I don't know what to do anymore...

[mzjae]

So last week I found out I was pregnant and I told my boyfriend. We both agreed that we don't have enough money to take care of a baby so we decided on an abortion. I went to the clinic today and I can take the medication abortion since I'm early enough. However I have to take it this weekend to be able to do it because next week I have to do the surgical one and I really don't want to do that. I told my boyfriend about it and he's mad at me because it's the weekend of his 21st birthday. He blew up on me and called me selfish because I didn't do it last week, but I couldn't because I didn't have any money. He's not even helping me out with the money, I had to ask one of my best friends for it. Now I feel hella shitty because he made me feel like it's all completely my fault. During saturday I'm going to be cramping like crazy and bleeding a lot and there's a possibility of some side effects. I'm little so I know that going to take a lot out of me. He was more mad because I asked him to take care of me and he doesn't want to because it's his 21st birthday and he has plans with his friends. All I've been doing since then was crying to my best friends and they offered to be there 24hours to make sure that I don't have any reaction to the medication. All my guy friends told me that they'd drop whatever and take care of their girl. My boyfriend asked one of his friends, who by the way hasn't really had a girlfriend, and his friend sided with him that he should enjoy his birthday.

I honestly don't know what to do. Am I being selfish or is he? I'm feeling horrible and I know I'm going to feel worse on saturday and it really hurts that he rather have fun with his friends than make sure I'm ok...

 

[~LadyLocks~]

Wow, I'm so sorry that your going though this. I can't believe my cousin is acting this way! It's definitely not your fault hun, so don't even start to blame yourself. I think my cousin is being totally selfish about the whole thing and it makes me feel bad to say that but sounds like the truth. Your his g/f and that's his unborn child so yes, he should stop what he's doing and be there for you no matter who's birthday it is. Any man would do that for the one they love. This is something that you guys have to do together and be there for eachother because this can make or break your relationship and will have a big impact on your future later on down the line.

Now, I'm not trying to talk you into anything or out of anything for that matter but, there are lots of assistance your eligible for. Your wouldn't have to pay a dime, believe me. Plus I know my aunt would be more then helpful. All I'm saying is, you have to really be sure about this because it will come back to hunt you if it's not, believe me I know!

If you need anything and I mean anything, you know how to reach me. Man, this really hits close to home because it's family...

 

[MiCHiE]

Your boyfriend is being selfish. I mean, honestly, he's half the reason you're in this situation and his behavior is totally out of line. Take care of yourself. I hope everything works out fine and you start feeling better.

 

[macface]

I think you should not have an abortion because I think is a really bad thing to do.and its not your babys faults the person you need to get rid of is your uncarring boyfriend and your taking it out on the baby.Abortions are dangerous and you are always going to have it in your mind that you got rid of somebody that had nothing to do with.having a baby is not the end of the worlds things just get complicated.But you also have to think about yourself and the the things you want to accomplish in life your boyfriend doesnt seems like he loves you he cares more about his friend and a dam b-day than you you deserve better I could tell you dont want to spend your life time with a loser like that think about and make the right decision do want your heart tells you not whats others tell you good luck.

 

[Beauty Mark]

He's being unbelievably selfish. It's not like you wanted to get pregnant and purposely planned on doing the abortion medication the weekend of his 21st. I personally would dump him for it, but that's just me.

I hope you don't feel bad about having an abortion and that you have people around you to support you in this. I disagree with people who consider that it's wrong. It shouldn't be your birth control, but stuff happens.

 

[jerseygirl005]

she's not asking whether having the abortion is right or not... she's made her choice. i think it's really unfair that your bf is acting this way. he can celebrate his birthday the next weekend. i'm sorry for what your going through. this situation is WAY more important then his birthday. he's being immature.

 

[mzjae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~LadyLocks~ Wow, I'm so sorry that your going though this. I can't believe my cousin is acting this way! It's definitely not your fault hun, so don't even start to blame yourself. I think my cousin is being totally selfish about the whole thing and it makes me feel bad to say that but sounds like the truth. Your his g/f and that's his unborn child so yes, he should stop what he's doing and be there for you no matter who's birthday it is. Any man would do that for the one they love. This is something that you guys have to do together and be there for eachother because this can make or break your relationship and will have a big impact on your future later on down the line. Now, I'm not trying to talk you into anything or out of anything for that matter but, there are lots of assistance your eligible for. Your wouldn't have to pay a dime, believe me. Plus I know my aunt would be more then helpful. All I'm saying is, you have to really be sure about this because it will come back to hunt you if it's not, believe me I know! If you need anything and I mean anything, you know how to reach me. Man, this really hits close to home because it's family...

