and maybe resents the fact that you feel able to while he doesn't?

The sooner you and your wee boy get out of there though, the better. And also remember you can't help them who don't want it.

 

[Beauty Mark]

If he's in denial of anything being his fault, whether he has a true mental illness or is just an asshole (or both), it sounds like he isn't worth your time. Honestly, I think it's very courageous of you to admit to being bipolar and smart of you to get yourself help. You really can't help those you won't admit that they need help or are in the wrong. I've had quite a few now former friends who are in complete denial of what they did wrong in the relationship, even though I bluntly pointed it out. Some people can't bear the idea that they cause their own unhappiness, so they have to take it out on others. It's really bizarre, because IMO, it's kind of obvious they played some role in their own unhappiness.

If I were with someone behaving like that, I wouldn't do anything extra for them. He's not working at all, correct? He can make his own dinner and do his own laundry.

Since you have a part-time job, could you increase the hours to full-time or closer to full-time? I really think he should watch your kid, since he's not working and the child is 50% his responsibility. I know it'll be hard to be away from him, but you'll be getting closer to moving out faster. If you can't do that, take your son to a local park. See if there are any little kid groups for him to take part in. Perhaps you can meet some other mothers. In any case, you'll get yourself and your son away from a miserable person

For your own sanity and perhaps to make friends, see if there are any young single mother groups in your area.

 

[SkylarV217]

STOP doing things for him.STOP STOP STOP. It's not your job to cook and clean for him. Stop doing it. Especially if he is unappreciative. it is no t good for you! It makes you feel worse and grrr... he doesn't deserve it so just stop.

People like that make me so mad. I really feel for you!

 

[silentkite]

I want to give you a big hug. I think you're doing great, and being so strong. Don't listen to him trying to tell you you're making him depressed- people can't make other people depressed. I had an ex say that, and you know what? Nearly 3 years later, he is still depressed and stuck in the same situation. You're working to help yourself and make yourself better, he needs to do the same.

There is no reason for you to wash his clothes or cook his dinner when he isn't working and you are. Don't waste your energy, especially when he doesn't even appreciate it.

 

[chely1]

Get some help for you and your husband (if he accepts it). If he still doesn't want to be with you after that, then at least you can say you tried. As far as doing things for him, that can stop ASAP, your husband is grown he can do his own laundry. He wants to be single, but still have the benefits of having a wife (HECK NO). Take your son to the park or for a walk, it will help you think clear and it will take your son away from that negative vibe in the house. When I was 16, I had my first son I was still in high school, had a part time and always made time to take my son places (for free) of course. What you can also do is look into Section 8, I had a one bedroom that I shared with my son. Nothing is impossible in todays day. The internet is amazing when it comes to finding guidance for any situation or problem. I hope everything works out for you in the future.