First, i'm so sorry to hear about ur daddy.
i hope whatever happens works out for the best. Happiness is all that matters. no matter what happens, keep your head up! i'm glad ur there supporting ur dad and family. very proud of you already.
Secondly, i wanna commend every person who has gone through scrutiny from their family. I believe it is one of the biggest hardships a person can go through....and we all look for approval from our family, no matter how much we may say "you should live life to please urself." i live life to please myself everyday, but in the end, i do wish for approval from my family. b/c in the end, they are my family, and their opinions matter.
Unfortunetly, there are times where they make me feel like shit too; specically my mother. she makes me feel like i do not matter, that i'm not good enough. she favors my brother and takes his side allll the fuckingggg time! she ALWAYS paints me as the antagonist in any situation. she's SO good at making herself the "victim." if i were to argue with her about a situation, i would get yelled at about how im purposely trying to piss her off. but if my brother were to argue about the same situation with her, she would listen to every word he has to say and obey him like he's God. And she'll listen to my sister too...my sister's the sweet angel in the family. And i'm the devil's child.
all my life, i've never gotten along with my mom. it's like mixing water and oil. she's called me fat all my life (i'm average size in American standards...love handles and curves). i once yelled at her and said, "Mom, you know why my ass is so big? it's b/c all my confidence went down to it! All thanks to you for calling me fat constantly!". To which she replied, "i never called u fat!"
LIARRRR!
After finishing university, i went to college to get my diploma in Early Childhood Education. I just finished last month, and i'm graduating with high honors. I took a total of 19 courses, 18 of which i got an A or A+! only one B+. All year long i busted my ass, and my mom NEVERRRR understood how hard i was trying. Every time i told her i was stressed, she said "well that's student life!" When i got my final grades, i slapped my transcript in her face (well not literally), to which she replied, "well that's what being a student is like!"
No encouragement, no praise, no pat on the back.....NOTHING. my mom's a housewife, she didn't go to school in America....but graduating with a 4.0 GPA is "
JUST student life". how the fuck is graduating with the higest possible GPA point grade
JUST student life?
basically, no matter how hard i try in life, she will never find it good enough. it's
JUST LIFE. i actually had the agenda to get straight A's as soon as i enrolled in my program. i got into the accelerated program, which means i have to do everything in 1 year instead of 2, but the same amount of work, if not even more. they also have higher expectations b/c to be in the accelerated program you have to have already gone through university! Which made it even THAT much harder for me! Every semester my goal was to get all A's. b/c i wanted to show them i AM smart! and i AM something they should be proud of. but in the end...what did i get? but after thinking about it, all that matters is that i made myself proud. if she can't see how successful and smart i am, then it's her loss.
i've been a student for how many years of my life so far?! and I only got honors in grade 9, and that was it! LOL never been the smartest outta the bunch. I finally made myself proud with my education, but in my mom's eyes, i will never be as good as my brother (aka. mr. summa cum laude).
fuck i wrote a lot. basically, i totally understand how you're feeling. I grew up as someone who was never good enough - to my own mother nonetheless! how sweet! but i did everything in my power to be the best person that i can be. i busted my ass off this past year, and already landed a F/T job in my career just 1 week after i finished classes! and now the proudest person of me is MYSELF! and that makes me fuckin happy!
To anyone who has gone through scrutiny from their family,
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!! it has only made us stronger people! and to those who are currently going through it, fight through it with all your strength! you can do it! don't let anyone bring you down and make you feel like you're not good enough. b/c u ARE! i think everyone's on earth for a purpose. and it will soon show what your purpose in life is. i've found my purpose, and so will you! it all comes with time.
L1LMAMAJ, i know ur a strong woman. i KNOW you are! and you have already done a whole lot to be proud of. don't let anyone make you feel like a failure. perhaps one of ur purposes in life is to be the angel your dad needs.
THAT is something you should be proud of.
if i can pull through something like this, so can you! I'll cheer for you every step of the way!
omg sorry for the longest reply in history