I dunno what to do :(

[glam8babe]

This may be a really long post but here it goes:
BY THE WAY: if i've seemed like a bitch to any of you on here in the past week or so, im really sorry i've just been stressed out because of mainly this situation...

I've been with my boyfriend Darren for almost two years (this October), we used to do soo much together but because he got a full time job we hardly ever see each other apart from when i sleep at his house twice a week. We talk on the phone everyday though but recently i've got to know this other guy called Carl (hes 22 so abit older than me, Darrens 19) and i just feel like i know him better than Darren if you get me?

Well anyway's we've been talking for about 2 weeks now maybe abit longer (i know this doesnt seem long but seriously we can talk for hours and hours online) We have met once face to face which was the other week out drinking with our friends, i went out with Darren and my best friend and we met up with all of them and Carl.. i was talking to Carl quite abit, i wasnt drunk and neither was he.. i just feel like we clicked together

anyways after that night i realised i REALLY like him... i do love my boyfriend Darren but i'll get back to that further on in this post.
We've been talking online every day since, even up til 5am talking some nights.

So i have this friend Alan - hes also Darrens friend, we all get on really well and he's really good at giving advice etc. He went out drinking with Carl the other night well anyway to cut a long story short Alan came online about 3am abit drunk and i told him i really liked Carl and he said something like this..
Alan: "ahh i saw this coming, i could just sence it.. he mentioned you tonight saying how he has to stop himself from liking you because you have a boyfriend but he can't stop thinking about you and you both have so much in common etc." I wasn't really surprised though because i had a feeling he liked me back the way i like him..
Then he just said how i should wait, maybe its just a crush.. if i break up with Darren and get to know Carl more face to face i might not think he's right for me then i'm f*cked basically!
So anyways about an hour later Alan said 'Carls just rang me, hes drunk but he's coming round mine' and i was like ohhh i'll be able to talk to him

! then he said 'hes coming with my mate Vicky' and i was like 'whos she?' he didn't say anything he just said 'haha Carl said hes feeling randy' but apparently he was joking on (this is what he told me the next day)
I thought ohhh right, i instantly thought ok so he's gonna f*ck this girl then.. i just felt like shit i actually went to bed and just cried i know i shouldn't feel that way because when i go to Darrens house he probably feels the same.. but i suppose its abit different as hes my boyfriend.
So then the yesterday (this is the day after he went out drinking) we were talking again and i asked him if he enjoyed his night etc. then i found out he didn't do anything with that girl and i just felt really happy, we were talking from about 4PM - 5AM and i told him how i felt about the night before that i was gutted i thought he might of slept with that girl, and he mentioned 'thats what i feel like when i know your going to Darrens house, but i know hes your boyfriend'
so we were talking for hours and hours and i just couldnt stop thinking about him when i went to bed

I just feel that we just get on soo well and yeh we do seem to have ALOT in common and we talk for hours and hours like i've already mentioned, whereas when Darren comes online (which is hardly ever) we don't talk much it's just the usual 'hey babes, how you doing, what you been upto, what you doing etc. etc!'

I do love Darren but recently i haven't been able to stop thinking about Carl, when he comes online i just get all happy and i never get bored talking to him...
I really don't know what to do, i say i love Darren but i've been asking myself 'what the hell does love feel like?' i felt so happy before but now i'm thinking about another guy more than my own boyfriend

I was really depressed yesterday i hardly ate anything (but i did) and i was just instantly happy when he came online and we spoke until almost 6AM

My mum is going away for 2 nights this weekend (shes gone today) and i was gonna invite Carl round so we could get to know each other as friends and see how well we get on (not do anything ofcourse, i'm still in a relationship) but i thought it would have been a great idea rather than getting to know each other on a computer but i already told Darren i'll sleep at his house because i hate being on my own in the house lol
I told Carl i was gonna ask him to come round and he said it would have been great, but we could do it another time
I know i wouldn't do anything but maybe i would feel guilty about not telling Darren? i can imagine myself just falling in love with Carl and getting on with him reallllly well

So like i said, im staying round Darrens house tonight (and Sunday) and i just feel like i don't want to, i feel like i'd rather talk to Carl for hours and hours and i just feel like crying because im in such an awkward situation

i'm just really scared and confused, i dont think i put everything in this post but hopefully you get my drift
i'm sorry for the really long post i hope you could understand it well

 

[seonmi]

I am struggling with something similar. My bf and I have been together for over 3 years and now I have a crush on another guy. And all my feeling for my bf disappeared. It's so hard

I'm clueless, too so I can't offer any advice

. Just want to let you know that there is someone out there facing the same situation with you. I hope you'll be happy with the choices you make

Any advice to us?