Thank you so much. I honestly don't know what to do with him because he makes me feel like I'm the selfish one & I'm trying to ruin his birthday on purpose. I can't even talk to him anymore about this because he's now completely blaming me for forgetting to take my pill, but whatever with that. My friends are more than willing to be there for me now.

I made my choice not to have the baby because I'm honestly not ready to have one and I know he isn't either because I can tell since he's not even willing to be there for me at the moment. I know your aunt would be more than helpful and everything, but I am real sure I want to do this.

BTW, congrats on being pregnant! =] I'm about as far along as you are. =\

 

[f1rewater]

Erm ... i wish we could refrain ourselves from passing judgement on what mzjae decides to do with her pregnancy. It's not our place to do that.

That said i'm sending you a huge virtual hug. Do you have a family member that could take care of you?

Your boyfriend is a grade A asshat. I know that right now you have too much on your plate but when you start feeling better i think you should reflect on his reaction and ask yourself if such an immature and unsupportive person is worthy of your time.

 

[glamdoll]

Your boyfriend is being selfish!!
And I think that choosing to have an abortion is already
a hard decision as it is, just the same as choosing to keep
the baby.
Its a very hard thing to choose.

I dont think it is in anyones place to judge.
If your against abortions, thats fine dont have one yourself.

This is her body, and her life, and no matter what anyone says we cannot choose for her.
and it is better to support someone rather than give them guilt.

Some ppl will applaud someone for not aborting, then bash them for not being able to provide. either way ppl always have something to say.

So I am glad you are mature enough to make your decisions
and let me tell you that it is not worth wasting your time on someone like that. Really, it isnt. They never change. Ever.

 

[~Crystal~]

damn... I felt angry just reading about how he was treating you! I mean... people don't just get pregnant on their own... it took BOTH of you- so there is no way on earth that you are the only one responsible!!

He should be the one feeling guilty that you're going to have to go through all that! You definately shouldn't be the one feeling guilty because you're supposedly ruining his birthday... yes I know... 21st birthdays are important. But heck there are more important things out there... and looking after you during that time should be one of them >.<
He can always celebrate the next day or next weekend or whatever, as someone else has said! Ugh. It's not like NO ONE out there celebrates it late or anything... I know I'll be having mine later on just because it's in the middle of exam period!
A BIIIIGGG hug to you for support! I can't offer advice for what to do with him, but please don't feel bad about the whole thing!! It isn't your fault at all!
On another note- thank god for girlfriends who'll pull you through regardless of what your boyfriend is like!

 

[little teaser]

i think the surgical abortion is less dramatic than the pill, the pill is like haveing a miscarraige(which you are) heavy cramping, bleeding and you may feel nauseous and this could go on for a few days.and you have to worry about bacteria infection
the surgical procedure last 3-5 minutes and afterwards they put you in a recovery room you will have heavy cramping for 15-30 minutes and very little bleeding it's more like spoting.. after 45 miutes you can leave and feel as though you are just haveing a normal light period with cramps.. the other girls at the clinic ask me why i didnt get anethesia and they did. i told them afterwards you will understand why, they were sick i was not the pain only last 3 minutes and to me i rather deal with the pain than feeling nauseous all day from anethesia.. i went home and eat and did normal things..

as for your b/f he seems imature and selfish and im sorry you have to go through this alone when he should be dealing with it too.. try to get a friend to stay and help you through this, i wish you the best if you have any questions or need more info you can pm me..
i never had the abortion pill but have had the surgical one and i had a miscarraige befor but i have had friends that did the pills.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mzjae Thank you so much. I honestly don't know what to do with him because he makes me feel like I'm the selfish one & I'm trying to ruin his birthday on purpose. I can't even talk to him anymore about this because he's now completely blaming me for forgetting to take my pill, but whatever with that. My friends are more than willing to be there for me now.

