How my family ruined my birthday

[Sabrunka]

I'm sorry about that

My family wouldn't do that on my birthday, but everything else you say about your family sounds just like mine.. At least the parents.. They're so negative, and don't like how I've become an esthetician.. I'm told that I'll come "running" back to them for money when I want to go back to school for a "real" career. They are always nagging, negative, and depressing. They expect too much out of my brother and I. I need to move out, and that may help you too in order to get away from the negativity. I've noticed that if you live around negative people, slowly and surely you'll bring negativity to friends, boyfriends, ect. If you would like to talk to me, just pm me! I always like talking about this stuff to people with similar problems

.

PS Happy belated birthday!

 

[Sabrunka]

And whats funny is that your mom sounds just like my dad.. I will confront him about stuff and he claims that at my age "I know everything" and that "everything I say is right"... And sometimes, that is actually the case. Age is just a number.. He thinks I'm stupid because I'm 19, and he is always right. And yes, he gives me silent treatments for about a week. I'd rather move out with my boyfriend to not deal with these weirdos.. And I tell my mom about how my dad acts and my mom calls me crazy! She's just so oblivious... Silly parents.

I notice the ones who didn't do so well with their lives look to high standards for their children, which is bad.

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Thank you again ladies for your kind words.

My boyfriend feels so terrible and helpless in all of this. I have been emailing back and forth with him all day. He just does not comprehend how they could have done this to me, put me through all of this on my birthday nonetheless and not take any culpability for their actions. Its like they think what they did is perfectly okay, and I am wrong...

My bf is trying to do everything in his power to make me feel better, but he just isn't here and im alone to dwell in my misery.

The only people who can make this right are the ones who don't care enough to do so...

 

[Susanne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krasevayadancer Thank you again ladies for your kind words. My boyfriend feels so terrible and helpless in all of this. I have been emailing back and forth with him all day. He just does not comprehend how they could have done this to me, put me through all of this on my birthday nonetheless and not take any culpability for their actions. Its like they think what they did is perfectly okay, and I am wrong... My bf is trying to do everything in his power to make me feel better, but he just isn't here and im alone to dwell in my misery. The only people who can make this right are the ones who don't care enough to do so...

It is as if you talk about me

You are not alone here!!

 

[Hilly]

Im sorry Adina

 

[lafemmenoir]

Belated,
I can relate to your post and wish I could say it will change. I haven't had a nice word said to me from any of my family. I'm the youngest of all hoodlum boys and have been ignored to the point of depression. My parents love me, but my mother is getting progressively ill so I uprooted and came to help take care of her until she passes. My father uses my not having children (like my brothers who have kids by many) to have me watch my mum, it's okay, but my family is only looking out for what I can do for them. Watch my mam, watch their kids, translate this and call this doctor or this agency, but they didn't go to my college graduation, haven't bought me a present in 10 years, and I won't even say how they never call unless they want something. They don't know where I live, work, or what I am doing in grad school. I so feel your pain, but if I can tell you anything, please don't let their issues steal your happiness. You can't pick your family and giving them so much power is throwing good energy after bad. Yes, it sucks not having the "ideal family" on birthdays, holidays, or special occasions, but you can't change people. Again, i'm so sorry for what you are going through. Try to learn to be happy with you regardless of what they may or may not do. They may come around, or not but don't discount what you've done because they are self absorbed

 

[florabundance]

that blows. there's nothing as cutting as feeling that your family couldn't give a shit. but it sounds like you guys have zero communication? obviously not every family is the sit down and talk it out type..but it sounds like outside of your birthday and what happened then, there is still some kind of hostility. did something happen between them and ur bf? i think you should consider talking it out. just be honest: "u guys hurt my feelings etc etc."

it was my birthday saturday too btw. sucked aswell so i empathise. *hug* bb

 

[Shadowy Lady]

I'm sorry about all this Adina. Family is pretty stressful sometimes (I just posted a thread about the problems with mine; it's at a point that I think I might be depressed). I'm gonna give you the same advice ppl gave me in my situation: just take care of yourself, sometimes you can't change the ppl around you, so just change your outlook towards them.

Hope you feel better soon

 

[Susanne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadowy Lady I'm sorry about all this Adina. Family is pretty stressful sometimes (I just posted a thread about the problems with mine; it's at a point that I think I might be depressed). I'm gonna give you the same advice ppl gave me in my situation: just take care of yourself, sometimes you can't change the ppl around you, so just change your outlook towards them. Hope you feel better soon

I was just thinking of you

Hope you feel better!

 

[joey444]

I'm so sorry!! Family can be sooo wretched sometimes....
Happy Belated birthday and we all love u!!

 

[fash10nista]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through family troubles. Believe me, I've gone through the same, to the point where I didn't even talk, see or mingle with my sister and her family for a year...And there's only the two of us! (full-blood siblings)...

I don't condone what they did to you, on your birthday of all days, but it may be that that is the kind of environment they grew up with so they don't know any different. They probably haven't experienced the flip side and have nothing to compare to so they can't see that it's making you miserable.

Anyway, Happy belated Birthday and hope things work out...

 

[TISH1124]

Adina...I tried not to post because I was unsure how to help.....