 

[Corvs Queen]

I went through the same thing you did. I had a boyfriend of 5 years and I had met a guy online. I couldn't stop thinking of him and I felt like crap while I was with my boyfriend. I felt like I was doing time whenever I was with him. All I could think about was the guy I had met online. I thought of him 24/7. We talked online and called each other every so often. I was so happy talking to the guy I met online and miserable with my boyfriend. I decided to cut my losses and breakup with my boyfriend. I have been happily married to the guy I met online for 4 years now. Follow your heart and don't over think the situation. Only you know what's best for you.

 

[couturesista]

If ur really having strong feelings for the other guy, u shouldn't ignore them. However if ur going to act on them please break it off with ur current bloke(sp). The last thing u want to do is hurt him even more by cheating. I'm not sayin tell him about the other guy but just say maybe u guys need a break or something.Life is to short to not do what makes u happy, remember u don't want to ever look back and wonder what could have been. And if u and ur bloke are meant to be u will, maybe not now but u never know whats ahead. Good Luck and keep us posted!

 

[couturesista]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corvs Queen I went through the same thing you did. I had a boyfriend of 5 years and I had met a guy online. I couldn't stop thinking of him and I felt like crap while I was with my boyfriend. I felt like I was doing time whenever I was with him. All I could think about was the guy I had met online. I thought of him 24/7. We talked online and called each other every so often. I was so happy talking to the guy I met online and miserable with my boyfriend. I decided to cut my losses and breakup with my boyfriend. I have been happily married to the guy I met online for 4 years now. Follow your heart and don't over think the situation. Only you know what's best for you.

I love this!

How sweet is this, I was thinking the same thing, follow ur heart, and u'll never feel any regrets.

 

[glam8babe]

thanks for the advice all

i think i'm gonna have a long hard think about it

 

[abrody]

I have been in this situation twice so i know how painful and confusing it can be!

1st time.
i had been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and while we still had the 'spark' we were constantly fighting over a girl who he was close with and always tried to hit on him. a few weeks before we broke up, i had met a new guy and we became good friends as we got tutored together etc. we would meet up after school every day and just chill. i felt like i really knew him and that we got along well. i found myself running off of buses when i saw him in the street so that we could talk. basically i was doing crazy things that a girl with a boyfriend should not be doing! soon after, one of my bf's and i's mutual friends got wind of this and told my boyfriend. needless to say he raged at me and we broke up.
i thought we would get back together as we had done before in the past but it was not to be. it took me a year to get over him and at the time i was kicking myself and feeling like such an IDIOT because things never eventuated with the other guy but that's all over now. a few months after we broke up, my ex decided he wanted to get back together but i knew it was not a good idea because as much as i missed him we were just constantly butting heads so in a way i was a good thing although if he hadn't found out maybe things would have been different.

2nd time.
i was with this guy for a bit over a year too but in this period he had cheated on me more than 3 times (i did not know this until much later in the relationship). he was a dropkick, no job, no agenda - basically the sort of guy that you didn't want to be around. i put up with his crap on/off for so long until i started to get fed up with him and the trouble he caused me. we had started to drift apart and the tough of him really disgusted me as i had basically next to no feelings for him. then one day i saw this guy and i can't explain it but i just KNEW i had to know him. keep in mind i had only seen this guy and never spoken to him although i saw that he was with a friend that i also knew. immediately i got home and broke up with my bf because i just had this crazy feeling like this guy was who i was suppose to be with. fast forward 10 months of getting to know each other as friends and now we will will have reached the 6 month milestone in a few days

sorry for the long winded story but basically i wanted to say that if it's a small crush and based only on the fact that he gives you more attention than your bf then perhaps you want to rethink it as it can lead to some very dire straits. BUT if it's this really amazing feeling that you can't shake because you just click and not because he's a filler for your boyfriend then i think you should go for it.

life is too short and if you do make a mistake (which i pray you don't) you can only learn from it. all the best!

