I normally wouldn't post something like this on the internet .. but I have no female friends to talk to and this is really getting to me. You guys seem like a mature group of women so here goes.
In my life I've had one serious boyfriend who I was with for 4 years. After that was over I dated casually because I was young with him and felt like I never experienced what it was like to date around and explore what guys were out there.
Last year I decided that I was done dating around and that I would like to be in a serious relationship again. I haven't been anxious or rushed it, but I decided I wanted to not play around anymore. So far it's been a nightmare.
Guy#1 - I met him on the internet after he viewed my Yahoo profile and messaged me to tell me how beautiful I was. We talked and hit it off great. We were inseparable on the phone and on the computer for a few weeks and finally decided to meet up. He drove down here to meet me and stay the weekend.
First night was fine and he was really nervous and kept saying he was afraid I wouldn't like him in person because he really liked me. I did like him and was just kicking back trying to get to know him face to face. By the second day out of nowhere he was distant and things were awkward. I asked him what's up and he said he didn't think things were going to work because he missed his ex. He thought he could handle being with me, but he couldn't because his mind was on her and everything about me made him miss her. Burn.
Guy#2 - Started seeing him about 2 months later. We were friends and turned into more. We hit it off great, had a strong attraction to one another and things were perfect. He fell for me first and I slowly followed behind. After about 3 months of dating he broke up with me and said he just wasn't ready right now and didn't want to be so serious at the time. He wanted to play around, but he hoped to get back together in the future.
Guy#3 - I've known him for 3 years. He was the man I lost my virginity to. Long story short, We dated for a few months before I had sex with him and of course I fell for him. He changed his mind and said he was not ready for a serious relationship and just wanted to keep things light with me. 6 months later he apologized and said he was inlove with me and just was scared to admit it at first. He told me he was ready and wanted to be with me, but I told him at that point I wasn't ready anymore because I had lost trust in him. We kept up a sexual relationship until he said he felt used and wasn't comfortable being with me sexually while being inlove with me if I didn't feel the same way back, so we stopped talking.
After we fell out of contact I realized I wanted to give him a chance and I missed him like crazy. It took 2 years until I found him again and I was so happy. He said he missed me and was happy to see me again too. We've been spending a lot of time together and I thought we were on the same page. That was until today we started talking about relationship together.
He told me he likes me a lot, but he didn't want to lie to me. He wanted to sleep around and wasn't interested in being in a relationship with me. He said it's because he's tried relationships before and they always fail so now he just wants to be free.
I explained to him that I understood, but I felt I never gave him a reason to think I would hurt him. I confessed to him how much I missed him and cared about him this whole time so I never had any intentions of being a bitch. He ended up ignoring me after my confession (this was over text while he was working and way after he got off he still never returned my messages). So I texted him again and said there was obviously a misunderstanding which I apologized for but I said that I wasn't interested in just being another hole he stuck himself in. And if he's said his piece, I've said mine and I wished him good luck in life.
Still no response which hurts me the most because I think I deserve more than to be ignored especially after I told him how I feel and the fact that I'm just not some random girl to him. He knows me and we've been through so much.
After all of this I can't help but wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Things start off great, they seem really into me at first and then the guy finds a reason to pull out and not be serious with me, typically because of something he's been through with another girl and I can't compete. I'm not a clingy girl, I don't try to rush things quickly, I've got my shit together and I'm not a bitch, I don't give up sex easily but it still seems I'm just not good enough. Other girls are, but I'm not. I just don't get it. And hearing this 3x in a row is rough. My self esteem is pretty much shot now lol. And these aren't young guys either 22, 27 and 32 and they've had nothing in common except not wanting to be with me so it's not like I've repeatedly gone for a specific bad type.
I just really don't know what to do with myself. I'd like to think some day I'll be like other girls with a guy who loves me, someone I can settle down with an maybe marry but after trying I feel like it's never going to happen because there's something wrong with me. I'm just undesirable I guess.
