how do you handle being friends with your ex?

[girl507]

How do you do it? It is so difficult for me and I'm trying. I know he has feelings for me but he will never ever get back with me because of his parents. For this reason he hides his feelings as much as he can, but I know he does have them for me, however he hardly admits it. I can't change what has happened, but how do I be his friend?

 

[wifey806]

Easy. You don't.

The qualities (read: drama) that you dislike in an ex are qualities (drama) you don't need in a friend.

besides, once you get into a new relationship, it's disrespectful towards your new partner to fraternize with someone you used to be intimate with. It puts undue emotional stress on that person, so eventually (if u respect yourself and new partner), you'll need to cut ties with your ex anyway.

It'd be best for all parties involved to end the "friendship" now. Just be sure to get closure first.

 

[eastsidesunset]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wifey806 Easy. You don't.

I agree. It's nearly impossible to be friends with an ex, especially so quickly after splitting. I think that if you broke up with someone, you both need space to deal, and then maybe after some time you can consider being friends with that person.

For example, I broke up with my high school boyfriend before I graduated and we spent the summer trying to be friends, but it was just too weird. We didn't see each other or speak to each other for nearly two years after that, and when we tried to be friends again it ended badly. And this was a relationship that ended mutually too (seriously, he was a year behind me in school and we both knew that things would be too hard if we stayed together).

 

[TISH1124]

Unless there were kids involved....There would be no real need to.....
There is nothing that says you have to be friends with ex's....I personally don't need that many friends...

 

[FiestyFemme]

I know you feel like you want to be friends with your ex, but I think you've already been given great advice. Being friends with your ex is really unnecessary, IMO. My ex and I are friends in the sense that we are not on bad terms, but we rarely talk or hang out. I could honestly take it or leave it. I didn't always feel that way, but seperating myself from him completely was the best thing I could ever have done. It sounds like you still want to be friends because you have feelings for him. He's got feelings for you, but if it's not going to work out, all you're doing is torturing yourselves. Don't waste your time on something that isn't going to work... you don't know what you might be missing.

 

[cocomia]

I agree - you just don't do it. Not when you know he wants to be more than friends with you, that's just not going to work.

 

[amber_j]

I agree with the advice people have already given.

Unless you were incredibly good/close friends beforehand for some time and therefore have something truly platonic to salvage, there's no need to stay friends with an ex.

It's not always easy to extract yourself from whatever kind of interim friendship you might have established after breaking up, but it's good to get closure and make a clean break.

 

[NutMeg]

I tried to be friends with my ex and we started dating again. Thankfully it's worked out for us, but the thing is he's the kind of person I can't help falling in love with and if the timing hadn't been right it would have broken my heart again.

You can't be friends with some you have feelings for. You just can't, and that goes for you and for your ex. You're just going to hurt yourselves.

 

[javachip]

The ones I don't talk to are the ones I can stand the most

The way I see it, if I didn't like their personality or if they annoyed me WHILE we were in the relationship, why would I want to be friends with them?

 

[LMD84]

the way i see it is that you wouldn't have broken up if you enjoyed his company in the first place so why would you then try and stay friends after you've broke up?

generally the one ex that i did try and stayed friends with all went tits up anyways as we both still had feelings for each other and when he got a new girlfriend things were not good at all!! so yeah i cut that thred loose.

any other ex's it was pretty much if i saw them out i'd be polite and say hello, how you doing - but never be friends with them.

 

[blazeno.8]

Well you handle it just like any other friend... set up boundaries and if he can't stick by those then loose the chump. You have emotional needs just as any other person and don't put them aside for his indecisive behavior. Friends should accept each other as they come... even with their emotional needs.

 

[stacylynne]

This is a sticky topic. I'm not friends with any of my ex's exept for 1. We were together for 7 years. We both love each other but we know it just won't work. He's my best friend. A lot of ppl wouldn't be able to handle it. It took me a long time to get over him but I did.
He's now my best friend & I can tell him anything. He still tells me he cares about me & loves me.
And no we are not friends w/ benefits either. We don't have any kids. we are just very close & he's the only guy I trust 110%.