Selfish, self-centered, thoughtless people are very skilled at making others feel guilty when they aren't getting there way. It's sometimes difficult to remember that when people are being critical of your actions; I had friends like that.

If you ever doubt yourself, put yourself in the other person's place and think about how you'd handle things. That has never guided me incorrectly yet.

 

[lipshock]

Quote:

Originally Posted by macface I think you should not have an abortion because I think is a really bad thing to do.and its not your babys faults the person you need to get rid of is your uncarring boyfriend and your taking it out on the baby.Abortions are dangerous and you are always going to have it in your mind that you got rid of somebody that had nothing to do with.having a baby is not the end of the worlds things just get complicated.But you also have to think about yourself and the the things you want to accomplish in life your boyfriend doesnt seems like he loves you he cares more about his friend and a dam b-day than you you deserve better I could tell you dont want to spend your life time with a loser like that think about and make the right decision do want your heart tells you not whats others tell you good luck.

​

macface, Please do not take offense to this but I do not think it is within your place to tell her that she shouldn't get an abortion based on your personal beliefs on that subject. What she chooses to do regarding the baby situation is her own choice and it appears she has already made up her mind. Abortion is already a touchy subject and saying you think "it's a bad thing to do" and that she seems to be "taking it out on the baby", which I don't think so at all, might upset others and ruffle some feathers.

Now, mzjae, regarding your boyfriend, ditch him. I cannot believe that anyone could be so insensitive about such a situation. If I were you, I would walk away from him. Without a second thought, but that is just me. During a time like this you need someone who will be there for you, both physically and mentally and he seems like he is too preoccupied with himself at the moment.

I've had friends who have taken the medicinal abortion and I know just how scary it can get. I wish you well and I know you'll pull through. Don't second guess your decision (on him, the baby, the abortion), either. Only you know what it's best for you.

 

[lightnlovly]

I agree with lipshock...we are not here to judge. mzjae is looking for support. She is already faced with a tough decision and that only adds to the stress! Anyway, this is one of the hardest things you will have to do---your bf is being hella selfish and just remember you always have to look out for YOU! Keep your head up, be strong, look at the whole situation with your bf and really evaluate what you want out of it! It's all about you girl! You deserve to be happy and stuff like that will tear you down--Only you know what's best for you.. Don't let it bring you down and know that we (here on specktra) are here for you hun!

 

[~LadyLocks~]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mzjae Thank you so much. I honestly don't know what to do with him because he makes me feel like I'm the selfish one & I'm trying to ruin his birthday on purpose. I can't even talk to him anymore about this because he's now completely blaming me for forgetting to take my pill, but whatever with that. My friends are more than willing to be there for me now. I made my choice not to have the baby because I'm honestly not ready to have one and I know he isn't either because I can tell since he's not even willing to be there for me at the moment. I know your aunt would be more than helpful and everything, but I am real sure I want to do this. BTW, congrats on being pregnant! =] I'm about as far along as you are. =\

I totally respect your decision and I agree, David is NOT ready to be a father, he's still a kid himself. It's just to bad he's being such a jerk about all this. Makes me wanna smack him accross the back of his head lol, literally. Well all I can say now is, things happen for a reason, maybe this is a test for your relationship and weather you pass or not =\

You'll be fine! Remember, I'm here if you need anything

 

[Hawkeye]

OK so have you taken the first pill or not yet?

I won't judge you don't worry.

Now here is what you have to decide: Your boyfriend is being insanely selfish. Seriously, he's the one who assisted in this he's going to have to be the one to help you out. But obviously he isn't wanting to do that.
Seriously, F him. He's not worthy of you. He wants to make you feel guilty. And you have no reason to at this point. If anyone needs to feel guilty its him. So what if it's his 21st birthday? Big f'in deal. He can celebrate it next week. Seriously, just kick his sorry ass to the curb.

Now-since I'm confused and have no idea if you took the pill or not yet, this is what I'm going to tell you and you may not like it.

But this choice is yours. It's not your boyfriends. Its yours. You have to decide what is best for YOU and that bady. If you can't afford it then yes I would say have the abortion. If you do want the baby born, go ahead and put it up for adoption. If you want to keep it with you keep it with you.