 

[jenee.sum]

i think you need to first talk to your boyfriend and find out where things are headed with you two. like if he still wants to pursue things with you. you say you love him, but you don't kno what he thinks. well then you need to talk to him about it. let him know that his work and stuff is cutting in btwn you two, and you feel like you're distancing.

balancing work with your loved one is very hard. my bf works a lotttttt too and i only see him once/twice a week. and we have very short convos on the phone (he's not a phone person). i've complained about it too, i wish we could talk longer and stuff, but at the end of the day, i try really hard to be supportive and understanding of what he's doing. of course we all wish he would give you some more attention/time, that's why you gotta talk to him about it. let him know you understand and support his work, but you don't want it to come inbtwn you guys. but i don't know if his work is the only reason why you guys haven't been talking as much and stuff.

yes talking to another guy may seem new and exciting, but is what you MIGHT have with this Carl dude more promising than what you have with your bf? and im not telling you to ignore your feelings, cuz we're not robots. but weight out your choices. Carl may be a wonderful FRIEND, but he can turn out to be a horrible lover. so first figure out things with your bf. make sure you guys are on the same track b4 rushing into something that might end up hurting your bf or yourself...and possibly Carl.

if after talking to your bf you realize you're not on the same track, and you guys need to figure out your OWN lives first, then take some time away and evaluate your situation. whether you choose to go pursue things with Carl or keep trying/wait for your bf.

relationships are all about communication. that's why i say talk to your bf before anything. try to figure out where you stand in his life. and ask yourself where he stands in your life too.

i've been with my bf for almost 7 years (in october!), and like i said b4, he works a lot...and i'm still in school. we both have hectic schedules, but we still try our hardest to see and talk to each other. although i'd love to see him more than once/twice a week, and i wish we'd have longer convos, at the end of the day, i know he loves me with all his heart and he misses me tremendously. so im not worried. but that's cuz i've talked to him about it, and i kno where i stand in his life. and when i do see him, i keep things spicy

to remind him why we're soooooo damn good together.

life is life. and love is love. and when we grow up, we gotta learn to communicate, balance things, and try our best to accommodate each other with the hundred billion things going on in our lives.

sorry for the long ass post too. i don't know if i helped much or if my advice is even good

...but i hope it did SOME good? lol

and yes, keep us posted.

 

[KellyBean]

To me, it just seems like you're a bit bored by your BF and want to spend time with another guy. You should try to do something fun with just your boyfriend and see how it goes, and try to keepp your mind off the other guy. If you really, truly feel that you aren't where you should be, break it off with him.

 

[joey444]

Relationships are funny...when you first hook up with someone, all those butterfly feelings of something new are AMAZING. The thing is that they eventually fade but that doesn't mean there is something wrong with the relationship. It's quite normal for a relationship to go through phases. I do believe that what you're experiencing now is that excitement again of something new and quite frankly, just someone paying more attention to you than you bf (hey, we're girls, we LOVE attention!!). You're really young and have your whole life ahead of you so I'm not saying not to pursue things with the new guy BUT do give your bf a chance first. Talk to him and let him know how you're feeling because he may have no idea that things have gotten so rotten for you relationship wise. Who knows? You guys may reignite what you had?? If not, and it doesn't seem like he's making an effort to make things better, then move on.
Being in this situation sucks because you feel like no matter what you choose to do, you're taking a risk because what if it doesn't work out?? But it's these experiences that make us wiser in our choices in the future.
Good luck and we all support you! XOXO

 

[glam8babe]

thanks again for the advice girls, really helpful

 

[Corvs Queen]

Just wanted to add that if you have any questions you can feel free to PM me. I hope you find what you're looking for and I hope that you do what's best for you.

