How To Deal With A Control-Freak Housemate

[blazeno.8]

I am currently living with someone who is a complete control freak. He has gotten in fights with me over the most trivial things (which oil to use when cooking, sausage casing, me drying pots and pans).

Just tonight he had invited some of his friends over for a movie and I noticed that one of my beers went missing. When I asked him about it, we quickly found out that his friend had taken it and some of his other friends had my beers in hand (unopened thank goodness). For the one who had started drinking my beer, he just took one of his and slid it over to the other side of the fridge. Never mind the fact that it is a completely different flavor. When I told him it wasn't the same thing he told me that he wasn't going to buy me a new pack of beer and that the one he was giving me was better anyways. I mean, since when was it his choice to decide what I find to be a better beer or not? Or what products I should spend my money on?

This isn't the first time that he's stolen something of mine and tried to give me something that I didn't want in return. Over the summer my friends came over for dinner (a friend of ours had just come back from China) and a friend of mine bought Spanish Chorizo for me. This was a very good chorizo because it had a lot of flavor, but wasn't very fatty. I specifically told my house mate that this was off limits and he ate it regardless. Then he tried to bring something back a sausage from Poland (um... chorizo is Iberian) and it got confiscated when he came back to the US because you are not allowed to bring in meat products. His way of making up for the food he stole from me was then to go to Trader Joe's and pick up something that wasn't even remotely like what he had taken from me.

In addition to that, after an altercation where he grabbed my hand and called me "fuck face" (I had been petting my cat and she was on his lap) I decided to move out when the lease was up. He then got a job and decided to move to the city where his new job is. He wanted to break his lease early and wanted to push me to end my part of the lease early. He kept telling me "We need to coordinate moving out" and telling me that "he was only thinking about me". What a mother fucking liar. I told him several times that I would be fine and he didn't need to worry about me, I had signed a contractual obligation and would stay until the end of the lease. He kept on pushing. When we had a meeting with the landlords last night, my suspicions were confirmed. Because I had refused to break the lease with him, he would still be on the hook for rent until our original lease was up and so now he's pushing for me to accept someone as soon as possible.

I mean these are just a couple of examples, there have been so many arguments that revolve around his ego: I don't wash skillets the same way he does, I don't pronounce a Spanish word the same way he does (I'm more fluent than he is), I ask him to turn down the volume because I'm trying to catch some zzz's (he ended up storming out and telling all of my friends that I was 'acting strange'), I told him I wasn't going to buy a $100 kitchen island and he threw a temper tantrum telling me that I needed it. I only agreed to buy it to shut him up and then he got mad when I bought the $60 and then he got mad again when I refused to share it with him... I mean this guy is a trip. I want to pull my hair out.

Does anyone have any advice?

 

[DILLIGAF]

The first thing that popped in to my mind was, how much longer do you have to live with him? If its less than a few months than I would suggest toughing it out and avoiding him as much as possible. He obviously doesn't respect you or he wouldn't blatantly disrespect your food, purchases etc. If its longer than that... how much will you be impacted by breaking the lease or getting someone in there that you agree with? This guy is self centered and only thinks of himself. People like him will never be able to understand that the things they do are wrong because they don't directly impact them. I wish you the best of luck finding a resolution to this problem and I hope you find one soon. No one deserves to live uncomfortably.

 

[blazeno.8]

Well he will be gone for sure by May, but he might be moving out sooner than that. I've tried avoiding him before and he started telling people I know that I was "acting strange". It's like I either had to engage with him, and it would end in an argument and he would complain to people, or I could disengage and he would be uncomfortable about that and complain to people.

I had originally planned on breaking the lease at the recommendation of some of my friends, and I wanted to start by giving my landlord notice that I wouldn't be renewing the lease. After my housemate got a job, he notified me that he would be moving to the city where he works. Because this place is a nice and I wouldn't have to live with him anymore, my landlord and I discussed the possibility of me staying on the lease, and then we had a meeting with him where we confirmed that I would. He had actually tried to get me to break the lease before so that he wouldn't have to pay rent for the time he wasn't using the space, but I refused to move with him and he once again started trying to get control of my moving situation. As if he couldn't move without me?

I find it interesting when you mentioned that people like him never think that what they do is wrong. One time he was out playing sports with some of our friends and as I don't like sports I wasn't at the game They had set up little cones in the park to mark where they were playing. They were into their game, and a woman with a dog walked through some of the cones and reports have it that he lit into her. He even told me the story later and was quite proud of how he had delt with the dog walker. I kind of gave a look like "was that really necessary?" and then he started defending himself and explaining how he was perfectly right to yell at her.

 

[LMD84]

yeah he sounds a little on th edge perhaps! i mean who even calls somebody 'fuck face'?! it must have been a bot scary for you. i think i would just try and stay out of his way until may. if he starts to tell people you are acting strange just ignore it, quite frankly people must be able to see that he is the strange one and not you? he sounds very highly strung!

 

[katred]

The first thing I'd recommend is looking into what your legal obligations are if the two of you break the lease. There is the chances that you could end up having to pay anyway. If you like the place where you're living, I'd suggest toughing it out even if he does start complaining to people that you're acting strangely. Who cares what he says? You can find another, normal roommate in the meantime. I had a similar problem with a roommate and to this day, I regret not throwing him out on his ass. You like the place. Stay tough. He's gone soon enough and then you can relax a bit. It sounds like the landlord appreciates that you want to behave responsibly.

 

[Goat Goat Etc.]

This is late and I'm sure you've triumphed in the face of ASS...

Yeah dude, get out. Or stay away. I was kinda in your shoes earlier this year with a mouthy, know-it-all Vegan.

He sounds like the product of garbage. People like that are the product of great dis function growing up and excuse themselves because they have "trauma."