Unfortunately, this is a very adult decision to make and since you are the mother at this point you must make the decision and it's going to be hard as hell. As you have experienced so far. *HUGS*
But ultimately, the decision is yours.

Now the first thing I would advise you to do is to kick your boyfriend to the curb. He's going to act this way right now in the future he's going to be ridiculous.

The second thing I would advise is for you to sit down with yourself and listen to your heart. It's going to be hard to get past all the voices in the head telling you what to do- but your heart- thats the one thats going to be the quietest and it's going to help you make the best decision for you. And when you find it you won't be tossing and turning all night you will just feel at peace with yourself. Whatever you decide you will know it is the right thing to do.

Then, you have guy friends, lean on them. They all say they want to help you through this- let them.

*HUGS*
I'm sorry you are going through this but this will make you out to be a better woman, we learn through our tough times. I can't tell you what to do but I will tell you how I would personally go about it. *HUGS*

Now I will warn you about something- whatever decision you make- there will be consequences. Some good some bad. But I want you to be ready for that. There will be consequences but it's OK. They are nothing to be afraid of. This situation right now is nothing to be afraid of. And I am sure that someone out there they will be with you every step of the way to help you with them.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[mzjae]

Thank you ladies for everything. Seriously. I made my choice to go through the abortion(I haven't taken the first pill yet btw). I'm not emotionally ready or mentally ready to raise a child. I don't think I can support my child financially at the moment & I don't want my parents or my bf's parents paying for things for my child. The child is my responsibility. I do have things I want to do in life to make sure that when I'm actually ready to have one, I can provide for him/her properly. Adoption isn't an option at this point because I don't want strangers raising my child & I don't want my child to go through life thinking I didn't want him/her.

As for my boyfriend, I'm just so angry & upset still. He offered to take care of me now, but I know it's not willingly so I told him no & to celebrate his f'in birthday. My best friends are more than willing to be around me during this time. At the moment I don't know what to do with him. This will make or break our relationship & I think it's going to break it. I love him & everything, but I just don't know now.

 

[CaitlinRH7]

As women - we (in my opinion) are forced to endure way more pain than any man could even begin to feel in their entire lifetime. Be it periods, pregnancies, birth, etc...and it saddens me that some men are just so incredibly insensitive to the issues surrounding these pains we must endure.

If your boyfriend isn't grown up enough to take care of YOU when you're going through such a traumatic procedure, think of long term, will he be able to father your children in the future? Take care of you when you're ill with the flu? Maintain a healthy home for you or any children you decide to bring up? If you can honestly say "no" to any of those, it's time to walk away.

The only reason to stay in a relationship is if you see it going somewhere. LOVE someone, or not... if you see no real future (and I don't know you so I couldn't possibly judge) but love alone... will not make you happy. A relationship has a foundation of many things, not just loving someone.

I love every ex boyfriend I've ever had. I loved them even though they emotionally abused me. But because I loved them doesn't mean we had a good healthy relationship.

You know what's best for you and for your life. And if it involves letting go of something you love... it's probably for the better.

If you decide to go through with it, I hope everything goes well. Take your friends'/family's help during this situation, and when thinks calm down...decide where you two stand.

It's sad that relationships get tested only when the water gets too hot to handle.

I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us posted on how you're feeling and all.

Love from Oklahoma!

 

[Bernadette]

Your boyfriend has to be one of the most immature, selfish total assholes I've ever even heard about. I'm in total shock that anyone is even capable of being so immature. How dare he even open his mouth to say anything less than 100% supportive in this situation. "You're ruining my Birthday" unbelieveable. I'm sorry but I am outragged over this guy! You are in a relationship and you became pregnant, it's a big deal, a lot bigger than anything else he has going on in his life.
I usually wouldn't bother giving such bold advice but this situation is so outrageous that I feel the need to. I can not imagine why you would want to stay in a relationship with such a lousy guy. Someone that is so immature and is dealing with this situation in the terrible manner that he is, shoudln't even be having sex. He is a loser and you can do better, anyone could.
I hope you get through this situation with the help of your friends and family and I really hope this has shown you who this guy really is and what he's really made of. Someone should castrate him.

 

[Janice]