I am beyond "upset" right now...

[AlliSwan]

My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years has been weird for a couple weeks and we talked about it a few times, and I asked him if he didn't want to be with me or if he wanted to take a break, but he kept assuring me he loved me and wanted to be with me and get married and that we would work through this--TOGETHER. Well today (after barely talking to me all week) he came over and broke up with me. I can't pretend I'm shocked, but he just KEPT reassuring me, he even came over a few nights ago and kissed me and said he was thinking of me and he was sorry to put me through all this.

This breakup is not a temporary thing. It would take years for us to be friends and I don't want to be his FRIEND. He is my UNIVERSE, and until last week I was convinced I was his. When he told me it was indeed "that talk," I burst into tears, then I asked him what it was or what I did or what he did--just WHY? He tried to hug me and I wouldn't let him. Then I was mad, asking him how he could be talking about possible baby names a week ago and now this. Then I tried to make him feel bad about it even though I know he feels TERRIBLE and never wanted to hurt me. I love his parents and the way we mesh and our jokes and our little niche. I asked him to hold me and it just hurt so much more, the way I know every inch of his skin, his arms, his face, his neck, it all feels like home to me. I was shaking so bad and I know he was scared, but it was nothing compared to how bad I really feel. The whole time he was quiet and just kept saying he was sorry. I threw one of his new business cards at him and said I had always known he would do something great I just always thought I would be a part of it. He went to leave and I crawled into bed but when I heard the door open for him to leave I had to run back out and hug him goodbye again. I really didn't want it to end like this. It was so sudden and so harsh and it hurts so fucking bad. I squeezed him and didn't want to let him leave but I kissed his shoulder and he kissed my nose and my forehead and I told him to tell everyone I love them and then he left my life forever.

I am SOOOO UPSET right now I can barely keep it together. I want it to be because of another girl, or because of SOMETHING, but it's just because he feels "numb" to our relationship. I don't know how he could go from loving me so much and being so amazing to me to just DUMPING me. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, but I wish there was something, ANYTHING I could do to make us the way we were. He kept saying we were growing apart but we WEREN'T, and he's the only one who sees it.

I am more upset than anything (besides losing my love) about the fact that I will never be able to go play with my/our dogs again. Sure, I can go see them when he's not home, but it would hurt so much I don't even know if I can. I'll never be able to go snuggle up with them and wrestle with them and have puppy kisses again.

If I was even thismuch weaker of a person (and I would NEVER EVER EVER attempt suicide, I hate to even reference it), I would be lying in a bathtub full of blood right now. I know what everyone is going to say: it'll get better, you'll get through this, fish in the sea, you're so young, whatever, but people who know us closely can't even offer these words because they saw how incredible we were together. I don't WANT to find another man, I want him and I want our Sunday mornings in bed together and I want to rub his back until he falls asleep and I want to be able to call him when I'm having an anxiety attack.

This doesn't even feel real to me.

 

[Juneplum]

oh honey.. wow. i'm SO sorry to hear this. i'm pm'ing you.

 

[pucci]

This is horrible. Pity he can't give you a real excuse, you deserve that.

 

[lovejam]

I am so sorry that happened to you. I'm not going to offer advice or anything, because I've been through it, and that stuff just doesn't help. I will say that I hope you'll get through this sooner rather than later.

 

[Miss_Behave]

I'm so sorry! I think I know how you feel because I've been through this myself, and I don't have any advice because nothing will probably help. and yeah you will be through this sometime, but maybe this will be a long and hurtful time, and it seems it will never end. *hugs*(maybe that helps a little bit)

 

[joytheobscure]

I'm so sorry - I can feel the pain in your post. I don't know what to say- I can't give advice I can't console because nothing I could say would help to ease your pain - just be strong and take life one day at a time and look for those little glimmers of positive things. Find strength in your friends (((((hugs)))))))

 

[linzee]

My boyfriend of over three years and I broke up last month. We were each other's first loves, and we realize that we shouldn't stay together forever without any other experience, so we broke up. I don't want to say that I know exactly how you feel, but I've been feeling a lot of the things you mentioned...It's impossibly difficult to give up on something that has been one of the best parts of your life for years...especially when there's no concrete reason like another woman or something. I obviously can't offer any advice, other than to let you know that you're not alone, whatever consolation that might be. I'm wishing you all good things, and I hope you get to a better place soon!

 

[Life In Return]

While you may be looking for a 'real' excuse, that one is just as real as any. I broke up with someone for that reason. Even though it hurts, be thankful that he is being honest with you instead of continuing in the relationship feeling nothing. He could have just kept going, feeling nothing, and leading you on, but, because he cares about you, he told you the truth. Let him go; hanging on and crying and being depressed only ruins you. Don't dwell on it. Keep living your life. Chances are that years from now, you may not even remember him. It's happened to me. There were relationships I'd be in where the guy would break up with me, and I'd be crushed, saying I'd never get over it. Years after, I barely even remember those dudes. So please. Don't let it be your ruin. Just live your life, keep a smile on your face, keep yourself busy, and just breathe. I'll be praying for you as well. It will be okay

 

[kaliraksha]

Oh sweetie, I have also felt some of the things you described... I was happy one weekend - he was telling me I was everything he wanted... and then about a week later he tells me he needs time apart because he doesn't feel his age and he feels like a married couple... and he always has responsibilities with me about when I "expect" to see him. This was a long time ago for me... and I took it hard... for 4 months or so I refused to believe it was even real... I still felt like he was mine... I couldn't shake the feeling that it was because of something else. In the end, I was right.. it was about something else... but what I learned was that if I had just moved on even a little and enjoyed my time with friends, meeting new people, family... it would have made it a lot easier... and in the end when we got back together I would have had more to offer to the relationship and I wouldn't have felt so hurt about that period of time. If he's really for you, don't give up on him I've heard of people getting back together in a few months (me) or even a few years (a friend of mine)... but because no one knows how long that period of time is... don't give up on yourself either. Make a better person of yourself... enjoy in the things you never had time for. I started cooking more, taking belly dancing classes, hanging out with single friends I didn't see much, watching old classic movies, I got into a tv series, talked to a couple of guy friends that had liked me before and my bf had found too threatening, taking my little brothers out once in a while when they barely saw me before.

I know that in a time like this, nothing anyone says is going to make you feel better.... but I think everyone has to understand that there are good times after bad, always... and that's just the way life is. Even in a relationship... there are times that we want to kill each other... but after breaking up and making it worse... now my boyfriend and I just hold on to the fact that just the way this bad time came on... there will be a good time ahead. If you're boyfriend and you have never had a big serious break up.... this might even make you closer. It made my bf and me closer, and I hated that it took what it took to make us so much better.... but now we're a much stronger couple.