But I must say as much as we love and respect our family there comes a time when we all have to just love them but disconnect...especially when they start to bring you down emotionally and mentally....Family can be great but they can also be like your worst enemy...Just keep doing the things you enjoy...and spending time with people that make you feel good....Love your family but lower your expectations that way you are not disappointed...and if they do something wonderful it will be a great surprise versus a let down.

Big Hugs....and I am so happy you have a man that loves and supports you....
We only have one life and we should enjoy it and do the things that make us happy..not everyone else...

 

[Mabelle]

Oh my dear, I'm SO sorry. IT's funny, i just wrote a post about a major tantrum i threw last summer. It can be really jarring when you absolutly break down and loose it on your family, but maybe it will help them pull their asses out of their heads.
Do they not realize they are being negative? Or they not give a shit?
I'm sorry, but did you say you lived at home? With your mother treating you like that? Would it be possible to leave home? An enviorment like that isn't healthy.
I don;'t think what you asked was unreasonable at all! A birthday is supposed tobe the one day where everyone treats you like a princess, and i dont mean by buying fancy things of course! By being extra considerate towards you and showing they love you. A card, even a home made one, or a letter would show that. A half hour's drive to a restaurent (when you established that either way you;d be eating out) is totally not out of the question.
I don;t know why they have such sticks up their asses about this and about you, but i'd start tape recording all this negative bullshit and they playing it back to them.

Edit: I see that your BF lives at home too and you cannot move in with him yet. Do his parents give you the OK to stay over? Can you maybe arrange that you spend a couple nights a week there? It will cut the time down at home... less negativity? Or perhaps with a good friend?

 

[Fataliya]

Sorry your birthday was ruined...that really sucks.

And my thought is, if there is ONE day a year that you are ALLOWED to be selfish, it would be on your birthday!!

All ya wanted was a little love, perhaps a card and ya got nothing. Well, that just sucks. How lucky you are to have such a wonderful boyfriend though.

Just live your life for you, not anyone else, or you will be miserable.

That's one of the reasons I have nothing to do with my father. Nothing I did was ever good enough, so I said "fuck it" and moved on with my life.

You do you, and let everyone that doesn't like it fall by the wayside, hun.

 

[Ernie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MzzRach Would it be feasible at all for you to not live at home? Get a place of your own or with your boyfriend? Living in that environment has to be difficult at best, and toxic at worst.

Adina, so sorry you had to deal with that.
I was thinking what Rachel said, can you move out, or get an apt. with your boyfriend?

 

[SparklingWaves]

I am so sorry. If you lived near me, I would certainly take you out to the restaurant of your choice and buy makeup for you too. The folks can call me as shallow as they want.

Who says you can't celebrate a Birthing day more than once?

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Thanks again ladies, it really helps so much.

Being surrounded by negativity, it is hard not to get sucked in and think things are my fault. My problem is that I self deprecate when I become depressed. For me self-deprecation = anorexia relapse. Not good.

A lot of people have mentioned moving in with my boyfriend, but it isn't an option. He lives with his parents as do I because we both have too much revolving debt to be able to afford to move in together. Moving into his parent's house isn't an option because that would bring my work commute to 5 hours round trip daily and I can't find a new job because the market isn't great.

Im just... stuck... and getting more depressed by the day

I told my boyfriend yesterday, my sister is ignoring me and so is my mother and I truly feel my birthday will go completely unacknowledged by my family this year. And it fills me with deep hurt, and rage.

 

[leenybeeny]

I know it won't make up for them, but you can't control other people.. you can only control how you react to it... so I say go out and treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated.. spoil yourself silly for the day!!! *huggles*

 

[Mabelle]

^ seriously. you deserve it. hang out with the poeple you love (friends, bf when possible) and seriously, screw the rest of them!
Don;t go hurting yourself because they hurt you. You're better than that.
You obviously have a lot of people on Specktra that care for you, and would not want you to relapse. It's a shame your family are being such jerks, but unfortunatly you can't choose your family and you can't change them.
trust me. i wish i could... bunch of freakin drunks.

 

[enigmaticpheo]

I am SO sorry.

That is terrible.

I feel for you in some ways, maybe it is a cultural thing, I don't know. But sometimes "good enough" only means "never". I spent so long trying to make everyone else happy and like me more, busting my ass to please. Then one day, I realized I would never be good enough, so I said screw it and did what made me happy instead. And seriously, good for you for doing what you love and being such an awesome makeup guru. Screw 'em if they cannot deal with having a beautiful, successful daughter/sister.

As for your birthday, I cannot believe they would do that. OY! It's your BIRTHDAY, the one day of year you should have the right to pick whatever damn restaurant you want. Good grief!! To have your family pitch a fit about that is absurd. It's an unspoken rule to pamper the birthday girl/boy for ONE day (out of 365), it's sad that they cannot do anything of the like for you.

It's wonderful your bf is supportive...you always need a positive force in your life, and it sounds like he really is!

Props to the boy! Don't listen to the negativity you're getting from your family--the baby gets scape goated easily in many situations. Do what you love, love what you do, and your family should love and support you whatever that is. Not accuse and judge. Shame shame. I hope you are having a better day today dear!! Chin up!