I feel like a giant little idiot...

[Lucy In The Sky...]

ok sorry if the title doesn't make much sense...but I feel like a giant idiot. And at the same time, me feeling like an idiot makes me feel like such a small person...Anyway. I'm not sure what to do, and I'm SOOOO sorry if this post is long, I'll try to keep it short.

Well my bestfriend/bf (who is now my ex) is in the Army. He left two years ago for bootcamp and training and everything. Just last year he was stationed in Maryland and we had been had been having a long distance relationship type thing. I kept in touch with him through letters, text messages, and daily phone calls (at 6 times a day!). And then around christmas time he just stopped. I didn't get any letters from him. No more text messages. No more e-mails. I got one phone call two days after christmas apologizing. He said he would call me back and that he couldn't tell me what was going on cause he would get in trouble if a civilian knew which is understandable!
Well, I haven't heard from him until now. It's been well over a year and he decides to send me an e-mail. A damn e-mail of all things!!!! And he said that he was sorry. He doesn't know why he never contacted me. But he thinks it's time we move on and that he's sorry for the way he handled things...but that's how he handles things he has to "obliterate the memory". What the heck?! (there's more to it but yea, those are the more hurtful things in the letter)
I was so shocked and hurt...I cried for two and a half hours. And then after that I felt so disappointed in myself for even crying... I never cry. The last time I cried was when my thatha died and that was about a good 12 years ago. I guess it's the way I was brought up that has me in this thing where crying is not ok. In my family you don't cry. And if you do, you do it on your own time where no one can see you.
Well I guess it just hurt so much cause that was my bestfriend, I have known him for six years going on 7. I just hurts that someone who's known me and has been with me through everything could just abandon me and "obliterate" me just like that. The whole moving on thing, I mean that hurt too. How do you just tell someone that and expect it to be ok?
It's not that I can't move on or anything it's just that the way that this is done... Here I was for a whole year worrying about him. I honestly thought that he got deployed to Iraq and was killed or something!!! I spent a whole year worrying and writing him e-mails and everything. I wasted so much love on him...just to find out that he just didn't want to talk to me at all. It just hurts so much because I was in love with him....and I know that people say that oh you're just 19 you don't know what love is. It's not true, I do know what it is because I was in love with someone. He always said that once he got out of the army we would make our relationship work better and be stronger and then think about our future together, all I had to do was wait for him. And that's exactly what I did. Had I known this was going to happen, I WOULD have moved on. I would have another boyfriend by now and be moving on with my life.
But here is where my real problem is...I ended up replying to his e-mail...I said it was nice to hear from you finally. I'd like to stay friends with you. That is if you would like to remain friends with me. Not what I wanted to say but...I didn't know what to say. I just want to know if I should send him another e-mail or even call him and talk it out. Not even try to get back with him or anything. Just try to see if we could still be friends. Or would it just be a waste of my time? Is he even worth my time and energy or should I just drop him all together....I don't know. It feels like that's what he did....he even said have a nice life and good luck in everything you do. I don't know what to do...I feel so lost and confused about it all. It really hurts to lose someone that I've known for that long, but it also hurts to want to keep him close. I don't know, am I stupid for wanting to be friends with him still?

By the way I am SO sorry if this is ridiculously long, I tried to make it as short as possible. And I'm sorry if it's hard to understand...I've been trying to make sense but it's not working...

 

[lovejam]

In my opinion, you shouldn't have this guy as your friend. He handled things so horribly, and he was so insensitive about it. Is that really the behavior of someone you'd want as a friend? I know it's hard to let go, but you will get over it. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but it's true.

Besides, if he told you to have a nice life and stuff, that indicates that he doesn't want to be in your life anymore. I would advise you to let it go. He's the one who lost a good friend. You lost a selfish, insensitive friend. I hope that doesn't offend you.

Whatever you decide, I really hope it works out for you.

 

[mspixieears]

I've been in a similar situation, my ex used to be my best friend but about a year ago he decided my life wasn't interesting enough. Trouble was he didn't bother to tell me that. Suffice to say, after him telling me that he'd rather stay at home than spend NYE with me and our other friends, we spoke on the phone and he decided he didn't want to see for a while. I cracked it and got upset at the same time and told him I didn't want to see him ever.

You deserve to be around people who will value you and this fellow you were once seeing sounds about as selfless as my so-called friend. I know it'll be hard to cope at first, but believe me it's worth it. To try and continue a friendship with such an awful person will only result in you feeling like crap all the time. You could say I learnt the hard way.

I hope you'll be ok though.

 

[Cruella]

I'm so sorry, what a horrible thing for him to do. Here you were, all worried that he got shipped off to the Middle East, and he is just being a moron. I wouldn't bother trying to be friends with him - if he was a good person, he would have just told you the truth straight out and not played with your feelings.

I know it won't be easy but you should just try to put it all behind you and find someone more deserving of you.

 

[user3]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovejam In my opinion, you shouldn't have this guy as your friend. He handled things so horribly, and he was so insensitive about it. Is that really the behavior of someone you'd want as a friend? I know it's hard to let go, but you will get over it. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but it's true. Besides, if he told you to have a nice life and stuff, that indicates that he doesn't want to be in your life anymore. I would advise you to let it go. He's the one who lost a good friend. You lost a selfish, insensitive friend. I hope that doesn't offend you. Whatever you decide, I really hope it works out for you.

Exactly what I was going to say.

Move on and don't look back! Not only was he insensitive but he was not respectful of your feelings.
You deserve to have friends and for that matter a boyfriend who treats you special.

I know it's not easy right now but as the saying goes "Time will heal all".

*hugs*

 

[Lucy In The Sky...]

you ladies are so right...he really isn't worth trying to stay friends with....and I know this but it's just so hard to not want to be friends with him. I know I should move, but he's been such a big part of my life. As I said, you are all right. I do have to stay away from someone like that cause they will only just drag me down.
Thank you all for offering your opinions and everything, it really has helped me out!

You ladies are wonderful, thanks!!