 

[glam8babe]

ok thanks corvs queen

i might PM you soon, im just having a think at the mo

 

[laperle]

gorgeous, don't stay in a relationship if your feeling it's not flowing, having a third part involved or not. i live by this rule, 'cos it's sad to not correspond someone else's feeling and keep a relatioship running.

the other guy may or may not be a GREAT match for you, but the most important is to be where your feelings are.

i still love many of my exes, but it's fraternal now. there are many ways to love and you should try to figure out how you actually feel about your current bf.

if your decision doesn't work out, you'll learn from it and add to your experiences account. you don't live without taking some risks every now and then.

 

[x.DOLLYMiX.x]

Awww Becky Iam sorry you are having a hard time

, I went through the exact thing about 3 month ago I was with my bf for around 3 year and then me and this guy from work kissed I finished with my bf because I thought that I liked this other guy more but I was wrong it just wasnt right so luckily my bf forgave me and we got back together

.

Iam not saying this is going to happen to you but if your not happy in a relationship then maybe its time to move on x

Maybe you and your bf could go on a break? You might realise that you miss him and cant live without him, or you might not miss him.

Anyways do what you thinks right hun x If you want to talk or that you have my bebo so you can mail me whenever you like or pm me on this x

Iam not really good at given advice lol but I hope I gave you some lol.

xx

 

[MACATTAK]

Relationships don't always have the "new, exciting" feel to them after you've been together for awhile. Maybe it's because it's different, it's what intrigues you. Maybe it's because he can give you more time than your current bf. All those things are very alluring. Only you know how you feel & if you want to pursue this. I do recommend talking to your current bf, and letting him know how you feel & also ending things before taking it a step further with this other guy (if you decide to). Your bf deserves this.

 

[florabundance]

I think you should talk to Darren, before you spend time one on one with Carl. Although you say you don't plan on doing anything with Carl, it *could* happen (i'm not saying you don't have will power, but y'know, shit happens). Spend time with your bf (who, btw, seems like a lovely guy from the way you've spoken about him before) and see how it goes.

I will say this: i've been with my boyfriend for two years and you do get a little bored occassionally (and so do they!), you do find other guys funny and interesting - it doesn't mean that they're material for you to be in a relationship with at all, or that your bf is now insignificant.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself - when you talk to your man, do things still feel that little bit special? How would you feel if he was no longer part of your life? What is it about Carl's convo's that are so special that you can talk for hours? etc etc.

Good luck girl, but it's something you have to consider carefully

 

[MzzRach]

Becky - don't have anything to add to the already excellent advice you have received. I think it is good you are giving yourself time to think.

Just want you to know I am thinking of you and hoping that everything works out for the best for all concerned.

XO

 

[DirtyPlum]

I guess I can only add a couple of things... well cliches, but they are well known sayings for some reason!

"The grass is always greener", and "ppl always want what they cant have" (cept MAC, we can have that whenever) - but guys like the chase!

Not that I am saying thats all Carl is doing... chasing you and only interested in you cos he cant have you... but it can be part of it. The root of the issue seems to be with the fact that you and Darren arent spending enough time with each other?

So what I would recommend is speaking to Darren about how things can be more fun for u two and also start taking a more and more detailed interest in his life... tell him more and more stuff abt urself so that you two do have more to talk about. Instead of talking to Carl abt the stuff that u do... do that with Darren...

Limit how much you talk to Carl... just keep it to when you see him out.
After all that, if youre still thinking about Carl then maybe you need to do something then.

Things are more exciting when they are out of reach...

 

[User93]

hey girl, just wanted to tell you that i cant help you much, but i read all and i wish you all the best Becky.. I think all i could say was said already by jenee.sum, i agree completely with that post.. Cause i know people here tell you not to ignore feelings, but i would try to see why you feel bad for Darren first.. I think if him working a lot was the only problem it wont be a big deal cause you can always work it out. I know you are 18, and Darren is 19, im about the same age (19), and thats when your lifestyle really changes, as yeah, you start working and it starts to take a lot of time.. But cmon, if all relationship stopped because of this, how would that be. Our modrn life is like that, you gotta work pretty hard (or no mac lol).

I wish you all the best!