how do you feel about

[hello_my_apple]

ohhhhhhhh weeeeeee! lol.



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Originally Posted by LMD84 awww! thanks sweetie! but you haven't seen me naked!

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

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Originally Posted by BeccalovesMAC I guess another good reason why it doesnt bother me is because I have like 5 friends of mine that are dancers. I have been to their work and i have observed the interactions between the dancers and the customers. The girls that are dancing for your man, dont want your man. They want your mans money. That's why I am really cool with him going. I'm not clueless when it comes to my man. He likes to look at other good looking women. I have insecurities with my body and face but it doesn't bother me that my man is a perv. lol

My waxer, esthetician, and my cousins gf are part-time strippers. It's true they just want your money, most of these girls have careers and are stripping on the side for money. But as always they are those few who are out to steel your man

 

[hello_kitty]

There's women everywhere than can be out to steal him, tho... work, grocery store, gas station, bars, restaurants...

 

[greengoesmoo]

ONLY if I am allowed to do the same.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

lol, I'm not worried about strippers stealing my husband. It's a respect issue for me. I don't do anything that I know would disrespect my hubby, I expect the same from him. Like I said in my previous post, ppl have different boundaries based on how they were raised and their particular sets of believes.

For me this remains a no go. My hubby has no interest in the strip club atmosphere anyway. He mentioned it to me waaaay before we were even seriously dating (and not knowing how I felt about it).

 

[kaliraksha]

I've been with my bf and I don't see the harm in once a while. I would especially be fine if he was going for a special occasion or a group of friends (bday, engagement, etc). If he was going alone in the middle of the day on his lunch break... I dunno.

I really don't have a problem with it. I just think there is a point where it's entertainment value and a point where I would get worried that something was wrong with our relationship. As long as it stays on the occasional entertainment side, I'm fine with it as long as I can go out and do things that I know he probably doesn't prefer me doing. For example, I think it's more of a danger to go out to a bar or club in a group of girls (which I do sometimes)... than him going to a strip club. The girls there are doing their job, guys talking to a group of single ladies usually want more. At strip clubs I've been to they have a serious no touching policy, at clubs... I get my butt slapped by random strangers. Either way it relies on both of us trusting each other.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

Kalirakasha and Shadowy lady made very good points. I agree with both of you.

 

[Meisje]

I wouldn't date a guy who went to strip bars.

However, NO judgment on any of you that enjoy it, and more power to you if you enjoy it together. It's not a moral objection I have, because I know it works just fine for some. It's just not for me and I can't fit it into my relationship menu. I refuse to try to like something that I personally can't stomach and don't find sexy in the least.

Some girl rubbing her crotch and tits all over my SO is not something I would find acceptable. I can't make the distinction that if he pays for it, that makes it okay. In fact, I find that even more icky. The idea of buying female affection equals BIG YUCK for me, and I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone who thought it was okay.

Further in that direction --- if I was dating someone who got lapdances from topless girls, I would have to have the freedom to go out with any guy of my choosing, get naked, and rub all over him if I chose to do so. No double standards, please!

 

[bubbleheart]

I think it would bother me on a number of levels. For starters - I know that this is probably a by-product of being young and it goes away with maturity - but I'd feel jealous on some level of him being attracted/turned on by some stripper. Also on a feminist level I disapprove of strippers and porn and all these mediums that portray women in such a negative sexualized way that really distorts mens vision of 'women' as a category. It disturbs me that there are some really horrible men out there who really do see women as just being these submissive sexual objects and I would have a problem knowing a man Im in a relationship with supports these roles - or worse - takes pleasure in them.

 

[MizzMelroseMood]

Hell no! I would seriously not even be able to look at him again knowing he had payed another girl to get naked for him? I hate places like that and would never do that to him either, so I expect the same in return. I don't care if they just want to get paid, the only boobs and ass he gets to touch or put in his face are mine.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

^Seriously that sounds really immature. If you man is over 21 he has probably already done it already. Hes probably already paid to motorboat some bitches boobs already. Yes, most NORMAL men only go a few times. To say you couldn't ever look at him again knowing that he paid for a lap dance, sounds childish.

 

[hawaii02]

My husband has gone to a few and I am not interested in going. It hasn't bothered me, because I'm usually more than happy to hear what it was he found so interesting to want to go in the first place.

 

[Courtney <3]

i dont care if my boyfriend goes. as long as it isnt an every weekend thing. him and his friends usually go just to celebrate a birthday or something. just as long as he doesnt spend a god awful amount on it. i mean hey, let him have fun.