*shrug*
Why is this happening? What can I do?
In my life I've had one serious boyfriend who I was with for 4 years. After that was over I dated casually because I was young with him and felt like I never experienced what it was like to date around and explore what guys were out there.
Last year I decided that I was done dating around and that I would like to be in a serious relationship again. I haven't been anxious or rushed it, but I decided I wanted to not play around anymore. So far it's been a nightmare.
Guy#1 - I met him on the internet after he viewed my Yahoo profile and messaged me to tell me how beautiful I was. We talked and hit it off great. We were inseparable on the phone and on the computer for a few weeks and finally decided to meet up. He drove down here to meet me and stay the weekend.
First night was fine and he was really nervous and kept saying he was afraid I wouldn't like him in person because he really liked me. I did like him and was just kicking back trying to get to know him face to face. By the second day out of nowhere he was distant and things were awkward. I asked him what's up and he said he didn't think things were going to work because he missed his ex. He thought he could handle being with me, but he couldn't because his mind was on her and everything about me made him miss her. Burn.
Guy#2 - Started seeing him about 2 months later. We were friends and turned into more. We hit it off great, had a strong attraction to one another and things were perfect. He fell for me first and I slowly followed behind. After about 3 months of dating he broke up with me and said he just wasn't ready right now and didn't want to be so serious at the time. He wanted to play around, but he hoped to get back together in the future.
Guy#3 - I've known him for 3 years. He was the man I lost my virginity to. Long story short, We dated for a few months before I had sex with him and of course I fell for him. He changed his mind and said he was not ready for a serious relationship and just wanted to keep things light with me. 6 months later he apologized and said he was inlove with me and just was scared to admit it at first. He told me he was ready and wanted to be with me, but I told him at that point I wasn't ready anymore because I had lost trust in him. We kept up a sexual relationship until he said he felt used and wasn't comfortable being with me sexually while being inlove with me if I didn't feel the same way back, so we stopped talking.
After we fell out of contact I realized I wanted to give him a chance and I missed him like crazy. It took 2 years until I found him again and I was so happy. He said he missed me and was happy to see me again too. We've been spending a lot of time together and I thought we were on the same page. That was until today we started talking about relationship together.
He told me he likes me a lot, but he didn't want to lie to me. He wanted to sleep around and wasn't interested in being in a relationship with me. He said it's because he's tried relationships before and they always fail so now he just wants to be free.
I explained to him that I understood, but I felt I never gave him a reason to think I would hurt him. I confessed to him how much I missed him and cared about him this whole time so I never had any intentions of being a bitch. He ended up ignoring me after my confession (this was over text while he was working and way after he got off he still never returned my messages). So I texted him again and said there was obviously a misunderstanding which I apologized for but I said that I wasn't interested in just being another hole he stuck himself in. And if he's said his piece, I've said mine and I wished him good luck in life.
Still no response which hurts me the most because I think I deserve more than to be ignored especially after I told him how I feel and the fact that I'm just not some random girl to him. He knows me and we've been through so much.
After all of this I can't help but wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Things start off great, they seem really into me at first and then the guy finds a reason to pull out and not be serious with me, typically because of something he's been through with another girl and I can't compete. I'm not a clingy girl, I don't try to rush things quickly, I've got my shit together and I'm not a bitch, I don't give up sex easily but it still seems I'm just not good enough. Other girls are, but I'm not. I just don't get it. And hearing this 3x in a row is rough. My self esteem is pretty much shot now lol. And these aren't young guys either 22, 27 and 32 and they've had nothing in common except not wanting to be with me so it's not like I've repeatedly gone for a specific bad type.
I just really don't know what to do with myself. I'd like to think some day I'll be like other girls with a guy who loves me, someone I can settle down with an maybe marry but after trying I feel like it's never going to happen because there's something wrong with me. I'm just undesirable I guess.
*shrug*
Why is this happening? What can I do?