 

[hello_my_apple]

^^ i agree with you, i think some girls here are confusing a once in awhile thing to every weekend, i honestly dont care if he goes a couple of times for special times, my fiance is in 3 weddings this year including our own and i'd be crazy to say to him you cant go to the bach party. like thats silly, i'm confident in my body and in my relationship that i know nothing is going to happen, maybe i'm more liberal about it because my sister and a cousin do topless and go-go dancing, and i hate when people say they have no respect for themselves its like how do you know that? you know how many friends i have that get drunk at bars sleep with guys? talk about respect, they are working and that profession is legal, stop being jealous lol.

 

[hello_kitty]

^^ Exactly!

People say strippers are destroying womens rights and feminism... how about the drunken girls at bars and parties that get plastered, sleep with one or several guys, get up in the morning not knowing who it was, and go about it all again the next weekend? I don't see that as promoting women not as sex objects, and I'm pretty sure more girls do that than are strippers.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

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Originally Posted by hello_my_apple ^^ i agree with you, i think some girls here are confusing a once in awhile thing to every weekend, i honestly dont care if he goes a couple of times for special times, my fiance is in 3 weddings this year including our own and i'd be crazy to say to him you cant go to the bach party. like thats silly, i'm confident in my body and in my relationship that i know nothing is going to happen, maybe i'm more liberal about it because my sister and a cousin do topless and go-go dancing, and i hate when people say they have no respect for themselves its like how do you know that? you know how many friends i have that get drunk at bars sleep with guys? talk about respect, they are working and that profession is legal, stop being jealous lol.

well put momma! its ok be a lil jealous but some of the girls are sounding possessive/controlling. Be real. You dad,brothers,uncles,grandpas and cousins probably go to these places. you can be cool with it or not be cool with it. Men are always gonna go to these places regardless if you like it or not.

 

[purrtykitty]

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Originally Posted by BeccalovesMAC well put momma! its ok be a lil jealous but some of the girls are sounding possessive/controlling. Be real. You dad,brothers,uncles,grandpas and cousins probably go to these places. you can be cool with it or not be cool with it. Men are always gonna go to these places regardless if you like it or not.

But then that begs the question, if a man knows that going to strip clubs bothers his SO, does he respect her enough to refrain from going to the strip clubs?

I've made my feelings perfectly well know to my husband regarding strip clubs, porn, etc...and out of respect for me, he refrains from such "activities".

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

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Originally Posted by purrtykitty But then that begs the question, if a man knows that going to strip clubs bothers his SO, does he respect her enough to refrain from going to the strip clubs? I've made my feelings perfectly well know to my husband regarding strip clubs, porn, etc...and out of respect for me, he refrains from such "activities".

You have a good man. If I told my fiance that he wasn't allowed to go to those places, he would prob just go behind my back.

I don't like being 'controlled'(bad ex who controlled me). I don't tell my bf what he cant or can not do. What I meant by my comment was that these places are not going away.

 

[purrtykitty]

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Originally Posted by BeccalovesMAC You have a good man. If I told my fiance that he wasn't allowed to go to those places, he would prob just go behind my back. I don't like being 'controlled'(bad ex who controlled me). I don't tell my bf what he cant or can not do. What I meant by my comment was that these places are not going away.

ITA. I don't think controlling one another is a sign of a good relationship. He and I had a conversation about it, and came to an agreement.

And I'm not saying he's never been to a strip club. He went a few years back for a bachelor party, but he sat in the back with a few of the other married guys, and bought the groom's dad a bunch of lap dances, lol. It was all on the up-and-up, and one of those ultra-rare occasions, all of our friends are married, now.

Most of his friends' wives and I have the same mindset, so when he's out with his buddies, I don't worry that they're off at the clubs.

I think it all boils down to having good lines of communication and respect for one another's feelings.

 

[Meisje]

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Originally Posted by purrtykitty I think it all boils down to having good lines of communication and respect for one another's feelings.

I agree. Also, it helps to really know someone before getting serious. I knew my SO wasn't a paid-lapdance fanatic way before we ever dated.

I wouldn't date a guy who was a regular at strip bars, for the reasons I stated in my other post, but also because it would be lame if I knew that was his standing Friday night plan going in and suddenly decreed it was forbidden. That's one of those insecurity-based "choose me over ____ to show me how much you love me" things that rarely turns out well for the girlfriend, as opposed to just asking him to respect your wishes. Talking out any issue and coming to a mutual decision, like purrtykitty said, is the way to go.

My SO went once, actually, because his roommate worked there and wanted him to "see" where he worked. I waited in the sports bar next door. Unfortunately for him, he forgot his glasses and the boobs were blurry.

He's just not into it in general, and doesn't hang with people who are, so we fit together well.